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[活动] 7.17作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-8-4 10:40:51 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2010-8-4 11:47:03 |显示全部楼层
Recently, there is a job interview called "the most awesome job in the world" in Australia. The winner of competition would achieve the position as the Tour Ambassador of Australia. This is a dreaming job because the main responsibility of this job only requires traveling around Australia and write it on blog everyday. Mostly, in the real world, job like this with high salary and a great number of vacation time seldom exits. One has to make a choice between salary and vacation. Which one is better? I believe it depends on personal situation. 开头很好,很喜欢,学习

Admittedly, people have more spare time to focus on what they really like if they owns plenty of spare time. For example, my tutor, Professor Green who works at the university, once has an opportunity to serve for the giant corporation with considerable sum of pay. He refuses it, for he argues that high salary does not guarantee happiness. Working at the giant corporation, one has few time to vacation time to travel 重复了吧?, which Professor Green is interested in. Though he earns only one thirds as much as a lecturer, professor Green is satisfied with what he owns currently, because he could travel a lot in the summer vacation. Vacation time counts in one's feeling of happiness.

However, without a decent salary, one could hardly fully enjoy his/her vacation time to the fullest. In this modern society, money is needed in most activities, from traveling to attending sports games. No matter how much vacation time one has, s/he我记得老师说过作文里要写he or she,不能用简略写法 seldom could take part in what is attractive without a decent pay. For instance, those who lose their jobs during the Recession owns a bunch of free time. However, worried about their future, it is not easy for them to enjoy this period of time. High salary is important in this society.

Therefore, it depends on the personal situation to judge which job is better, a high salary with less vacation or the opposite. Either extreme low salary or few vacations are not appropriate. Mostly, the increase in the sum of salary are based on the reduce in free time. To those who view material goods more, a little bit high salary with slight decrease in vacation time is fine; to those who weights vacation time higher than salary, they could sacrifice money for the more free time.
很喜欢你的开头和结尾,呵呵。LZ写作功底挺深的,学习学习

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发表于 2010-8-4 11:53:49 |显示全部楼层
Recently, there is a job interview called "the most awesome job in the world" in Australia. The winner of competition would achieve the position as the Tour Ambassador of Australia. This is a dreaming job because the main responsibility of this job only requires traveling around Australia and write it on blog everyday. Mostly, in the real world, job like this with high salary and a great number of vacation time seldom exits. One has to make a choice between salary and vacation. Which one is better? I believe it depends on personal situation.
开头很好,很喜欢,学习


Admittedly, people have more spare time to focus on what they really like if they owns plenty of spare time. For example, my tutor, Professor Green who works at the university, once has an opportunity to serve for the giant corporation with considerable sum of pay. He refuses it, for he argues that high salary does not guarantee happiness. Working at the giant corporation, one has few time to vacation time to travel
重复了吧?, which Professor Green is interested in. Though he earns only one thirds as much as a lecturer, professor Green is satisfied with what he owns currently, because he could travel a lot in the summer vacation. Vacation time counts in one's feeling of happiness.

However, without a decent salary, one could hardly fully enjoy his/her vacation time to the fullest. In this modern society, money is needed in most activities, from traveling to attending sports games. No matter how much vacation time one has, s/he我记得老师说过作文里要写he or she,不能用简略写法
seldom could take part in what is attractive without a decent pay. For instance, those who lose their jobs during the Recession owns a bunch of free time. However, worried about their future, it is not easy for them to enjoy this period of time. High salary is important in this society.

Therefore, it depends on the personal situation to judge which job is better, a high salary with less vacation or the opposite. Either extreme low salary or few vacations are not appropriate. Mostly, the increase in the sum of salary are based on the reduce in free time. To those who view material goods more, a little bit high salary with slight decrease in vacation time is fine; to those who weights vacation time higher than salary, they could sacrifice money for the more free time.
很喜欢你的开头和结尾,呵呵。LZ写作功底挺深的,学习学习

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发表于 2010-8-4 15:31:26 |显示全部楼层
8.3 作业 修改by wendy
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.

Recently, there is a job interview called "the most awesome job in the world" in Australia.这个引入不错,但是和主题没有很直接联系,建议精简。 The winner of competition would achieve the position as the Tour Ambassador of Australia. This is a dreaming job because the main responsibility of this job only requires traveling around Australia and write 这里指代不明,可以说experiences on blog everyday. Mostly, in the real world, job like this with high salary and a great number of vacation times seldom exits. One has to make a choice between salary and vacation. Which one is better?(并不是在薪水和假期之间做选择啊) I believe it depends on personal situation.

