寄托家园8T互助小组第一组

Iam13UID：2116357

angela今天消失~我来帮忙,串个门

Iam13UID：2116357

你们的组长angela很关心大家的复习~
小人代她发言,并督促大家完成作业

逆风飞羊UID：182440

原帖由 lxacer 于 2006-7-22 08:57 发表
这是我的第一次写作，欢迎大家指正！
第二个是wwhrs的作文，我们俩都是第一次写的肯定有很多不足之处，还望组长和其他menmnbers替我们仔细看看啊，尤其是行文结构。建议越多越好啦～～

小弟先谢过，万分感激！！

说一下你的这篇吧 第一篇，问题还是挺多的。只说些常识性的问题。
What makes a good neighbor?
Some people complain that their neighbors are so bored that they can never clam down and stand their neighbors’ madden behaviors and terrific noise. Some people may find their neighbors friendly, kind, and well-educated. In our daily life, we everyone is certain to meet and communicate with our neighbors, then what makes a good neighbor? In my point of view, as a good neighbor, the prerequisite is holding a community mind. And then a good neighbor is someone warm-hearted, affable, and pure-hearted.   首先，第一段太长同样的意思要减掉一半。另外，比较重要的是，你最后一句里写的几项内容都将是下面每段的核心内容，而且一般不要超过三个，因为篇幅有限。但是年写了四个，可是warm-hearted却没有被提及，而B2里的affable and friendly有什么区别？
Good neighbors are community-minded. I cannot imagine how terrible it is a neighbor of mine cares nothing about our community. He/she may throw away the garbage anywhere disregarding others’ feelings, show no respect to the olds, and even plays the boring rock music loudly in the midnight, etc. Such people have been potentially deprived of the rights to be respected, or maybe you, but except me, can find ways to persuade them to care about our community and to respect others. Contrarily, a good neighbor must respect others, on which relationships between your neighbors and others depend. A good neighbor never throws the litter anywhere and he/she can pick the thrash up. To be better, he/she should be an animal-rights protector and environmentalist. Whoever needs help he/she is sure to lend a hand unstintedly.这段太长了 而且多是废话。community-minded是什么意思？有这个说法么？另外后面又说到animal-rights protector and environmentalist这就又扯远了吧？感觉你是想到哪写哪。
Another important aspect of being a good neighbor is to be affable and friendly. A good neighbor is easy to get along with and you can find common interests. You would go to beach for weekend holiday in a cool summer afternoon, talking about the basketballs, business, and life; when you are of sorrow he/she could comfort you and help you get through this painful period; and when you have attained a great achievement he/she will be pleased too.前面说了，affable 和 friendly在这里有什么区别和联系？如果一样，就不要写两个 如果不同，就要分别阐述。Moreover, a good neighbor should be someone who can give you sincere suggestions and never lie to you. The neighbor like to adulate you is not a good neighbor and you will be suffered if believing him/her. Having a pure-minded neighbor is necessary, especially in strange areas alone. He/she may speak to you something you dislike to listen to, but of great use. Such neighbors will always help you achieve a lot.这个pure-minded 又怎么讲啊？它和 adulate 有对应关系么？和may speak to you something you dislike to listen to, but of great use.又有什么关系？ 一个邻居谄媚你，这个也有点过了吧？不太符合常理吧？另外，这个~~~~邻居又不是同事战友什么的，说良药苦口的话是 necessary么？In brief, firstly a good neighbor should be community-minded, caring about others and the community. And you can benefit a lot if your neighbor is affable and are easy to be friend. You should not ignore the neighbors who give you sincere suggestions, which also makes them a good neighbor.
语法和内容方面就先不多说了，先注意一下一些常识性的错误
时间还长 不必着急哈:)

Angela0316UID：2212269

555~~感动死啦~~SISSI/小愚JJ...~~~
羊GG终于出现啦~~~还帮板油改作文...
大家要多互改阿~~才能提高作文水平
不要怕帮别人改错~
你改错了，组员和组长会帮你指正的

pewcg8UID：2143213

这里我也来看看.

lxacerUID：2141555

嗯，谢谢点评。确实文章中有很多地方要加上连接词，因为缺少了这些词意思就表达的不够地道了，我会认真改的。
对了，那个community-minded我是在书上看到的，我觉得没有什么问题，就是说有“社区意识”。pure－minded应该是pure－heatrted “真诚的”。

