14年秋季提纲互改小组-issue62

smily_rayUID：3568276

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Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
没有相关Issue题目。
请回帖时按照指引链接列出英语提纲并用汉语解释并根据指引点评楼上的提纲。 第一个回帖的同学不必点评。
指引链接：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777364-1-1.html

smily_rayUID：3568276

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Too often in history, leaders just appeared whenever we need them. It is reasonable to have an illusion that leaders are created by people’s call. However, being a leader requires more than responding to social demands. In fact, good leaders create demands, rather than following them.

Every time we retrospect a historical event, especially in catastrophe or depression, we find someone stands out and leads the masses crack the obstacle. 通常一个人被认为是leader，是因为他完成了一些别人没有做到的事情，从而证明了其应对当下需求的能力比别人强。例如乔布斯虽然创建了苹果公司，但1985年因受公司业绩影响而辞职。1997年他重回苹果后能被重新认为是leader是由于他采取的一系列产品线改革扭转了当时苹果业绩不断下滑的趋势，回应了当时苹果公司的需要。

However, seizing the chance and responding to demands are far from enough. Ability, determination, vision and management skills are among the most essential features of a leader.以乔布斯为例，如果没有能力，最初就无法创办苹果公司；没有决心，在他1985年被迫从苹果辞职时可能就退出了IT行业；没有远见，就无法提出iTunes的商业模式；没有管理能力，就无法说服员工支持他进行的一系列改革。

In fact, good leader creates demands, that is to say, he notices demand that others may neglect, and make it a requisite. 还是以乔布斯为例。当其他公司都在专注于如何把芯片做得更小更便宜时，乔布斯注意到消费者对简洁与方便的需求。于是启动了对触屏手机的研发，使用户可以更容易地使用手机；创立了iTunes的商业模式，使消费者可以更方便地购买应用。虽然消费者的这种需求一直存在，但是之前没被留意，乔布斯注意到这种需求，于是引领了行业的发展。

最后一个论点是从别人的文章里借鉴的。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

smily_ray 发表于 2014-10-21 21:49
Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you ...

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Too often in history, leaders just appeared whenever we need them. It is reasonable (understandable) to have an illusion that leaders are created by people’s call . However, being a leader requires more than responding to social demands. In fact, good leaders create demands, rather than following them.

这道题比较难。这里核心问题是领袖是如何产生的，题目认为领袖产生于对他们的需求。如果你不同意，你就要指出领袖产生于什么别的因素或力量。你的主旨句先否定了领袖产生与需求（说是illusion），但是并没有指出领袖究竟产生于什么，而只是说good leaders create demands，这个说法看似很巧妙，但其实没有回答题目的问题就是What created leaders? 而且题目中的demand说的是demand for leadership，而你却把这个概念曲解了。


1. 主旨句是否回应题目要求，有没有偏题？
未能充分回应题目。有偏题。

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适


Every time we retrospect a historical event, especially in catastrophe or depression, we find someone stands out and leads the masses crack the obstacle. 通常一个人被认为是leader，是因为他完成了一些别人没有做到的事情，从而证明了其应对当下需求的能力比别人强。例如乔布斯虽然创建了苹果公司，但1985年因受公司业绩影响而辞职。1997年他重回苹果后能被重新认为是leader是由于他采取的一系列产品线改革扭转了当时苹果业绩不断下滑的趋势，回应了当时苹果公司的需要。


2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
看不出来有呼应。




3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？

你这一段想说什么？需求产生领袖是illusion？ 从你的主题句完全看不出来。
这个例子想说明什么？成为leader是回应诉求？

However, seizing the chance and responding to demands are far from enough. Ability, determination, vision and management skills are among the most essential features of a leader.以乔布斯为例，如果没有能力，最初就无法创办苹果公司；没有决心，在他1985年被迫从苹果辞职时可能就退出了IT行业；没有远见，就无法提出iTunes的商业模式；没有管理能力，就无法说服员工支持他进行的一系列改革。

这一段的观点和题目主旨是相关的
基本意思就是领袖的产生需要这个人内在的一些特点
我觉得相呼应的主旨句However, being a leader requires more than responding to social demands.过于模糊
可以改为 Becoming a leader requires a set of personal characteristics that the person has to possess.  

