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发表于 2010-7-27 22:57:46 |显示全部楼层
刚开始写。用了两个小时,完全没有思路。医学学习已经禁锢了我的思维了。所以已经没有brainstorm了。:mad:
Do you agree or disagree:
Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits

Obviously, innumerable advertisements, which are broadcasting on every corner of the world, such as on daily newspapers, vogue magazines, and street billboards, exert considerable influence on people's life and under some circumstances, mislead the eating habit. However, it is not completely true to say that

It is undeniable that advertising indeed induce people to eat unhealthy food and have erratic meals. Captivated by the inviting images of fast food, which is contains high calories and low vitamins, the adolescents, especial those who are still scanty of the ability to differentiate right from wrong, haunt the KFC, or Mcdonale everyday and eventually suffer from obesity and malnutrition. Moreover, recently, the KFC advances the slogan of 24 hours opening, which provides a expedient excuse for those who do not want to have super on time, because they can order food on midnight. While according to a latest research paper on the Science, having food on midnight will increase the risk of gastric cancer, because the stomach can get enough time to rest.

Advertising may, nevertheless, help foster more healthy eating habit than before. Many parents, who are concerned about their children's dislike of meals, learn a lot from the advertisement about essential nutrients, such as iron, and then remember to prepare certain dishes that are copious of iron. I am also benefit a lot from advertisement. The pills, which are propagated to be instrumental to sleep, release me from the nightmare, which is originated from my intense pressure from the approaching TOEFL test.

In addition, there are also many other factors that lead to the unhealthy eating habit. People nowadays have very little time for anything, even for eating. People have to work overtime, on the expense of meals latter. Husband, whose wife is working overtime, stuffs himself with a piece of bread and a bottle of beer, and then spare much time to watch the exciting World Cup and champion and acclaim his favorite football star. A child, whose parents are working overtime, will go to KFC for his supper.

Judging from what has been discussed above, the saying that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits, is evidently wrong.



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发表于 2010-7-28 10:52:59 |显示全部楼层
1# crystal5841

Obviously, innumerable advertisements, which are broadcasting on every corner of the world, such as on daily newspapers, vogue magazines, and street billboards, exert considerable influence on people's life and under some circumstances, mislead the eating habit. 老实说,长句写的很厉害,我看着都有点累了However, it is not completely true to say that .


It is undeniable that advertising indeed induce people to eat unhealthy food and have erratic meals. Captivated by the inviting images of fast food, which is contains high calories and low vitamins, the adolescents, especially those who are still scanty of the ability to differentiate right from wrong, haunt the KFC, or Mcdonale(McDonale's) everyday and eventually suffer from obesity and malnutrition. Moreover, recently, the KFC advances the slogan(有点怪,去掉slogan,其实麦当劳早就24小时了的,KFC还慢了) of 24 hours opening, which provides an expedient excuse(两个词的搭配。。) for those who do not want to have supper on time, because they can order food on midnight. While according to a latest research paper on the Science, having food on(at)  midnight will increase the risk of gastric cancer, because the stomach cannot get enough time to rest.


Advertising may, nevertheless, help foster more healthy eating habit than before. Many parents, who are concerned about their children's dislike of meals, learn a lot from the advertisement about essential nutrients, such as iron, and then remember to prepare certain dishes that are copious of iron. I am also benefit a lot from advertisement. The pills, which are propagated to be instrumental to sleep, release me from the nightmare, which is originated from my intense pressure from the approaching TOEFL test. 其实 吃安眠药不是什么健康的生活方式。。。


In addition, there are also many other factors that lead to the unhealthy eating habit. People nowadays have very little time for anything, even for eating. People have to work overtime, on(at) the expense of meals latter(latter是后者的意思). Husband(单数或者复数,不能这样一个词啊), whose wife is working overtime, stuffs himself with a piece of bread and a bottle of beer, and then spares much time to watch the exciting World Cup and champion这个是指比赛还是什么?) and acclaim his favorite football star. A child, whose parents are working overtime, will go to KFC for his supper.1 F+ _+ @, ]7 D

