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发表于 2010-8-8 14:29:01 |显示全部楼层
回复5楼 6楼
先向楼主道歉,上周有几天耽误了,现在才来评

独立:总体来看,楼主的句式,词汇都比较高级。前两个论点都观点明确,但第三个观点论述的太简洁了,最好再深入一些,例子也更丰富一下。其中persuative--》persuasive拼错了。

综合:语言很流畅,第二个观点都听全就更好了。

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发表于 2010-8-8 15:24:20 |显示全部楼层

评改BYxuanjiu518

本帖最后由 xuanjiu518 于 2010-8-8 15:29 编辑

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发表于 2010-8-9 00:57:34 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities?
      Nowdays.there occurs a trend 挺好that more university students use their spare time to do part-time jobs.Parts of people believes it is quite a good idea.However the others take the opposite attitude.With all aspects considered carefully,I am more inclined to the latter in that the disadvantages of students doing part-time job overshadow the advantages.
      Initially,study must come first for university students.Maybe you'll say students just use their spare time to do part-time job rather than full-time,and therefore,it will not influence students' study.Nevertheless,the fact is part-time job indeed exercises consequence?这里没看懂 on students' study.It is obvious if students use their spare time in reviewing and previewing their study,there is no doubt that their study will be improved remarkably.好,学习了Besides,after work,students are usually exhausted.Then they can not concentrate on their study when in class.As a survey from my university reveals that the majority students who have a part-time job fall behind than others. good~
      Further lending credence to my position is the fact that students choose to further their study by attending university because they want to learn something that can not be learned from social experience directly and become full-qualified people for futher career.For this purpose,students should use the condition改为recourses and equipments provided by the university to broaden their horizon rather than doing a part-time job.Only in this way,can students improve themselves for every aspects这里不太合适.To illustrate this,we need look no further than the following case.A ever university student now being a famous judger have selected all the elective courses in his university for study and he says it is the knowledge he used his spare time to learn in university that helps him become succeed.
      Apart from the two opinions above,there is another essential factor that is readily discernible.University student are easily cheated when apply a job.To改为for students' s security and mental health,it is extremly bad.我觉得这里还可以说收入可怜etc.
      Admitterly,doing a part-job can accumulate social experience for student.However,considering such advantages above,I reinforce my propensity that it is not better改good for student to have a part-time job when in university.

这一篇写得很不错呢,没什么好改的,有模板对吧,虽然可以看出,但是模板运用的挺好的。

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发表于 2010-8-11 22:40:55 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 伊儿柠檬 于 2010-8-11 22:54 编辑

8.11    09.08.07NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them+tpo1

(words:370)

People are usually debating  the topic that whether parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children's future for them.Parts of people believe that it is necessary to make choice for their children as parents.However, the others take the opposite attitude.With every aspects carefully considered,I am more inclined to the latter in that on condition that children will learn self-reliance,have suitable decision for themselves and never feel pity.

Initially,it is the fact that many people agreed with which also has datas' support that if parents always make decision for their children,their children will always live depend on their parents.Even when they grow up,they have the habit to ask their parents first when they deal with their work.Though some people will argue that with parents' help ,children will no go wrong way and do right decisions,in the long term,children will make mistakes when they encounter the same thing they have met when they were right with parents' help.As a consequence,if children can have their own choice,they are more self-reliance than other.

Further lending credence to my position is the fact that children will choose the choice that best suitable for them.As for me,my parents want me to become a later or a doctor for high status and salary.In this way,they want me to major law or medical study.Nevertheless, I am sober that I am not genius on these while I have a smart mind on engineering.Under my persist on my dream,I choose to major environmental engineering.In the course of learning,I am more and more interested in my major and put my all enthusiasm on it.At the same time,I have got many achievement.According to this experience,I believe that our choices suit us more.