In fact, good leader creates demands, that is to say, he notices demand that others may neglect, and make it a requisite. 还是以乔布斯为例。当其他公司都在专注于如何把芯片做得更小更便宜时，乔布斯注意到消费者对简洁与方便的需求。于是启动了对触屏手机的研发，使用户可以更容易地使用手机；创立了iTunes的商业模式，使消费者可以更方便地购买应用。虽然消费者的这种需求一直存在，但是之前没被留意，乔布斯注意到这种需求，于是引领了行业的发展。

基于前面的讨论，这里create demand的说法对demand的理解和题目不同，而且也没有回应题目的核心问题。

或许可以这样立论

I do not agree that leaders are created by the demands placed on them because a person can become a leader if s/he masters strong communication skills, holds suitable qualifications, has extensive experiences that are necessary for meeting the demands of the leadership positions. Nevertheless, leaders do not always live up to the demands placed on them and will leave the positions as a result of the failure.  


  
这里的四个分论点（前面三个可以选两个来写）

People often assume leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems.  

Leaders also have to receive relevant training to acquire the professional qualifications and expertise in response to the specific demands.

Leaders also need a large amount of experiences in the field so that they can handle difficult demands.

Nevertheless, leaders may not always meet the demands successfully and may leave the leadership positions as a result.  

前面三个分论点重点讨论成为领袖的三大要素-沟通能力、资历和经验，同时每项都和题目的核心概念demand联系起来。最后一个论点是指出即使成为领袖，如果无法满足需求，也会下课。


注意这道题我列的提纲里引入了一些题目未提及但是和主题相关的概念，使得我的观点比较复杂和丰富，这个是很重要的技能。

raikkonen36UID：2871931

One’s obligation is indeed a determinant for being a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not also be ignored. In fact, being a leader is the result of the association of obligation and ability of one.

第一段：说明obligation plays a significant role for one to be a leader. In some sense, any position is commensurate with its corresponding obligation. It is the obligation inherent in leader that stimulates one to be a leader. 举例说明：罗斯福总统成功解决了经济危机和赢得二战，使他成为leader。邓小平通过改革开放实现中国经济快速发展，使他成为leader。

第二段：说明Nonetheless, one’s ability should receive great attention when one wants to be a leader. We can know the importance of one’s ability in determining whether he or she becomes a leader from history. 举例丘吉尔的演讲才能使能英国人民能够有信心继续和纳粹德国做斗争，
他的游说为英国带来了大量的援助，或许某种程度上也促使罗斯福参战。 正是他出色的个人能力，使能英国不至于沦陷，最终在他的带领下取得成功，同时他也成为一位伟大的leader，三巨头之一。

第三段：说明in fact, being a leader is the result of the association of obligation and ability of one. 从两方面说，如果有能力没有机遇平台，不能成为leader，举例丘吉尔，他说：今天的事实证明，没有发生大规模的战争，我就无法大显身手，出人头地了；同样，有机遇和平台，没有能力，也不行，举例，历史上的亡国之君。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-22 18:22
One’s obligation is indeed a determinant for being a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not ...

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

One’s obligation is indeed a determinant for being a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not also be ignored. In fact, being a leader is the result of the association of obligation and ability of one.

首先谢谢你按照我的要求写提纲。

一个明显的问题是原题的关键词是demand而你通篇都是obligation
两者的关系是什么 你需要解释 不能一上来就说 One’s obligation is indeed a determinant for being a leader. 写好作文的关键是要切题，这道题很短，抠字眼就更重要了。而你在引入一个新的概念（这个其实是很好的策略）时，未能解释和题目本身的关系就很有问题。
而且这道题的核心是领袖是如何产生的，需要什么条件。created是另一个关键词，你的主旨句中也没有！



第一段：说明obligation plays a significant role for one to be a leader. In some sense, any position is commensurate with its corresponding obligation. It is the obligation inherent in leader that stimulates one to be a leader. 举例说明：罗斯福总统成功解决了经济危机和赢得二战，使他成为leader。邓小平通过改革开放实现中国经济快速发展，使他成为leader。