Judging from what has been discussed above, the saying that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits, is evidently wrong.太概括,应重述前面几段的的观点

词汇是亮点,但语法是弱点。红色为错误,绿色为精彩,蓝色为建议

部分长句写的不错,有些短语也不错,但需要注意是否需要写那么长。

The pills, which are propagated to be instrumental to sleep, 可以把propagated to be 去掉,并且 propagated的用法似乎不太对

我了解lz过了GRE,而且能运用,但部分词汇并不深刻了解如何用,如expedient,有空多查字典吧,不要知道中文意思就套进去了

加油!!

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发表于 2010-7-28 13:00:35 |显示全部楼层
多谢Light童鞋的批改~~~ 相对而言,我对你的作文的批改实在是写的太少了,抱歉,我是新人~~~
PS: 我没有考G

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发表于 2010-7-28 22:51:17 |显示全部楼层
The best way to improve the quality of education is to imcrease teachers' salaries'."

Education stands for a promising future for one nation. On the longtime process of elevate the quality of education, how many governments focus on teachers’ wages rather than other equivalent, or more important factors in the facet of promoting the people to receive a better education? Although modest increase in the salary will work to certain extent, actually most of educational institutions do not attach most importance on it. Why does this happen?

The main reason might involve the internal incentive that drives people to choose being a teacher as their vocational option. It’s the responsibility of imparting the cream of world culture and technology rather than the pursuit of a handsomely-paid job that qualifies a person for exemplary teacher. The intense sense of devotion to pass down knowledge to the next generation is also the prerequisite when people apply for the position of teacher. Seldom do people choose the job of teacher, if they maintain money-oriented vocation policy, because no only do various jobs, such as doctors and lawyers, provide decent salaried, but also a prospective work outlook. In short, it’s not money that teachers struggle for as their life goal. Hence, improving the wages is not the primary momentum for a better education condition.

More importantly, student-centered education is the rudimentary essence for educational system. It is the comprehensively developed students who are brought up in the school and armed with advanced science, that drastically increase the industrial productivity in every aspects of society and provide a light future for a nation, which is the main aim for the improving the quality of education. Governments should allocate more money and put more notice on the exertion wiping out illiteracy and afford universal access for children to receive education, such as decreasing tuition fees, which is till a obstacle that hinder many children from entering school in certain remote and poor towns. More school expenditure should be spent on the improvement on the education facilities, which is evidently scanty, even in most famous university. It’s estimated that one of four students in china has no opportunity to sit in a spacious classroom to study. From this point of view, the improving the quality of education rely on providing more children chance to receive education and receive a better education.

However, is the increasing of teachers’ salaries meaningless to education? Certainly not. Clean detaching money from the job of teacher is definitely disjointed with practice. Who will devote to the project of carry forward human soul wholeheartedly, even when he or she is in the lower social-economic group? Modest material comforts will guarantee teachers to be immersed in passing down more knowledge to students and in inventing more effective teaching methods that can stimulate students to learn more.

In a nutshell, judging from the internal incentive of teachers and student-oriented education system, the work of improving the quality of education should not focus most on increasing teachers’ wages. Nevertheless, we cannot ignore modest material comforts can ensure the quality of education.

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发表于 2010-7-29 16:08:45 |显示全部楼层
你这个是多长时间的写的呀?写的这么好,,,牛人啊
我什么时候能写出这么好的文章来啊?
你词汇什么的怎么积累的讲点经验 吧

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发表于 2010-7-29 18:32:18 |显示全部楼层
用了两个小时多:L
这是第三篇作文了,但还是没有什么思路,真担心考试的时候,半个小时我只能写200多了单词,那就完了~~
单词就是背了词以类记,TOEFL词汇精选。
但是很多单词还是不会用,或者用的不恰当,比如一楼的那一篇。

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发表于 2010-7-29 22:53:55 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 crystal5841 于 2010-7-29 23:33 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

The youth is a generation full of passion and liveliness. They struggle and endeavor for a colorful and glorious future. After graduating from either high school or university, how many enthusiastic young people have the provident ability to choose a fitting job and firmly maintain the confidence in the belief that the job suits him or her most and then undertake the job for a lifelong time with great self-satisfaction? Although a constant work may seems to be a expedient experience to live a stable life, make similar friends, and even take the same bus to company, nevertheless, this stereotype lifestyle could not make sense to the vigorous youth. Why does it happen?

