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[习作点评] 第一篇argument 第8题求改 [复制链接]

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发表于 2016-5-11 14:56:19 |显示全部楼层
To evaluate the recoommendations made by the director of student housing at Buckingham
College that the College should build a numberof new dormitories to serve the housing needs of  students, there are three more evidence about the current and the future demand of student dorms, the prices condition of student dorms and the off-campus fee on renting and whether attractive dormitories will make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham, which above need to be provided in detail and then to draw an sound conclusion.
First of all, the director should provide more evidence on the current and the future demand of student dorms. There is not absolute connection between the student number and the number of student dorms, for example, the more enrolling student come from the local and then they don’t need to be bothered by housing. Even if a positive relationship between the two, no one is undoubtedly sure that the student number will keep increasing over 50 years. Nowadays, the enrolling situation is good and as the tendency, there are a lot of things which will affect this trend in the later years, like the employment status, the quality of teaching. As a result, without evidence on relationship between the demand of student dorms and the growing number of student, to make such a recommendations may be a hasty decision.
What’s more, more evidence on the price in the student dorms and the off-campus fee. The director mentioned that the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years, which increases the difficulty for our students to afford off-campus housing, but without any evidence to show is it the real ideas from the student. We may consider the increases renting result from the improvement pf living condition and the rise of the average salary, and under such circumstances, the student can still afford it, and build op new dorms will lead to a waste.         In order to fully evaluate this article, we would also need to learn more about   whether attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll
at Buckingham. Of course, while choosing schools, we might take teaching level, the employment status and the school’s security condition and so on into account, but there is no evidence to show that whether attractive new dormitories will be a potential factor to affect students and their parents’s thoughts. Consequently, it will be a risky recommendation to serve the students’ demand.
To sum up, it is difficult to decide whether v building new dormitories may have learned to make it better to serve students’ need on housing and increase the enrollment. to assess the strength of the argument, the director might gather more information about different issues discussed above.
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发表于 2016-5-12 13:20:52 |显示全部楼层
童鞋你好,建议你先看看王老师的帖子, 分析下自己的不足.
然后需要提升的请看看这个帖子https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1966347-1-1.html

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发表于 2016-5-14 01:20:13 |显示全部楼层
若如此 发表于 2016-5-12 13:20
童鞋你好,建议你先看看王老师的帖子, 分析下自己的不足.
然后需要提升的请看看这个帖子http://bbs.gter.ne ...

万分感谢~

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RE: 第一篇argument 第8题求改 [修改]
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第一篇argument 第8题求改
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