WSYLR 的作文本~~

WSYLRUID：2666837

T作文首篇，超时很多，错误应该也不少~~麻烦狠拍哈~~
加油~加油~
坚持就是胜利

WSYLRUID：2666837

要是还没有改就用这个附件改吧:loveliness:   之前的有不少低级错误~~呵呵  不好意思:L

hong519690UID：2548823

改好了。

Ivan1989UID：2602144

向你学习

WSYLRUID：2666837

今天迟了， 这个题目想了很久
感觉写着写着有点儿跑题， 最后实在写不下去了
整体有点头重脚轻
期待大家的意见~~:loveliness:

WSYLRUID：2666837

0911

langtianrinuanUID：2810236

2009.9.19 NA Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.


In order for the inhabitants to achieve the comfortable social environment to meet their requirements, government employs methods of support that, because of the limited financial budget and various importance of different issues, were limited in several specific areas. （你是不是考完G的，惭愧得很这句话我都没怎么看明白，晕掉了，除了插入语，主谓宾，没有找到）Here comes the question which（是不是加上area更好？）should government give more support to, artistic areas or recreational facilities. A group of people may prefer the former one, for providing inhabitants with artistic performance, the society will be thought as an advanced one. (感觉这个理由有点牵强) In my perspective, however, supporting recreational facilities will benefit not only inhabitants but (also) the government itself.

To begin with, the benefiteries（benefits ?）of supporting artistic area, that is sponsoring art museum and music performance, for example, pales in comparison to the supporting creational facilities. No one can deny the fact that not everybody has the interest in art, whereas everyone has to do some sports. It is common that even if the museum is well arranged and decorated there is (are) few people roaming in the exhibition and admiring the fine arts. Besides, (与前一点的理由似乎不是并列)the demand of art facilities is far less than the demand of recreational facilities. For example, one art museum will satisfy a middle city, at the same time this city need no less than ten playgrounds of any size. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that in China almost one-quarter inhabitants complain that there is neither swimming pool nor playground available near their community. Whatever the final decision to this supporting problem（有点突兀，指代什么？）, it is evident that the need of recreational facilities is more practical and beneficial.

Further more, in terms of the government, supporting recreational facilities is more economically feasible and long-term effective. In the face of the limited budget, grandiose schemes such as improving the artistic environment (but要不要连接词我也不确定) ignoring the urgent everyday problem has no reason to be supported by a sensible government. What is more, supporting just one music performance or art exhibition cannot benefit the audience for a long time. Maybe the art astonished the audience in that special moment, the amazing images will fade out with a few days' routine tasks. In these conditions, it is acceptable to recommend government to choose to support recreational facilities.

In sum, both aspects of this problem are manifested that government should support recreational facilities. On the one hand the benefiteries of recreational facilities exceeds in number of artistic facilities. On the other hand government will make intelligent expense by supporting recreational facilities.

蓝色是我觉得很好的词或句型，黄色是我觉得有点不对劲或者修改过的地方。总体来说，感觉你的词汇和句型变换都很多，不错。有些长句没有看明白，不知是不是我的水平问题。句型多很长，很复杂。建议也用一些简练的短句，尤其是表达观点的主旨句之类的。结构上采用总分总结构，除去开头和结尾中间两段，两点理由。其中第一个理由的论证内部关系还可以再理顺一下，感觉有点乱。第二个理由也是，感觉和第一个理由有交叉。可以再观点组织上再下功夫，文章就更好了。你的语言基本上没有问题。以上是我的一点浅见，能力有限，说得不妥当的地方多多包涵。

langtianrinuanUID：2810236

你的文档是怎么插入的，可不可以教教我？

WSYLRUID：2666837

回复框框右上有个高级回复 点开以后里面有添加附件 浏览自己的电脑添加就行了:)

WSYLRUID：2666837

感谢细心的指导~~   
第一句的主干是“government employs methods ” 话说这句是我从ETS那抄来的 也不知道是不是对着~~   
我先拿回去好好改改..... :loveliness:

WSYLRUID：2666837

9月14号作业  写得还是比较慢~~
将high salary和low secure分开写不知道好不好~~
请多多指教哈~~

ttuuttuuUID：2299729

0911修改帖~

2009.9.19 NA Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.


In order for the inhabitants to achieve the comfortable social environment to meet their requirements, government employs methods of support that, because of the limited financial budget and various importance of different issues, were limited in several specific areas.
Here comes the question which should government give more support to, artistic areas or recreational facilities. A group of people may prefer the former one, for providing inhabitants with artistic performance, the society will be thought as an advanced one.
In my perspective, however, supporting recreational facilities will benefit not only inhabitants but the government itself.

