加入独立写作小组~珊的作文贴

mileschen2008UID：2771287

作为组员，我帮你补改了12-21的独立作文。见附件：

xiongcan818UID：2849571

1222 独立修改好

liuyuan1990UID：2894778

改好了，记得给我去改作文哦~

fengyanhongUID：2941762

1月7号
Do you agree with the following statement? Newspapers and magzines are the best way of learning about a foreign country.
很久没有写 大家指点
To learn about a foreign country, people should get contacts with the country, such as relating to the people of the country, knowing their culture by experience. Through reading newspapers and magazines are one of the good ways to have this kind of contact, but are far from the best one.

Reading newspaper and magazines are simply demanding one of our five senses, that is sight. Though through reading, we can imagine their delicious food in our mind, we can never have the real feeling of tasting it with our tongue. We can see the magnificent Tower in the picture of a magazine but can not touch its cold iron structure with our hands. Through reading one may think at least it is the best way to know the language of the country. However, without body language and eye contact, one missed lots of information relating to it. The movie Food,Pray and Love described a sad American women travelling to Italian with little knowledge about their country. She, however, learnt a lot about the country. When walking on the street, she saw Italian's various body languages, and almost everyone enjoys making the body language vigorously. They even told her that Italian use their hand to communicate, so if you learn Italian without knowing about their body language, you will never talk like a real Italian.  
So when we want to get down to know a country lively, we should call on our five senses.

Reading Newspaper and magazines only provide you with one perspective from the editors and writers, but not including the direct view of the scientist, the common workers, and so many other groups of people. Though one may argue that newspaper can describe the real life of all kinds of people, but they overlook an important point is that mass media tends to discover the unusual or extraordinary sides of the life. Thus the common part of the life is rarely reported. The basic value shared by the majority of one group of people but seemed unfamiliar to foreigner is not introduced through the media. Workers in Japan tend to work more than their boss demanded willingly, but these may not be covered in newspapers. Drivers in German rigidly follow the traffic rules, and this not likely to be see on magazines as well.

Besides, even one can not have the access to the country, he have much more media than reading materials to get information from, such as Internet and television. In my point of view they are much better method，because sound and motion are involved. Thus Newspapers and magazines are not even the best way of getting information, let along the best way of knowing the entire country.

As a conclusion, one should make much contact with the country to get a well-rounded view of it. Newspapers and magazines may be a good way and the fist step to trigger your interest but not the best one.

gamyUID：2748678

改好了
水平有限互相学习进步＠

fengyanhongUID：2941762

1.8 独立Physical exercises are more important for older people than for younger people.

Some people think it is more important for older people than youth to do physical exercise，so as to enjoy a longer live span. Considering the physical exercise, I think it benefit different groups of people. The actual benefits gained through excise differ in regard to their own health status rather than the group they belonged to. So it is not responsible to generalized exercise is more good to older people than youths.

Some of the older people are suggested to take little exercise because it may do harm to their health, especially for those suffering the cardinal diseases. As it is suggested by many doctors, alders who do not have a strong blood vessel should not take exercise such as jogging, jumping, swimming and so on. Because exercise may induce their heart beat too fast and blood runs more than their vessel can sustain. So, for some of the alders, the physical exercises are not important, but risky.

Compared to the younger people, older people are more likely to get hurt during the physical exercise, which makes them less appropriate to do the physical exercise. The bones of a young kid can easily absorbed the calcium needed to build them strong. While the older people always endure a loss of calcium, thus their bones are more fragile and likely to fracture when doing the exercise. Besides, if injured, older people can not recover as quickly as the youths. As a result, when considering taking up a habit of physical exercise, the older people should be more careful.

Physical exercises for younger people, if not more important than the alders, are of equally importance，because exercises have a positive effect on body development of a teenager. It is known that younger people are in rapid-growing period. The study shows that exercises done in this period contribute to growing taller and being stronger, and an individual enjoys this kind of benefit throughout their life. However, exercise loss its magic effect after people getting mature. If one loss the chance of taking exercise when they are young, it is irredeemable.

As a conclusion, not all the older people are suggested to do physical exercises, and it is important to do the exercise for younger people as well.

generalidUID：2824377

36# fengyanhong

赞一个，你已经坚持了一个月了，尽管中间可能有点忙了。

你的优点
1） 立意， 3段论证， 总结  结构都非常明确
2） 论证有力

你的缺点
1） 开头略显平淡， 因为some,some太视觉疲劳了； 如果你有时间，你就改成paraphrase,就是用你自己的话重述题目，比如physical exercises are the tool to build the body
2) 错别字有点多，推荐你在word里面用自动纠错 The bones of a young kid can easily absorbed ，改成absorb ；

