寄托家园留学论坛

查看: 3669|回复: 76

[主题活动] 8月28-29日 issue第7类同主题写作暨issue模考 [复制链接]

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
881
寄托币
6187
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
6
帖子
2159

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant

发表于 2017-8-11 12:52:09 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2017-8-30 16:45 编辑

8月28-29日重点练习第7类issue  

7)    Evaluating greatness or merit (28<113,120,121,127,145>,  94<147>,  41, 55, 108<110>,  75<84,44>,  30<83>,  144)


8月的最后两次同主题练习了。能坚持到现在的同学都很不容易。这两天除了写提纲,欢迎大家做一次issue模考。题目回复可见:
游客,如果您要查看本帖隐藏内容请回复


为督促大家计时完成,请先回帖一次看题目(此回帖会有时间记录),然后在30分钟内回复刚才的帖子发自己的全文(也会有时间记录。因此,在第一次回帖看题目前,请确保自己已经进入模考状态。参加本次模考可替代写提纲作为本次活动的打卡。

我会批阅前20份模考,重点看主旨句和主题句是否切题。
(原本打算批阅20篇,但是时间有限,目前只能批改10篇了;后面的同学直接微信和我讨论吧)
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
卿本悠悠 + 1 觉得自己写不完,王老师辛苦

总评分: 声望 + 1   查看全部评分

使用道具 举报

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
881
寄托币
6187
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
6
帖子
2159

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant

发表于 2017-8-27 23:38:14 |显示全部楼层
第一次回帖看题目

使用道具 举报

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
881
寄托币
6187
注册时间
2006-2-26
精华
6
帖子
2159

寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant

发表于 2017-8-27 23:39:23 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2017-8-27 23:38
第一次回帖看题目

30分钟内 写完作文后 回复刚才看题目的帖子 贴上作文 督促自己限时完成

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
67
寄托币
181
注册时间
2016-10-30
精华
0
帖子
26
发表于 2017-8-28 08:58:47 |显示全部楼层
感觉自己现在最大的问题就是限时了,打的慢所以没时间构思,在考场看完题目就直接开始写,想到什么写什么。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
67
寄托币
181
注册时间
2016-10-30
精华
0
帖子
26
发表于 2017-8-28 09:30:36 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2017-8-29 10:48 编辑
东扯扯 发表于 2017-8-28 08:58
感觉自己现在最大的问题就是限时了,打的慢所以没时间构思,在考场看完题目就直接开始写,想到什么写什么。 ...


When it comes to the major choice, many students have a tendency to be trapped in a dilemma that whether they should take the employment into consideration or not. Personally, given that it varies from person to person, I do not agree that all students should make a decision based on the job capacity. For students from deprived areas who need to support their family as soon as possible after graduation, it may be a better choice for them to choose a major based on the availability of jobs in that field. However, for those from affulent family and students who are determinate to dedicate themselves for a certain field with great passion or a extraordinary talent, they should stick to what they want instead of being controlled by the job market.

开头段写的不错   job capacity -  availability

To begin with, there is no denying that the major reason of some indigent students attending college is to land a decent job with a handsome salary for supporting their family, which requires what they choose to major in should has a promising employment prospect. That is to say, choosing a field based on the future employment situation is a safe and quick way for them to achieve their goal, namely supporting family. For example, the field of economics which not only does not require a long time to graduate but also earn a satisfying salary realtively easily may be a good choice for them. In such case, they can also get a sense of achievement soon which many students from deprived family are long for.
这一段在具体叙述时没有讨论availability of jobs 为什么economics专业的工作较多  需要解释  


However, as for those from affluent family, they should choose a field more based on their advantages and interest instead of employment factors, since they do not have too much economic pressure. In other words, that they are fortunate to be born in such a family without too many financial concerns decides they can enjoy more freedom when choose a field to study. For example, if a student from rich family who would like to study art which costs a lot and even is hard to find a job with the high salary in a short time, he should just follow his heart and choose art as the major without such tuition and future career concerns.

