argument第四类 同主题写作 8月26-27日

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Policy Change (3<171>, 5<159, 173>, 12, 16, 17<93>, 18<20>, 19, 34<58, 94>, 36<163, 166>, 42, 56<57, 82>, 59, 63, 68, 74<147, 148, 149, 156>, 75, 109<110>, 41<123, 125>, 132<134, 136>, 152<153>, 61<139, 141, 143, 162>)  
26-27日两天的任务是选取以上其中一道题写一个开头段和至少一个中间段。另外，针对语言表达方面的问题，请在我的修改文档里搜索下面表格里的代码，并选出1-3个含有错误的例句尝试修改。

格式如下第一行注明错误代码
第二行复制粘贴含有错误的句子
第三行尝试修改
第四行谈谈自己对这种错误的体会和想法

对于不知道或不确定如何修改的句子，欢迎在微信大群里@我讨论。

Codes	Issues	Remarks
WC	Word choice/ diction	The word is not  appropriate here; please try a different word   这里主要涉及选词不恰当的问题
RP	rephrase	The sentence or  expression makes little sense and needs to be rephrased  整句话看不懂作者在说啥，需要修改
SS	Sentence structure	The whole sentence is  grammatically problematic and needs to be revised 整句话有句子结构的问题
VR	Vague reference	It is not clear what  the pronouns (e.g. it, they, which) refer to   代词或名词的指代不清晰
MM	Misplaced modifier	The modifier does not  fit with the subject or object being modified 修饰语错位  例如 Eagerly awaiting her birthday, Mary's presents were all picked up and admired by Mary many times throughout the course of the day.
POS	Part of speech	The part of speech of  the word is incorrect in the grammatical context  词性错误，要么是不小心，要么是基础太差
WF	Word form (sometimes  verb form)	The word form is  incorrect- verb forms or plural/singular for nouns   动词形式错误（很严重的语法问题）
SV	Subject-verb agreement	The subject and verb  do not agree in number   主谓一致
RS	Run-on sentence	The sentence needs to  be revised by separating into two or changing one clause into a dependent  clause   断句有问题，需要将这个句子分作两句或者变为主句从句
SF	Sentence fragment	The sentence is  incomplete   句子片段，不是完整的句子
MI	Need more information	More information  should be added here to clarify or expand the sentence 此处需要添加更多信息才清楚（这个不是严格意义上的语言表达问题，但是通常发生在句子层面）
CS	Choppy sentence	Sentences are too  short and could be joined together 太短的句子建议与其他句子合并

东扯扯UID：3763369

12) Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by 30 percent. Potential employers, looking at this dramatic rise in grades, believe that grades at Omega are inflated and do not accurately reflect student achievement; as a result, Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


claim: It is believed that grades at Omega are inflated and do not accurately reflect student achievement
data: overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by 30 percent
warrant: professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes only because of the implement of teaching evaluation
evidence: students’ actual academic performance

claim: Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University because of this dramatic rise grade
data: grades at Omega are inflated and do not accurately reflect student achievement
warrant: the only difference of students between two universities is the grade
evidence: comprehensive comparison of graduates between two universities

claim: Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors to enable graduates to secure better jobs
data: Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors
warrant: teaching evaluation is the only or major reason affecting graduates to get a job
evidence: other factors accounting for employment


Intro
According to the argument, it is believed that the termination of teaching evaluation can effectively help Omega graduates get better jobs, since that inflated grades are given after implementing this teaching assessment, which makes they less competitive than graduates from Alpha University in employment. However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, it requires a significant amount of additional evidence about the actual academic performance of Omega students, comprehensive comparison of graduates between two universities and factors accounting for employment in this region.

Ts1
To begin with, evidence about the actual students’ academic performance is required to evaluate whether grades are inflated or not. That is to say, solely based on grades, it cannot be determined that teaching evaluation has exerted a positive or negative influence on student achievement. The possibility that professors, in order to raise their reputations and receive better evaluations, have strived to improve their teaching skills after the policy was implemented cannot be ruled out if students do improve their academic skills and acquire more knowledge. This improvement of teaching quality enables students reap more benefits in the class and logically they get higher scores which can accurately reflect their academic achievements in exams. In such case, the argument that higher grades are inflated is significantly undermined and the termination of teaching evaluation makes no sense.



改错

1.        This clues only exist in the rhesus monkeys, Because of the speciality WC genetic makeup of rhesus monkeys.
This clue only exists in the rhesus monkeys because of the specific genes of rhesus monkeys.

2.        Undertaking risky actions without careful consideration before (RP), people might be trapped into a situation that could not find a suitable solution (RP) or even be forced to return to the start.
Undertaking risky actions without thinking twice, people might be trapped into a situation where they could not make it successfully or even be forced to return to the start.

3.        If at the beginning, SS the significant contribution needs making without the past because there isn't any basic.
At the beginning, the significant contribution was made without being influenced by any past achievement because there had been no such basis.