其实你这里的逻辑有问题。邓在没有开始改革之前，已经成为中国的实际掌权者。罗斯福的这些政绩也是他当选后才实现的。因此这些demand并没有create the leader.  
或许你可以参考一下楼上我列的提纲

或许可以这样立论

I do not agree that leaders are created by the demands placed on them because a person can become a leader if s/he masters strong communication skills, holds suitable qualifications, has extensive experiences that are necessary for meeting the demands of the leadership positions. Nevertheless, leaders do not always live up to the demands placed on them and will leave the positions as a result of the failure.  


  
这里的四个分论点（前面三个可以选两个来写）

People often assume leadership positions by demonstrating strong communication skills that are important for dealing with situations in which they have to lead others to solve problems.  

Leaders also have to receive relevant training to acquire the professional qualifications and expertise in response to the specific demands.

Leaders also need a large amount of experiences in the field so that they can handle difficult demands.

Nevertheless, leaders may not always meet the demands successfully and may leave the leadership positions as a result.  

前面三个分论点重点讨论成为领袖的三大要素-沟通能力、资历和经验，同时每项都和题目的核心概念demand联系起来。最后一个论点是指出即使成为领袖，如果无法满足需求，也会下课。



第二段：说明Nonetheless, one’s ability should receive great attention when one wants to be a leader. We can know the importance of one’s ability in determining whether he or she becomes a leader from history. 举例丘吉尔的演讲才能使能英国人民能够有信心继续和纳粹德国做斗争，
他的游说为英国带来了大量的援助，或许某种程度上也促使罗斯福参战。 正是他出色的个人能力，使能英国不至于沦陷，最终在他的带领下取得成功，同时他也成为一位伟大的leader，三巨头之一。

第三段：说明in fact, being a leader is the result of the association of obligation and ability of one. 从两方面说，如果有能力没有机遇平台，不能成为leader，举例丘吉尔，他说：今天的事实证明，没有发生大规模的战争，我就无法大显身手，出人头地了；同样，有机遇和平台，没有能力，也不行，举例，历史上的亡国之君。

raikkonen36UID：2871931

The demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to one for to be a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not also be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the association of both.

第一段：说明The demands that are placed on one plays a significant role for one to be a leader.
Such demands can stimulate one to fight against the challenges ahead, during which one could improve oneself continuously. In addition, meeting such demands can get widespread support, which lays a solid foundation for one to be a leader. 举例说明：面对秦朝的残酷统治，people lead a miserable life and have to face the dangers of starvation, exposure, and even dearth. 人们希望有人能够推翻秦王朝的统治，让他们过上安宁的生活，这时，刘邦站出来，initially not more than a functionary, 在广大人们的支持下，通过4年的奋战，他终于完成了历史使命（the historical mission），即推翻秦王朝的统治，让他们过上安宁的生活，他也成为汉王朝的开创者。

第二段：说明Nonetheless, one’s ability should receive great attention for one to be a leader, because the leader who is not able to handle challenges successfully always has to leave the leader position. 举例：一个足球教练不能带领球队取得期望的成绩往往会下课；在一个公司，如果一个manager 不能为股东创造财富，同样会被董事局解雇；如果一个国家的统治者会因自己不能很好处理一些问题同样会下台，例如张伯伦。

第三段：说明in fact, being a leader is always the result of the association of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability. If people have no opportunity to shoulder the demands that could be placed on them, they would have no chance to be leaders because there is no platform for them to show their ability and vice versa. Therefore, it is the association of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability that makes one being a leader. 举例：引用The UK Prime Minister Churchill的回忆录。今天的事实证明，我在桑赫斯特的想法是多么的正确，没有发生大规模的战争我就无法大显身手，出人头地了，在这场政治危机中最后的多事之秋，我的脉搏始终是平衡的，我深深地感到一种欣慰，因为我终于获取了指挥全局的大权，我觉得，我是幸运的人，我以往的全部生活不过是了这一时刻，为了承担这种考验而进行的一种准备罢了。 这是原文，但是大概意思就是过去，对能力的不断提高，以及现在张伯伦政府的垮台，促使他成为一名leader, 在这之前他一直是赋闲在家的。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-25 22:24
The demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to one for to be a leader. Nonetheless, one’s  ...