冬咚宝UID：2956480

Some people think it is more important for older people than youth to do physical exercise，so as to enjoy a longer live span. Considering the physical exercise, I think it benefit different groups of people. The actual benefits gained through excise differ in regard to their own health status rather than the group they belonged to. So it is not responsible to generalized exercise is more good to older people than youths.  G3 w) m. |3 J) T
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Some of the older people are suggested to take little exercise because it may do harm to their health, especially for those suffering the cardinal diseases. As it is suggested by many doctors, alders who do not have a strong blood vessel should not take exercise such as jogging, jumping, swimming and so on. Because exercise may induce their heart beat too fast and blood runs more than their vessel can sustain. So, for some of the alders, the physical exercises are not important, but risky.
: B# @# M7 p4 n; c1 p% D7 F
% q  G. ^0 f) e0 PCompared to the younger people, older people are more likely to get hurt during the physical exercise, which makes them less appropriate to do the physical exercise. The bones of a young kid can easily absorbed the calcium needed to build them strong. While the older people always endure a loss of calcium, thus their bones are more fragile and likely to fracture when doing the exercise. Besides, if injured, older people can not recover as quickly as the youths. As a result, when considering taking up a habit of physical exercise, the older people should be more careful.8 d2 k) K% {# E% p# p1 u
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Physical exercises for younger people, if not more important than the alders, are of equally importance，because exercises have a positive effect on body development of a teenager. It is known that younger people are in rapid-growing period. The study shows that exercises done in this period contribute to growing taller and being stronger, and an individual enjoys this kind of benefit throughout their life. However, exercise loss its magic effect after people getting mature. 个人认为这句话逻辑上有点问题，when people get matured, the exercises can also play a magic effect on them and make their body stronger. If one loss the chance of taking exercise when they are young, it is irredeemable.
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0 I! z* [* I! u* Y' CAs a conclusion, not all the older people are suggested to do physical exercises, and it is important to do the exercise for younger people as well.
语句都比较通顺，但是我觉得你前两段似乎都在否定老年人应该运动，to prove “not all the older people are suggested to do physical exercises”,我觉得可以适当的加一点肯定老年人需要运动的论据。

gamyUID：2748678

改好了～

fengyanhongUID：2941762

1.11 独立

We all have been confronted with the problem of choice, and when confused most of us may likely to ask advice from others. Then who do you probably turn to for help? The elder people may have more experience and provide your with vision that stand the test of time, while the people at your age may be have the fresh and instant information that of significant value. So in my point of view, whose advice are more acceptable depend on the exact situation you get in, and the final decision that makes by yourself is more important than the advice provided by others.

Elders always provide advice in regard to their own experience, which is richer than yours, so it is valuable. When asking about the problem that the elders also have been confronted with, you definitely increase the chance of getting a piece of desirable advice. When I was wondering which major I should study in the collage, I turned to my father for help.  He is a well-educated man of a doctor degree in the field of chemistry. What is more, the friends of him working in different fields lead different life now. My father kindly gave me the direction out of both his own experience and the thoughtful analysis of others' life. He concluded that I should learn something practical rather than the skill and tactic of relating to people. Only people of professional skills can be respected by others. As a result, I choose to learn computer science which demands much on the intellectual ability. No one can master it without spending time to study as well as practice. So after I graduated I found it is easy to find a contented job.

Young people are more creative and keep up to date with the latest news. So they are more likely to provide advice that makes breakthrough to one's ordinary life. For example, when a friend of mine got a chance to change a job, she spent quite long time weighing advantage and disadvantage of the new offer. Her mother rigidly thought that she should stay at the present company for her boss treated her nice and she had already got familiar with everything there, but overlook the fact that the contemporary development of the society. However, her friends thought it is a good opportunity to make a change. The young people of similar age always keep abreast of the latest development in Information Technology, so they know the new industry she would step into is bound to booming. As a result my friend delightedly changed her job.

Last but not the least, no matter how valuable others' advice are, it is what you get down to do after taking the advice that makes a difference to your life. As long as you possess a positive altitude and have a faith in your choice, you will make it. All paths will lead you to the final destination.

As a conclusion, whether advice of different people is valuable or not depends largely on what you consult about. Sometimes there is no way of judging the advice, because all of them are good ones as long as you take it.

坠坠芙蓉影UID：2815408

修改好了

fengyanhongUID：2941762

1.12
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The teacher should be paid according to how well students perform.

To make teacher be more efficient, some people proposed that it is good to pay them according to how well their students perform. However, I think it is superficial because when implementing the idea, there is no standard to measure the performance. The teaching method and the student's understanding are not necessarily related as people thought. What is more, for a teacher, the performance of their student should not be their only pursuit.

Firstly, it is difficult to measure how a student performs. Some students are good at studying the lesson taught on books and always have a high score in every examination, while others may have a specialty in art or sport. Though we may use the average mean of the score students get from different subjects, I think most of people should go against the idea of valuing students merely according to their academic performance. The admiring score does not necessarily indicate an equally competitive ability in relating to people and ability to control emotion. Personality and inner world should be examined when judging one's overall performance. As a result, hardly any one can come up with a well-rounded solution to measure how a student performs.