AngelyyyUID：3625119

修改句子：
POS、WC
First, technology development we are making today can be owed to the truly independent and strong persons because the process of bring conveniences and luxuries into our life is our instinct of survival.
First, in order to bring convenience and to make more resource to our life, the people who are independent and ingenious pushed the development of technology for the inner instinct.
宝宝改的还是挺绝望的，试想一下王老师看到这些句子时候的绝望之情……如果对基本句子不熟悉，还是多练习一下基本句子吧。
Luxurious放在这里其实很奇怪，我就改成了resource。
Independent其实没有必要这么生硬的举出来，而且还和strong搭配在一起……我想来想去还是用ingenious和它搭配，但其实也不尽完美。总之其实不用那么生硬甩一个词出来，总得有前后逻辑，对不对？
首先评价一下这个句子真的是完全读不通（请别介意），有些搭配不能这样用，虽然我仔细思考了一下你的用意（考场上没有人会想你想说什么的），于是用了一些我自己惯用的手法修改了你的句子，但是其实比如instinct我从来不熟悉，但是你用了我就想办法给你改出来，但其实不清楚这样改是否地道。所以，不熟悉的词千万不要用，宁可用更简单的句子去表达，你会发现其实也很困难。一步一步来吧。

3.The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.

Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels.

第一段
According to the letter, the author claims the prohibition of the skateboarding on Central Plaza will ensure the business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels. To support his claim, the author described several facts and implied several assumptions. However, the validation of these facts need to be discussed before we accept them.

主题段1
To begin with, the author cited the over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. However, the situation before the increase of the number of shoppers is unsure because the author didn’t provide any data. Possibility could be the number of shoppers started to decrease two years ago because the attraction of the stores is not as good as before. For example, as a lace of innovation, the products in stores are never changed and the shoppers lose interest of the stores.

提纲
Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically.

The number of shoppers in Central Plaza and the selling situation. If it is already low or in the decrease two years ago?
-Because some reasons of the shop owners themselves led to the decrease.
-For example, a lack of innovation. Maybe the products in stores are never changed and the shoppers lose interest of the stores

The claim is untenable without any data to support.
-The claim is made by the speculation of the store owners, possibly.
-The possibility could be that the decrease of the shoppers is irrelevant to the skateboarding because the latter is increased dramatically while decrease of the shoppers is always decrease. Without the skateboarding, the shoppers will decrease still.


Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza.
Meanwhile, the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza has also been increased.

The skateboard could be potential shoppers.
Before the skateboard users, the litter and vandalism could be already more.
-It is the lack of attraction of the stores that make the decrease of shoppers.
-The litter and vandalism is already increased because of the bad cleaning work.
-It is the bad environmental make the decrease of shoppers and the increase of skateboard users.

卿本悠悠UID：3817355

10、The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.（149）

We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But 80 percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


Claim: faculty members are in favor of coeducation.
Data: It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove.
Warrant: they think it will encourage more students to apply
Question:
Is there any other way to encourage more students to apply instead of breaking the tradition?
Recruiting more teachers. /improving educational facilities. /setting up some scholarships.

Claim: most students and over half of the alumnae are opposed coeducation.
Data: But 80 percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation.
Warrant: their answers to two separate survey represent the result.
Question:
Have all of the students and alumnae participated these survey?

Claim: keeping the college all female is better
Data: Keeping the college all female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially.
Warrant: it can improve students’ morale and ensure alumnae keeping supporting the college
Question:
Will the joining of male students really weaken moral among students and make alumnae less supporting the college?

Introductory paragraph
According to recommendation of the president and administrative staff of Grove College, Grove College should preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education. On the basis of some votes involving the faculty members, students and alumnae, the president argues that doing so is better for the college. A number of questions have been made in the argument about the alternative encouraging way, the participators and the influence of admitting male students. These questions need to be scrutinized carefully to evaluate the recommendation.

Middle paragraphs (the first)
To start with, it should be questioned that whether there is any other alternative way to encourage more students to apply to Grove instead of breaking the all-female tradition. While coeducation can increasing the applicants to Grove, it does not follow that there isn't other alternative or even better way to reach the same goal. Recruiting more teachers and improving educational facilities are two efficient and widely used ways for schools to resulting in more students applying. What's more, even if needing a simpler one, the Grove College can set up some scholarships, which can also lead to the similar result. If admitting men into the Grove is not the only or most effective way to increasing students’ application, the college can select other ways instead of breaking its old all-female tradition.