Apart from the two opinions above,there is another essential factor that  is readily discernible.If children make the decision by themselves,though maybe they got hurt and some strike by this,they can usually come to mind soon because it is the choice that they make by themselves,then they have no reasons to feel regret.

Admittedly,most parents' choice are better then children's since they are experienced.Nevertheless,the advantages that children make their own choice overshadow the disadvantages.Thus,I reinforce my propensity that it is better for children to make choices by themselves.

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发表于 2010-8-11 23:36:52 |显示全部楼层
8.11
TPO1

In the lecture, the speaker argues that the option of 4 days workweek is exactly not good.However,this is different from this reading passage,Which contrends that 4-day-workweek benifits a lot.The lecture by the professor, undoubtedly,casts doubt on the reading.

Firstly,the speaker discusses that for company,the shorten workweek will cost more.Because when company hire more employees,it has to pay extra fees like training and medical benefit.Also,some additional cost is inevitable such as more office space and computers.Contrary to the belief in the lecture, the reading asserts that shorten workweek will increase company's profit.This point is contradicted by what the lecture contends.

Secondly,the speaker argues that in the condition,employers will overwork.They have to work the same amount of work of 5 days in 4 days in order to reach the expectation.It will be a auduous duties for them.On the contrary,the reading passage believes that a 4-day week work will reduce the work load of indivisual.Therefore, the lecture casts doubt on the reading ai this point.

Finally,the lecturer points out that the option of a 4-day work week will make emplpyees at risk of their job though they have extra time.Because,in the long term,companies are more inclined to hire those who are willing to work for entire workweek since a 4-day work week wiil decrease the quality of work.As a consequence,those who choose 4-day work week are more likely to lose their job.However,the reading passage holds the opposite perspective.According to the reading,the option will help reduce the rate of unemployment.

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发表于 2010-8-12 11:16:30 |显示全部楼层
19# 伊儿柠檬

People are usually debating  the topic that whether parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children's future for them.Parts of people believe that it is necessary to make choice for their children as parents.However, the others take the opposite attitude. With every aspects carefully considered,I am more inclined to the latter in that on condition(两个词组重复了吧) that children will learn self-reliance,have suitable decisions for themselves and never feel pity.) ~" H) s2 d8 e0 a; q1 R

Initially,it is the fact that many people agreed with which also has datas' support that if parents always make decision for their children,their children will always live depend on their parents.Even when they grow up,they have the habit to ask their parents first when they deal with their work.Though some people will argue that with parents' help ,children will not go wrong ways and do(make) right decisions,in the long term,children will make mistakes when they encounter the same thing they have met when they were right with parents' help.(后面的半句话,你想表达的意思是什么?没表达清楚)As a consequence,if children can have their own choice,they are more self-reliance than others.- s8 z) o1 I% g( G; x9 I& J$ \

Further lending credence to my position is the fact that children will choose the choice that best(most) suitable for them.As for me,my parents want me to become a later or a doctor for high status and salary.In this way,they want me to major in law or medical study(应该是医学的专业,如临床医学).Nevertheless, I am sober (认真,审慎?配后面的都不对啊。。)that I am not genius用法不对 on these while I have a smart mind on engineering.Under my persist on my dream,I choose to major in( major v [Ipr] ~ in sth (US)) environmental engineering.In the course of learning(学习课程?),I am more and more interested in my major and put my all enthusiasm on it. At the same time,I have got many achievement.According to this experience,I believe that our choices suit us more.&

J$ |. ^; I4 U  Z0 K1 a4 a% X
1 g# s, @# z0 {4 i! N9 J4 {
Apart from the two opinions above,there is another essential factor that  is readily discernible.If children make the decision by themselves,though maybe they got(get) hurt and some strike by this,they can usually come to mind(想到 后面的宾语呢?) soon because it is the choice that they make(made) by themselves,then they have no reasons to feel regret.. w& B$ }) }1 k# G" @1 y! J* _: y# D% P

Admittedly,most parents' choice are better then children's since they are experienced.Nevertheless,the advantages that children make their own choice overshadow the disadvantages.Thus,I reinforce my propensity that it is better for children to make choices by themselves.