Secondly, it is not always true that a student's performance can reflect the teacher's ability. On the one hand, if a student does not make progress in his own study because of his attitude and intelligence, the teacher should not be blamed for. One the other hand, if a student does well in his study by reading extra materials that their interests drive them to, or by participating in extra class that their parents demand them to, the teacher should not be account for the student's progress either.

Thirdly, except for the ability of teaching, there are many aspects a teacher should emphasize. Good teachers should keep abreast with the latest information relating to his field of research. They should also be able to help with or to concern about their students' personal difficulties. What is more, teachers' personality and altitude is equally important, because they are the example of their students even if students do not admit. I have been taught by a teacher who does nothing but reading the book in her class. However, I still recognized her as one of the good teachers for she provides students useful information. As far as I know she has been kindly enough to help some students get contented job.

As a conclusion, the issue relates to how to measure students' performance, and what quality of a teacher should be considered at the first place. The relationship between students’ performance and teachers’ ability can not be easily generalized. So it is partial to pay teachers according to how well their students perform.

great与众不同UID：2558121

修改完毕

juliagoUID：2912431

改好了!
1/13
To make teacher be more efficient, some people proposed that it is good to pay them according to how well their students perform. However, I think it is superficial because when implementing the idea, there is no standard to measure the performance. The teaching method and the student's understanding are not necessarily related as people thought. What is more, for a teacher, the performance of their student should not be their only pursuit（这句话放在开头.有点儿唐突i

Firstly, it is difficult to measure how a student performs. Some students are good at studying the lesson taught on books and always have a high score in every examination, while others may have a specialty in art or sport. Though we may use the average mean of the score students get from different subjects,(这一句和接下来的这句话没转折关系吧， 为什么要让步？) I think most of people should go against the idea of valuing students merely according to their academic performance. The admiring score does not necessarily indicate an equally competitive ability in relating to people and ability to control emotion. Personality and inner world should be examined when judging one's overall performance. As a result, hardly any one can（倒装为什么不将can提前呢?） come up with a well-rounded solution to measure how a student performs

Secondly, it is not always true that a student's performance can reflect the teacher's ability. On the one hand, if a student does not make progress in his own study because of his attitude and intelligence, the teacher should not be blamed for. One the other hand, if a student does well in his study by reading extra materials that their interests drive them to, or by participating in extra class that their parents demand them to, the teacher should not be account for the student's progress either（总结一下吧，好像没写完一样）.) w  _: W# z% p9（ T$ U& ~

Thirdly, except for the ability of teaching, there are many aspects a teacher should emphasize. Good teachers should keep abreast with the latest information relating to his field of research. They should also be able to help with or to concern about their students' personal difficulties. What is more, teachers' personality and altitude is equally important,（我个人认为你得写清楚，“一个好老师是由多个因素决定的,老师的工资关系”这样一来更有说服力） because they are the example of their students even if students do not admit. I have been taught by a teacher who does nothing but reading the book in her class. However, I still recognized （时态要一致）her as one of the good teachers for she provides students useful information. As far as I know she has been kindly enough to help some students get contented job（例子如能写得细节一点就更好了

As a conclusion, the issue relates to how to measure students' performance, and what quality of a teacher should be considered at the first place. The relationship between students’ performance and teachers’ ability can not be easily generalized. So it is partial to pay teachers according to how well their students perform.

fengyanhongUID：2941762

1.13
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

As education has been our great concern for quite a long time, people come up with the question what kind of people should be the production of our education system. The one good at relating to people may gain a smoother way to success. The one who possess a good educational background may be valuable to the development of the whole society. Which one is more important? To sharpen the ability of relating to people, or to study hard, this should be analyzed according to the period of life.

When one is in his high time of study, I mean between the ages of ten to twenty, he or she should spend more time on study. For one thing, at this period of time, we do not have the opportunity to know different kind of people. Most of the students are innocent, and the people they tend to relate to are their classmates, who are as pure as themselves. As a result they only have the resource to analyze the relationship between peers. At this period of time, one can not learn the various relationships such as the one between boss and client, between husband and wife, or the relationship between colleagues. For another, the valuable intellectual development mostly takes place at this particular period of time. Thus, people should make use of their time to learn more, or they will regret.

When one is out of school and enter the society, the hard work he or she done at school will take effect eventually. If one have expert knowledge in some special direction, it is much more possible that he or she will be respect by others. People would like to communicate, to consult, or even to know about the one they admire. In this way, the one who work hard at school will gain a harmonious relationship gradually. If one does not possess his own understanding of some special field, he or she will not have the ground to start his career from. When people get confused in realizing goal, or even not be able to make a living, the concern of relationship will be reduced to secondary place.

However, how to relate well to people is a life long lesson one should learn. When comparing two persons of same educational background the one who can handle the relationship better will be more promising in the long run. After all, people are socialized animals, so the ability to get along with others is a must.

As a conclusion, we should study hard at school and learn how to relate to people as a life long lesson.