你这个提纲感觉挺好。association可能用combination更合适
我比较担心你的这些例子语言表达能否做到
我一般不会用历史事件做例子 因为我没有读过相关的文章 自己写没把握
或许第二段的例子比较好写一些  
这道题总的来说不太好写 尤其是很难解决demand之前leader已经是leader的问题 这样讲created就讲不通了 还是建议你考虑用我的提纲试试 见本帖5楼

raikkonen36UID：2871931

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-26 00:07
你这个提纲感觉挺好。association可能用combination更合适
我比较担心你的这些例子语言表达能否做到
...

谢谢老师，尽管不好写，还是逼迫下自己先写写看。随便让老师指出下别的问题。

People have long received great concern on the issue of how to create leaders. However, a widely recognized consensus on the issue has yet established, with one voice indicating that leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them. In my view, the demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to one for to be a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not also be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.


It is true that the demands that are placed on one plays a significant role for one to be a leader.
Such demands can stimulate one to fight against the challenges ahead, during which one could improve oneself continuously. In addition, meeting such demands can get widespread support, which lays a solid foundation for one to be a leader. For instance, under the Qin’s tyranny regime, people lead a miserable life and have to face the dangers of starvation, exposure, and even dearth. Thus, people hope that one can overthrow the Qin’s regime and establish a new regime, and provide them with a chance of enjoying peaceful and happiness life. Under this backdrop, Liu Bang, a functionary, devotes to meeting such demands. After four years of fighting, he lives up to the demands at last by the support of widespread support and as a result, becomes the founding father of the Han dynasty.


Nonetheless, one’s ability should also receive great attention for one to be a leader, because the leader who is not able to handle challenges successfully always has to leave the leader position. For instance, if a football club does not get expected achievement, its manager would be dismissed. If, in a company, the manger cannot make his shareholders more profitable, he will be fired. If, in a state, the governor does not deal with some issues successfully, he would have to leave his position. Facing aggressive action of Hitler, Chamberlain, the UK Prime Minister at that time, adopts the policy of appeasement. But, along with the Germany invasion of Poland in 1939, the Chamberlain government collapses instantaneously and he has to leave the leader position.  

In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability. If people have no opportunity to shoulder the demands that could be placed on them, they would have no chance to be leaders because there is no platform for them to show their ability and vice versa. Therefore, it is the combination of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability that makes one being a leader. For instance, along with the collapse of Chamberlain government, the UK people are eager to have a leader who can lead them to fight against Hitler. They choose Churchill, who leads a retiring life as an average at that time. Why? As stated in Churchill’s memoir, if the event, the eruption of World War Two and the following collapse of the Chamberlain government, had not happened, he would have had no chance to outstand himself and be the UK Prime Minister. He was very excited for that he got the opportunity that leads the UK people to fight Hitler. The devotion of his past few years to hone himself and thus be able to tackle different challenges successfully is the preparation for this moment.


In sum, the demands that are placed on one indeed play a significant role for one to be a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not also be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.

tesolchinaUID：2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-26 11:48
谢谢老师，尽管不好写，还是逼迫下自己先写写看。随便让老师指出下别的问题。

People have long rec ...

People have long received great concern on the issue of how to create leaders. However, a widely recognized consensus on the issue has yet established, with one voice indicating that leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them. In my view, the demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to one for to be a leader. Nonetheless, one’s ability should not also be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.

