dandan的独立作文贴

hachi1991UID：2586806

(09.02.21 NA) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country.

In the modern society, learning about a foreign country is no longer a dream. There comes a great many vehicles; some people claim that newspapers and magazines are the best ways, while in my perspective, travelling, television(中间应该是用and 连接) can also open a door for us to step into another land.

To begin with, travelling is a most valuable way which can let us experience a bland-new（brand-new） place in person. For example, I take delight in searching some(可删) photographs about scenery all around the world. Every time I try to imagine how the culture is, what the people like, and even what the cuisine is behind these pictures.（Everytime I saw these pictures, I will try to imagine ... 后面这几个小分句好像都不是很合规范~） Fortunately, last year, my parents took me to Japan. Besides roaming in the modern shopping heaven in Tokyo, the street which as clean as a glass also gives me a visually incredible impact（incredible visua impact应该就okay.但是貌似incredible用来形容impact不大好，一般是用来形容事件本身的~）. Some local residents were so enthusiastic that they even walked with me for company as a guide when I got lost. Undeniably, without that travelling, I cannot acquire a distinct impression about Japan, containing polite residents, fashionable and first-class environmental hygiene., }, T  q$ v4 }9 b* ^
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Moreover, we can also regard television as a telescope to amplify the corner throughout the world into the viewers’ eyes. For example, in the countryside, few farmers have capacity to go outside the mountains, no mention the foreign countries. However, since the televisions prevail in almost every family, people all around the world are no longer distant and isolated from each other; the most distant countries and the strangest customs are brought right to one’s sitting room. A lot of television programs introduce people to things in other continents they never thought of before and never（nor） heard of（删） before. More importantly, compared with dull feel from the radio or some paper, everything on television is more lifelike, vivid and real. Therefore, television is a more convenient and dramatic source of foreign information.

Admittedly, newspapers and magazines are also beneficial for us to inform about some current events in foreign world. Sometimes, we have no more time to watch television, or do not accumulate enough money to take a trip. In these cases, reading newspapers and magazines is another alternative which is comparatively cheap. For example, I am accustomed to reading newspaper during the breakfast; isn’t it so comfortable to nibble at a piece of bread and scan some headlines of international news or some gossips about a foreign star at the same time?2
（这段放在前面那两段论述之前应该比放在这里好一点，因为包括你后面的结尾都是although newspapers and magazines are good, but bla bla bla~ 不过你放到这里倒是另外又有种耳目一新的感觉~嘿嘿~）
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In conclusion, although newspapers and magazines do have merit to demonstrate us a little corner of a foreign country, the advantages of television and traveling in excess of the former form. With the development of economic and technologic globalization, the（a） growing number of modern vehicles has been approaching us. If we still confine our international perspectives to some paper, isn’t it out of step of times?

嗯，楼主的论述比较清晰，内容也比较流畅，但在词汇方面还是有点“不知所措”~另建议好好考虑一下倒数第二段的位置~

crystal5841UID：2710710

6# dandan17

完了，天呐，我刚看到，我没有贴附件上去吗？罪过~~~
而且我已经删了，不过没关系，我再改了，晚上下自习后贴上来

dandan17UID：2812933

15# sosodiu 先谢谢啊。1.应该是brand new，你是对滴2.旅行那段的点评很精辟，确实应该突出一下主题3.no mention to..更不用说（我忘加to了）4.paper是可数的吗？5.television is a more convenient and dramatic source of foreign information. 这句话的主干是television is a source.所以不是television is information 6.reading newspapers and magazines is another alternative which (that) is comparatively cheap. 为什么which不行？7.out of step of times这个我查过的。是固定用法。跟不上时代步伐


你的破题方式不是不行，就是感觉会比较难写。其实我这样不容易写散啊。你只要反驳A不是best，那随便举B,C也好就OK了，所以A不是best.至于让步段。我听戴云的网络课堂。他说可以第二段也可以第四段。放在第二段确实结构比较清晰，但他说在考试的时候万一来不及了，让步段可以不写，所以放在第四段更容易删改。

dandan17UID：2812933

8月3日交
09.02.27NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A jobwith more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a highsalary but less vacation time.

Faced with the position that the advantages of a job withmore vacation time but a low salary outweigh a job with a high salary but lessvacation time, some people make a viewpoint that more vacation time enablesthem to enjoy life rather than confine to a working condition. In myperspective, a job with a high salary suits my own taste.

To begin with, a high salary job gives a possibility forthose who dream to lead a superior life by accumulating more capital. Forinstance, my parents decided to possess a big house in my childhood. Therefore,they has been sacrificed so much vacation time and spent time earning money asmuch as they could during these years. Through their tough efforts, our whole familyachieved the dream eventually. If my parents took advantage of most of theirmoney and time to have a vacation, how can I live so comfortable in a hugehouse now which gives me a sense of satisfaction about the high quality oflife?