后面的解释时应该强调即时没有合适的工作 也可以啃老  和前面的条件呼应起来  


In addition to students without economic worries, some students who are determinate to dedicate themselves for a certain field with great passion or a extraordinary talent should not resign to the employment factors. It is not sensible for them to give up what they really like and waste of their gifts when they consider the availbility of jobs too much. It is universally acknowledged that every field requires top-notch people as leaders in the field, and anyone can enjoy success in whatever job. If they are really gifted for a certain field or they have a exceptional passion in that, they can finally make it if they stick to it.

determinate 我觉得如果有exceptional talent会更合适吧 光有决心有什么用呢  即使在一个工作不多的领域 金子也总能发光的

In conclusion, whether college students should choose a field based on the employment capacity depends on individual case. As far as I am concerned, students who have a great economic need and want to support their family as soon as possible should take such factor into major consideration, while those without economic concern or with great passion or a huge talent for a certain field are supposed to stick what they really like instead.


总的来说,写的不错;在借鉴我的思路时要小心,尽量换例子和表达;PIE模型中,E的环节还是比较弱。  

已有 2 人评分寄托币 声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 5 + 3 已批改
卿本悠悠 + 1 写的好快!

总评分: 寄托币 + 5  声望 + 4   查看全部评分

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
70
寄托币
1971
注册时间
2017-6-17
精华
0
帖子
21

寄托16周年纪念勋章

发表于 2017-8-28 10:05:44 |显示全部楼层
以前每次写两段都要好久   这次特别担心写不完   有点小紧张

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
52
寄托币
46
注册时间
2017-8-10
精华
0
帖子
14
发表于 2017-8-28 10:19:44 |显示全部楼层
谢谢老师!

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
52
寄托币
20
注册时间
2017-5-24
精华
0
帖子
3
发表于 2017-8-28 10:21:09 |显示全部楼层
谢谢王老师!

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
69
寄托币
150
注册时间
2017-4-8
精华
0
帖子
22
发表于 2017-8-28 10:35:19 |显示全部楼层
Want to take a rest before I got AW score, so decide not to participate in the model test this time :)

55.In order for any work of art—for example, a film, a novel, a poem, or a song—to have merit, it must be understandable to most people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

There has been much debate about the standard of evaluating the work of art. Some contend that the virtue of art depends upon its comprehensibility to the general public. In my opinion, this should not be the case since many great works of art remain esoteric to most of the public because of, synchronically, the cultural barrier between nations and, diachronically, the generation gap between the old and young generation. Instead, I will argue later that the merit of art lies in the comfort conveyed to the viewers and its liberating function to the minds.

The fact that many great works of art seem hard to understand cannot be justified as an excuse to agaisnt its greatness because the cultural barrier between countries might hinder the public understanding.
   e.g. Chinese calligraphy
   e.g. Chinese poems, rhymes

In a similar vein, generation gap between young and old is another cause to the intangibility of great works of art.
   e.g. Victorian novels
   e.g. Shakespeare's sonnets

In this case, it is obvious that whether a work of art could be understood by most people should not be regarded as a standard of its virtue. As far as I'm concerned, art should be evaluated by its liberating power to minds, that is whether it brings comfort or stimulating power to the heart.
   e.g. Classical music
   e.g. Impressionism painting
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
sweepyou + 1 个人特别喜欢这个topic,可以互批吗?

总评分: 声望 + 1   查看全部评分

使用道具 举报

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
108
寄托币
689
注册时间
2016-6-15
精华
0
帖子
74

2016 US-applicant 新任版主 寄托16周年纪念勋章

发表于 2017-8-28 10:36:58 |显示全部楼层
回复

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
70
寄托币
1971
注册时间
2017-6-17
精华
0
帖子
21

寄托16周年纪念勋章

发表于 2017-8-28 10:53:02 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2017-8-29 10:56 编辑
卿本悠悠 发表于 2017-8-28 10:05
以前每次写两段都要好久   这次特别担心写不完   有点小紧张

As a higher education, collage not only aims to help build students a healthy and full sense of value, and it should also provide students the ability of further work. Students in collage should always base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field as that kind of choice is beneficial for their more prepared career, their own life and the society.


