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[备考日记] TOEFL作文_20180605 [复制链接]

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发表于 2018-6-5 11:43:43 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 liaolily 于 2018-6-6 09:54 编辑

说明:这是我的托福备考日记,希望每周攻克一个类型的独立作文。具体操作方法是这样:
Step-1:针对一个类型的题目,自己先在规定时间范围内用txt格式写出一篇
Step-2:自己去寻找里面的错误,总结并归类错误点(如哪些是语法错误,哪些是拼写错误)
Step-3:去寻找相关话题的范文,并总结写这一类题目的方法。写出该范文。
Step-4:按照从范文中学习到的方法,在规定时间内,再做三次练习,并总结。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same
amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


##################Time#############################################
30:00 - 26:00 brainstorming
26:00 - 11:00 drafting
11:00 - 00:00 revising
words: 351

##################Outline############################################
Disagree:
        sports activities are for fun and for some students while libraries are for everyone.
        Those two parties need different amount of money. It is not wise to spend equal money.

##################Content############################################
       
I disagree with the statement that universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries for two reasons.

The first reason is that sports activities and universities have a different amount of people related. While every student need to go to the library to search for information or read, not everyone is interested in sports activities. There might be a 3 to 7 ratio as to students who are interested in sports versus students who needs the library. In this case, spending more on libraries will definitely benefit more people. If we spend equal money on these two apects, there might be two much money than needed for the sports activities. Which may induce beacracy in the sports department, and what's even worse is that there might be a large body of students complaining about the libararies' condition on campus, which may produce instability of campus life and result in a threat to the university both currently and in the long run.In this sense, it is reasonable to spend more on university libraries if needed, considering the large body of students involved.

The second reason is that sports activities and universities libraries are different intrinsically, so they may need different amount of money support For example, the money to spend on sports activities depends on the scale of activity, whether it's sports activity for usual class or activity for large across-campus contest and many more factors. While expense for libraries could be money spent buying new books, maintaining current facilities, holding lectures and even hiring people to work in the libraries. With those variability in nature, those two parties could not be treated the same as to how much money should be spent.It should be best suited with the goual of the university, whether it want to be featured as a sports activities centered one or a more academic one.

In conclusion, I do not agree with spending equal money on sports activities and universities libraries for the number of people involved and the intrinsic difference of the two aspects.

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发表于 2018-6-5 13:55:10 |显示全部楼层
语法错误点, 有疑问的用法,正确的拼写:
(1)there might be two much money than needed for the sports activities. too
(2)Which may induce beacracy in the sports department, and what's even worse is that there might be a large body of students complaining about the libararies' condition on campus, which may produce instability of campus life and result in a threat to the university both currently and in the long run. corruption
(3)The second reason is that sports activities and universities libraries are different intrinsically, so they may need different amount of money support.
(4) While expense for libraries could be money spent buying new books, maintaining current facilities, holding lectures and even hiring people to work in the libraries.
(5) It should be best suited with the goual of the university, whether it want to be featured as a sports activities centered one or a more academic one.goal

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发表于 2018-6-5 15:30:26 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 liaolily 于 2018-6-6 10:04 编辑

在修改文章时,要问自己的问题:
(1)What the question have asked me to do?
(2)Have I answered the question?
(3)Is there a thesis statement?
(4)Do topic sentences support thesis?
(5)Do the topic sentences of each paragraph develop the thesis logically?
(6)Do my examples and supporting details support topic sentence and are
supporting thesis statement?
(7)Does the whole essay support the thesis?
(8)Does the conclusion summarize my message?
(9)Does the essay show organization and development?
(10)Are the transition words appropriate?
(11)Are all my sentences complete, with correctly formed subject and verb?
(12)Does my essay have variety of short and long sentences?
(13)Does my essay use appropriate words choice and correct word forms?
(14)Is spelling and grammar correct?
(15)Are all my sentences complete? Are there sentences in which the meaning is
not clear? If so what makes unclear?
(16)Are all subjects and verbs are in agreement? Make sure each sentence has a
subject. See if your subjects and verbs agree with each other
(17) Is the essay easy to understand and follow?
(18)What changes can I make to improve my essay?

这里有18个问题,我理解为有18点需要注意的地方。为了便于记忆,我们可以把它简化成:
Question-Answer-Thesis-topic-logical-examples/details-whole essay-conclusion-org/dev/-transition-sentence and variety,subject/verb in agreement, complete-word-spelling/grammar,improve

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发表于 2018-6-5 16:36:31 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to use printed material
such as books and articles to do research than it is to use the internet. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#################Time####################
30:00 - 26:00 outline
26:00 - 24:00 introduction
24:00 - 17:00 P1
17:00 - 10:00 P2
10:00 - 07:30 conclusion
word count:

#################outline###################
Disagree
        printed material a waste
                papers
        not time sensitive
                e-articles are ahead of time

################content######################
Research is now more and more important in people's lives.Not only does research provide the academic results for unknown things, it also provides better understanding about things that we familiar with. Regarding to the medium that we use, I do not agree with the statement which states that printed materials are better than the internet. Instead, I think, the internet has its own advantage over printed materials for two reasons.

The first reason is that the internet does not have physical limits during research, while printed materials do.You can access any material at any time that is on the internet, provided you have the internet.However, printed materials are confined to specific location. If the researcher' place is far away from the materials' location, it could take time for the transportation of the materials. It is not only costly, but also time consuming. However, time is critical for cutting edge research.For example, I know that many labs are doing research in the same field.If they do not know about the most recent published paper, they may end up repeating others work. This is not only a waste of time, but also discourages the researcher's enthusiasm toward research.

The second reason is that the internet provides a more organized way for presenting information.As we all know, nowadays, it would be much quicker to search with a keyword through any browser to find specific information than to look it up through a pile of books. What's more, most of the contents on the internet could be copied and pasted very easily, which makes keeping the information organized handy.For those who use printed materials, searching and copy/paste are generally not available.

In conclusion, printed materials is not better for research than the internet. The internet does not have physical limits and information presented are mostly well-organized.If we could combine these two kinds of ways for research, the would be best.

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发表于 2018-10-8 20:18:25 |显示全部楼层
加油

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发表于 7 天前 |显示全部楼层
l842003842 发表于 2018-10-8 20:18
加油

谢谢。你也是!

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