Furthermore, a job with less vacation time represents apositive life attitude. This view can easily be explained. In the long run, toomuch rest time will reduce one's enthusiasm of working. Because under normalcircumstances, these people have been accustomed to the lifestyle and environmentwithout any competition or pursuit of promotion. As time passes, even theirpersonality may be transferred, because too much joy sometimes like a slowpoison, which will make people addict to it and cultivate a negative attitudetowards life. While a job with less vacation but a high salary can stimulatepeople to maintain a state of excitement; everyday is brand new for thosepeople to challenge.

Admittedly, a job with more vacation can take people to afantastic world without any pressure, only happiness and relaxation. Especiallywhen one has trouble physically or mentally, the best way for him to reduce pressureis abandoning all things unpleasant and working less time. Although it meanslow salary, more vacation can give him assistance to back to an orbit of healthylife. The beautiful scenery likes sea, the fresh air in the forest, or the hospitalityof local residents is prone to help a person forget all worries in worktemporarily.

In conclusion, although a job with more vacation time ismore comfortable, the disadvantages are evitable. While a job with a highsalary but less vacation time can avoid these defects. Because besides satisfyingpeople's fundamental need for money, less vacation can stimulate people paymore attention to work instead of playing. Isn't it a more positive attitudetowards life?

ellishuUID：2699646

8月3日交7 N. C0 W+ o+ g+ u
09.02.27NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.: z1 }' S' d/ N' k0 k
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Faced with the position that the advantages of a job with more vacation time but a low salary outweigh a job with a high salary but less vacation time, some people make a viewpoint that more vacation time enables them to enjoy life rather than confine to a working condition. In my perspective, a job with a high salary suits my own taste.
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To begin with, a high salary job gives a possibility for those who dream to lead a superior life by accumulating more capital. For instance, my parents decided to possess a big house in my childhood. Therefore, they has（人称不对应） been sacrificed so much vacation time （time可以去掉，累赘了些）and spent time earning money as much as they could during these years. Through their tough efforts, our whole family achieved the dream eventually. If my parents took advantage of most of their money and time to have a vacation, how can I live so comfortable in a huge house now which gives me a sense of satisfaction about the high quality of life?) w# V" h) W, X% A: K/ v1 B1 R8 p/ Y


Furthermore, a job with less vacation time represents a positive life attitude. This view can easily be explained. In the long run, too much rest time will reduce one's enthusiasm of working. Because under normal circumstances（不是完整句子，或者换成介词）, these people have been accustomed to the lifestyle and environment without any competition or pursuit of promotion. As time passes, even（放在后面更好） their personality may be transferred, because too much joy sometimes like a slow poison, which will make people addict to it and cultivate a negative attitude towards life. While a job with less vacation but a high salary can stimulate people to maintain a state of excitement; everyday is brand new for those people to challenge.5 H/ A& b. t- K' Q  w7 U
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Admittedly,（若第二段提出，用它挺好，但放在最后，用however更好） a job with more vacation can take people to a fantastic world without any pressure, only happiness and relaxation. Especially when one has trouble physically or mentally, the best way for him to reduce pressures abandoning all things unpleasant and working less time（句子有误，貌似不是完整的句子，动词？）. Although it means low salary, more vacation can give him assistance to back to an orbit of healthy life. The beautiful scenery likes sea, the fresh air in the forest, or the hospitality of local residents is （are吧）prone to help a person forget all worries in work temporarily.7 F+ Q% O+ R6 c$ A

In conclusion, although a job with more vacation time is more comfortable, the disadvantages are evitable. While a job with a high salary but less vacation time can avoid these defects. Because besides satisfying people's fundamental need for money, （同样错误，句子不完整）less vacation can stimulate people pay more attention to work instead of playing. Isn't it a more positive attitude towards life?

很少有模板的影子，我的模板影响太深，句子有几句不完整的，这方面得注意了。有些词稍微有些累赘。可以适当把复杂句子和简单句子交错使用。希望大家多交流

dandan17UID：2812933

20# ellishu 1.under normal circumstances=generally speaking一般来说2.the best way for him to reduce pressures （这里加is,漏了）abandoning all things unpleasant and working less time
3.Because besides satisfying people's fundamental need for money, （同样错误，句子不完整）less vacation can stimulate people pay more attention to work instead of playing.
这句完整了呀。besides.doing B,A.do C..=A not only do B but also do C