As a higher education - As higher education institutions...  colleges ...
框架可见 语言表达需要改善
as doing so is beneficial for the students to prepare their future careers, improve the quality of their life and contribute to the society.  


To start with, the choice that college students base study field on the availability of jobs in that field can lead to a more prepared career. Every different kind of career has its own special and unique working technique which need much experience and time spending on it. A student in a rather hot or great expectation field can have a more clear awear of the future career plan. So if a student is decided to choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field, at least he/she has awared the importance and advantage it is.

没有具体的例子 也没有将availability of job和career development联系起来 缺少有力的reasoning

What’s more, choosing study field on the availability of jobs in that field is kind of responsibility for their own life. Many kinds of good careers, like the computer science and law, are always company with good salaries, which could provide a comfortable life for them and make themselves inspired to reach to a better life. Everyone need fair reward to their time and energy spending in that, and in many not so good field, students could only get half or even lower salary on the same working time, only because that career is so bad that anyone works in there couldn’t get rid of that situation.

is kind of responsibility既然后面是在讲工作带来的经济收入和生活质量 在主题句里就应该挑明  


Moreover, students basing their choice of a field of study on the availability of that field’s jobs is beneficial for the whole society. College education is not always suit for the social career requirement; more often, many major in college is rather need for the social. With the limited sources and college students, for the benefit of the whole society, choosing study field on the availability of jobs in that field is quite effective for the complete use of social education source.

既然是从宏观的层面上讨论 或许可以谈一下这样做有利于学校的课程改革 更面向市场需求


In conclusion, whether for a more prepared career, students’ own life and the whole society, college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field, it’s essential for both individuals and society, which could make less job losing and a more harmony society.

已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 5 第二篇

总评分: 声望 + 5   查看全部评分

使用道具 举报

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
108
寄托币
689
注册时间
2016-6-15
精华
0
帖子
74

2016 US-applicant 新任版主 寄托16周年纪念勋章

发表于 2017-8-28 16:32:15 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2017-8-29 20:37 编辑
战G进行时 发表于 2017-8-28 10:36
回复

Everyone has to make a lot of choices every day. As for our students, the choice of the major is one of the most significant ones that will exert great influence on our life. To choose the field of study, in my opinion, college students should consider the availability of jobs after their graduation. Besides, their own interest and the career prospect should also be considered.

题目用的是base 你用的是consider这两个词的意思差别很大  在考试时如果不抠题目的字眼就很容易偏题 要特别小心


Whether the job vacancy is available after graduation is an influential factor for college students to think of. One of the goal for students to enter college and study hard is to earn great fortune and live a decent life. That is why finance, IT and accounting are always among the most popular subjects. On the contrary, only a few number of students choose to study archaeology or politics due to the difficult to find a job after graduation.
整段除了开头并没有讨论availability的问题  
其实这道题反对要好写得多 比如availablity 意味着不需要太多竞争 不需要竞争意味着失去动力
比如availablity可能不可预测 等等  



Admittedly, job availability is important, personal interest should also be considered. If a student is interested in the field he is studying, he will show more enthusiasm to delve into it. For instance, the great translator, Zhu Shenghao, kept his great enthusiasm for English translation in his life. When he started translating Shakespeare, professional translators at that time were quite difficult to support their life and Zhu was no exception. However, his deep interest in Shakespeare works supported him to endure the hardships and adversity in life. As a result, his translation of Shakespeare works becomes a classic edition in China and his name is remembered by many Chinese people. Therefore, follow your heart is also important when choosing your field of study.  

跟另一篇的点评一样 这道题其实可以讨论其他因素 从而否定原命题中的base  
但是最好能结合availability这个概念来写 可以提出如果对某个行业有兴趣 即便这个行业职位不多仍然可行  



Moreover, career prospect is also an important factor that may influence students’ choice of a field of study. Take the Financial Crisis in 2008 for example. Before the crisis, international trade and finance were popular among college students for it gave students access to international large companies. However, the Financial Crisis made many international businesses and investment banks go bankrupt. During the several years after the crisis, many financial workers lost their jobs, making college students pessimistic toward the choice of finance or international trade field. Therefore, the prediction of the career prospect is also a considerable factor for college students to consider.