看到你写的句子 我比较头疼 我可以把句子改好 但是下次呢 你自己写的时候怎么办
根本的问题是你要改变写作的习惯 不能自己想到一个意思就用自己的英语来表达 你需要多看比较地道的英语是如何表达的  然后尽量去用自己在地道的英语里见过的表达和句型

People have long received great concern on the issue of how to create leaders.
receive和concern的搭配是不合适的  你在哪里见过别人这么写
这类选词和搭配方面的问题 我建议你尝试用语料库的资源自行检查和修改
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=5#pid1778938577

how to create leaders和 how leaders are created意思是不同的

接下来我修改第一段吧
People have long expressed great concern on the issue of how leaders are created . However, a widely recognized consensus on the issue has yet to be established, with one voice indicating that leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them. In my view, the demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to the process of becoming a leader. Nonetheless, the importance of one’s ability in the process should not be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.  


我建议你利用语料库检查一下下面文字的搭配和选词，然后自己觉得不恰当的表达再检查一遍

扫了一眼 你下面的一段 好像表达情况还好
无论如何 你再检查一遍 试一下语料库的方法 告诉我情况如何 我再看后面的内容吧  

raikkonen36UID：2871931

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-26 13:19
People have long received great concern on the issue of how to create leaders. However, a widely r ...

谢谢老师的建议。括号内的是修改的。
People have long expressed great concern on the issue of how leaders are created . However, a widely recognized consensus on the issue has yet to be established, with one voice indicating that leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them. In my view, the demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to the process of becoming a leader. Nonetheless, the importance of one’s ability in the process should not be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.  

第一段那个receive concern是看到下面有个 attention回头来改的， 好像记得有个instigated/caused much concern弄混了，下次宁愿写重复的，也不愿写个没把握，不清楚的。那个has yet established，自己又出问题了 想写 has not yet established的。这个可以吗？ how to create leaders 当时写的脑子里闪过，就没细看了。觉得考试哪有那么多时间，出什么问题到时再解决，希望多暴露点问题。

It is true that the demands that are placed on one plays a significant role for one to be a leader.
Such demands can stimulate one to fight against the challenges ahead, during which one could improve oneself continuously. In addition, meeting such demands can get widespread support, which lays a solid foundation for one to be a leader. For instance, under the Qin’s tyranny regime (tyranny), people lead a miserable life and have to face the dangers of starvation, exposure, and even death. Thus, people hope that one can overthrow the Qin’s regime and establish a new regime, and provide them with a chance of enjoying peaceful and happiness life. Under (in) this backdrop, Liu Bang, a functionary, devotes to meeting such demands. After four years of fighting, he lives up to the demands at last by the support of widespread support (the widespread support) and as a result, becomes the founding father of the Han dynasty.

那个under backdrop 又跟那个circumstance记混了。

Nonetheless, one’s ability should also receive great attention for one to be a leader, because the leader who is not able to handle challenges successfully always has to leave the leader position. For instance, if a football club does not get expected achievement, its manager would be dismissed. If, in a company, the manger cannot make his shareholders more profitable （create wealth for shareholders）, he will be fired. If, in a state, the governor does not deal with some issues successfully, he would have to leave his position. Facing aggressive actions of Hitler, Chamberlain, the UK Prime Minister at that time, adopts the policy of appeasement. But, along with the Germany invasion of Poland in 1939, the Chamberlain government collapses instantaneously and he has to leave the leader position.  

In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability. If people have no opportunity to shoulder （satisfy）the demands that could be placed on them, they would have no chance to be leaders because there is no platform for them to show their ability and vice versa. Therefore, it is the combination of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability that makes one being a leader. For instance, along with the collapse of Chamberlain government, the UK people are eager to have a leader who can lead them to fight against Hitler. They choose Churchill, who leads a retiring life as an average at that time. Why? As stated in Churchill’s memoir, if the event, the eruption of World War Two and the following collapse of the Chamberlain government, had not happened, he would have had no chance to outstand （distinguish） himself and be the UK Prime Minister. He was very excited for that he got the opportunity that leads the UK people to fight Hitler. The devotion of his past few years to hone him and thus be able to tackle different challenges successfully is the preparation for this moment.


In sum, the demands that are placed on one indeed play a significant role in the process of becoming a leader. Nonetheless, the importance of one’s ability in the process should not be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.

tesolchinaUID：2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-26 16:20
谢谢老师的建议。括号内的是修改的。
People have long expressed great concern on the issue of how ...

