寄托天下 寄托天下
查看: 1737|回复: 5
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[i习作temp] 第一次写issue~求改~求重喷!!求意见!!! [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
50
注册时间
2015-10-18
精华
0
帖子
15
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2015-10-18 23:06:17 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Educational Institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.

分析:
建议形。

论点:不同意这个观点,不可行,会扼杀学生的兴趣和梦想。
正:看起来是为学生好,不必在看起来不可能成功的事情上浪费时间。
反:看起来不成功的标准不明确,学校怎么知道学生看起来不会成功?成功的因素很多,不止天赋,还有是否刻苦勤奋。阻止学生去从事某种领域对学生来说反而有害,会扼杀学生的未来。
合:当学生看起来不太会在某个领域成功的时候,学校更应该做的是鼓励,是帮助她们找到一个正确的方法帮助她们成功。

My Analyze Writing:

    Some viewpoints illustrate that if a student unlikely to succeed in some field, educational institute have responsibility to dissuade them from continuing the field. It seemed a good suggestion that student should not waste their time in the fields they are not good at. However, the action of doing that is dubious.
    In the first glance, the suggestion is reasonable. Why the student should still taking time for pursuing fields they are not good at? Everyone has his gifts;  he should take advantage of what he seems good at. For example, if a student seems cannot succeed in engineering field but he pursues the field of engineering. He will feel more and more difficult since engineering is a hard field. He will be depressed because he cannot complete the work.  His life will be tough. If the institute dissuades the student at beginning. It can totally change the life of the student.
    Nevertheless, this suggestion is not advisable. Firstly, how can we define "the fields of study they are unlikely to succeed"? Is that the student always gets low score in the exam? Or is that the student has difficult to understand the content by professor? The reason of above are complicated, it maybe because the student did not spend much time on it, or may be the lecture by the professor was conundrum. It cannot show that the student is unlikely to succeed directly. So, no one can simply define that. Moreover, why the student chooses the field? It mostly because the student has interest in it. Maybe the student has a big dream on it. If the institute dissuades the student, it will kill the interest and dream of the student. In the contrast, if the institute can give more assistance and comfort to the student. I think the student can achieve success in some extent. Every expert starts from a beginner, every expert experienced the phase of unlikely to succeed. But no institute dissuade them. They insisted in the field; they had interest; they had dream; in the end, they succeeded.
    To sum up, it is more possible and beneficial that the educational institute encourages the student or assists the student if he unlikely to succeed instead of dissuading the student from pursuing the field. By this way, it will cultivate more genius. However, dissuading is not a good suggestion.   
回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
220
寄托币
2418
注册时间
2015-9-10
精华
2
帖子
476

新任版主

沙发
发表于 2015-10-19 03:17:10 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 岳然 于 2015-10-19 21:58 编辑

instruction呢?没有按照instruction写的文章最高只有4分

感觉为了写正反合的结构,观点有些自相矛盾。建议把第二点作为第一点,先说“it is hardly possible to anticipate whether or not a student will achieve success in a certain field only based on his/her current academic performance. ” 然后再说"even if the student were to fail in this field, it is still not reasonable to dissuade him/her from this field" 不过这样只是完成了最基本的结构,即使语言流畅例子详实,因为缺少对话题复杂性的探索,分数也不会高。

建议看看王老师的6分博客,对“educational institute”/"student"这些概念进行分类讨论。比如大学一般不可以这么干,但如果是职业培训机构,为了保障学生的就业,这么做也无可厚非。而对学生来说,如果他是个富二代,不愁吃穿,单纯喜欢,也没什么理由去劝他转专业之类的。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
50
注册时间
2015-10-18
精华
0
帖子
15
板凳
发表于 2015-10-19 03:49:50 |只看该作者
岳然 发表于 2015-10-19 03:17
instruction呢?没有按照instruction写的文章最高只有4分

感觉为了写正反合的结构,观点有些自相矛盾。建 ...

你好,谢谢你的评论。
Instruction:
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
我很赞同你的例子:一般大学不可以这么干,但如果职业培训机构为了保障就业率可以这么做。但是关于富二代的例子我有点不太同意,如果写了这点,那如果不是富二代,就要放弃自己的field了嘛?我认为逻辑上有些漏洞,而且也不能支持我的论点。
不过,真的很感谢你的建议,非常受启发,谢谢你~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
220
寄托币
2418
注册时间
2015-9-10
精华
2
帖子
476

新任版主

地板
发表于 2015-10-19 14:28:09 |只看该作者
一个人瑶啊瑶 发表于 2015-10-19 03:49
你好,谢谢你的评论。
Instruction:
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you ...


要不要让非富二代放弃,主要取决于这个决定是基于何种因素考虑,如果是为了让学生找到工作,保障生活,那么非富二代学生可能需要换个他擅长的,并能找到工作的专业。如果是其他因素,比如害怕学生因为表现不好而抑郁,影响心理生理健康,那么要具体情况具体分析,有的学生比较乐观,那么就无需干涉;有的学生缺乏自信,则应该多加鼓励;有的学生对成绩非常在乎非常敏感,那么最好还是让他休学一段时间吧…………诸如此类。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
50
寄托币
50
注册时间
2015-10-18
精华
0
帖子
15
5
发表于 2015-10-19 20:21:06 |只看该作者
岳然 发表于 2015-10-19 14:28
要不要让非富二代放弃,主要取决于这个决定是基于何种因素考虑,如果是为了让学生找到工作,保障生活, ...

嗯~make sense!谢谢你啦

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
220
寄托币
2418
注册时间
2015-9-10
精华
2
帖子
476

新任版主

6
发表于 2015-10-19 21:57:56 |只看该作者
一个人瑶啊瑶 发表于 2015-10-19 20:21
嗯~make sense!谢谢你啦

不客气

使用道具 举报

RE: 第一次写issue~求改~求重喷!!求意见!!! [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
第一次写issue~求改~求重喷!!求意见!!!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1885777-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
关闭

站长推荐

寄托24周年庆,发祝福送寄托币!
寄托24岁生日,邀请寄托的小伙伴在本命年周年庆发出你对寄托的祝福, 可以是简单的一句“生日快乐”, 送出祝福小伙伴将会有寄托币奖励!

查看 »

报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部