雅思作文，求批改（附题目，之前考过，写作5.5）

rivercloudskyUID：3104184

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The advancement of technology at present brings great changes to people’s life, especially the way they interact with each other. It is much more convenient for people to meet and communicate with their families and friends than in the past.

On the one hand, distance is significantly shortened due to the development of transportation skills. For example, airplanes travel so fast that it can take a person to the other side of the earth within a day. People can also choose to take high-speed railway, which is safer and more economical. For modern people, the earth is more like a village instead of a vast land. On the other hand, technology is changing how people communicate with each other as well. Nowadays, people do not need to meet in reality to talk. They can simply dial a number and communicate with their friends over the telephone whenever they want. If sound is not enough, there is online video chat in which people can actually see each other using a digital camera. It is not uncommon to hear that people who have never met before become friends in this way.

However, it cannot be denied that technology also causes a number of problems, such as environmental pollution and on-line cheating. People also become increasingly worry about their privacy in this information world today. These negative impacts of technology jeopardize the stability of our society and the government should take effective measures to combat the situation.
Obviously, these weaknesses are the outcome of technology development and cannot be compared with its strengths.

In conclusion, modern technology gives people a great deal of convenience and people cannot bear living without it. The negative influence has to be curbed though.

bqianaUID：193168

结构思路有些问题，调一下就可以6了

rivercloudskyUID：3104184

2# bqiana
我是楼主，楼上能不能说的详细一点? 哪里结构有问题？ 怎么修改会更好

bqianaUID：193168

建议你参考官方范文就明白了

wuxiyuepearlUID：3105065

比如development of technology 可以用 advanced technolog，词的替换之类的。
建议楼主多用连词，文章看起来会更紧密，逻辑性更强。

bqianaUID：193168

比如development of technology 可以用 advanced technolog，词的替换之类的。
建议楼主多用连词，文章看起来会更紧密，逻辑性更强。
wuxiyuepearl 发表于 2011-7-10 11:36

呵呵换得好！

翔天之翼UID：3187415

顶~