ISSUE100 互改作文 共同飞跃

xiangUID：138532

Issue 100        更改后的文章
The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.

Some people assert that the quality of learning was limited in school because of the pressure to achieve high grades ,as a result ,we need an educational environment without grades to promote more genuine intellectual development .I admit that the purpose of learning is only to achieve high grades will impact the quality of studying to some extent .Nevertheless ,it does not mean that we have to produce an educational environment without grades ,which will in veritably become counterproductive to the education .

It is compelling that the pressure to achieve high grades will prohibit the progress of studying  .First ,at present ,score is mainly used to judge the effect of  the studying of textbook ,which is too narrow to measure the true ability of learning . As students ,they have to work day and night to achieve their satisfying grades in the expense of other opportunity to study knowledge out of their curriculum which seems to have nothing to do with their exams but are really useful for widening their horizon and enlightening their mind . For example ,the communication skill ,which is very important in the society ,is not the content of the exams in most school .However ,without it ,student will hardly live in a harmonious atmosphere in the school life ,which will impact their mood in turn and eventually have bad affection on their studying quality .Second ,the excessively emphasis on score makes the competitions among the students become more and more intensively ,and the pressure from their parents and themselves for gaining high marks become higher and higher . Some students are so eagerly to get a high score that they even cheat in the exams without the basic morality----honesty which is important for in the process of students’ growing process . How can a student keep their interesting of studying after the penalization of cheating .Things become even worse some students feel so frustrated when the score comes out and did not make them satisfied that they maybe hate the studying in school ,some of them even feel despair about life .Finally ,highlight the score make the students have little time to studying what they truly interested and the activity on textbook studying is seriously impact .

Even though there are so many defeat in grade judging system ,we can not give away the  systems for the reasons below .First ,few will deny that judging by grades is the most useful and fair method to measure the students' studying effect at the present time .Without it ,it is hard for teachers to know whether the students have understand what the teacher have imported in the classroom ,and whether they grip the message that is basis of their later studying With the uniform judgment ,it is also easy for teachers to measure which students is the excellent on the content of exams and which is not so good . .The grades is the feedback of the students’ learning situation to some extent .
The problem is that the content judged students by score is to narrow to fully measure the quality of learning and we did not have a proper attitude toward the grades students achieving .We can make scores on all the kinds of knowledge students studying the school not only the main subjected by school but also the subject students interested in and useful for their future life .The parents ,schools ,and the whole society should make an awareness that the scores of the students is embracing just one aspect of their ability ,and should not give much pressure on students .The students themselves also should change the viewpoint on scores and have a common sense on their exams and scores .

.In sum ,we should neither overvalued the function of the grades by using it as the only method in judging students ,nor underestimate the value of it by throwing it far away .If we have not find a more useful and comprehensive standard to measure the real learning ability of the students ,the method of judging by grades will continue serve us for a time . (597)

xiangUID：138532

自己顶一下,难道大家看了我的作文就知道我没有帮你们改作文的能力吗???55555555555555............

blueqiaoUID：111634

呵呵呵呵，建议你先看一下论坛置顶的这个帖子好吗？
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

发作文帖子的时候，请按照规范标题格式填写标题。例如：

issue25 .......

argument130 ........

在最顶端写上issue/argument+题号，请自己确认题号的正确（在超级入口里面有本版通用题号顺序的链接），请不要用I A argu等简写来代替issue/argument，题号的前面请不要写空格；.....部分写个人内容（如“限时1小时”“教育类题目”“觉得不太好”等等）。把标题按照这个格式写清楚，能够方便别人阅读，也方便以后版主整理。

请不要在一个主题内贴两个题目的文章。同一篇文章请不要重复发布。


建议您看一下论坛置顶的几篇文章，有论坛的一些要求，还有版主重点推荐的文章。
祝你好运！呵呵

菜丸子UID：158771

我来吧
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175551

xiangUID：138532

blueqiao  , 抱歉,我忘了规矩
不过我自己好象改不了了,下次一定记得,请斑竹帮个忙,谢谢
呵呵

菜丸子UID：158771

你已经改过了，语法的错误我就少提了。
Issue 100
The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.

