【daily writing】by dandan

dandan17UID：2812933

哈~ 有兴趣的人都可以来改。相互交流哈。

09.10.17NA(写作34min， 修改28min)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience that good people are rewarded and bad people are punished.

In the contemporary world, media are increasingly developed. People have more choices than before to take access to different kinds of movies and televisions. Generally, movies are like guides, helping audiences distinguish from bad and good people through the plot. However, from my perspective, media should give more space for audiences themselves. It is important to enable individuals to foster independently critical thinking ability.

Individuals can benefit from the process. To begin with, people can upgrade their skills of critical thinking, which is especially important for adolescents. Specifically, in the real world, in fact, the bad and the good people are not easily detectable. If a movie simply provides viewers a world either black or white, kids may believe the society is simple, which is unfavorable for them to adjust this actually intricate world. More importantly, this guide will provide viewers a narrow horizon. Because not all good people should be rewarded; similarly, not all bad people are punished. In other words, the definition of bad or good people is, virtually, obscure. For instance, if a guy is poor, it is understandable that he has motivation to steal money to exchange food. But this behavior could not camouflage a person's kind nature. If viewers accept too much information like this classification, they may treat one person with biases. In addition, it is prone to misleading. Figures in the movie or television are undeveloped. In this case, people must be forced to accept who is bad or who is good according to some brief conversation or action. Furthermore, preferring to add special effects, many directors adopt some exaggerated ways. This action indeed makes movies more attracting; nonetheless, it is irresponsible for viewers.

Granted, as for children, their world perspective is relatively simple. Having the educational influence, these movies teach them how to tell the bad and the good people based on different behaviors and speaking, and in turn lead these kids expose to positive things. However, after all kids are of small percent in the public. Most people in the world are adults who have independent thinking ability. If movies always provide individuals these simple reward or punishment, it is equivalent to admit that adults have the some thinking level as that of children. How absurd it is!

In conclusion, it is important to provide free space for individuals. Critical thinking ability is beneficial for everyone. Simple classification is a misleading guide which will have a negative impact on the whole society.

【拼写、语法错误】
Indepentlyàindependently
update their abilityàupgrade the skills
are not easily be detactable à are not easily detectable
If the movie simply provideàa ..
provides
Horizenà horizon
definationà definition
behavoirà behavior
seperationàseparation （分类用classification比较好）
Inresponsable àirresponsable
as for child, their world perspective is simple àchildren
This kind of movie is educational, which teach themà teaches
Most people in the world is adults
à are
Prevelant àprevalent
equivalent to 等同于
It is important to enable individuals foster..
à to foster

lynn27UID：2774627

蛋蛋~ 你终于来写作文了~。

luckybabynanfuUID：2938629

不是和你一组，但是刚写完我的，在你楼上，就顺便来看下。

写得很不错哦。还有这个计时和修改，这种方法应该很不错，学习了。
感觉很读完很轻松和流畅。比较舒服。

第二段的分析写得挺赞。不过感觉有点虎头蛇尾，第三段基本上可以看做第二段的小补充， 后面是不是写得仓促了。总之，第二段看完后，本来还期待往下更精彩地深入论证或展开或另一个角度。结果，就结尾了。。。。

dandan17UID：2812933

4# luckybabynanfu

呵呵。我第二段其实有三个小分论点的。然后每个分论点都有论证。所以已经很全了。再来个让步，总结就够了。
如果再写一个角度的话就没时间了~

grandyangUID：2730087

蛋总好~

grandyangUID：2730087

改好了~

grandyangUID：2730087

你给我改的12.9那篇不知道怎么回事，打不开啊，能给我发个邮件吗？grandyang@qq.com

dandan17UID：2812933

昨天疯狂找了N多人帮我改，还有老外，呵呵~
我自己也帮别人改了2篇，自认为改的挺认真。
就一起放在这儿了~

这是别人帮我改的：



看了这三个人，我就把我的让步段的反驳丰富了一点内容，以及细节上改了一些
变成下面这个版本

然后把这个版本发给老外。。结果，还是有好多错误啊。不过他说我进步了，哈哈~

这个老外还帮我同学改了一篇，同一个题目的。这个同学很强的哦~


下面是我帮别人改的。



真的好多啊。。整理完毕。

dandan17UID：2812933

Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

(45min)
In the contemporary world, advertising is increasingly full of the streets; we could see various kinds of advertisements ranging from food to clothes. Especially as for food advertising, which in most people perspective, has the biggest negative impact on individuals: few of people could rule out the temptation of delicacy. However, as far as I am concerned, it is overstated to say that advertising is the most important cause. Unhealthy eating habits, in fact, are influenced by others.