The first reason might involve the diversified society. It’s the tendency of subdivision of work that provides profuse vocation options, such as surgeon, physician, lawyer, mechanic, teacher, chef, driver, salesman, chemist, biologist, psychiatrist, and the list will go on. To be sure, this trend makes it contingent for adolescents to alter from job to job, just for the pursuing their “ Mr. right”, which can accompany them for the rest life. Even in the initial preparation for the future career, the “job hopping” commences and acquires licensed by the society. For example, 3 out of 5 universities have proposed the policy that newer have the opportunity and right to choose to transfer from his former department to another one until the end of the second semester, as long as he or she submits a formal written paper elaborating about the reason. This measure sounds sensible. It’s just like no one finds it in his or her heart to chide a guy about his behavior of parting with his unbecoming girlfriend, and hamper him from aspiring the true love. Hence, it is the manifold job positions provided by the society as a premise for young people to hop between jobs to eventually undertake what they favor most.

More important, there might be internal factors to drive youth attempt different work. In the current period, more and more adolescents advocate and emphasize novelty and challenge as the prerequisite of their job hunting. It might be tempting to transfer to several different work and positions to taste various facet of life, considering the new work circumstance, the innovative experience and the new outstanding friends. You know, why do I choose the major of computer science and technology in university without hesitation?
Not only does the decent salary rather appeal to me, but also the vast scope of jobs market where I can practice my expertise, such as working in IT, in network company, and even in hospital, which makes it possible for me to experience variant work. From this point of view, the desire of new experience and higher salaried motivates young people to search for new job market to chase their dreams.


However, should the adolescent who perseveres his sole job option as his life goal be scorned and then distrust himself whether incompatible to other peers and incline to follow like sheep?
Of course not. An authentic yet successful case originates from one of my intimate friends. He is among the preeminent students in my class and he possess the sober talent to know what he wants. Since the fist day in university, he aims to be neurosurgeon and holds the dream resolutely and endeavors to fulfill it. After so many years, he has become an accomplished neurosurgeon and commenced a new era in the microinvasion surgery in China. The job as a neurosurgeon is his truelove although he choose only once.


In a nutshell, judging from the copious job positions and aspiration to savor new experience and chase the dream, only under special circumstances, such as discovering the most favorite work just by one glimpse, will young people convert from job to job, before they take a long term career.

实在是很抱歉,因为总是写作没有一点儿思路,绞尽脑汁,所以今天就放任自己写,没有限制字数,以后我一定会慢慢的改正的,再也不写超过很多字了~~~
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发表于 2010-7-30 11:35:59 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree:- h+ k) _' c% U* Q
Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. R( r5 l3 A; l7 U0 `
$ _) N2 J; `* t+ S8 F5 e" O, \

Obviously, innumerable advertisements, which are broadcasting on every corner of the world, such as on daily newspapers, vogue magazines, and street billboards, exert considerable influence on people's life and under some circumstances, mislead the eating habit. However, it is not completely true to say that

It is undeniable that advertising indeed induce people to eat unhealthy food and have erratic meals. Captivated by the inviting images of fast food, which (is) contains high calories and low vitamins, the adolescents, especial those who are still scanty of the ability to differentiate right from wrong说不能区分对与错是否严重了点?说成不能区分是否对自己身体有益与否更好, haunt the KFC, or Mcdonale everyday and eventually suffer from obesity and malnutrition. Moreover, recently在米国也是最近开始的吗?如果不是的话讲明是中国比较便于老外理解吧,或者就直接讲:这种24小时的服务更如何如何, the KFC advances the slogan of 24 hours opening, which provides a expedient excuse for those who do not want to have super on time, because they can order food on midnight
. While according to a latest research paper on (the) Science, having food on midnight will increase the risk of gastric cancer, because the stomach cannot get enough time to rest.