谢谢老师的建议。括号内的是修改的。
People have long expressed great concern on the issue of how leaders are created . However, a widely recognized consensus on the issue has yet to be established, with one voice indicating that leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them. In my view, the demands that are placed on one indeed contribute to the process of becoming a leader. Nonetheless, the importance of one’s ability in the process should not be ignored. In fact, being a leader is always the result of the combination of both.  

第一段那个receive concern是看到下面有个 attention回头来改的， 好像记得有个instigated/caused much concern弄混了，下次宁愿写重复的，也不愿写个没把握，不清楚的。那个has yet established，自己又出问题了 想写 has not yet established的。这个可以吗？ how to create leaders 当时写的脑子里闪过，就没细看了。觉得考试哪有那么多时间，出什么问题到时再解决，希望多暴露点问题。

It is true that the demands that are placed on one plays a significant role for one to be a leader. Such demands can stimulate one to fight against the challenges ahead, during which one could improve oneself continuously. In addition, meeting such demands can (enable one to) get widespread support, which lays a solid foundation for one to be a leader. For instance, (in ancient Chinese history), under the Qin’s tyranny regime (tyranny), people lead (led) a miserable life and have (had) to face the dangers of starvation, exposure, and even death. Thus, people hope that one (someone could lead an uprising to) (can) overthrow the Qin’s regime and establish a new regime, and provide them with a chance of enjoying peaceful and happiness life. Under (in) this backdrop, Liu Bang, a functionary, devotes(d) (himself) to meeting such demands. After four years of fighting, he lives up to the demands at last by the support of widespread support (by winning the widespread support) and as a result, becomes (became) the founding father of the Han dynasty.

那个under backdrop 又跟那个circumstance记混了。

Nonetheless, one’s ability should also receive great attention for one to be a leader, because the leader who is not able to handle challenges successfully always has to leave the leader position. [Nonetheless, demands alone could not create a leader. One’s ability is also a crucial factor for becoming a leader, because the leader who is not able to handle challenges successfully always has to leave the leader position.] 要和上段连贯 For instance, if a football club does not （get expected achievement） [meet the expected targets in terms of preformance], its manager would be dismissed [due to his/her incompetence]. If, in a company, the manger cannot make his shareholders more profitable （create wealth for shareholders), he [s/he] will be fired. If, in a state, the governor does not (deal with some issues) [boost the economy] successfully, he would have to leave [resign from] his position. 写到这里就差不多 前面不讲具体例子 后面写具体例子有点奇怪 (Facing aggressive actions of Hitler, Chamberlain, the UK Prime Minister at that time, adopts the policy of appeasement. But, along with the Germany invasion of Poland in 1939, the Chamberlain government collapses instantaneously and he has to leave the leader position. ) 

In fact, being [becoming] a leader is always the result of the combination of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability [abilities that have been developed]. If people have no opportunity to shoulder （satisfy）the demands that could be placed on them, they would have no chance to be leaders because there is no platform for them to show their ability ( and vice versa- write another sentence to explain). Therefore, it is the combination of the demands that are placed on one and one’s ability that makes one being a leader. For instance, along with [after] the collapse of Chamberlain government, the UK people are [were] eager to have a leader who can [could] lead them to fight against Hitler. They choose 时态 Churchill, who leads a retiring life as an average [ordinary citizen] at that time. (Why?中式英语) As stated in Churchill’s memoir, if the event, the eruption of World War Two and the following collapse of the Chamberlain government, had not happened, he would have had no chance to outstand （distinguish） himself and be the UK Prime Minister. He was very excited (for) that he got the opportunity that leads the UK people to fight Hitler. The devotion of [his past few years to hone him不懂] and thus be able to tackle different challenges successfully is the preparation for this moment. 关于Churchill的能力你写得不是很清楚  

感觉你的语言表达能力挺好，没有太多那种无知者无畏的句子
时态要注意一下

再就是整篇的思路 不是那么出彩吧
但这篇应该有4分以上的水平
可以看下我62楼写的文章

ikowUID：3497152

TS:
Who is a leader? A leader is a person who is followed by others due to his charisma and his ability to lead people in the right direction. A leader must have qualities like confidence, honest, visionary and competence in carrying out the tasks related to leadership. A leader should cater to the demands of the people who are led by him. It is not juestified that a leader can be created by the demands of people, because not everyone have all the qualities that are requied of a leader. A leader is selected by the demands but not created by the demands.

