8月30-31日 issue第8类同主题写作暨argument模考 （8月最后一期）

赝姝UID：3632211

赝姝 发表于 2017-8-31 23:14
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  In the memo from the Board of Directors, the author advises the Butler manufacturing to shorten the work shifts to decrease the record of on-the-job accidents by taking nearby Panoply industry whose record is lower into consideration. To evaluate the soundness of the recommendation, we need to ask more questions about the method to record an accident, the number of workers in Butler and Panoply, the region where the government study does survey and the difference of working conditons between Butler and Panoply.
  In the first place, the argument claims that the reported accidents in Butler is 30 percent more than which in Panoply. As we do not know the information about method of recording an accident, it is unknown whether the gap in recorded number is due to that the Butler does not have an efficient way to record the accident happened in its industry. It is possible that Butler has fewer monitoring cameras installed in the industry or the manager did not report accidents to his superior for some reasons. If this is the case, the recommendation may not work after shortening the work shifts.
  In addition, the number of accidents cannot accurately reflect the safety because we do not know the number of the workers in a industry. In another word, even the number of accidents in Butler is indeed 30 percent more than which in Panoply, we need to calculate the ratio of the accidents to workers which more accurately reflect the safe condition of a industry when we assess this recommendation. Maybe the scale of Butler is much bigger than Panoply and the ratio of accidents in Butler is relatively lower, the manufacturing ought not to take the recommendation.
  What’s more, we also need to know the region where the government study do its survey. Whether the region includes the area which Butler sits on determines whether we can apply the conclusion of the study into the case of Butler. If we find that the study do the research on some other areas rather than the place Butler locates on, the study cannot support the recommendation.
  Finally, we need to do some survey about the working conditions in Butler and Panoply. We need to exclude some other factors which may cause the lower record of accidents in Panoply. For example, the worker in Panoply are forced to follow a manipulating flow which help them to make fewer mistakes and thus fewer accidents. Or the safety devices are the main reason why there is fewer accidents in Panoply. If these assumptions are true, taking the recommendation can not solve the problem.
  In conclusion, the manufacturing can not decide to take the recommendation unless it find more information to answer the questions I mentioned above.

游离雨UID：3816551

issue 13/46/70/102/112/140
issue 13: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

University education plays an important part in people's life and provides an valuable opportunity for people to be educated into a person with comprehensive characters. Some people might be in favor of the idea that students should only focus on their own field of study and pay little attention to stuff unrelated to his or her major. However, I totally disagree with it because I think taking a variety of courses outside the student's field of study could actually be beneficial to their development both in their work and life.

To begin with, learning courses in different field could help students enhance their understanding and abilities of operation in their own field of study. As we know, the boundary of a major is, more often than not, nebulous and full of dynamics, which means the interaction between different discipline is necessary for the vitality within one study field. For example, the birth of one social science, communication, depends on various disciplines including sociology, psychology, journalism and so on.

In addition, it is advisable to choose various of course beyond one's major in that it helps cultivate persons with all-round abilities. There is no denying that life is much complicated than any kind of field of study, and if we want to become a person with ideal personality and fair comprehensive abilities, we shall never be confined into a narrow field and ignore other important things in our life.

last but not least, taking different courses is really a chance that makes it possible to obtain a better understanding of both the world and ourselves and we may find where our true passion lies. For example, art class enables us to know the condition of artist and get access to different possibilities of different life styles.

东扯扯UID：3763369

东扯扯 发表于 2017-8-30 09:34
According to the argument, it is recommended that the work shifts if Butler Manufacturing shoud  ...

谢谢王老师的批改。
我在写完发表之后就发现拼写和语法问题一塌糊涂，一方面是写arg的时候读题和思考的时间会花费更多，加上本身打字慢，时间限制下紧张导致出错率更高。后期自己的模考练习和考场上，我会在这方面多加注意的。
修改intro如下
According to the argument, it is recommended that the work of shifts of Butler Manufacturing should be shortened by one hour, since this change can decrease the number of on-the-job accidents by guaranteeing the rest time of workers, which can be reflected from the case  of Panoply Industries. However, in order to fully evaluate the effectiveness of the recommendation, some questions need to be answered for offering more information. Questions about the reasons accounting for the accidents in Butler, the significance of comparison between these two factories, other measures Panoply Industries taken are important to evaluate whether this recommendation works or not.

下午再来继续改剩下的。

ChiuChiKwanUID：3828648

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sweepyouUID：3559530

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sweepyouUID：3559530

sweepyou 发表于 2017-9-1 09:33
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106) The following appeared in a memo from the Board of Directors of Butler Manufacturing.

