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[主题活动] Argument写作入门-开头段第二步:根据题目要求写主旨句 [复制链接]

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant

发表于 2015-1-7 17:12:26 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-10-1 22:04 编辑

这是argument写作入门的第二篇,请大家先前往Argument写作入门-开头段第一步:梳理结论、论据,完成至少3个练习再来这里。回帖练习的同学请附上自己在上一个帖子里所占的楼层链接,以获得优先关注。  

上一讲我们介绍了如何在argument开头段概括原题中的结论和主要论据。这里我们重点讨论开头段要完成的第二个动作,根据题目要求写主旨句。这里首先要关注argument题库中的四个主要题型(有人分作8种,但主要是4种)。

evidence类:Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

question类:Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

assumption类:"Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

explanation类:Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.";

从这四种题目要求的措辞,我们可以看到两点:
第一,和老G不同,新G的重点已经不是批判谬误,因此在文字不宜出现flawed/dubious这类字眼。题目实际并没有预设这个argument是不成立的,而是要求我们指出需要什么证据或检验什么假设或问什么问题或提出其他解释来评估这个论证。虽然OG的范文中偶尔也会用到holes之类的词,但基本上不能再用老G的措辞了。
第二,我们在写作时必须正面回应题目要求。evidence的题目,就得不断的讨论需要哪些证据;question的题目就要提出各种问题;等等。如果做不到这一点而拿到低分就就太冤枉了。

本次练习的重点是写开头段的第二部分。这里需要对后面几段的内容进行综述,或者说写出一个主旨句来统领全文。这里介绍两种不同的写法。第一种适合那些只求3.5分的同学,基本上只需要根据题目要求来写,不必回应具体的argument内容。比如evidence可以写成:

In order to assess the argument, we need to collect more information about a number of issues discussed above.  

接下来的几种简版主旨句,请大家先自己练习一下再和我的参考答案比对:

To evaluate the soundness of the recommendation, we need to ask a number of questions related to different aspects of the arguments.
A number of assumptions have been made explicitly or implicitly throughout the argument and we need to examine such assumptions critically to decide if the argument is convincing.
There are a number of rival explanations that we need to explore before we can assess the strength of the argument.  

这样写虽然也回应了题目的要求,但是没有具体讨论原题的内容,给人一种空话、套话的感觉。如果有同学觉得时间不够、造句能力有限,请务必自己写几个这种句子找人检查一下以后在考场上用,不要套用网上的版本。

接下来还是以argument 8为例,演示一下结合内容如何写主旨句

The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

上一讲已经讨论,
这个argument的结论是 Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. 前面还带了一个目的状语To serve the housing needs of our students 解释目的。而主要的论据包括
- Buckingham's enrolment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate.
- Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing.
- Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enrol at Buckingham.  


那么写主旨句的时候其实已经要想好后面中间段主要写什么内容。这一点是很多同学面临的问题-也就是说,很多同学写文章是想到哪儿写到哪儿,或者说,写了第一句再想接下来怎么写,写着写着就可能写不下去了。而要想拿高分,必须在落笔前成竹在胸,在主旨句里将中间段的内容安排好。通常来说,我们可以按照原题的几个论据来安排。这里还是请大家自己先写然后再和我写的比对。

In order to evaluate the recommendation, we need more information about the enrolment trend of Buckingham College, the exact rents of the off-campus housing, students’ financial background and how prospective students make their choices.  

很明显,我这里在about后面有四个宾语,其中三个是名词短语、最后一个是宾语从句。而我后面的中间段会按这四个点展开来写。有些同学觉得要在写开头的时候就想好中间写什么有难度。这里有两个解决方案,一是多写开头段、多练习,这样在考场上会遇到熟题的机会就会增加;二是可以把这句话留到最后再写。不过即使最后写,也还是需要写中间段的时候,每段都能集中一个问题或几个相关的问题讨论。

接下来,请大家做几个其他题型的练习。


The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."

还是请大家先分一下结论和论据
结论 Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior.
Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty.

论据 Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time.
论据 Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000.
论据 Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month.

然后再写第一段,包括概括结论、论据和主旨句。
According to the friend of the homeowner, Adams is a better real estate firm and should be used in order to sell the home fast and get a good deal because it has more full-time agents, better home sales records. To assess this argument, we need to examine critically a number of assumptions about the workforce size and full-time or part-time mode, the average prices and the time required to sell a home.  