改错
1.错误代码：WC
原句：Although there are some debacles in the justness of some laws, it is appropriate for individuals to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.
修改：justness应改为justice
浅谈体会和想法：同一个形容词对应的名词意义不同。

2.错误代码：RP
原句：In some certain cases, disobeying or resisting unjust laws can make sense for its consequences.
修改：In some certain cases, disobeying or resisting unjust laws can lead to a meaningful consequence.
浅谈体会和想法：有时候自己能理解的别人不一定能理解，还是尽量没有歧义比较好。

3.错误代码：SS和POS
原句：Information exploding, there are more and more different among distinct professions, anyone who wants to make new discovery in typical filed must spend much time in learning what have been done and what to be done.
修改：With information exploding, there are more and more difference among distinct professions, so anyone who wants to make new discovery in a field must spend much time in learning what have done and what to be done.
浅谈体会和想法：只能说大体梳理了一下，感觉还不完全，因为我也没有完全理解这个句子。

xiulin2015UID：3609356

Arg 16 Gov funding for riverside facilities

In surveys Mason City residents rank water sports (swimming, boating, and fishing) among their favourite recreational activities. The Mason River flowing through the city is rarely used for these pursuits, however, and the city park department devotes little of its budget to maintaining riverside recreational facilities. For years there have been complaints from residents about the quality of the river's water and the river's smell. In response, the state has recently announced plans to clean up Mason River. Use of the river for water sports is, therefore, sure to increase. The city government should for that reason devote more money in this year's budget to riverside recreational facilities.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
Whether Mason River is suitable for recreational activities.

The argument is to indicate the Mason City’s government should input more money in budget to improve riverside recreational facilities because residents put water sports as their favorable recreational activity. The assumptions on more use of Mason river after being cleaned up and unstated assumptions on whether residents love doing water sports need to be examined.

The survey to rank favorite recreational activities may not sufficiently to prove the residents loving doing water sports more than others. The unstated assumption about how frequently residents would use the riverside recreational utilities need to be examined. If the survey investigates activities people can’t do in Mason city but only water sports, it doesn’t mean the residents would use the facilities for water sports that often either. The survey is supposed to investigate how often residents do water sports and how frequently they use the facilities, based on which city government can decide to devote more money to better the related facilities.

In addition, the historical reason why Mason river is rarely used for the discussed purpose is unstated and worth being studied. What if the river is not safe for water sports, such as the flowing speed, the geographical features? Then it is not possible to use it more for aquatic entertainment even after being cleaned up and facilities adaption.

What’s more is that the cleaning up of Mason river does not mean the river for water sports will be definitely increased. It is very necessary to change the current water quality and the smelly river so that living in the area is a pleasant experience. It should be the first priority but after than the government probably can’t secure more money in setting up more facilities for water sports as it is a complicated process lasting for decades. If money distributed to other purposes such as facilities, it might deteriorate the holistic environment planning in the long run.  

mzlgjgUID：3804664

74.The president of Grove College has recommended that the college abandon its century-old tradition of all-female education and begin admitting men. Pointing to other all-female colleges that experienced an increase in applications after adopting coeducation, the president argues that coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment. However, the director of the alumnae association opposes the plan. Arguing that all-female education is essential to the very identity of the college, the director cites annual surveys of incoming students in which these students say that the school's all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove. The director also points to a survey of Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents strongly favored keeping the college all female.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Claim: Grove College should admit men.
Data: Other all-female colleges experienced increase in education after adopting coeducation.
Warrant: Coeducation would also ensure increase of application in Grove as well.
Question: Is Grove’s case identical of other all-female colleges? Did other college adopt other policies besides coeducation that resulted in increase in application?

Claim: All-female is essential to the identity of Grove College.
Data: Annual survey of incoming students show that the school’s all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove.
Warrant: The survey represented the majority of the Grove’s students opinion.
Question: Is the sample of the survey objective and large enough to represent the majority of Grove’s incoming students? Should the teachers and current students’ opinion be taken into consideration?

Claim: Grove should keep all female.
Data: Survey of Grove alumnae show that a majority of them strongly favored keeping the college all female.
Warrant: Alumnae’ s view about keeping Grove all female is of vital importance.
Question: Did people who were surveyed all reply? Is it possible that only who advocated all female policy replied?

Introduction: The president of Grove College and alumnae director’s opinion about whether Grove should adopt coeducation is contradicted. Both of them gave several plausible evidence like examples of other colleges and survey in support of their status. However, several questions concerning how comparable Grove is to other all-female colleges and alumnae and students’ attitudes toward all-female policy needs to be asked in fully evaluating this argument. Only when these questions are clearly settled can we clarify whether recommendation is plausible.

TS1: The president of Grove College advocates that coeducation should be adopted because successful examples of other all-female colleges’ transformation into coeducation already exists. However, is Grove’s case identical of other all-female colleges? If Grove has some specialty that students value greatly has to do with all-female, then other colleges’ case can’t simply be applied in Grove. And did other all-female colleges adopt other policies besides coeducation that resulted in increase in application? The unison effect of several policies together--increase in application and enrollment will be very different from just adopting coeducation alone, so in this case coeducation in Grove may not result in the same consequence as other colleges. So determining whether Grove is comparable to other colleges and whether other colleges have adopted policies besides coeducation is of vital importance in validating the president’s recommendation.

对第三个C-D-W感到有一些困惑，不知道应该站在什么角度去讨论校友对这个政策变化的看法...

段落修改MI,SS,WC,RP
As an old saying goes, look before you leap. It is universally acknowledged that we should carefully consider (MI) before taking a risk. However, when an emergency occurs, chances are that only making the decision quickly (SS) can the problem be solved, which means there is not enough time to considerate (WC) in a   comprehensive way. Thus, under such circumstance, idea needs offering (RP) without hesitation. Thus, whether people should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences before risking depends on the circumstances.