Above all, people are prone to influenced by others. It is understandable that when we choose food, the recommendation of people who have eaten it is more believable. Specifically, advertisements indeed provide a large amount of beautiful photos or videos about the kind of food in television; nonetheless, customers cannot determine whether the food is truly delicious like the description said. In contrast, if a person has eaten it, this experience will promote us to taste. Even though this food is unhealthy, we are willing to buy it. More importantly, provided that the recommendation is of our best friend, we have no reason to refuse it. For instance, when my best friend Mary recommended me to eat a new kind of Haagen-Dazs last week, my only choice is to eat with her. The reason is that if I rejected her, both of us would be embarrassed, and the friendship may be affected. Thus, although I know there is much fat in ice cream, and eating too much sweet food is detrimental for health, I still followed her suggestion. In addition, most of us have psychology to imitate and follow others. I often see many people line up in the street. Coming closer, I find they are waiting for buying so called most delicious breakfast youtiao, namely fried dough sticks, a Chinese snack. Besides, more and more people join the line .I asked them the reason, they said that now that the food is popular which bought by so many people, it must delicious. However, after I ate, I don't think so, and this "blindly follows" eating habit is really unhealthy.

Granted, advertising, like a guide, has a huge influence on people. For instance, when we see a soap opera, suddenly some colorful pictures grasp our eyes, following a sweet voice:"Having KFC ,having a good taste of life". Every time I can't help rushing to the store and buy some chicken to satisfy my appetite. However, it is overstated that advertisement needs to shoulder the biggest obligation for people's bad eating habit. From my perspective, advertising is an only small factor; it is our own motivation that fosters the habit. Specifically, company merely takes advantaged of advertisement and regards it as a propaganda thereby selling more products. Thus, it is understandable that the company will add some exaggerated elements on the advertisements--- the chicken may be bigger than that in reality. Nonetheless, the advertisement does not impose us to buy anything, and in fact, as long as we ignore this temptation, we could avoid this bad habit.

In conclusion, although advertising seemingly stimulate people to foster the bad eating habits, it is overstated that it is the biggest factor. To be honest, we are more easily influenced by others and our own desire. If we could ignore the temptation, the odds of the bad habit will considerably lessen.



老外修改：



【语法、拼写错误】
Veriousàvarious
have ateàeaten
ice cream
unheathyà unhealthy
Everytime 句首时： every time
advertisement needà needs
加入行列，用join ,不用add
负责任 shoulder responsibility
a onlyà an only
it is our own motivation that lead to the habit.  -->leads
medium媒介
advertisement is only a kind of medium, the purpose of company is to sell the food
两个句子无连词
this bad habits àhabit
advertising seemingly stimulateàstimulates
tempatationà temptation
机率： odds
油条：fried dough sticks
哈根达斯：Haagen-Dazs

dandan17UID：2812933

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
40min

In the contemporary world, competition is increasingly stiff. More and more office workers need to make a choice between jobs and entertainment. Working more means sacrificing the time of rest; similarly, enjoying more means a low salary due the small working time. To some people, vacation is more important than work. However, from my perspective, enough salary is the foundation of life.

Above all, more salary to large degree benefits people. It satisfies people’s requirement in material. Specifically, it is only enough money that can offer people capital to live in a big house or drive a car in fashion. Without money, all of this desire is a beautiful but fancy dream. Thus, a high salary could upgrade the living standard of people. More importantly, working more is beneficial not only for individual, but also for company. To employees, through working hard, they obtain opportunity to show their talents to others and increase the odds to get advancement; to employers, the achievement of workers could bring more profit. If all of employees go for holiday, the whole company cannot run normally. In addition, working more represents a positive attitude towards life. Too much vacation or leisure time, from my perspective, will undermine people's will. After all, vacation is just like a mediator or sauce. When we feel tired after work, vacation is a proper way to relax. However, if people regard it as a subject in life, a staple food in a meal, it means that we put the cart before the horse.

Granted, vacation could provide people with more happiness. Specifically, viewing the fascinating landscape, breathing the refreshed air in the forest, people can get more satisfaction. However, all of this enjoyment at the expanse of a large amount of money, which means that people will run out of the salary they earned. In another words, there are no redundant money to leave. Personally thinking, it is a dangerous behavior. For instance, when my grandpa got sick in emergency, it is crucial for my parents to take out of money. In this case, people who do not save money in ordinary cannot take care of their family and shoulder the basic responsibility for others. In addition, many other situations also require money. Especially for the youth who just graduate from university. In this period, the most significant task for them is to accumulate capital on the grounds that after years, they will raise their own children and support old parents.