后面还有question和explanation,晚点再写吧








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发表于 2015-1-7 20:49:24 |显示全部楼层
找到啦,老师

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2015 US-applicant

发表于 2015-1-8 07:21:54 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 zsczsl 于 2015-1-7 23:51 编辑

王老师好,我做了三个梳理结论、论据练习,链接如下,敬请点评,多谢!

http://bbs.gter.net/thread-1795774-1-1.html

主旨句练习一
The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

主旨句
Before deciding whether to accept the author's advice, the college needs to collect more evidence on the speed of student number growth, the affordability of the apartment rent in the town and the potential students' interest in their dormitory.  

主旨句练习二
The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."


结论
Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty.

论据1. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time.
论据2. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000.
论据3. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month.

然后再写第一段,包括概括结论、论据和主旨句。
In this letter, the homeowner recommends Adams Realty to her friend, mainly citing the number of the estate agents in two real estate companies, the revenues of these two firms and her own experience of selling a house via the two corporations respectively. To decide whether to follow the homeowner's recommendation, the friend should scrutinize each of the key explicit and implicit suppositions of the argument about the quality of those agents, the profits of the two companies separately and the economic circumstances when the two homes were sold and the conditions of the two houses.  
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发表于 2015-1-8 18:48:34 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-1-8 23:43 编辑

老师,直接回帖这道房地产的题目:

According to the homeowner’s suggestion, his friend should use Adams Realty so that he can sell his house at a higher price and more quickly. Because compared with Fithch Realty, Adams Realty has more agents of which higher percentage are full-time, its revenues in the last year was higher and his owner house was sold at a more satisfying price and in a shorter time 10 years ago by Adams Realty.
However, in this argument, some assumptions have been made which we need to reexamine, such as the agents’ efficiency during working, the economic circumstances and respective conditions of the sold houses. Only after this, we can make a more reasonable suggestion.

Because引出的是从句不能独立成句

According to the homeowner’s suggestion, his friend should use Adams Realty so that he can sell his house at a higher price and more quickly for a number of reasons: compared with Fithch Realty, Adams Realty has more agents of which higher percentage are full-time; its revenues in the last year was higher; his own house was sold at a more satisfying price and in a shorter time 10 years ago by Adams Realty.

学习一下用冒号和分号

However, to evaluate this argument, we need to reexamine some assumptions that have been made about the agents’ efficiency during working, the economic circumstances and respective conditions of the sold houses.  
感觉这里的点不够

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发表于 2015-1-8 18:57:32 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-1-8 23:45 编辑

开头段练习,学校新建宿舍的题目:

The director of student housing at Buchkingham College suggested that the college should build more new dorms, citing the evidence about the expected enrollment in the next 50 years, higher rent of the off-campus housing in the town and the attractiveness of new dorms for the prospective students.
However, in order to evaluate the argument, we need more evidence about the exact enrollment in the future, the whole economic circumstances in the town and the factors influencing the prospective students’ decision when choosing a college.

the whole economic circumstances in the town这个表达有点问题 而且内容也不太合适吧  
再考虑下

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发表于 2015-1-11 14:48:30 |显示全部楼层

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美版2016offer达人 寄托兑换店纪念章 2016 US-applicant

发表于 2015-1-13 20:02:51 |显示全部楼层
好!!

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发表于 2015-1-13 21:40:09 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 ee_stone 于 2015-1-13 23:50 编辑

第一步作业已完成

http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3573213

例题 Argument 4

The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."

结论:
Adams Realty is a better choice to sell one's home quickly and at a good price.

证据:
Adam and Fitch are two leading real estate firms in the town.
Adams have more agents than Fitch, many of whose agents are part-time.
Adams' revenue and average home sale price are higher than those of Fitch.
The homeowner's experiences with these two firms. Adams sold his home more quickly.

开头段练习

In the letter, the homeowner's recommendation to choose Adams Realty is based on comparison with the superior number of agents, much higher revenue, and even his own experiences to get a home sold more quickly with the help of Adams. However, in the letter, there are some essential assumption implied when giving the recommendation, including the similarity on targeting market of the two firms, the stability of home market through the recent years, and the dominant leading position of Adams and Fitch.

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发表于 2015-1-15 20:42:10 |显示全部楼层
66666666666666666666666

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发表于 2015-1-17 13:00:48 |显示全部楼层
学习~

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发表于 2015-1-18 00:30:31 |显示全部楼层
谢谢楼主!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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发表于 2015-1-18 11:16:05 |显示全部楼层
又可以学到新东西了

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发表于 2015-1-23 23:06:17 来自手机 |显示全部楼层
thxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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发表于 2015-1-24 21:46:06 |显示全部楼层
非常感谢老师!

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发表于 2015-1-25 13:45:41 |显示全部楼层
多谢指导。看了您的范文,觉得很有启发。

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