ellishuUID：2699646

21# dandan17
because 是连词，加完整句子

dandan17UID：2812933

22# ellishu 谢谢！

kila1002UID：2806614

改好了~

dandan17UID：2812933

24# kila1002 先是非常感谢。改得很有水平
1.undermine这个词很赞，我记住了
2.under normal circumstences=generally speaking,一般来说。（我新学到的短语）
3.In conclusion, although ajob with more vacation time is more comfortable, the disadvantages areevitable. While a job with a high salary but less vacation time can avoid thesedefects.
我的意思是放假多虽然好，缺点不可避免，而放假少能够避免前面放假多的缺点。
4. 不是打字的问题。从word文档复制上来就粘一起了。

kila1002UID：2806614

evitable是可以避免的意思哦
in-evitable才是不可避免~~
under normal circumstences学习了~~~~~~

dandan17UID：2812933

8月5日交
09.05.30NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Faced with the position that younger children should study art and music in school, some people make a viewpoint that the major courses like math, science and so on have caused pressure to children, so they cannot pay more attention to side courses. However, in my perspective, studying art and music essentially is a significant way to relieve stress and recharge instead of a burden.

To begin with, as I mention before, art and music can make one relaxed and relieve the mental burden in study. For example,my small brother is only eight years old; a period I thought is full of delight and without any pressure. However, as a matter of fact, his math homework is so difficult for an elementary school student. Besides, even on the weekends, he is required to learn many courses such as chess, painting which so called to cultivate a child's comprehensive ability. So when I asked him what course isyour favorite, he said music without any hesitation. He told me that every time he listens to the music, the beautiful melody and comfortable atmosphere can let him forget all things unpleasant including the study pressure. Therefore, studying music likes an efficient medicine which can let children regain energy and pleasure.

Furthermore, studying art and music can help people foster a positive mental attitude, which is essential especially for younger children. Because at the age of five to ten, children are in the stage that growing up physically in a rapid speed. Simultaneously, their spiritual world is becoming bigger too. Therefore, an appropriate guide issignificant. Music and art are like patient teachers who picture a large amountof beauty for children. By appreciating this distinguished work, children can gradually possess an ability to confront difficulties without agitation.Because a vast majority of art and music can not only calm people down but also give them a meditation. Isn't it a fantastic way to develop a child's positive attitudes towards anything?

Admittedly, as a student, fundamental studyshould not be ignored. Math, science, history and language are some crucial courses should be mastered. Especially for younger children, whether they can obtain academically preeminent accomplishment depends on whether they laid a solid foundation in childhood. Therefore, major courses should also be attached weight on by younger children.

In conclusion, although major courses play an important role in children's development, we have to admit that art and music are considerably indispensable. Because without this vehicle, children cannot ease their pressure in study; without this beauty, children will lose a wonderful chance to cultivate an attitude with optimism.

lxg198607UID：2564115

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Faced with the position that younger children should study art and music in school, some people make a viewpoint that the major courses like math, science and so on have caused pressure to children, so they cannot pay more attention to side courses. However, (这里咋回事转折呢，前后关系是顺承啊)in my perspective, studying art and music essentially is a significant way to relieve stress and recharge instead of a burden.

To begin with, as I mention before, art and music can make one relaxed and relieve the mental burden in study. For example,my small brother is only eight years old; a period I thought is full of delight and without any pressure. However, as a matter of fact, his math homework is so difficult for an elementary school student. Besides, even on the weekends, he is required to learn many courses such as chess, painting which so called to cultivate a child's comprehensive ability. So when I asked him what course isyour favorite, he said music without any hesitation. He told me that every time he listens to the music, the beautiful melody and comfortable atmosphere can let him forget all things unpleasant including the study pressure. Therefore, studying music likes an efficient medicine which can let children regain energy and pleasure.

Furthermore, studying art and music can help people foster a positive mental attitude, which is essential especially for younger children. Because at the age of five to ten, children are in the stage that （of）growing up physically in（at好点吧） a rapid speed. Simultaneously, their spiritual world is becoming bigger （rich咋样）too. Therefore, an appropriate guide issignificant. Music and art are like patient teachers who picture a large amountof beauty for children. By appreciating this distinguished work, children can gradually possess an ability to confront difficulties without agitation.Because a vast majority of art and music can not only calm people down but also give them a meditation. Isn't it a fantastic way to develop a child's positive attitudes towards anything?

Admittedly, as a student, fundamental studyshould not be ignored. Math, science, history and language are some crucial courses should be mastered. Especially for younger children, whether they can obtain academically preeminent accomplishment depends on whether they laid a solid foundation in childhood. Therefore, major courses should also be attached weight on by younger children

In conclusion, although major courses play an important role in children's development, we have to admit that art and music are considerably indispensable. Because without this vehicle, children cannot ease their pressure in study; without this beauty, children will lose a wonderful chance to cultivate an attitude with optimism.
楼主写的不错，观点明确，行文流畅。

zinccopperUID：2403125

帮你改好了哈，也谢谢你对我的认真修改

dandan17UID：2812933

29# zinccopper 谢谢