1 标点符号后面要加一个空格 才能开始写新的词,英文写作基本格式。。
2 楼主的问题主要出在词组或单词的用法没有掌握上,没有把握 或者不熟悉的单词词组至少在修改的时候查下字典吧
3 put your article into Microsoft word to check grammar and spelling mistakes first...

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发表于 2010-8-13 16:27:57 |显示全部楼层
8.1209.09.11NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only movies that can teach us something about real life is worth watching

People often debating with which kind of movie is worth watching.Parts of people believe that it is worthwhile to watch movies that can only teach us something about real life.However,the others take the opposite attitude.With every aspects carefully considered,I am more inclined to the latter in that the movies that do not teach us the things about real life also have their own special benefit.

Initially,from movies,not only can we learn something relevant to our life but also something that help us form our characteristics.Taking Harry Potter as an example,as is well know,it brings us a view of magic world rather than real life in which the hero triumphs the evil eventually.Though it does not describe the circumstance of actual world,we can learn the hero's courage and belief.It serves as positive catalyst to out real life.

Further lending to my position is the fact that movies,as a visual method ,the scenery and skills in movies are usually paid attention to and they are quite worth being appreciated.The light and shadow's design,the skill of photograph and so on,none of them are exceptionally giving people a deeply impression of beauty and remarkably affection.To illustrate this,we need look no further than this case.According to observing the design of light and shadow in Silent Hill,it is not hard to find out the criminal psychology.Besides,some special skills also leave people impression that make them surprised.

Apart from two opinions above,there is another essential factor that is readily discernible.As a entertainment to most people,movie are always chosen as a way to get relaxed.As a consequence,a large number of people are likely to watch movies with humour.Personally,also play a displacable role in people's mental world.

Admittedly, movies that can teach us something about real life seems more meaningful.Nevertheless,it can replace the other effects of movie.Thus,I reinforce my propensity that not only the movie that can teach us something about real life are worthwhile,the other movies also influence people a lot.They are also worth being watching.

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发表于 2010-8-13 23:29:30 |显示全部楼层
8.1309.09.19NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

When it comes to the construction of a city,a debate occurs.Parts of people believe that  government should spend money on art museums and concert halls rather than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.However,others take the opposite attitude.With all aspects carefully considered,I am more inclined to the former in that art museums and concerts can not only represent the culture to public,do benefit to art-learners,but also give people a place to enjoy thier life.

Initially,art museums and concert halls centralized the most art culture of a city.These provide the chance for people to appreciate art.Art museums exhibit the masterpieces of some famous ancient people and morden citizens,which can bestow an atmosphere of art for citizens.Besides,it can not only bring the beauty of art but also show the history.Concerts can always gather many music-lovers ranging from children to old people.It is in the place that people can enjoy the music culture and get their spirits cleaned.The classical music of the concerts can wake people's admire of the intelligence of ancestors.Relevant to some recreational facilities,these contain more of culture that is meaningful.

Further lending to my position is the fact that with more and more children learning art,it is art museums and concerts that provide them a gorgeous place to further their study on art.With cheap cost,they can go to art museums frequently.As a consequence,they will find out how to be so wonderful like the artists whose works are as exhibitions in the museums.When in the concerts,the muscic-learners will enjoy the purity of music and determine their future routes of music.

Apart from two opinions above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible.Art museums and concert halls can bring an quiet relax for people who burden too much in mordern society.

Admittedly,recreation facilities like swimming pool and playground can bring happiness to the city.Nevertheless,the advantages the art museum and concerts bring overshadow those of recreation facilities.Thus, I reinforce my propensity that the government should spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

感觉这片有点难写。。不太好表达。。。请批改的同学狠狠地批啊

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发表于 2010-8-15 14:57:14 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for the government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

When it comes to the construction of a city,a debate occurs.Parts of people believe that  government should spend money on art museums and concert halls rather than on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.However,others take the opposite attitude.With all aspects carefully considered,I am more inclined to the former in that art museums and concerts can not only represent the culture to public,(and)do benefit to art-learners,but also give people a place to enjoy thier life.

