1.11独立作文

坠坠芙蓉影UID：2815408

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Does advice given by older people more valuable than from people at your age?


提纲：不同意
1.两者给出的建议没有比较性，只是角度不同而已，无所谓哪个更valuable
2.老人给出的建议往往从自己的经验出发（优点+缺点）
3.同龄人给出的建议更多的考虑了我的处境，或者也经历着相同的情况，所以更能设身处地的为我出主意（优点+缺点）
4.做决定的时候要认真听取两方意见才是最valuable的。






Peter's major and interest is art, and he wants to be an artist. But he is in a dilemma now: on the one hand, most of his friends support him; however, his parents, grandparents, and teachers think that idea is a little adventurous, so they hope Peter could think it over more carefully. Which of the side should Peter listen to? Some might say that older people's advice is valuable than people at Peter's age, so Peter should follow what his parents say. I disagree with it.



I think there is no comparability between the advice given by older people and that by contemporaries. The only difference lies in the perspective. Older people are accustomed to cogitate a thing by experience they gain through many years, while the contemporaries are more easily to put themselves in another people's place and be more considerate. Both of sides have advantages and disadvantages; neither of sides is more valuable.



Older people prefer to give advice by their rich experience. They have undergone considerable failures and disappointment, and they also tasted how sweet the moment when success is achieved is. Older people possess valuable wealth -- the lesson, which is the greatest loss to younger people. Therefore, listening to older people's advice could help us more or less avoid detours. But only by experience cannot a piece of advice become a wise one. Because as times is changing rapidly, many old things and notions that were popular are turned out unenlightened and bad for people. And most of the elderly is hard to accept new ideas that fast. So some advice of them couldn't catch up the pace of modern society and become unprogressive.



That fatal shortcoming could be compensated by advice given from people at the same age. Because they are experiencing what we are experiencing; they can feel what we feel. Hence we share the similar memories, moods, and situations. Take Peter's case as an example. The reason why his friends back up him is that they fully understand the strong enthusiasm when a young person is pursuing her/his dream owing to all of them are young people and have same attitude that only belongs to them rather than older people. Nevertheless, advice given by contemporaries may lack of deliberation. It might be filled with reckless passion. So some advice isn't sensible enough in the long run.



To sum up, both two sides' pros and cons have pros and cons. Consequently, if Peter want to get the most valuable answer on the aspect of choice of his career, he should listen to both sides' advice, balancing their advantages and disadvantages perspectively, and make the final decision.


先谢谢帮我批改的同学！辛苦你了！

hycqyUID：2819662

帮顶一下~

fengyanhongUID：2941762

Peter's major and interest is art, and he wants to be an artist. But he is in a dilemma now: on the one hand, most of his friends support him; however, his parents, grandparents, and teachers think that idea is a little adventurous, so they hope Peter could think it over more carefully. Which of the side should Peter listen to? Some might say that older people's advice is valuable than people at Peter's age, so Peter should follow what his parents say. I disagree with it.& _$ G; \4 r& b  U0 ]; `0 w
这个开头很有新意，以例子开头。我从独立作文组流窜到daily writing组写了快一个月没有见到过这样的开头。我这是第一次考T，不知道这样的开头是不是更好，但建议你还是慎重。因为用一个特别的例子会把大的话题限定在自己划得一个更窄的范围内。


I think there is no comparability between the advice given by older people and that by contemporaries. The only difference lies in the perspective. Older people are accustomed to cogitate（好词） a thing by experience they gain through many years, while the contemporaries are more easily to put themselves in another people's place and be more considerate. Both of sides have advantages and disadvantages; neither of sides is more valuable.( E+ B, [' ~7 N% a+ O3 u3 X- R
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Older people prefer to give advice by their rich experience. They have undergone considerable failures and disappointment, and they also tasted how sweet the moment （is） when success （is 可以省略）achieved （is这个转移到了when之前）. Older people possess valuable wealth -- the lesson, which is the greatest loss to younger people. Therefore, listening to older people's advice could help us more or less avoid detours. But only by experience cannot（既然是个否定句倒装可以用hardly can啊） a piece of advice become a wise one. Because as times is changing rapidly, many old things and notions that were popular are turned out（turn out 后面不加 to be 就可以直接加形容词么？如果真的是这样麻烦告诉我一声~） unenlightened and bad for people. And most of the elderly is hard to accept new ideas that fast. So some advice of them couldn't catch up the pace of modern society and become unprogressive.
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That fatal shortcoming could be compensated by advice given from people at the same age. Because they are experiencing what we are experiencing; they can feel what we feel. Hence we share the similar memories, moods, and situations. Take Peter's case as an example. The reason why his friends back up him is that they fully understand the strong enthusiasm when a young person is pursuing her/his dream （这句话的主语是the reason 但是后面独立主格用的动词own是不是有主谓不一致的嫌疑？我不是很确定）owing to all of them are young people and have same attitude that only belongs to them rather than older people. Nevertheless, advice given by contemporaries may lack of deliberation. It might be filled with reckless passion. So some advice isn't sensible enough in the long run.
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To sum up, both two sides' pros and cons have pros and cons. （哈哈前面这句我懂了，这么多pro和con 还是替换一下）Consequently, if Peter want to get the most valuable answer on the aspect of（in respect of 或者 with respect to我没有见过on the aspect of 如果你很确认正确，就忽略这处修改吧） choice of his career, he should listen to both sides' advice, balancing their advantages and disadvantages perspectively, and make the final decision./ p5 A1 z* N2 f: h$ ?+ e7 t6 p

语法很好没有大问题，读起来很通顺，觉得你是有语感的人。
建议在句法多样性上练习替换，这也是我自己的问题，呵呵。
在结构上，你有自己很用心的设计。但是我见到的文章大都是一段一个意思，一读第一句就一目了然。我清楚你主体的两段都有很清晰地正反分界，不过还是建议读一两篇范文，参考下八股文结构套路。
很感谢你对我的文章那么仔细的改！