Admittedly, people have more spare time to focus on what they really like if they own plenty of spare time. For example, my tutor, Professor Green who works at the university, once has an opportunity to serve for the giant corporation(大公司不用giant large就行) with considerable sum of pay. He refuses it, for he argues that high salary does not bring
happiness. Working at the giant corporation, one has few times to vacation time to travel, which Professor Green is interested in. Though he earns only one thirds as much as a lecturer, Professor Green is satisfied with what he owns currently, because he could travel a lot in the summer vacation. Vacation time counts
(我想这个地方是不是该用被动?) in one's feeling of happiness.


However, without a decent salary, one could hardly fully enjoy his/her vacation time (是重复). In this modern society, money is needed in most activities, from traveling to attending sports games. No matter how much vacation time one has, s/he
could
seldom take part in what is attractive without a decent pay. For instance, those who lose their jobs during the Recession
(一般用Depression own a bunch of free time. However, worried about their future, it is not easy for them to enjoy this period of time建议加入过渡词语,如after all High salary is important in this society.


Therefore, it depends on the personal situation to judge which job is better, a high salary with less vacation or the opposite. Either extreme low salary or few vacations are not appropriate. Mostly, the increase in the sum of salary is based on the
decrease of free time. To those who account
material goods more
valuable, a little bit high salary with slight decrease in vacation time is fine; to those who weights vacation time higher(
这个搭配有问题) than salary, they could sacrifice money for the more free time.


<390 words> 论证和例证的结合还不错。折中性的结论也很好。要注意一下句式。
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发表于 2010-8-5 10:56:44 |显示全部楼层
一起学习,加油
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发表于 2010-8-6 11:37:22 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2010-8-8 12:12:31 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

In countries, such as Japan and U.S, college student usually spends a lot of spare time in their part-time jobs. Some(最好加people criticize this phenomenon because they believe the fundamental duty of students is to study, which part-time job would affect.没看过这么写的,似乎不地道)
While I argue that part-time job brings more positive effects than negative ones on the grounds that students could learn to handlearrange is better schedule and become independent through taking part-time job.


Admittedly, taking part time job would take up the limited time of college students and therefore could affect their study. For example, my cousin, who studies in Japan, needs to spend thirty hours a week on his part-time job and mostly his shift is arranged at midnight. Consequently, he sometimes has to stay up all night for the job and then goes back to school directly. Lack of sleeping makes him fall asleep during the course and reduces efficiency of his studying.

However, college students could learn more through the experience of part-time job. Firstly, as future employee, part-time job provides students the or a opportunity to learn more about the society. Through my internship at the Citi Bank, I could realize what requires in the job market and what I should improve. In addition, one can come to know and make friends during the working experience. My cousin in the former example meets his girl friend when he serves at a restaurant. Furthermore, facing the pressure of both from job and academy, one has to reschedule his/her schedule wisely and works at a higher efficiency. The potential of youth is endless. One might probably become better at distributing time through taking part-time jobs.

In addition, the pay from job could release the economic burden of the students and enables them to be independent from their parents. The tuition fee of college has taken significant rise during the past year. It is hard for parents to pay the cost of college, especially during the economic downturn. With the considerable payroll from part-time jobs, one could cover his/her own rent and daily cost, which means a release for the parent.

Though taking part-time jobs occupies some time that could be used to study for college students, I maintain that it is a wise choice. Through part-time job, one could learn more about the society, become better prepared for future career, and reduce the economic burden for the parents.
总体说的比较连贯,个人意见,仅供参考:很多句子都是按照汉语的结构来说的,似乎按照汉语的形式翻译的,比较生硬。
还有
很多词用的不准确,虽然能表达出基本意思,但并不是最准确的那个词。

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发表于 2010-8-8 12:14:12 |显示全部楼层

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发表于 2010-8-8 17:48:35 |显示全部楼层
wangruitong24
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

In countries, such as Japan and U.S, college student usually spends a lot of spare time in their part-time jobs. Some criticize this phenomenon because they believe the fundamental duty of students is study, which part-time job would affect. While I argue that part-time job brings more positive effects than negative ones on the grounds that students could learn to handle schedules(这个需要修改,没有见过这种表达) and become independent through taking part-time job.