Initially,art museums and concert halls centralized the most art culture of a city.These provide the chance for people to appreciate art.Art museums exhibit the masterpieces of some famous ancient people and morden citizens,which can bestow an atmosphere of art for citizens.Besides,it can not only bring the beauty of art but also show the history.Concerts can always gather many music-lovers ranging from children to old people.It is(was) in the place that people can enjoy the music culture and get their spirits(这个可数吗?) cleaned.The classical music of the concerts can wake people's admire of the intelligence of ancestors.Relevant to some recreational facilities,these contain more of culture that is meaningful.(这句有点读的别扭,个人觉得)

Further lending to my position is the fact that with more and more children learning art,it is(用was不就是强调句了吗?) art museums and concerts that provide them a gorgeous place to further their study on art.With cheap cost,they can go to art museums frequently.As a consequence,they will find out how to be so wonderful like the artists whose works are as exhibitions in the museums.When in the concerts,the muscic(music)-learners will enjoy the purity of music and determine their future routes of music.

Apart from two opinions above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible.Art museums and concert halls can bring an quiet relax for people who burden too much in mordern society.

Admittedly,recreation facilities like swimming pool and playground can bring happiness to the city.Nevertheless,the advantages the art museum and concerts bring overshadow those of recreation facilities.Thus, I reinforce my propensity that the government should spend money on art museums and concert halls than that on recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playgrounds.

看得出作者在语言上下了不少功夫,但是还是感觉有些句式比较重复,比如provide 。。。和 it is ...that...
结构上没太大问题,论证时细节是有的,还可以加些例子。加油啊,但主要还得自己反复修改,做语言替换。

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发表于 2010-8-16 23:18:45 |显示全部楼层
2008.8.16
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:1 m' f( V1 O6 b* `  F# S0 U
   Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money.(Money)0 \( X2 X% i
People always debate on the motivation of businessmen. Parts of people believe that generally, most people do business for hankering after money. However, others take the opposite attitude. With all aspects carefully considered, I am more inclined to the latter in that the ultimate motivation of businessmen is their interests on commercial trade, social responsibility and desire of status rather than money. Nevertheless, money is the basis of these goals, which determines some people choose to become businessmen.

Initially, interests are the basis of career. Many people like business itself. They enjoy experiencing the process of commercial trade. As is well known, many billionaires can live a luxurious life and even can provide comfortable condition for their children with the money they now have. However, they are still diligent in their work. Personally, the best explanation of this phenomenon is that these businessmen treat business as their hobby. In commercial trade businessmen can take advantages of their outstanding intelligence in competition and cooperation. A telling example is my uncle’s experience. He said it is his enthusiasm and interest on business that made him battle on the commercial trade so many years. When he competed with his rival, he feels that he is motivated and he like being a winner.

Further lending to my position is the fact that many people do business due to their social responsibilities To illustrate this, we need look no further than the following case. The famous billionaire Bill Gates, who founds up the software company, now establishes funds to help the poor people. From my perspective, there is no doubt that it is his social responsibility that impels him. Thus, it is obvious that there still existed something more significant than money for Bill Gates to chase.

Apart from the two points above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible: succeeding in business field can gain a high social status. Especially some magnates can get privileges in favor of their reputation.

Admittedly, this is not the whole story. As to parts of businessmen, they are actually motivated by desire of money. Nevertheless, more businessmen choose the career ultimately due to other reasons rather than money. Maybe they are interests, desire of status and responsibilities.