修改后的：As an old saying goes, look before you leap. It is universally acknowledged that we should carefully consider the following consequences before taking a risk. However, when an emergency occurs, chances are that only by making the decision quickly can we solve the problem, which means there is no enough time to consider the result in a comprehensive way. Therefore, under such circumstance, ideas have to be formed in our mind without hesitation. So whether people should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences before risking depends on the circumstances.

wanghaitao199391UID：3704441

Argument 34/58/94
94)The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Using electronic monitoring software is the best way to reduce the number of hours Climpson employees spend on personal or recreational activities. We predict that installing software to monitor employees' Internet use will allow us to prevent employees from wasting time, thereby increasing productivity and improving overall profits.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
开头段：
In this recommendation, the vice president proposes the usage of electronic monitoring software at Climpson Industries. He /she further predicts that such software would help preclude the employees from wasting time and thereby increase their productivity, in turn contributing to an overall increase in profits. While I agree with the vice president’s intention to enhance the staff’s working efficiency, I highly doubt that this recommendation is reasonable. To better access the vice president’s proposal, I need answers to several questions about the necessity and effectiveness of this policy.
中间段：
To start with, although there are many employees at Climpson Industries are distracted by non-working activities, I need to know whether the monitoring software is efficient or not to prevent people from wasting time. On the other hand, even if the software is implemented, would the employees be concentrated on their work, or would they try various means to avoid detection? I think they would choose the latter. If the employees find a way to elude the monitoring software, the effort to prevent them from wasting time on personal activities will have been in vain. On the other hand, even if the software impedes employees from being distracted by online activities, will they feel unfairly restricted and choose snoozing or chatting instead? We cannot know the answer. Employees who are by nature sluggish will always be reluctant to work without any distraction and any policy against their sloth will likely be futile.
按照老师的意见修改：
Arg 1 Palean Basket unique

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

To begin with, the statement indicates that archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, a village across also the Brim River from Palea SS would lead to two different origins of particular distinctive pattern on woven baskets. Neglecting land modification (MI) , it assumes that the land form near Palea has not changed after the emerging of particular distinctive pattern on woven baskets. While it is possible that a earthquake produced a broad river cut Palea into two villages, SS/RP so the same pattern on woven baskets can be found in Lithos across the Brim River. If the land modification be proved WC by further archaeology evidence, the statement WC will be weakened.
回看这一段不知道自己写的是啥，感觉翻译软件写的，表达不清楚意思。想起来是谁说得来着，英语是一门发展了很多年的语言，各种表达方式已经很固定了，其实没什么好纠结的，继续练习用简单的句子说清楚要说的事。
To begin with, evidence revealing Brim River’s geologic past is needed to evaluation of the author’s assertion that Brim River has always been deep and broad and could only have been crossed by boat. Thus, this assertio ndoes not receive any support and could possibly be wrong, since Earth’s geologic features could have changed over thousands of years. A long and continuous record of river sediments may help us determine the Brim River’s history. If it shows the Brim River was indeed broad and inaccessible when civilizations of Palea and Lithos developed and thrived, the author’s assertion will be undoubtedly strengthened. If, however, it turns out that the Brim River was a shallow creek or even did not come to existence at all when humans first settled in this region, then we must reject the assertion that Palean baskets could only have reached Lithos by boat.

丽丽酱香饼UID：3764419

Arg 5/159/173 restrict moped rentals to reduce accidents
173) The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

The population on Balmer Island doubles during the summer months. During the summer, then, the town council of Balmer Island should decrease the maximum number of moped rentals allowed at each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day. This will significantly reduce the number of summertime accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians. The neighboring island of Torseau actually saw a 50 percent reduction in moped accidents last year when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals. To help reduce moped accidents, therefore, we should also enforce these limitations during the summer months.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

CLAIM: During the summer, then, the town council of Balmer Island should decrease the maximum number of moped rentals allowed at each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day.
DATA: The population on Balmer Island doubles during the summer months.
WARRANT: This will significantly reduce the number of summertime accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians.
A1：reducing the number of mopeds in summer could reduce the number of summertime accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians on Balmer Island
A2:  decreasing the maximum number of moped rentals could decrease the number of mopeds

CLAIM: To help reduce moped accidents, therefore, we should also enforce these limitations during the summer months.
DATA: The neighboring island of Torseau actually saw a 50 percent reduction in moped accidents last year when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.
WARRANT: moped accidents reduced in Torseau because of Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals, so will Balmer Island if the limits were enforced
A3: Balmer Island and Torseau are similar in different aspects and the limits enforced in Torseau apply to Balmer Island

INTRO
A letter of the Balmer Island Gazette suggests Balmer Island enforce moped limitations during the summer months to reduce moped accidents because the Torseau island achieved 50 percent reduction in moped accidents last year when such limits implemented. It seems reasonable, but this argument based on assumptions of which valid need to be examined critically.