下面是修改的slava的作文

[ 本帖最后由 lxacer 于 2006-7-23 10:05 编辑 ]

lxacerUID：2141555

今天先贴一个word版的修改的作文，下次改的时候就直接贴上来了。
这次改的是slava的。

Angela0316UID：2212269

我想这篇文章的最大错误是提纲，似乎没有看到我出的作文下面的那个示范提纲
要多上来拍砖...才有提高哦

Whenever in old ages or nowadays, a neighbor, especially a good neighbor in effect play an indispensable and important role in our daily lives, since only our good neighbors living around could give their prompted hands to us as long as we are in trouble need others’ help, while some times it is much more difficult and nearly impossible for our relatives or friends, who live far away, to manage to help us though they may truly in worry for us. Well, the major question is, what makes a good neighbor?表明主题不需要用一段话那么长,浓缩成一两句话就行了
In my opinion, the most important quality of a good neighbor should be that he/she has a warm heart, with which he is the very person who will help us whenever we need. In other words, holding a kind heart is the fundamental quality to be a good neighbor, even if he/she perhaps has some other faults, such as physically disabled, etc.前两段可以组合成一段叙述主题以及表明自己对于好邻居的观点;而且你这段话中只给出作为一个good neighbor是需要warm heart这个品质~是不够的~
A warm hearted man/woman will certainly wish people in the world, particularly those around him, lead a happy life, prefers to see all matters occurring each day are pleasing. He/she （指neighbor）is so kind that when he/she coincidently finds something his neighbors lost, he will unhesitatingly give it back to them, perhaps in a surprised way; when he/she （指被偷者还是neighbor----意思不明确~）realizes that his neighbors are all out, he/she will surely and voluntarily keep an eye for his neighbors’ home in case of being stolen anything. Therefore, with a such person to be our neighbor, we can be fortunate enough and it is obvious that we can get along well with him/her and thus can live more happy together.

However, some people might weight that a good neighbor should firstly be well-educated, talented, rich, etc., thus they can communicate in much more polite and elegant way, or they can get some economical help when urgently short of money. But factually, if that neighbor is lack of a warm heart, but only indifference instead, it is of great possibility that they cannot get any help from the neighbor except that helping them can benefit him/her much. In this sense, I dare to say that the neighbor is absolutely not a good neighbor.按照我第二段给出的建议此时应该给出第二个作为好邻居的所应具备的品质，可以再写第3个品质作为另一段~
In all, a good neighbor does not need to be well-educated, talented, or rich, etc. but need a warm heart. With it, a neighbor could be sincere enough to pay his/her attention to the people, the world. If people all over the world are all good neighbors each other, the world, I believe, will become more and more beautiful.表达了你想说的内容，但是还欠缺说服力
[i]总结：1.有些句子太长，不至于一句话两三行~~这样容易出现语法错误或者绕口，令拍砖者会没耐心去理解分析~
2.语法不讲，这是你们发上来之前必须先检查好的~但是格式没有按照托福写作要求~大部分的不足已在上面标明了
3.例子不够鲜明~[/color]
总的来，还需锻炼~…还有时间~私地下要多和lxacer（水手）或者其他组员多讨论/看看写作模板
还有，冒昧问一句，你是不是用了电子词典之类的工具？

[ 本帖最后由 Angela0316 于 2006-7-23 11:33 编辑 ]

Angela0316UID：2212269

lxacer干得好~~~值得表扬~~

Angela0316UID：2212269

现在还有两个组员没有交作业哦~~~
希望你们两个快点~~不然的话....:@:@

Angela0316UID：2212269

顶顶

slavaUID：2201811

谢谢lxacer的修改，发现自己语法的基本功“还有很大潜力可挖”啊:L

这两天自己还有一些其他事情要处理，实在是忙不过来，可能暂时不能参与互改，实在不好意思。

这里再问一到语法题
96年10月
2. The world’s deepest cave, Pierre St. Martin in the Pyrenees Mountains, is almost three times as
deep _____.
(A) as the Empire State Building is high.
(B) That the Empire State Building is higher.
(C) Is higher than the Empire State Building
(D) And the Empire State Building’s height.

答案是A
（我自己没选出来，觉得好像都有问题:L）

我在一份戴云笔记中查到，表示A比B大四倍的三种表达：

A is 5 times as big as B.
A is 5 times bigger than B.
A is 5 times the size/lenth/weight/hight/width of B

这份笔记的三种表达都对吗？

回到题目中，A选项中最后有一个“is high”，这有没有违反了“黄金规则一”呢，还是说A选项里的as引导了一个从句？如果as 引导了从句，那么这里的倍数的比较结构是什么呢？

谢谢！

[ 本帖最后由 slava 于 2006-7-23 18:35 编辑 ]

lxacerUID：2141555

这道题我 也觉得不对劲。看过一个语法笔记上面说是as。。。as结构，因为只有A有as，所以就选择A了。

Angela0316UID：2212269

我刚刚在PBT96年真题上面也找到此题~
但没有具体说"is high"

lxacerUID：2141555

好象大家都避免了说is high哦～～
请问安安是不是姓周？