这是曾经写过的,感觉改了以后还是不行。。。马上就要考试了,请批改的同学不要手下留情,狠狠地批啊。。。谢谢

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发表于 2010-8-17 00:03:51 |显示全部楼层
Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money.(Money)0 \( X2 X% i  x0 ^+ I+ V7 N8 y- T7 `$ J0 O3 r4 {
People always debate on the motivation of businessmen. Parts of people believe that generally, most people do business for hankering after money. However, others take the opposite attitude. With all aspects carefully considered, I am more inclined to the latter in that the ultimate motivation of businessmen is their interests on commercial trade, social responsibility and desire of status rather than money. Nevertheless, money is the basis of these goals, which determines some people choose to become businessmen.
(个人感觉这句话好像放在这里没有必要。。)
, r- E& U: q4 v& J* U9 H" _ x+ \6 % h
Initially, interests are the basis of career. Many people like business itself. They enjoy experiencing the process of commercial trade. As is well known, many billionaires can live a luxurious life and even can provide comfortable condition for their children with the money they now have. However, they(
children? Or millionaires) are still diligent in their work. Personally, the best explanation of this phenomenon is that these businessmen treat business as their hobby(这个地方是不是可以说成, they dire the skills and strategy of dealing with business rather than money). In commercial trade businessmen can take advantages of their outstanding intelligence in competition and cooperation. A telling example(有效的例子?) is my uncle’s experience. He said it is his enthusiasm and interest on business that made him battle on the commercial trade so many years. When he competed with his rival, he feels that he is motivated and he like(likes) being a winner.
( @( k! Z  E+ m: A9 {, V/ I& q4 C- S
2 w  c& I- I0 \$ A. f
Further lending to my position is the fact that many people do business due to their social responsibilities To illustrate this, we need look no further than the following case. The famous billionaire Bill Gates, who founds up the software company, now establishes funds to help the poor people. From my perspective, there is no doubt that it is his social responsibility that impels him (to run the business). Thus, it is obvious that there still existed something more significant than money for Bill Gates to chase.
$ Q, u3 O2 I9 M$ q
$ j* w+ Y2 c/ `1 ~4 D: UApart from the two points above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible: succeeding in business field can gain a high social status. Especially some magnates can get privileges in favor of their reputation.(
examples to support ?,
感觉好像有点空)/ R0 @$ E; F* }- J$ a

( Y1 D, o/ c+ s/ `. s) V. N! y- FAdmittedly, this is not the whole story. As to parts of businessmen, they are actually motivated by desire of money. Nevertheless, more businessmen choose the career ultimately due to other reasons rather than money. Maybe they are interests, desire of status and responsibilities.

(结尾,我觉得既然是赞成大多数人不是因为money, 并且文章body部分没有介绍那些desire money的人,最后结论我觉的就没有必要提啊)

以上纯属个人愚见,请楼主斟酌使用。
Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money.(Money)0 \( X2 X% i  x0 ^+ I+ V7 N8 y- T7 `$ J0 O3 r4 {
People always debate on the motivation of businessmen. Parts of people believe that generally, most people do business for hankering after money. However, others take the opposite attitude. With all aspects carefully considered, I am more inclined to the latter in that the ultimate motivation of businessmen is their interests on commercial trade, social responsibility and desire of status rather than money. Nevertheless, money is the basis of these goals, which determines some people choose to become businessmen.
(个人感觉这句话好像放在这里没有必要。。)
, r- E& U: q4 v& J* U9 H" _ x+ \6 % h
Initially, interests are the basis of career. Many people like business itself. They enjoy experiencing the process of commercial trade. As is well known, many billionaires can live a luxurious life and even can provide comfortable condition for their children with the money they now have. However, they(
children? Or millionaires) are still diligent in their work. Personally, the best explanation of this phenomenon is that these businessmen treat business as their hobby(这个地方是不是可以说成, they dire the skills and strategy of dealing with business rather than money). In commercial trade businessmen can take advantages of their outstanding intelligence in competition and cooperation. A telling example(有效的例子?) is my uncle’s experience. He said it is his enthusiasm and interest on business that made him battle on the commercial trade so many years. When he competed with his rival, he feels that he is motivated and he like(likes) being a winner.
( @( k! Z  E+ m: A9 {, V/ I& q4 C- S
2 w  c& I- I0 \$ A. f