1、A leader should possess many characteristics that not a single one can be omitted, such as communication, leadership, time managerment and emotional intelligence.丘吉尔在二战中发挥了巨大的作用，能够做好与人民、反对党的交流，甚至与苏联一起构成联盟共同对抗法西斯.甘地利用自己的个人魅力和口才动员和唤醒了印度民众，讲印度从殖民奴役中解放出来（这里举希特勒的例子是不是不太好？用自己的口才煽动人们发动战争）
2、Morever, it's vital for a leader to provide a solution for the development of the people who follow him. 富兰克林 罗斯福，在美国1930年经济大萧条期间执行新政提供视野救济和经济复苏，在经济危机中挽救了美国。
3、The demands that are placed on a person is a big ordeal for him to become a leader. 一个具备了领导人素质的人能否成为一个leader取决于他是否能将这些能力运用到他所面临的问题上并且取得最大的效益，如果有一个比他更好的处理这些问题的人出现，那么他将会被取代，我们不能说是需求创造了领导人，而是需求选择了更加合适的人

tesolchinaUID：2191404

ikow 发表于 2014-10-27 00:56
TS:
Who is a leader? A leader is a person who is followed by others due to his charisma and his abi ...

Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

TS:

Who is a leader? A leader is a person who is followed by others due to his charisma and his ability to lead people in the right direction. A leader must have qualities like confidence, honest, visionary and competence in carrying out the tasks related to leadership. A leader should cater to the demands of the people who are led by him. It is not juestified that a leader can be created by the demands of people, because not everyone have all the qualities that are requied of a leader. A leader is selected by the demands 不懂这里是什么意思  but not created by the demands.

没有看到主旨句与主题句之间清晰的一一对应

1、A leader should possess many characteristics that （not a single one can be omitted-表达有问题）, such as communication, leadership, time managerment and emotional intelligence.丘吉尔在二战中发挥了巨大的作用，能够做好与人民、反对党的交流，甚至与苏联一起构成联盟共同对抗法西斯.甘地利用自己的个人魅力和口才动员和唤醒了印度民众，讲印度从殖民奴役中解放出来（这里举希特勒的例子是不是不太好？用自己的口才煽动人们发动战争）

2、Morever, it's vital for a leader to provide a solution for the development （表达）of the people who follow him. 富兰克林 罗斯福，在美国1930年经济大萧条期间执行新政提供视野救济和经济复苏，在经济危机中挽救了美国。

3、The demands that are placed on a person is a big ordeal for him to become a leader. 一个具备了领导人素质的人能否成为一个leader取决于他是否能将这些能力运用到他所面临的问题上并且取得最大的效益，如果有一个比他更好的处理这些问题的人出现，那么他将会被取代，我们不能说是需求创造了领导人，而是需求选择了更加合适的人


这道题的核心问题是领袖是如何产生的，你的每个分论点都必须回应这个核心问题。
但是你的这三个分论点基本上都没有直接正面回应这个问题
我觉得这道题比较难写，或者说题目本身出得不太好，不太建议在这道题上过多的纠结，建议你直接用我的提纲算了
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777232-1-1.html 62楼

maoerdwnUID：3551290

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-21 23:11
Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in whi ...

老师，我看了您列的提纲，有点困惑。怎么感觉您的分论点“拥有各种能力能满足需求的人可以成为领导”和“不能满足需求的领导会下课”都是在支持而不是反对题设呢？这不是在说需求对领导是有塑造作用的吗？感谢解答~

tesolchinaUID：2191404

maoerdwn 发表于 2014-11-3 21:14
老师，我看了您列的提纲，有点困惑。怎么感觉您的分论点“拥有各种能力能满足需求的人可以成为领导”和“ ...

或许你可以看下我写的全文再提问
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=5#pid1778939073