A3
Even if Torseau’s 50 percent of moped reduction in last year is due to moped rentals limitation, another assumption that the limits enforced on Torseau could apply to Balmer Island is not confirmed. Firstly, if careless moped drivers in Torseau is the main reason for moped accident, but other factors like traffic disorder and pedestrian’s imprudent account more on Balmer Island, the assumption is invalid, and restraining the number of moped on Balmer would not as effective as Torseau. In addition, the limitation policy of Torseau was executed one year ago, whether the same strategy is suitable to Torseau or not need to be examined, let alone applying it to Balmer. Only after the questions figured out, could the assumption be proved, and could the argument be strengthen.

困惑和求助：
assumption类的ARG有点难写，，，
instruction里面response ,assumption, argument的关系不知道要怎么说明，有点混乱
不知道老师有没有辅助的思路或者用于assumption的例句~

WC
原句: If people surrender to the lust of sex and forget security measures, the possibility of pregnancy and Sex Transmitted Diseases, including incurable AIDS, would roar .
修改: If people surrender to the lust of sex and forget security measures, the possibility of pregnancy and Sex Transmitted Diseases, including incurable AIDS, would increase drastically.
体会：这种错误不被指出很难发现，版友批改也不一定正确。目前的应对方法就是拿不准的搭配多看例句。

RP
原句: When the risk is well known and fairly easy to manage or the risk can be assessed quantitatively, careful consideration can greatly manage the risk.
修改: When the risk is well known and fairly easy to manage or the risk can be assessed quantitatively, careful consideration can help the people greatly manage the risk.  
体会：句子长的时候，结构就会有点乱，多多检查多多联系吧~

点评12楼sweepyou
INTRO:
Because of 后面加很多原因短语，总觉得不大合适；可以参考ARG17的范文开头：The manager argues that WWAC should switch to news and talk to boost the size of the audience. He refers to the fact that population has grown due to more retired people moving in, the decline in sales of recorded music and the increasing popularity of news and talk in the area. We need to collect more evidence about these issues in order to evaluate his argument.
P1：
太长了，一共提到三点，感觉都是蜻蜓点水，没有充分的elaboration
第二点和第三点，我是有点困惑啦，感觉跟claim关系不大
建议少用问句，多呼应此题的instruction：evidence

ning97UID：3781898

Arg 5restrict moped rentals to reduce accidents

5) The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Claim： To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season.
Warranty：
Question：Does the number of mopeds rented by the rental companies surpass 25?( the validication of the limits)
Question: Are there any other ways people to get the mopeds, for example they would buy a new one?

Claim：By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.
Warranty：Island S could do this, so island B could do this, too.
Question：Is there any other differences between Island Seaville and Balmer, such as the traffic tickets?
              Does the Seaville's moped number equal to that in Balmer, mostly depended in the moped rental companies?

Claim：When Seaville's town coucil enforced similar limits on moped rentals, they attained 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents.
Question：Does's Seaville's town coucil take any other limits about moped rentals, maybe mend their roads?

Intro:
The argument based on Seaville's town coucil  similar limits on moped rentals attained 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents, proposed limiting the number of moped rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day, to acchieve the 50 percent of reduction in moped accidents. However, according to the existing evidence, there are many querstions to be answered to speculate whether the goal could be reached. These questions could be divided into three aspects, the validity of the limits, the correlation between the limits and the results in Island S and the affinity between two city to check if island B could acchive the same goals.
中间段：
To begin with, the validity of the limits will be effected by many factors. The coucil try to reduce the number of accidents by cutting the numbered of moped rented by the island's moped rental companies, and then it comes the question: Does the rental moped have an overall majority in the moped constitution, or more specially in the moped accidents? This answer will need exact ratios about the accidents to vindicate the effectiveness of the idea. And also, does the number of mopeds rented by the rental companies surpass 25? This question will examine the effectiveness about the exact number in the limits, will it be too low to gavanlize people to buy their own mopeds or two little to cause nothing? That will depends on the average and range of the number of the rented moped per day now.

修改：
61.People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
1、WC 原句
After all analysis above, I persist WC that we should take carefully thinking RP as long as we have the time or we can get a roughly answer. In some other conditions, do as the first intuition.
用词不当：
persist VERB （不喜欢的事物）继续存在 If something undesirable persists, it continues to exist.
VERB 顽强坚持；执著 If you persist in doing something, you continue to do it, even though it is difficult or other people are against it.
坚持反复做同一件事，坚韧不拔的意思。
重新选词 insist 同时还有RP，所以重写上句话如下：
In conclusion,  before we undertake risky actions, whether carefully consideration is necessary or not, depends on the  specific conditions, namely whether we have time to think twice and whether we are able to assess the potential risk which are two important factors affecting our decision.
2. WC 原句
As we all know, living as a human being means that we must accept every consequence caused by our actions. Inevitably, we sometimes take a lot of consideration WC before we undertake the actions. But should we consider carefully before the ultimate decision every time? I think it depends on different conditions.
修改： Inevitably, we sometimes think over and over again before we undertake the actions.

