看了你写的726的写作。
第二段Students in better schools can better and more professional skills which will help them to build the country in the future. 少了一个谓语
第三段,America had actually decreased a lot since the past five years because the high unemployment affect the economic development though the schools were better than five years ago. 这个affected应该过去时
7个important,有点多,可以换名词importance,你用了一个vital,也可以用一用weighty, pivotal, significant, crucial,多换一换。政治环境用political environment更好,句式多变一变就更好了
development也可以换一换别的词,或者换成动词develop。
加油,多积累。