Further lending to my position is the fact that many people do business due to their social responsibilities To illustrate this, we need look no further than the following case. The famous billionaire Bill Gates, who founds up the software company, now establishes funds to help the poor people. From my perspective, there is no doubt that it is his social responsibility that impels him (to run the business). Thus, it is obvious that there still existed something more significant than money for Bill Gates to chase.
$ Q, u3 O2 I9 M$ q
$ j* w+ Y2 c/ `1 ~4 D: UApart from the two points above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible: succeeding in business field can gain a high social status. Especially some magnates can get privileges in favor of their reputation.(examples to support ?,
感觉好像有点空)/ R0 @$ E; F* }- J$ a

( Y1 D, o/ c+ s/ `. s) V. N! y- FAdmittedly, this is not the whole story. As to parts of businessmen, they are actually motivated by desire of money. Nevertheless, more businessmen choose the career ultimately due to other reasons rather than money. Maybe they are interests, desire of status and responsibilities.

(结尾,我觉得既然是赞成大多数人不是因为money, 并且文章body部分没有介绍那些desire money的人,最后结论我觉的就没有必要提啊)

以上纯属个人愚见,请楼主斟酌使用。
当你觉得为时已晚的时候,恰好是最早的时候

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发表于 2010-8-17 00:04:33 |显示全部楼层
sorry, 多 control-V 了 一下~
当你觉得为时已晚的时候,恰好是最早的时候

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分享之阳

发表于 2010-8-17 18:21:20 |显示全部楼层
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

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发表于 2010-8-18 21:59:12 |显示全部楼层
2008.12.05
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

When it comes to the effects of sports, parts of people believe that doing sports can only give you a strong body. However, others take the opposite attitude that sports can also teach people lessons about life. With all aspects well considered, I am more inclined to the latter in that I think sports can give us the lesson from the following three aspects: how to form the value of life, how to deal with our life and how to succeed in our life.

Initially, sports do a lot to form a person's value of life. Since the childhood, we started our sports for walking. And till now, with so many sports, we have experience all kinds of failure. When we are infants, we must have fallen to the ground when we are trying to walk by ourselves. Besides, when we try a kind of sport which is unacquainted with us, we must feel perplexed. Faced with these difficulties, we choose not to give up but to persist, and therefore we have formed our one piece of value of life: being strong and never give up.

Further lending credence to my position is the fact that through sports, we will grasp how to deal with our life. To illustrate this, we need look no further than the following case, when I was in senior school, I was absorbed in table tennis. Once I had spare time, I would play table tennis with my friends and even do not care that whether I had had finished my homework and got review in my lessons. Until the exams' result came, I realized that table tennis had occupied me too much time, I must arrange eligible time in table tennis and my study. That experience influenced me deeply, and hence I have learned to deal with things in my life systematically and rationally.

Apart from the two points above, there is another essential factor that is readily discernible: sports can teach us how to succeed in our life. Everyone has the same experience that when you want to be skilled at one kind of sports, you must try again and again. To our life, it also makes sense. If we are concentrated in one thing and do countless endeavors, finally we will find the light of victory.

Admittedly, to a large extent, what sports originally and mainly bring is to make us be more strong-bodied. However, the other effects sports bring can be never ignored. Not only do the sports influence the forming of our value of life, it also let us know how to deal with our life and how to succeed in our life.

马上就要考试了,把以前的改了一下,请批改的同学不要手下留情啊

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发表于 2010-8-19 20:06:47 |显示全部楼层
不好意思,同学,今天有点忙,还没来得及改正你的作业,不过一定会补上!
不放弃,不灰心

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