ChiuChiKwanUID：3828648

74.The president of Grove College has recommended that the college abandon its century-old tradition of all-female education and begin admitting men. Pointing to other all-female colleges that experienced an increase in applications after adopting coeducation, the president argues that coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment. However, the director of the alumnae association opposes the plan. Arguing that all-female education is essential to the very identity of the college, the director cites annual surveys of incoming students in which these students say that the school's all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove. The director also points to a survey of Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents strongly favored keeping the college all female.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
Claim: Grove College should admit men.
Data: Pointing to other all-female colleges that experienced an increase in applications after adopting coeducation, the president argues that coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment.
Question: Passage failed to answer whether coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment.
in Grove school.

Claim: Grove College shouldn't admit men.
Data:  the director cites annual surveys of incoming students in which these students say that the school's all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove.
Question: The answer the number of these students say that the school's all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove failed to be offered.

Claim: Grove College shouldn't admit men.
Data: The director also points to a survey of Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents strongly favored keeping the college all female.
Question: The way the survey conducted and the range of interviers failed to give.

Intro
   The president of Grove College has recommended that the college abandon its century-old tradition of all-female education and begin admitting men while the director of the alumnae association opposes the plan. The president argues that coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment while the reason why the director opposes is that the result from several surveys show that some students support all-female education.  Since several questions failed to be answered,whether Grove College should change its education mode need more discussing.


TS 3
  Another reason of why the resident suppoerts that Grove College shouldn't admit men is a survey of Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents strongly favored  keeping the college all female. However, the question that how the survey conducted  need answering. Firstly, what if the questionaire or survey just ask whether Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents favored  keeping the college all female? And chances are that those respondents favor keeping the all-female education and they also support coeducation. Secondly,if there is no flaw in the way that the survey conducted, the number and the range of people who were ineterviewed is failed to answer. If respondents who supports all-female education have been selected more to be interviewed, not to mention the number of interviewers. Whether this data or result is convincing and representative is failed to answer. Thus, from what have been discussed, the survey couldn't prove that Grove College shouldn't admit men.
修改段落：MI,POS,WC
修改前：
The president of Grove College advocates that coeducation should be adopted because successful examples of other all-female colleges’ transformation into coeducation already exists. However, is Grove’s case identical of other all-female colleges? If Grove has some specialty that students('s) value greatly has to do with all-female, then other colleges’ case can’t simply be applied in Grove. And did other all-female colleges adopt other policies besides coeducation that resulted in increase in application? The unison effect of several policies together--increase in application and enrollment will be very different from just adopting coeducation alone, so in this case coeducation in Grove may not result in the same consequence as other colleges. So determining whether Grove is comparable to other colleges and whether other colleges have adopted policies besides coeducation is of vital importance in validating the president’s recommendation.
修改后：
The president of Grove College advocates that coeducation should be adopted because successful examples of other all-female colleges’ transformation into coeducation already exists. However, is Grove’s case identical of other all-female colleges? If students' value in Grove is special,which differs from other colleges', then other colleges'success couldn't be copied by Grove. And did other all-female colleges adopt other policies besides coeducation that resulted in increase in application? The unison effect of several policies together--increase in application and enrollment will be very different from just adopting coeducation alone, so in this case coeducation in Grove may not gain the same success as other colleges. So determining whether Grove is comparable to other colleges and whether other colleges have adopted policies besides coeducation are of vital importance in validating the president’s recommendation.

很_简单UID：3742023

In this letter, the author attributes the decreasing of the number of shoppers in Central Plaza to the increasing of the popularity of skateboarding. And then, he recommends the city to prohibit the skateboarding in Central Plaza in order to restore the business. Quite  convincing the author's recommendation may seem at first glance, we still need to ask some questions in order to better evaluate the author's lines of reasoning in the argument. And the answers to these questions could help us decide whether adapt the author's recommendation.

Firstly, according to the author, he argues that the increase in the amount of litter and vandalism result from the increased number of the skateboard users. But we need to ask whether there is a casual relationship between the increased number of skateboard users and the increasd rubbish throughout the plaza. In the argument, the author's does not propose any information of the question. If the answer reveals that skateboard users did not drop any litters or break any public facilities, then we should reconsider the author's recommendation's validity. On the contrary, we may draw the conclusion that some skateboard users do infulent the plaza's business.

1.WC sophisticated mathematical models or computer stimulating softwares are anticipated (WC- word choice) to analysis risks well in an scientific ways,thus helping people to make properly decisions as well as taking right steps when dealing with risky stuffs.

改：anticipated 改为 efficient

2.RP Nevertheless,I suppose that technology has isolated and distracted us,essentially transforming us into individuals focusing on scale of phone screens (RP- rephrase)  and thus paying less attention to interaction in reality world.

改：Nevertheless,I suppose that technology has isolated and distracted us, especially turning our focus on small-scale phone screens (RP- rephrase)  and thus paying less attention to interaction in reality world.

