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[习作点评] 刚开始集中练习写作 一篇Issue一篇Arg求些建议? [复制链接]

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发表于 2017-2-23 20:58:02 |显示全部楼层
备考有一段时间了,写作刚开始练习,因为不放心买了ScoreItNow图个安心,都是4分,看Gter里面普遍说这个打分虚高,反而开始紧张了....
希望诸位前辈给一些简单的建议...看了李建林的新G5.5,大概了解了写作的要求和套路,但是实际练习中还是有一些盲目。
以下是两篇文章

ISSUE
Analyze an Issue Topic:
In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position

Your Answer:
Surely imagination is a basic element of the historical development of our human society. But to overrate that it's more important than knowledge is not convincing. Imagination plays important roles in human development, so does knowledge.

Imagination shapes our modern society. Without imagination, those excellent inventions during the past centuries would not come into being. Such great creations including cars, electricity, internet and so on, are definitely unbelievable for ancient people regarding their limited view of this world. If our ancestors never made use of their great imagination, such creativity will be surely inhibited. Thus our society would not be as wonderful as it is now, and I would never be able to magically type such a lot of words on the screen now.

However, such view that imagination is always more important than knowledge can be unjustifiable. Knowledge is like the bedrock of our imagination, which somewhat ensure our imagination reasonable. Separated from appropriate knowledge, our imagination would become visionary; and there will be a burst of unreasonable creations filling up our eyes, which may be harmful and out of control. For instance, if the man who invented automobiles is lacking in basic knowledge of physics, the prototype of automobiles would be surely against the natural laws thus may cause dangerous consequence. Therefore, basic knowledge somewhat underlies our diverse imagination.

In addition, imagination may be limited by inadequate knowledge. A farmer living the most poor areas in the world cannot imagine how modern people exchanging their ideas using the efficiency connection through internet. Based on his knowledge,
people can only transfer information to each other by simply talking. His eyesight is circumscribed by his limited knowledge of the country life, thus he doesn't own the ability to imagine how efficiently city people live and work.

To draw a conclusion, we should admit the importance of imagination regarding either one single person or the whole society. But we should never let imagination overshadow the significance of knowledge. Imagination is fantastic, while knowledge is always necessary.

ARGUMENT
Analyze an Argument Topic:
The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.

"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this time period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have just canceled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to the program and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Your Answer:
The manager argues that the decreasing number of viewers indicated by the compliants from them, which he considers as the main reason why advertiser cancels contracts, are due to the less time for weather and local news in late-night news program. And he concludes that with more time devoted to weather and local news on all their news programs, the TV station will surely earn their views back thus avoid losing any further advertising revenues. However, the manager base his reasoning on several not-yet-proved assumptions, which makes his argument less convincing.

One of the assumptions is that the advertisers' cancelling contracts is a consequence of viewers' being less interested in their program. Such assumption is plausible, but not absolute. Advertisers may cancel their contract because of financial crisis cracking the commercial markets. Once the markets get unstable, lots of fields will naturally get affected. And the direct consequence is that big companies should curtail their budget to survive the hard period. Therefore, the reasons why advertisers shrink their devotion to TV advertising can be uncertain and the link between decreasing number of viewers and less advertising contracts need more evidence to justify.

Besides, another assumption that the viewers will come back once the time of local news and weather get expansion can be unreasonable. The manager ascribe the decreasing number of viewers to the less time devoted to certain content because of most complaints regarding such coverage among all received. But we cannot know whether all the number of complaints they received considerable. In other words, they may receive only a few pieces of complaints. Among the small amount of complaints, though those concerning the metioned problem is a relative majority, but still a small group. Thus, the number of people may not be adequate to account for the decreasing of attention to the programs. A better way to resolve this problem is to know the exact number of viewers who is unsatisfied with the current coverage of certain content, to make sure the sample is large enough.

Additionally, the manager concludes that the expansion strategy should be applied to all news programs, assuming that the regulation of late-night news program will also be appropriate for other news program. This assumption is the most untenable. Programs during different time period aim at different groups of people, and their preferences can be totally dissimilar. For instance late-night news may attract young people who come home after a whole day of tiring work, they may prefer local news because it's close to their daily life. But for those old people who prefer watching TV in the morning, they may prefer to focus on big events, which is included in the section of national news. If applied to morning news program, the expansion strategy may dramatically be counterproductive.

ISSUE是直接在网站上限时完成的,28分钟只写了330词,就想会不会篇幅略显不够,于是ARGUMENT提前写好,花了大概35分钟,460词,但是依然只有4分。(而且听大家说普遍A比I容易拿分)
关于篇幅,我感觉是自己写文章不够连贯的原因,经常写一段停几十秒思考一会儿,或者写完一句话又回过头修改一下表达方式。但是不假思索一股脑地写下去又很担心出现逻辑破绽,有没有什么针对性的建议呢?
先谢谢各位前辈!
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发表于 2017-3-25 17:06:07 |显示全部楼层
LZ好,啥时候考啊,要不要组成小组互改作文?我4.22。

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发表于 2017-3-26 23:34:19 |显示全部楼层
对于Issue,我觉得LZ没充分分析题目,习作忽略了In most professions and academic fields,而只谈了知识与想象的重要性。习作中使用的例子个人觉得也比较牵强,现代发明过去人不可想象,能说明想象的重要性吗?当然想象使现代生活变得可能可以。其次,用“没有物理知识就没法造车”来说明知识和想象同等重要,似乎不是很有说服力。最后,农民知识不足无法想象城市生活,不说带有歧视,这例子就没有说明想象与知识在职业或者学术领域中哪个作用更大啊。
总之,zl立论就有问题,举的例子说服力也不足。但zl遣词造句还是很棒的。
希望有帮助。

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发表于 2017-4-4 22:33:40 |显示全部楼层
擺擺dj 发表于 2017-3-25 17:06
LZ好,啥时候考啊,要不要组成小组互改作文?我4.22。

我也4.22,要不要互改下?回头开个贴,互相叫一下

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RE: 刚开始集中练习写作 一篇Issue一篇Arg求些建议? [修改]
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