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[作文] 7.2备战托福写作帖 [复制链接]

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加拿大offer勋章 建筑offer勋章

发表于 2017-6-16 19:30:30 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 要快快长高变帅的小骚龙 于 2017-6-16 19:38 编辑




笔者属于基础超级差的类型,尤其是在写作这一块,毫不夸张的说,笔者中文的写作水平都很菜,更别说英文的写作。
下面主要是在考前两个星期笔者对于写作的练习和总结,一来是立个flag看看自己能不能真的逼着进步,二来呢,以后再说吧嘎嘎。
当然笔者真心希望路过的看官能够不吝赐教,提出建设性意见,笔者将不胜感激。

笔者上次托福成绩:89  24,25,20,20

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加拿大offer勋章 建筑offer勋章

发表于 2017-6-16 20:54:08 |显示全部楼层
今天练习了tpo49的综合写作
阅读材料如下
Like many creatures, humpback whales migrate long distances for feeding and mating purposes. How animals manage to migrate long distances is often puzzling. In the case of humpback whales, we may have found the answer: they may be navigating by the stars, much as early human sailors did. What we know about humpback whales makes this a distinct possibility.

First, humpback whales seem to be intelligent enough to use stars to navigate by. Whales' brains have a high degree of complexity'a common determiner of intelligence. This suggests that the whales' brain power far exceeds that of most other animals. The whales' well-developed cognitive ability seems to provide a sound basis for the ability to use a complex, abstract system of sensory stimuli such as the night sky for orientation.

Second, humpback whales migrate in straight lines. Animals can maintain movement in a straight direction for long distances only if they orient themselves by some external objects or forces. Many birds and other terrestrial creatures, for example, use physical landmarks to help them stay on track as they migrate. Whales, which swim in the open ocean, cannot rely on land features; they could, however, rely on stars at night to provide them with external signs by which to maintain direction over long distances.

Third, humpback whales exhibit an unusual behavior: they are sometimes observed floating straight up for minutes at a time, their heads above the water as though they were looking upward. The behavior is known as spy-hopping, and it is very rare among marine animals. One explanation for the function of spy-hopping is that the whales are looking at the stars, which are providing them with information to navigate by

文章主要讲到了座头鲸的迁徙时具有navigating by the stars 的能力,然后开始分析为什么会有这种能力。
第一段提到了关键词intelligent,然后说他们有well-developed cognitive 去干嘛干嘛,
第二段提到了迁移路线是straight lines 然后说动物迁徙的路线需要有external objects的作用。
第三段提到了这种奇怪的spy-hopping行为,然后猜测可能是这样子为了看星星。
笔记内容:
migrate/stars
1.intelligent enough to use star+brain
2.move in straight lines
3.unusual behavior+spy hopping

听力里面这个教授不出意外的来反驳作者了,首先就表明了这个作者的说法not convincing。然后一个一个的怼。
第一点就说there's no connection between 用星星导航和智力的关系, 然后就开始举例说其他的有些动物比如有些鸟啊就有这种能力,可它们并不intelligent,说明这种能力是天生的。
第二点,这个教授说有其他的解释他们迁移in straight night,不是因为他们看星星而是他们能够感觉到磁场的。
第三点说用了sharks来反驳,说sharks也会spy-popping,然而sharks并不migrate。
笔记内容:
not convincing
no connections/birds not intelligent
sense external force/meganetic field
rare/sharks
speculation


然后就开始写作了(这篇写了很久,之前提到了我基础很差是真的很差。。)

In the reading material, the writer try to explain the reason why the humpback whales' migrate for a long distance without missing by being aware of the stars and this is proved by their high intelligence, routines of traveling and strange behaviors. However, in the lecture, the professor uses several examples of other animals and an analysis to rebut the passage.
  
At first, the professor states that there not radical connection between intelligence and migration led by the stars. The professor mentions that some birds have the ability to migrate and tell the direction by following the stars but fact is they are not so clever. So even though the humpback whales are intelligent, they may not necessarily know how to use star to migrate.

Second, the writer claims that the routines of humpback whales are quite straight and not like other animals, the whales don’t have external objects to rely on as a cue to find their ways, thus the stars must be a sign for the whale. On the contrary, the professor mentions a specific part of the whales’ brain that enable them to sense the magnetic field to tell the direction.

Third, when it comes to the strange behavior called spy-hopping mentioned by the writer which proves the whales’ ability to identify the stars. While the professor states the behavior is not that rare because some other marine animals also act the same for example, sharks behave like that but they don’t migrate. What’s more, the whales jump above the water during a day when there’s no star. That is to say the aim of whales’ spy-hopping is not to see the star.

276个字,明天来改。(有路过的小伙伴一定留言指出我的不足哦!)