3.WC+WF For the students in primary school and high school, formal education can teach the students basic technics WC to keep learning and create new knowledges WF in the future, but in the university, students should not only just accepted formal education as it can just teach students the knowledge from the past but not future. improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position

改：For the students in primary school and high school, formal education can teach the students basic methods to keep learning and create new knowledge WF in the future. But in the university, students should not only just accepted formal education as it can just teach students the knowledge from the past but not future.

感受，大多数有问题的句子都是长句子，可能大家驾驭长句子的能力还是不够。我这次选取的是自己力所能及能改的句子，语法上的问题可以通过索搜解决，但是语言上的问题比如WC word choice 还是需要有一定功底的人才能改的好。还有，本来想改一个SS的，但是一搜索发现根本找不到。。。太多单词本身就有ss

sweepyouUID：3559530

Arg 12 terminate student evaluation of professors -o

Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by 30 percent. Potential employers, looking at this dramatic rise in grades, believe that grades at Omega are inflated and do not accurately reflect student achievement; as a result, Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Conclusion:
Omega University should stop student evaluation of professors in order that graduates can find better jobs.

Points:
1. Students' grade averages at Omega have risen by 30% after implementation of the evaluation system.
2. Potential employers believe that grades at Omega are inflated and don't reflect students' true academic performance.
3. Omega graduates are not as successful in seeking jobs as graduates from nearby Alpha University.

Outline:
1. We need more information to judge whether the scores were inflated. Whether there were other factors which caused the risen scores (improved teaching techniques or change of sources of students); the attitude of professors and students towards the evaluation system.
2. We need evidence to examine whether employers' viewpoints are correct. We also need to know are there other factors which could affect employers' attitude towards potential employees.
3. We need to know more information about students' academic performance at Alpha University, as well as information about the local job market.

In this argument, the author suggests that Omega University should stop the evaluation system of professors, because of the increase of students' grades, the possible attitudes from potential employers, and the fact that students from Alpha University are more successful in finding jobs. However, to better evaluate this argument, we still need more evidence about how this evaluation system works, more information about students at Omega University and their attitudes towards the system, potential employers' consideration towards their candidates, and more academic information about students from both universities.

To begin with, the author mentions that the student's grades may be inflated due to the evaluation system. However, we need to know how this system works. When do the students rate their professors? It is possible that students are required to score after each lecture. If that's the case, the professors are not likely to gain the students' favor by giving them higher scores. We still need to know how the students think about their grades and the evaluation system. For some majors, such as creative writing or artistic design, students usually pay more attention to their project or portfolio than their scores. In that case, students may want to improve professors' teaching techniques through this system, but not mere higher grades. Therefore, they may rate their professors according to their real performances, not the grades they give. Besides, we need to know more information about the students with risen grades. Are those students mentioned from the same class? It is possible that students with higher scores are from another grade, who are more intelligent than their schoolmates. It is also possible that students have committed more time and energy to their schoolwork. Without the information mentioned above, it is not safe to infer that the grades are inflated.

Secondly, the author argues that potential employers may make a negative judgment towards Omega University's student. As mentioned above, without adequate information, we cannot say that the grades are inflated, and thus the employers' judgment may not be correct. Even though their judgment is correct, we still need more information about the job market their company belongs to. When choosing future employees, do the employers have other considerations other than their scores? If they pay attention to other factors, for instance, students' internship or project experience, more than their scores, the students from Omega University may still get good job offers, and thus the argument the author brings about will certainly be weakened.

Thirdly, the author stated that students from Alpha University are more successful in finding jobs. However, we still need to learn more about students from both universities. It is possible that Alpha University has higher prestige than Omega University, and it has many more eminent professors and smarter students than the latter. Therefore, it is also possible that Alpha University students' success is because of their capability, not of their potential employers' viewpoints. We also need to know the major of mentioned students, and the local job market. If it turns out that Alpha University students' majors are more popular than that of Omega University student, and are in great need in the job market, then the phenomenon has nothing to do with the employers' opinion or Omega's evaluation system. If we are in lack of such evidence, we cannot well judge the author's argument.

WC
we still need more information about the job market their company belongs to.
修改：We still need more information about the local company's preference.
感觉原句是有点中式英语了，想表达的是当地就业市场的偏好，但写出来又觉得不对。还有有时定冠词the加不加也很纠结，希望老师指点。

WC
Do the employers have other considerations other than their scores?
If they pay attention to other factors...
修改：
Do employers have other considerations other than their scores?
If they pay attention to some other factors...
冠词好像有点不太合适

SS
If they pay attention to other factors, for instance, students' internship or project experience, more than their scores,
修改：
If they had paid more attention to some other factors, such as students' internship experience,...
这里感觉用虚拟语气好一点？而且more的位置在原句也不对

MargueritexyUID：3788684

166) The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. This shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can clearly prevent colds. Furthermore, since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, attendance levels will improve. Therefore, we recommend the daily use of a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Claim: Eating a substantial amount of fish can clearly prevent colds.
Data: A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds.
Warrant: People eating much fish visit the doctor only once or twice per year for colds, so eating much fish can prevent colds.
Assumption: There are some other factors prevent people from colds such as doing exercise.