Admittedly, taking part time job would take up the limited time of college students and therefore could affect their study. For example, my cousin, who studies in Japan, needs to spend thirty hours a week on his part-time job and mostly his shift is arranged at midnight. Consequently, he sometimes has to stay up all night for the job and then goes to school directly. Lack of sleeping makes him fall asleep during the course and reduces efficiency of his studying.

However, college students could learn more through the experience of part-time job. Firstly, as a future employee, part-time job provides students opportunity (opportunities) to learn more about the society. Through my internship at the Citi Bank, I could realize what requires (required) in the job market and what I should improve. In addition, one can come to know and make friends during the working experience. My cousin in the former example meets his girl friend when he serves at a restaurant. Furthermore, facing the pressure of both from job and academy, one has to schedule his/her schedule wisely and works at a higher efficiency. The potential of youth is endless. One might probably become better at distributing time through taking part-time jobs.

In addition, the pay from job could release the economic burden of the students and enables them independent from their parents. The tuition fee of college has taken significant rise during the past year. It is hard for parent to pay the cost of college, especially during the economic downturn. With the considerable payroll from part-time jobs, one could cover his/her own rent and daily cost, which means a release for the parents.

Though taking part-time jobs occupies some time that could be used to study for college students, I maintain that it is a wise choice. Through part-time job, one could learn more about the society, become better prepared for future career, and reduce the economic burden for the parents.

同学,这篇我觉得挺好的,只是有些单复数的错误,个别表达照中文感觉翻译,稍微注意下就好了。
结构、例证也很恰当,语言也很简洁干练。

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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除
发表于 2010-8-9 15:51:19 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2010-8-11 12:25:28 |显示全部楼层
希望楼主有时间回评^_^
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发表于 2010-8-12 11:03:06 |显示全部楼层
26# joy1025
People in different countries share various flavors of taste in TV and movie. Would local art means more interesting to to the local people? I do not think so, because the foreign TV program and movie assist to know more about foreign culture(摆明观点,很好,但建议用复杂句穿插)

- W8 \5 M) }4 S. v5 XAdmittedly, directors and editors from the same culture background are more likely to know the flavors and tastes of locals. Each country, for example, has its own type of humor. French could hardly understand the joke which makes Japanese laugh to tears. As as result, comedy might not make the same laughter in a foreign country than in hometown.(楼组背过新概念3???呵呵呵) 9 b5 e3 X% c7 q( u

1 C$ B5 X2 s3 A$ S& N4 a7 K/ FHowever, the main goal of watching TV and movie for most people is to learn something fresh, say foreign culture. One could catch on the foreign lives, tradition, and value system. A great number of Chinese come to understand the American way of life by watching this show. For example, from the episode illustrating the marriage of Monica and Chandler, one could have sketch on the American marriage, which shares huge differences with traditional Chinese way. The groom and bride need to write vow to each other, with the blessing of both priest and families. By introducing fresh new ideas , foreign movies and TV program becomes attractive to the audience./ g' W; W1 e& e# O3 Q" G7 \# k- T
+ r  z/ D( o: T. J( f
In addition, with the trend of globalization, current youth in different culture backgrounds has (have)shared more and more similarities. The culture conflict among different countries would not count so much on the success of certain TV program and movie. People from all over the world now could enjoy the spirit of U.S film and Americans has become more interested in watching movies from other countries.  L8 K3 _/ R* x5 U2 S2 W
/ b9 f5 o# O. y1 @! Y3 a
Local TV program would certainly grasp the taste of local citizens more easily. Whereas, the globalization enables current people to understand foreign art works more easily. What is more, people would like to get some information on foreign culture through TV program and movie.
最后一段总结性不是很强,而且觉得楼组的内容有点少哦,尤其是第二个观点。

建议把它拓展开, 另外,楼组的建议说把admittedly放前面,但很多人都不建议,如果时间不够就不写了,或者,发挥太多影响后面,
我倒是建议把第二段放到后面。
谢谢

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发表于 2010-8-12 22:44:40 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2010-8-13 17:50:13 |显示全部楼层
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发表于 2010-8-13 18:49:33 |显示全部楼层
改的不对的请见谅
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RE: 7.17作业 [修改]
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