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加拿大offer勋章 建筑offer勋章

发表于 2017-6-16 21:07:08 |显示全部楼层
还练习了2016年9月的机经,题目是
What is the most useful action for people to help environment in their local communities?
  1. Plant trees and create parks
  2. Persuade local shops to stop providing plastic bags for consumers
  3. Increase access to public transportation (such as buses and trains), and reduce the automobiles on roads

这种三选一的题我的思路是一定只选一个,因为一般题目都会要求说MOST\BEST之类的最高级,所以其实是很要求写一个最好选择,就像口语里面要求选最好的就只说一个就好了。然后怎么写我就是按照Pat说的裸奔法来写的,死死咬住TM STREEC $ 来找理由。

我任务为这个题本质上是要探讨这三个方法最好,说到最好然后和环境联系起来的最多的就是效益啊、经济性啊、实践性之类的,然后比较一下三个方法,我脑子里第一个反应出来的就是北京限行这么久了,结果雾霾还是一年比一年重,虽然超市要收费再给购物袋,但是白色垃圾还是随处可见。好了,想到这里虽然我不知道种树造园有什么好处,但是我已经选出了最好的一个可以开始写啦。

Nowadays people in every corner of this world claim to conserve natural resources and enhance our living conditions. But the result seems not so ideal since some areas even get worse. Personally, I believe that the most sustainable and effective approach to improving living standards is to plant more trees in a city.

It's true that some places have been trying to balance the development of cities with limited natural resources. However, the haze still arrives at Beijing every year even though the government has taken measures to limit the number of cars on the road, besides numerous plastic wastes accumulates along the Shenzhen Bay causing the wonderful spectacle to become a moor even though all the supermarket in china has been charged for plastic bags. No one can control the use of cars and plastic materials because those are necessary and make our life convenient. Reducing the use of cars and plastic objects only slow down the polluting but not lasts for long, while adding more tree or plants is practical and its' efficiency boosts as those trees grow.

What's more, trees in the city's park are relatively helpful and beneficial with its various functions. They produce fresh air creating neat space for citizens in the morning and absorb noises from traffic preventing those who may be reading or relaxing in the park from being disturbed. I still remember the first time when I stepped into the central park in New York City. It was the extremely unique scenery that surprised me. There are people jogging on the paths, lying on the lawn and entertaining themselves with their fellows. The trees around the park separate its inner part with the surroundings, offering a new environment and increased the infrastructures for those citizens.

In addition, planting tree in the city can be rather economical because it costs less money to purchase seeds and cultivate them. In the long run, their influence on the environment increases as they grow and also brings proceeds. An apple tree in our campus not only optimums the campus landscapes, but also provides some food for the visitors now and then. When the trees are huge enough to use as materials, they can be cut down and then plant new plants, which brings plenty of money by selling the timbers.

Among these choices, the most programmatic method is that planting more trees. After all, if we cannot reduce the emission of pollution, why don't we absorb it?


刚开始练写作,有很多表达习惯和词汇都不对。。。/(ㄒoㄒ)/~~而且还没限时,以后每天会把写作时间缩短。
明天来改。

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加拿大offer勋章 建筑offer勋章

发表于 2017-6-19 23:53:27 |显示全部楼层
TPO 48 综合写作练习

(笔记后面再加,快断网了)

The passage mentions the fact that the population of frogs around the world has been decreasing for the alterations in their inhabitants and the author states three mean measurements to solve this problem. However, the professor casts a doubt to the effectiveness of those approaches with further illustration.

Firstly, the lecturer utters that reducing the use of pesticides is not practical and may bring those farmers who use pesticides huge losses in yields. Because without the pesticides eliminating harmful insects, crops in this areas will be damaged and result in less harvest, which means even though, as the writer said, it prevent those frogs from being poisoned, the writer's first proposal is not commercial.

Secondly, in the writer claims that those frogs can be rescued by use several specific treatments to kill a kind fungus which is harmful for them while the problem is that it is costly, complicated and not genetic. These treatments, as the professor contradicts, only can be used to frogs respectively and those treated frogs cannot impart the ability to their kids. Frankly, to finish this solution requires numerous works and money and the efficiency is not rewarding, which makes it unpractical.

Third, the lecturer admits that natural destructions of living standards endanger frogs mentioned by the writer, but it is the global warming that brings reduces of wetlands and other homes of frogs and even all the creatures are threatened. As a consequence, only cutting the consuming of wetlands cannot stop the draining of those inhabitants because it doesn’t solve the key factor-global-warming.

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发表于 2017-6-21 16:49:16 |显示全部楼层
要快快长高变帅的小骚龙 发表于 2017-6-19 23:53
TPO 48 综合写作练习

(笔记后面再加,快断网了)

小伙伴要不要一起互改写作  我写作也不好 和你分数差不多

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加拿大offer勋章 建筑offer勋章

发表于 2017-9-7 16:58:21 |显示全部楼层
希望成为学霸的小学渣 发表于 2017-6-21 16:49
小伙伴要不要一起互改写作  我写作也不好 和你分数差不多

上次考了之后17/18/22/23刚好100就去沉沦了好久(捂脸)小伙伴你现在还需要改作文吗?

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加拿大offer勋章 建筑offer勋章

发表于 2017-9-7 16:58:35 |显示全部楼层
希望成为学霸的小学渣 发表于 2017-6-21 16:49
小伙伴要不要一起互改写作  我写作也不好 和你分数差不多


上次考了之后27/28/22/23刚好100就去沉沦了好久(捂脸)小伙伴你现在还需要改作文吗?

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