Claim: Attendance levels will improve.
Data: Colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work.
Warrant: Eating much fish can prevent colds, then the number of people absent from school because of colds reduce, which solves the most frequently reason given for absences thus attendance levels will improve.
Assumption: Maybe other situations resulting in absence from school improve so the level will not improve but keep steady, even go down.

Claim: The daily use of a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
Data: A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work.
Warrant: Eating enough fish can prevent colds, and then improve attendance levels, using a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.
Assumption: It鈥檚 possible that the part from fish makes an effect on prevent colds is not fish oil.

寮

HelloC424UID：3815350

From the memo of the WWAC radio station's manager, to the aim of reversing the decline of listener numbers, the WWAC's owners first wanted to change the style of their music and then decided to change the original music program to new and talk format for the reason that in the area of their radio program can cover, showed a increase of retired old people and they might do not like the original rock-music style. Moreover, the decrease of recorded music's sales may reveal that they do not like music format. From my perspective, we need more detail information in order to evaluate this argument.


First, we need more information to decide whether changing music style for retired people can attractive new listeners. We need more information about the interests of these people. Because they might get more interest in reading newspapers, watching TV or even browse their phone and surfing the internet rather than listening to the radio station. Moreover, we might should do a survey about the reason why this radio station's listeners are declining. For example, if the decrease was due to that a popular DJ or host has let the radio station, we may still need to focus on the younger listeners and try to fit their appetites.



The argument WC  holds an opinion that these ideas, these breakthroughs came from our common things. I partially agree with these idea and I want to make a more specific devision about what are_SS_these ideas belong to: for wonderful ideas in the scientific fields such as Physics or Chemistry, I agree than the most resources these ideas came from are in our common lives and things, but for the art fields, from my perspective, I prefer that RP the ideas or the developments mostly may came from the accumulations and the uncommon life experience of  the man of letters themselves.

This issue holds an opinion that these breakthroughs came from common things in our lives. From my perspective, for wonderful ideas in the scientific fields such as Physics or Chemistry, I agree than the most resources these ideas came from are in our common lives and things, but for the art fields, I consider that the ideas and the developments mostly came from the accumulations and the uncommon life experience of  the artists themselves.

  我的错误多数在wc,pr,ss 上，上面这个段落集中了三个错误。有一些是题目要求没写在文章中，有的是想要用复杂句式却弄巧成拙。

前意识的斑点UID：3383834

In this argument, the manager of WWAC radio station concludes that they need to change to a news and talk style to increase the number of listeners. However, the examples related to population growth and decline in local sales were not detailed and holistic enough to prove the arguments. Thus, more evidences are needed to strengthen the argument.

To begin with, even though the number of residents in the area increased, the listener numbers decreased. The author boldly assumes that old people are the majority of the station's potential listeners. It is likely that the youth in the area were into rock-music format. They stopped listening to the station mainly because the final weeks were approaching. Once they finished their finals, they would go back and listen to the radio again. Thus, perhaps the radio should think about attract more young people, rather than draw more attention from the old. An survey that could showcase that young people are the main listeners of the station could weaken the advice, which assumes old people are the potential listeners.

Even if the old are the major listeners, it is likely that they like music format. The manager assumes that local sales of recorded music could demonstrate that people were not increased in music. However, the local sales dropped might because of other factors, such as online shopping, online music apps and so forth. As the development of internet, there were increasingly number of people start shopping online. Thus, local sales could not really demonstrate the folks’ proclivity to music. Perhaps, they are into music. They are just not into the old-fashioned way anymore. If the author could draw out an evidence that could show that the old people who live in the area, are not into music at all, the argument might be strengthened.

Furthermore, the preference of the old is unknown. The author suggests that elderly people are into a news and talk format. Perhaps, old people, for instance, are more into classical music and sports related show. Thus, a news and talk format might not draw their attention. A survey, which could cover different genders and different age groups, might help the author understands deeper about individuals' preferences. Even though the individuals are into the news and talk show, they might not listen to it because they do not know about this radio station. It is likely that the old only watch tv and listen to other channels. In fact, the radio station might draw more popularity if they advertise about the station more.

In conclusion, the author claims that after switching the radio station to a news and talk show format, the station would gain more elderly listeners. However, it is possible that the elderly is not into news and talk show, instead they enjoy other kinds of show. Or perhaps, more young people are into this radio station. Thus, more evidence about the local's preference are needed to be provided to help strengthen the argument.

批改:
Even if Parson City and Blue city have the same level of infrastructure and students, the level of residents’ participation is unknown. It is possible that the policy of those cities does not allow residents to speak up their opinions. Or perhaps, most people in the cities are too lazy to vote for certain policy. Thus, the decision, which are made by the city, might not present opinions of most residents holistically. If the author could demonstrate that people in Parson and Blue City actively vote and propose policies, which are accepted by the government, it could strengthen the claims about the residents of two cities.
感觉有主谓不一致