In conclusion, a job with less vacation time but a high salary plays a pivotal role in people's daily life. It is imperative for youngsters to accumulate enough money, make preparation for emergency and store money for their children’s education. Too much vacation time is, to be honest, not a positive life attitude.



老外修改：

【语法拼写错误】
牺牲sacrifice
Satisfysà satisfies
缓解物mediator
调味料sauce
主食 staple food
本末倒置：put the cart before the horse
呼吸breath
there are many other situation
àis

dandan17UID：2812933

09.10.31NA
(27min)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good idea to move to a new city or a new country because you will lose old friends.

In the contemporary world, the relationship is increasingly close. Everyone has a big connection of their friends. Thus, when one comes to a new city or country, some people claim that they will lose old friends. However, from my perspective, this worry is redundant.

Above all, moving to a new place, in fact, is beneficial for people. Specifically, the relationship between people will be increasingly close than before. Because moving to a new city, one can only contact with his or her friends through telephone or emails. In this case, friends will miss each other. For instance, my classmates moved to a new place last month, and he contacted with me yesterday. As soon as I listened his voice, my brain was full of his face and smile. The contradiction in the past had all been forgotten by us. More importantly, the argument that people will lose old friend is questionable. As we all known, nowadays the technology develops rapidly. There are various ways waiting for us to choose when we want to chat with others even though we are in large distance. Only by simply a click of button, we could know the recent news about our friends through twitter , facebook or MSN, etc. Under no circumstances can we have opportunities to lose the connection with our friends. In addition, moving to a new place, we could meet more new friends, and absorb the knowledge of a new culture, which is crucial especially for youngsters. In fact, it is the main reason why I choose to study abroad. Confronting with a new environment, I could expose to a totally different education and life, which I have been looking forward for a long time.

Granted, moving to a new place, indeed,
lessen the times that we used to contact with old friends. People cannot meet their friends so conveniently than before. Especially for classmates, in the class, every person studies and talks with each other. Once we move to a new city, we could not chat with our friends in times. However, the friendship is not hinge on the distance in geology, and it is never undermined attributed to the change of location. For instance, even though my classmate moved to a new city, as long as he called me and told me his unpleasant mood or any difficulties, I would try to find ways to help him as far as possible. Therefore, the friendship is constant and solid.

In conclusion, moving to a new place will not let us lose our old friends but escalate our relationship between each other. The distance in fact helps us to recall the advantages of our friends which are undiscovered in the past; in addition, the distance provides us more opportunities to communicate with more new friends thereby expanding our outlook.



老外修改：

dandan17UID：2812933

09.10.10NA(34min)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the busy and crowded world today, we should not expect people to be polite to each other.

In the contemporary world, people are under increasing stress.
The world is, similarly, increasingly crowded. It is unavoidable that people will have unhappy quarrel due to some tiny contradiction. However, from my perspective, there is no excuse to be impolite. The reason is that in the crowded world, we have more responsibility to be polite to each other.

Above all, being polite contributes to the relationship between human and society. Specifically, it is a great quality that individuals should possess. If people could tolerate and perform well in this crowded outside environment, they can also survive in more difficult or thorny situation. Thus, not only improving a person's quality, being polite but also provides people an opportunity to transcend themselves in adversity. More importantly, too much quarrels in this case, to be honest, is of no meaning. The reason is that the busy and crowded place is a fact, which could not be changed due to our a few words of complaint. If we pay our main attention on the conflict with each other, the friendship and relationship among people would be undermined. How unworthy it is. In addition, being polite demonstrates a country's quality. For instance, China and Japan are countries both have highly dense population, especially in the metropolitan such as Tokyo and Beijing. However, the distinction is obvious: In Japan, almost everyone likes to line up even though there are a large amount of people, but in China, especially in rush hour, I often see office workers squeeze in the bus or run a red light in order to in a hurry. These two behavior, indeed, react two considerably different attitudes.

Granted, some people cannot make sure to be polite due to the crowds. It is understandable. For instance, when I go to school in summer, every time my shirt is wet and my sweat likes waterfall. In this case, everyone cannot keep a good mood. So it is common to see two people quarrel in order to occupy one seat. However, if all people complain about the outside environment, the society will be disordered. Why can't we change our mind? Suppose all people are polite to wait for the bus, and even smile for each other, the odds of conflict will lessen considerably. Thus, because of our polite behavior, we not only obtain a good mood but also do things more efficiently;
the crowds, eventually,
may be seemingly not terrifying than before we thought.

In conclusion, it is unreasonable to find an excuse to complain about the more and more crowded world. In contrast, if we could control our motivation and pacify our dissatisfaction, we could get along better with the society; the relationship between each other will be closed likewise in terms of our polite quality.

老外修改：