Advertising may, nevertheless, help foster more healthy eating habits than before. Many parents, who are concerned about their children's dislike of meals, learn a lot from the advertisement about essential nutrients, such as iron, and then remember to prepare certain dishes that are copious of iron. I (am) also benefit a lot from advertisement. The pills, which are propagated to be instrumental to sleep, release me from the nightmare, which is originated from my intense pressure from the approaching TOEFL test.这里你讲的是一种帮助你睡眠的药,而不是给你健康饮食的药

In addition, there are also many other factors that lead to the unhealthy eating habit. People nowadays have very little time for anything, even for eating. People have to work overtime, on the expense of meals latter. Husband, whose wife is working overtime, stuffs himself with a piece of (bread)一片面包太减肥了吧,说叫份外卖或者吃点pizza and a bottle of beer, and then spare much time to watch the exciting World Cup and champion and acclaim his favorite football star. A child, whose parents are working overtime, will go改成order的话句子比较顺 to KFC for his supper.
& r( Q( Q1 G% h6 o

Judging from what has been discussed above, the saying that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits, is evidently wrong.这里最好再讲一下,你的观点是确实有些不好,但是也是有些广告是不错的





最后,不好意思这么晚才给你改作业

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发表于 2010-7-30 14:18:07 |显示全部楼层
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花朵用真诚的等待,换来叫醒世界的盛开

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发表于 2010-7-30 23:38:18 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign

There is increasing tendency of people aspire to taste different culture and customs of foreign countries. How many people prefer reading photos and words  which describe about the a foreign country on the newspapers and magazines to savoring the picturesque scenery by themselves? Although it might be tempting that the newspapers and magazines are readily available, scarcely are people satiated by the rough scan of the alien culture? Why does this happen?

The first reason might involve the booming tourist industry.  Dramatic changes have taken place in every aspects of tourism, which convert the tourist to a foreign country from a mysterious experience to a commonplace. The speedy transportation, the cozy housing and the reasonable schedule of the trip to vocation destination are appealing to most people, especially to those hectic workers and students. You know, last weekend, one of my roommates traveled to Jinzi island in Korea, which is a gorgeous islet with very charming ocean view. This may sound incredible that she is in Beijing city today but then tomorrow, she is basking on the beach, which the ocean breeze is blowing and the seabirds are singing. This experience is indeed inviting and, no wonder, there is an increasing number of people make a journey abroad. Hence, convenient tourism service emerges as a premise for the fad of making a holiday abroad to enjoying foreign culture.

More importantly, there might be internal factors to drive people travel there rather than reading written words about an alien country. In the current period, more and more people emphasize on their own feeling and desire to experience by themselves, especially for adolescents. It seems rational that people incline to hold a critical view about the world, even about the description of a foreign country. Especially when they develop dense interests on the country and yearn to have a comprehensive and profound understanding about it, such as its delicious cuisine, its local customs and its identity literature, the magazine and newspapers evidently cannot gratify the yen of them, let alone that of experts, such as historian and archeologist.

However, is the depiction of a foreign country on the newspapers and magazine s meaningless to consumers? Certainly not. In fact, the first impression and the rough profile of alien countries always originates from the newspapers and magazines which will cover different periodically and provide considerable instrumental information for us. People can observe their favorite and then plan a elaborate journey there. When all is said and done, we cannot savor every country by ourselves, or travel to a foreign country without a general idea about it beforehand.

In a nutshell, judging from the flourishing tourism service and aspiration to experience in person, the majority will take a trip to the foreign vocation destination. Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the significant information from the newspaper and magazines.