During the past year, workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. A recent government study reports that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Therefore, we recommend that Butler Manufacturing shorten each of its work shifts by one hour. Shorter shifts will allow Butler to improve its safety record by ensuring that its employees are adequately rested.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In this memo, the director suggested that the work shift should be shortened, based on a government study reports, and the fact that there were 30% more accidents in his factory than the nearby factories. However, in order to examine the feasibility of the suggestion, we need to answer a number of questions about the reasons for the accidents, the physical condition and lifestyle of the workers, as well as the nature of the work of both the factories.

To begin with, we have to ask about the main reasons for the on-the-job accidents. Are there proper operation guidelines and enough training for the workers? Perhaps many accidents could be attribute to misuse of electricity, water, chemicals, and many of them can be avoided by proper usage guidelines. It is also possible that the machines requires certain skills to operate, and thus malfunctions of the machine are the main cause of accidents, therefore, by offering necessary training might greatly reduce the number of accidents. Without these questions being answered, the feasibility of the suggestion would be greatly weakened.

Secondly, we also need to ask more questions about the physical condition of the workers. Do they really suffer from sleep deprivation and fatigue? How many shifts do they have one day? If they've really worked with high intensity and loss of sleep, this suggestion might be practical. However, it is possible that the workers already have enough sleep, or they just spent the break with chit-chat, watching TV or game-playing. In such cases, if they could not carefully plan their time, or had a bad lifestyle, reducing the shift hour won't do much help; rather, the directors should have a better supervision on the workers' lifestyle.

Finally, we need to ask questions about the nature of the work in both Butler Manufacturing and Panoply Industries. What kind of productions do they manufacture? Perhaps the former is dealing with dangerous chemical or military productions, so 30% more accidents than the latter is within allowed range. We also need to ask whether the nature of work suits a shorter shift. Possibly, the kind of work in Butler requires longer working time, and the workers have to concentrate a certain period of time to finish one production line. In such case, working in shorter shift would trim the efficiency of the production. Without answering those questions, we cannot hastily draw the conclusion that an equally short shift is suitable for the case in Butler Manufacturing.

In conclusion, the suggestion from the memo might be quite feasible, or it could end up being much weaker than it seemed. Before we decide whether to adopt this suggestion, we must answer the abovementioned questions and properly evaluate its feasibility.

ChiuChiKwanUID：3828648

106) The following appeared in a memo from the Board of Directors of Butler Manufacturing.

During the past year, workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. A recent government study reports that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Therefore, we recommend that Butler Manufacturing shorten each of its work shifts by one hour. Shorter shifts will allow Butler to improve its safety record by ensuring that its employees are adequately rested.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.



My response

   A demo recommends that Butler Manufacturing shorten each of its work shifts by one hour because shorter shifts will allow Butler to improve its safety record by ensuring that its employees are adequately rested. The reasons can be listed as followed. Fisrt, during the past year, workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. What is more, a recent government study reports that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents.However, there are some questions which this demo fails to offer so whether Butler Manufacturing should shorten each of its work shifts by one hour needs more discussing.
  First question this demo fails to offer is that whether the detailed  situation of Panoply Industries is the same as Butler Manufacturing. Only information we could get from the demo is that workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Are workers at Panoply more effective, like they are more apt to some machines or they could work in a smarted way? And do workers at Panoply raise awareness of safety while workers at Bulter Manufacturing don't? Does Panoply Industries carry out more safety measures while Butler Manufacturing doesnt? These questions are failed to provide thus
once Butler Manufacturing shorten each of its work shifts by one hour, it is hard to analyze whether productivity and safety could improve.
  Second question this demo fails to offer is that how long do workers work a day. There is no denying that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. But there is no hint that workers are too fatigue to work. Thus, this result couldn't be the reason of this recommendation.
  Last question this demo fails to offer is that what will workers do during the short break and whether this work lasts an hour is too long. Some job needs concentrating so an hour may be too long. Even if an hour isno't too long, what if some workers choose to play mobile phones during this short shift instead of sleeping, which even makes them more fatigue and tired? Thus, it is hard to analyze whether productivity and safety could improve.
  Since what have been discussed above, chances are that Butler Manufacturing shorten each of its work shifts by one hour may not work well.

AngelyyyUID：3625119

xiulin2015 发表于 2017-8-31 22:42
問題作為開端的主題句是否合適？
結尾處，提出更多的問題，而不在分段的統領之下，是否合適？

谢谢你，不过我开头没有提出新问题呀
结尾也是分别回应了三个段落主要质疑的问题呀

daniel19910816UID：3586367

非常感谢王老师

liuwenrou233UID：3614264

模考看题

HallFongUID：3465192

thanks thanks thanks thanks

chengchen85UID：2410576

谢谢老师

Y.LUID：3852472

围观

ECFeverUID：3869029

xiexielouzhu

ScavengersUID：3925700

:D