In conclusion, the choice of their field of study for college students are based on several different factors. Job availability is important to decide which major to choose. However, individual interest and the career prospect are also worth considering. Thinking comprehensively is beneficial for college students to avoid job failure in their future job-seeking.



已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 5 第四篇

总评分: 声望 + 5   查看全部评分

使用道具 举报

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
304
寄托币
2044
注册时间
2015-11-2
精华
3
帖子
434

寄托16周年纪念勋章 美国18fall勋章 建筑18fall勋章 满1年在任版主

发表于 2017-8-28 16:35:50 |显示全部楼层
谢谢老师

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
73
寄托币
164
注册时间
2017-4-19
精华
0
帖子
20
发表于 2017-8-28 16:44:59 |显示全部楼层
模考

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
73
寄托币
164
注册时间
2017-4-19
精华
0
帖子
20
发表于 2017-8-28 17:17:07 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2017-8-29 14:32 编辑
mzlgjg 发表于 2017-8-28 16:44
模考


It’s quite hot-debated now days about how to make the best decisions for students about field of study concerning their future. Availability of jobs is of course of essence. However, in my mind, not only availability of jobs and salary but the students’ own interests and purpose of education should also be taken into consideration.

题目说的是base their choice  因此你指出需要考虑其他因素这个观点也是合理的 但是在开头段立论时需要回应一下base 这个关键词  

Availability of jobs is of essence because it’s closely associated with assuring the basic needs of everyday life, but it can’t be emphasize too greatly. Without a job is almost equal to without income. And anyone without income can’t normally carry out his or her life. And the salary should also be commensurate with the college degree. It would be absolutely ironic that a college graduate can’t find a proper job or the salary is too low after his college education, which is not the aim of college education. So students should be clear that the field they choose will ensure that they will find a job in the future. But this aspect should be emphasized too much. For instance too many Chinese students studying economics worries Chinese government that some jobs in the future may be in shortage of person. Great majority of students applying for one field of study because of good future work will ensue after the emphasize, which may cause great upheaval of the society.

基于工作的availability来选专业的好处是毕业后比较容易找到工作或者说找工作的选择比较多,而你的论述似乎强调的是可以找到工作或者可以谋生 我觉得这样写可以展开的点不多 而且后面所谈的不能过分强调 这个说法就很模糊了  
整个段落也没有什么具体合适的例子  


Only concerning about future availability of jobs is not enough. What’s more, students’ own interests are also of vital importance in shaping their future. Interested in what they learn, students will find more energy and confidence in their study, thus ensuring a better academic performance. Interests grant that they will always be devoted to their work and never get bored even get immense in their field for a long time. Patience and enterprise in work are all derivatives from interests so in this sense interests are more important than jobs concern.

还是缺少具体的例子 上一段讨论的是谋生和找工作的问题
这段所涉及的价值应该相似或者接近 这样两段的内容才能紧凑

Some one may contend that education is aimed to ensure students a better future, a better life so only jobs with high salary should be the ultimate purpose. However, this king of view is too narrow. The true purpose of education should be fostering students with strong learning ability, creative and critical mind, and complete personality. Not matter what field they choose, their education is successful once they achieve the criterion above. And students with such great abilities are free from worries about find a good job. Harvard’s purpose of education is not to train students to be skilled in a specific field. They emphasize on the college’s positive influence on students’ growth about abilities and personality. For students, only being concentrated on jobs and salary will deviate from the true purpose of education. They should focus more on the cultivation of implicit goods rather than explicit money and fame.

这里讨论的内容似乎并没有挑战你前面的观点  

So from the above three aspects--job and salary; interests and purpose of education, we see the importance of other things in shaping a student’s future. So we should grant equal importance to these items rather than only bialy focusing on the job availability.




真的难,主要是慢,我觉得这个题构思不是很难,但是操作起来不太好想案例,写完以后稍微做了一下做修改。
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 5 第三篇

总评分: 声望 + 5   查看全部评分

使用道具 举报

您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部 我要纠错