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发表于 2010-7-31 21:10:29 |显示全部楼层
7# crystal5841
不好意思,这么晚才给回复,之前没能上网,不好意思。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.
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$ K6 Y) o! }/ H0 C
[url=]The youth is a generation full of passion and liveliness. They struggle and endeavor for a colorful and glorious future. After graduating from either high school or university, how many enthusiastic young people have the provident ability to choose a fitting job and firmly maintain the confidence in the belief that the job suits him or her most and then undertake the job for a lifelong time with great self-satisfaction? Although a constant work may seems to be [/url][url=]a[/url][o1] expedient experience to live a stable life, make similar friends, and even take the same bus to company, nevertheless, this stereotype lifestyle could not make sense to the vigorous youth. Why does it happen?9 i, H, Q5 w# H: I" \[o2]

+ a( h) a! h1 {
The first reason might involve the diversified society. It’s the tendency of subdivision of work that provides profuse vocation options, such as [url=]surgeon, physician, lawyer, mechanic, teacher, chef, driver, salesman, chemist, biologist, psychiatrist, and the list will go on. [/url][o3] To be sure, this trend makes it contingent for adolescents to alter from job to job, just for the pursuing[url=] their “ Mr. right”[/url][o4] , which can accompany them for the rest life. Even in the initial preparation for the future career, the “[url=]job hopping[/url][o5] ” commences and acquires licensed by the society. For example, 3 out of 5 universities have proposed the policy that [url=]newer[/url][o6] have the opportunity and right to choose to transfer from his former department to another one until the end of the second semester, as long as he or she submits a formal written paper elaborating about the [url=]reason[/url][o7] . This measure sounds sensible.[url=] It’s just like no one finds it in his or her heart to chide a guy about his behavior of parting with his unbecoming girlfriend, and hamper him from aspiring the true love. [/url][o8] Hence, it is the manifold job positions provided by the society as a premise for young people to hop between jobs to eventually undertake what they favor most.——————最后一句话我看明白了,可是为什么我觉得只是背景资料呢?
; c% n# r& H8 {
[url=]6 M* x* J: Y: n. Y+ m$ S8 U[/url]
More important[o9] , there might be internal factors to drive youth attempt different work. In the current period, more and more [url=]adolescents[/url][o10] advocate and emphasize novelty and challenge as the prerequisite of their job hunting. It might be tempting to transfer to several different work and positions to taste various facet of life, considering the new work circumstance, the innovative experience and the new outstanding friends. You know, why do I choose the major of computer science and technology in university without hesitation?
! F) m0 _7 e# x5 v3 QNot only does the decent salary rather appeal to me, but also the vast scope of jobs market where I can practice my expertise, such as working in IT, in network company, and even in hospital, which makes it possible for me to experience variant work. From this point of view, the desire of new experience and higher [url=]salaried [/url][o11] motivates young people to search for [url=]new job market[/url][o12] to chase their dreams.8 s; T, P& N  \8 U. F" O

0 x+ n. f, B, L# @1 K0 s& w- v$ X
However, should the adolescent who perseveres his sole job option as his life goal be scorned and then distrust himself whether incompatible to other peers and incline to follow like sheep?3 {/ z$ j# z6 k0 G$ w
Of course not. An authentic [url=]yet[/url][o13] successful case originates from one of my intimate friends. He is among the preeminent students in my class and [url=]he[/url][o14] [url=]possess[/url][o15] the sober talent to know what he wants. Since the [url=]fist[/url][o16] day in [url=]university[/url][o17] , he aims to be neurosurgeon and holds the dream resolutely and [url=]endeavors[/url][o18] to fulfill it. After so many years, he has become an accomplished neurosurgeon and commenced a new era in the microinvasion surgery in China. The job as a neurosurgeon is his truelove although he [url=]choose [/url][o19] only once. 5 P+ l1 I3 M, U7 H

2 n' N7 W% G1 J0 |
In a nutshell, judging from the copious job positions and aspiration to savor new experience and chase the dream, only under special circumstances, such as discovering the most favorite work just by one glimpse, will young people convert from job to job, before they take a long term career.