To begin with, the benefiteries of supporting artistic area, that is sponsoring art museum and music performance, for example, pales in comparison to the supporting creational facilities. No one can deny the fact that not everybody has the interest in art, whereas everyone has to do some sports. It is common that even if the museum is well arranged and decorated there is few people roaming in the exhibition and admiring the fine arts. Besides, the demand of art facilities is far less than the demand of recreational facilities. For example one art museum will satisfy a middle city, at the same time this city need no less than ten playgrounds of any size. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that in China almost one-quarter inhabitants complain that there is neither swimming pool nor playground available near their community. Whatever the final decision to this supporting problem, it is evident that the need of recreational facilities is more practical and beneficial.

Further more, in terms of the government, supporting recreational facilities is more economically feasible and long-term effective. In the face of the limited budget, grandiose schemes such as improving the artistic environment ignoring the urgent everyday problem has no reason to be supported by a sensible government. What is more, supporting just one music performance or art exhibition cannot benefit the audience for a long time. Maybe the art astonished the audience in that special moment, the amazing images will fade out with a few days' routine tasks. In these condition, it is acceptable to recommend government to choose to support recreational facilities.

In sum, both aspects of this problem are manifested that government should support recreational facilities. On one hand the benefiteries of recreational facilities exceeds in number of artistic facilities. On the other hand government will make intelligent expense by supporting recreational facilities.

這一篇沒什麼好改的，寫的很好，版主應該收集不少好文章 編成這個模版
如果可以寫成五段那就更好了~  還有這不是GRE  我不知道 太多長句是好還是不好  

风起云落UID：2833888

不好意思，水平有限，实在改不出来什么……

WSYLRUID：2666837

09.16 写得挺纠结~~  
麻烦大家了:)

littleecho33UID：2876349

9月16日交
2009. 10. 17 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.
Watching movies and televisions has already been an everyday entertainment（in people’s life）, which could be easily manifested not only by ever-raising television programme but also by popularizing media facilities. In this condition, the media, of course, has some more consequential meanings rather than just（删） amusing people. In my perspective, both the society and the movie/television(medium) company(ies) should be benefited for the sake of showing audience the deserved ending of both the good and the bad.

To begin with, promoting justice, by the means of showing audience rewarding the good and punishing the bad, for example, will do benefit to society harmony, since movies and televisions have huge a(a huge) influence on audiences. Just think about it, when fragile heart is broking up since（？） watching the sore ending of the hero’s meaningless death and the crimer’s abscondence with money helplessly, the value system would be irrevocablely changed. This would do harm to the whole society and it will be even hazardous when (it) comes to（is presented to） immature adolescents. A recent investigation conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Science demonstrates that 60 percent of the chosen parents admit that the television programmed will influence their children’s psychologically well-being.(good!) In this condition, it will be wise to show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

Further more, in terms of the movie/television company, showing audiences what they want is the guarantee of a satisfactory interest. It is common sense that good people should be rewarded and bad people should be punished.(语法有问题) Everyone hold his/her belief that the prince and the princess would live together happily ever after. What’s more, one essential function of the movies and the television is to build a fictional world in which every beautiful dream come true and this world cannot include the injustice phenomenon that good people would not be reward and bad people would nor be punished. It is evident that only if the company adjust to audiences’ preference the ratings of the movies and the television will be satisfactory.（good）

In sum(to sum up), two advantages of showing audience that good people will be rewarded and bad people will be punished are demonstrated. On (the) one hand, the movies and television will do well(good 固定搭配) to the society harmony since the justice has been promoting. On the other hand, the producer company will benefit from the high ratings. （it is undoubted that the movies and television will not only do good to the society harmony since the justice has been promoting, but also the win higher ratings in terms of medium companies.）