Some people assert that the quality of learning was（对原文进行讨论的时候要用一般现在时IS） limited in school because of the pressure to achieve high grades ,as a result ,we need an educational environment without grades to promote more genuine intellectual development .I admit that the purpose of learning is only to achieve high grades will impact the quality of studying to some extent .Nevertheless ,it does not mean that we have to produce an educational environment without grades ,which will in veritably become counterproductive to the education .（观点很清楚，好！）

It is compelling that the pressure to achieve high grades will prohibit the progress of studying .First ,at present ,score（成绩好象要用复数的SCORES ARE） is mainly used to judge the effect of the studying（STUDY本身可以作名词） of textbook ,which is too narrow to measure the true ability of learning . As students ,they have to work day and night to achieve their satisfying grades in the expense of other opportunity to study knowledge out of their curriculum which seems to have nothing to do with their exams but are really useful for widening their horizon and enlightening their mind（这一组短语用得很精彩） . For example ,the communication skill ,which is very important in the society ,is not the content of the exams in most school（S）.However ,without it ,student will hardly live in a harmonious atmosphere in the school life ,which will impact their mood in turn and eventually have bad affection on their studying quality .Second ,the excessively emphasis on score makes the competitions among the students become more and more intensively ,and the pressure from their parents and themselves for gaining high marks become higher and higher . Some students are so eagerly to get a high score that they even cheat in the exams without the basic morality----honesty which is important for in the process of students’ growing process . How can a student keep their interesting of studying after the penalization of cheating（你应该更加强调作弊对一个学生以后的人生的长远影响：学不到真本事） .Things become even worse（WHEN） some students feel so frustrated when（如果前面加WHEN，这里就不适合再放一个） the score comes out and did not make them satisfied that they maybe hate the studying in school ,some of them even feel despair about life .Finally ,highlight （名词？动词？不论名词动词这样用都错，名词后面能跟名词吗？动词的话要加ING） the score make the students have little time to studying what they truly interested and the activity on textbook studying is seriously impact .

Even though there are so many defeat in grade judging system ,we can not give away the systems for the reasons below .First ,few will deny that judging by grades is the most useful and fair method to measure the students' studying effect at the present time（最后的AT THE PRESENT GIME用得好，不会显得偏激） .Without it ,it is hard for teachers to know whether the students have understand what the teacher have imported in the classroom ,and whether they grip the message that is basis of their later studying With the uniform judgment ,it is also easy for teachers to measure which students is the excellent on the content of exams and which is not so good . .The grades is the feedback of the students’ learning situation to some extent .

The problem is that the content judged students by score is to（TOO） narrow to fully measure the quality of learning and we did not have a proper attitude toward（TOWARDS） the grades students achieving .We can make scores on all the kinds of knowledge students studying the school not only the main subjected by school but also the subject students interested in and useful for their future life .The parents ,schools ,and the whole society should make an awareness that the scores of the students is embracing just one aspect of their ability ,and should not give much pressure on students .The students themselves also should change the viewpoint on scores and have a common sense on their exams and scores .

.In sum ,we should neither overvalued the function of the grades by using it as the only method in judging students ,nor underestimate the value of it by throwing it far away .If we have not find a more useful and comprehensive standard to measure the real learning ability of the students ,the method of judging by grades will continue serve us for a time .（结尾不错，可以尝试写不同形式的结尾啊，最近看到的文章，包括我自己写的，都是什么IN SUM啊，IN CONCLUSION啊，之类的，换着写写也许有意外收获呢！） (597)

就这文章，我单方面认为少了一些事实论据，呵呵。
我总的说两点吧，你的论证手法比较成熟了，语法方面稍显薄弱，下点工夫，但也不要太苛求完美。现在的文章可以说是基本上有了自己的模式和思路，给我的感觉还是不错的，建议你现在尝试写一下限时的作文，毕竟临考的时候，敏捷的思维和写作速度是非常重要的。

xiangUID：138532

谢谢丸子,你的意见我虚心接受
鄙人的语法真的比较有问题,呵呵,争取最少的时间有最好的效果吧
以后一定向你多多学习!!