总评: 语言很不错了.称赞的话就不多说了,主要讲我觉得有待改进的部分吧.
文章太长这个就不说了,其实字数造成的不仅仅是时间的问题,还有就是整个上话有些唠叨,一些没必要的也说,就显得中心不够突出.我觉得思路上有些乱,至少我看的觉得跟主题切合度稍显不足。

[o1]An



[o2]这一整段都没有提到讨论的主题……这。。。



[o3]我觉得这句话,或者这个用法似曾相识啊。。现在流行列词么。。



[o4]既然是their,得用复数吧?



[o5]想说跳槽者还是跳槽?job-hopper



[o6]?这是想说什么?这是主语?还是修饰policy的?我真的没看懂。这句话语法有问题。



[o7]Reasons更好一些吧?



[o8]我觉得似乎很喜欢拿男女之间的事情来作比喻。。而且,这个看起来好像更不恰当一些。。额。。



[o9]More importantly



[o10]个人觉得年轻人和青少年是不一样的。。青少年不能找工作,是童工。。。。。



[o11]Salary



[o12]new job or job market更合适一些吧、



[o13]没看出转折。。



[o14]可以不要



[o15]Possesse



[o16]First



[o17]冠词?



[o18]Endeavor



[o19]Chooses

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发表于 2010-7-31 23:22:32 |显示全部楼层
independently writing: telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?

The inventions of telephone and television may be among the first rank of preeminent devices that influence people most. Relatively speaking, how many people could live alone without telephone rather than television for a period, even for only one day? Telephone seems to be a necessity, and according a recent survey, 9 out of 10 individuals own a personal telephone. It may sound incredible, but it’s true, because we need it so much. How does this happen?

The first reason might involve the booming telephone industry and gradually perfected communication technology. Jules Verne’s words “ Anything one man can imagine, other men can make real” may profoundly elaborate how telephone has amused people till now and will continue to entertain the mass without deadline. The shift from stationary telephone to mobile phone allows people to take it anywhere. The mutation form a bulky telephone to an ingenious one makes it contingent to pocket a telephone. The function of a telephone has converted from communication to a complete recreation, which accomplishs the dream of most fervent football fans that they can enjoy the live broadcasting of World Cup on the bus to work. While the market of television seems relatively gloomy and the progress of its innovation has pretty slowed down, because the function of television has been taken place in certain field by telephone, which is prevalently installed with a TV box. Hence, the big boost of telephone function serves as a major premise for its catering to people needs.

More importantly, there might be internal factors that drive the masses inevitably to be addicted to telephone. Seldom does a person want to live a solitary life. We all want to be cared, to be greeted, to be connected ever and agah. This makes sense, because people are gregarious animals. Indeed, we can get familiar with the outside world by a TV set, but the news, the actors, the stories, sometimes, has little relation with our sorrow and joy at this time. While, it’s the telephone, which may be tiny, cute, and lying in tranquility, that has a magic power. A phone call from school could inform a student that he or she is enrolled in a key university. Then that student could ring his (her) intimate friends to share the ecstasy. From this point of view, the aspiration of direct communication between people provides a tremendous market for telephone.

However, does television exert no impact on the masses? Of course not. Since be invented in the early 20th century, television has influenced people in many aspects, especially to strengthen the family ties. For example, after a hard day of hectic work, it’s really cozy for people to sit together with family members after supper, to enjoy their favorite TV programs, such as weather forecast, legal report, and some the romantic movie of titanic.

In a nutshell, judging form the powerful function and the prevalent popularity among the masses, it’s undeniable that telephone influences people more than television.
Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the fact that television has also significantly contributed to our daily life.


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发表于 2010-8-1 18:27:53 |显示全部楼层
11# linran0108

非常感谢这么仔细的修改哦~~~~:loveliness:

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发表于 2010-8-3 09:39:15 |显示全部楼层
不好意思呀晚了晚了~~~~

个人意见在这里了,谢谢你的批改呢:loveliness:
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发表于 2010-8-3 12:53:48 |显示全部楼层
14# 伶女

这个好像不是我的作文耶~~~:L

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RE: crystal5841的作文贴 [修改]
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