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[未归类] 【❤作文求拍❤】我有在努力..虽然我知道我还是很萎... [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-8-11 15:21:45 |显示全部楼层
在寄托潜了很久...  作文一直很差...  寄托的经验基本我都看了...  所以说看的越多越一头雾水...  

就快考试啦 硬着头皮一篇篇写一篇篇改, 终于我觉得, 这篇可以以智商为正的理由拿上来叫大家拍了=.=

我自己觉得自己存在很多问题..!!!
比如每次写出来的东西都像是特别刻板的中翻英而且还有很多诡异的词语根本一点也不对...
比如逻辑性很差,自己写着写着,觉得明明可以列在一起的观点,最后都风马牛不及的...
比如开头和结尾都不知道怎么写,看了无数帖子看了美国大学英语写作看了李笑来高分看了小嶷的10天还是写不出来...
比如...

可是我真的有在努力.每天除了吃饭睡觉健身,就是看英语了...早起晚睡. 吃完饭还站着拿本书背单词...

仍旧,很萎.  质变引起量变在我这儿.没门.


所以...
不废话啦.求拍吧..拍得越狠越好.. 也求支招儿啊... 我真的要考了..还是二战..  我要100分!!!

T.T
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发表于 2010-8-11 15:25:21 |显示全部楼层
用独立作文模考小软件写的,写完之后自己改啊改啊改...才变成这个样子的...



可是为什么..还是这么萎?!







47.Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for asmall company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details tosupport your choice.



Somepeople prefer to work in a small company for they think working in a smallcompany is more relaxed and less stressful. I am a person with great ambitionand always want to be the best in various aspects of life, hence I thinkworking in big company is more attractive to me.



Workingin big company means you can get to know more red-hot information at theearliest opportunity, which will enhance your professionalism. Large company needsto update itself timely to ensure its leading position in the field and makeitself more competitive. So employees in large company are responsible to huntmore and fresher data to meet the company’s demand. Further, the high positionof big company sometimes equals to having more possibility to get information foremployees because the big company surely have founded its own way to obtaininformation.



Besides,more chances of upgrading will be offered in big company while chances are limitedin small company. If I want to be more excellent, I must be industrious and tryto contact more with my working area. There is a precondition that lots ofchances should be provided, otherwise every single employee, like me, won'thave any opportunity working harder, not to mention performing excellently. Byproviding more opportunities, a big company can find out some reallyoutstanding employees and promote them to a higher position. Thus the promotedpeople will work harder and a virtuous cycle will be set up.



Also,in big company, employees' salary and benefits will be higher. With higher paying,employees can increase their quality of life and have their spare time moreenjoyable. As a consequence, when they go back to work, they will be morefervent. Moreover, the working condition in a big company will be better in whichemployees can release their stress and be more efficient, and these will feed backto the company's development.

Withall the reasons above, I can safely conclude that working in a big company doesappeal to me more than in a small company. I will surely be devoted and obtainso much gratification.


发一个我修改的完整版...  好心人可以帮忙看一看  T.T




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发表于 2010-8-12 00:44:24 |显示全部楼层
自己顶一下~要是今天还是没被拍的话...

我就放弃吧  毕竟大家都很忙.....
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Golden Apple 枫华正茂 一帆枫顺

发表于 2010-8-12 16:52:52 |显示全部楼层
尝试修改一下,修改中

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发表于 2010-8-13 15:22:08 |显示全部楼层
4# capric



欧~太感激了...
今天一上来就看到好消息  谢谢你!!
嘿嘿
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Golden Apple 枫华正茂 一帆枫顺

发表于 2010-8-14 09:10:19 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 capric 于 2010-8-14 09:12 编辑

5# fayememo

47. Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Some people prefer to work in a small company for they think working in a small company is more relaxed and less stressful. I am a person with great ambition and always want to be the best in various aspects of life, hence I think working in a big company is more attractive to me.
个人看法,转述题目的时候,为紧扣题目,两种观点都陈述点到会更好些,。

Working in a big company means you can get to know more red-hot information at the earliest opportunity, which will enhance your professionalism. A Large large company needs to update itself timely to ensure its leading position in the field and make itself more competitive. Hence employees in large company companies are responsible to for hunt hunting more and fresher data to meet the company’s demand. Further, the high a higher position of in a big company sometimes equals to having more possibility to get information for employees because the big company surely have founded its own way to obtain information.
大公司获取信息更多更及时,主要是哪方面信息呢?如果能稍微明确,或者举个具体点的例子让人更清晰。

Besides, more chances of upgrading will be offered in a big company while chances are limited in a small company. If I want to be more excellent, I must be industrious and try to contact more with my working area. There is a precondition that lots of chances must be provided firstly, otherwise single employee, like me, won't have any opportunity working harder, not mention performing excellently. By providing more opportunities, a big company can find out some really outstanding employees and promote them to a higher position. Thus the promoted people will work harder and a virtuous cycle will be set up.
对部分观点不敢苟同,难道说一个公司没有提供更多的机会那么我就不勤奋工作了么?如果大家都挤破头为了进一些所谓的大公司,而不肯屈尊到小公司工作,其结果也是不言而喻。>_<||,扯远了,我意思是这个论点似乎不那么让人信服,有些漏洞在里面。

Also, in a big company, employees' salary and benefits will be higher. With higher paying, employees can increase their quality of life and have their spare time more enjoyable. As a consequence, when they go back to work, they will be more fervent. Moreover, the working condition in a big company will be better in which the employee can release their stress and be more efficient and these will feed back to the company's development.

With all the reasons above, I think working in a big company is more attractive for to me, not only for the working condition and life standard now, but also for the more chance chances to promote my career and having have myself developed.

行文比较流畅,句式也比较多样,如果能把观点阐述的再明确再令人信服些就更好了。加油
已有 2 人评分声望 收起 理由
fayememo + 1 太感谢啦! 太感谢啦 改的这么认真. 我受益 ...
jiang08 + 4 作文互评

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发表于 2010-8-14 10:12:10 |显示全部楼层
赞cap 姐姐

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发表于 2010-8-14 10:46:39 |显示全部楼层
6# capric


真的超级谢谢你哒!  嘿嘿.  

恩恩.  我觉得我好多细节都太不注意了... a 也少的太多了我  -.-

恩恩~我立马就去研究怎么能够让说理更充分!嘿嘿!

希望我下周考试能顺利啦~~ 么么 !再谢谢一遍
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RE: 【❤作文求拍❤】我有在努力..虽然我知道我还是很萎... [修改]
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