寄托天下 寄托天下
查看: 14430|回复: 18

[经典批改讨论] Issue221 sigh 确实老了,写得勉强. [复制链接]

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
902
寄托币
18362
注册时间
2005-10-29
精华
23
帖子
1033

Scorpio天蝎座 荣誉版主 US Advisor

发表于 2007-6-20 17:22:12 |显示全部楼层
大家帮忙看看吧呵呵.问题肯定不小.
看完了我再改.
我皮厚,就不用马甲了.


TOPIC: ISSUE221 - "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."
WORDS: 726          TIME: N/A         DATE: 2007-6-20

Generally speaking, the significance of study of history can hardly be concluded in a few words. Thus, seeing from this angle mentioned above, although it may be a little naive and narrow to just limit the primary functions of history study merely within 'break down the illusion', I acknowledge fundamentally that during the process of history study, people will realize that they actually share much in common with their ancestors gradually, in spite of various superficial differences. Intricate as the topic is, following explanations are necessary.

Before acknowledging that history study can indeed break down such an illusion, it is human nature for anyone to first wonder that why we may consider that people living in one period of time are different from those who lived in another. We may feel normal to find Count Thibault of Malfete was totally astonished and confused by the enormous gap between his descendant and himself after he was suddenly conveyed from his own time to hundreds of years later, because that, we know the aristocrat has not experienced or even witnessed the long span of time he just passed within one second, during which numerous changes actually have taken place; similarly, if a person lacks basic knowledge or awareness of the evolution of history between other people and himself, he will undoubtedly feel strange of those who beyond his own time when confronting with them on TV programs, magazines or other mediums. Therefore, the answer to the question at the beginning of the paragraph seems clear, that is, the illusion is caused by the lack of the adequate edification of history.

However, after the first problem has been solved, another one rises. If we admit the illusion as a product of the ignorance of history, we must also
admit that the history is changing at the same time. Then, ironically, will the 'illusion' still be an illusion? Or it just turns out to be the truth?

To answer this question it is inevitable to scrutinize the essential points of history. There is no denying that, history never appears as a stasis, but the changing process is accumulative and slow rather than reconstructive and radical. Therefore, although history cannot repeat thoroughly today, the overall trend stays the same during the human history. More or less, modern theories, technologies or conceptions cannot avoid being influenced by their predecessors, and, consequently, they revise the dross, inherit merits, establish themselves finally. Accordingly, it is not exaggerate to suggest that every new form of event related with human beings is similar with its foregoing counterpart; or at least, the difference is not as significant as many people think.

Furthermore, besides the external forms of changes mentioned above, the consistency of human history relies much more on the inner spirits of human race in fact. Sword, rifle, atom bomb, from the first to the latest, the shape differs apparently, and the power multiplies dramatically, due to the development of technology. But human beings use them only for one purpose--- that is to war; moreover, although the weapons used in the war are different, the origin of the war also remains the same, that is greed and lust, both of which belong to the Seven. On the contrary, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, although their doctrines are incompatible, the spirit of pursuing the truth has passed down from one to another. Aside from those two particular examples, the more careful you delve into the history, the deeper you will be convinced that some inner characters of human beings are permanent, either good or evil. But, be noticed, only through in-depth study of history can you get the conclusion mentioned above, otherwise you will probably be puzzled by various covers on the inherent similarities of human beings.

Insofar, the foregoing discussions all support the assertion of the author; admittedly the meaning of studying history is much wider than contrasting people in different times. From the standpoints of individuals, it can provide entertainments, meet the curiosities and so forth; seeing from a higher position, it can raise the ethos of a nation, guide the decisions of the leaders, etc. However, it is unreasonable to demand one assertion is perfect in every side, and we just need to absorb the merits of this assertion, that is, thorough studying history, we may know more about our ancestors, and thus, know more about ourselves.


[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-21 14:26 编辑 ]
已有 3 人评分寄托币 收起 理由
陈星君 + 1 我很赞同
Demo + 5 ..
lastangel + 11 就剩11分了 有些局限于消除幻觉这一个 ...

总评分: 寄托币 + 17   查看全部投币

回应

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
264
注册时间
2007-5-12
精华
0
帖子
2
发表于 2007-6-20 18:45:26 |显示全部楼层
很棒哦,很有深度。语言也很美,很多结构是我不敢尝试的。整个文章结构我觉得很清晰。
俺新手,不敢多言。有两个地方想提出下下:
1. 第四段最后一句,or at least, the difference is not as significance as the author asserts.意思本应该是“或至少,差异不是那么大”,对否?原句翻译后是“至少,差异不是作者断言的那么大”,但作者本身是认为“差异不大”的吧。所以,是否应该为“or at least, the difference is not as significance as some assert”或“or at least, the difference is not that significance”
2.小小的建议,最后一段“it can raise the spirit of a nation”,是不是用ethos更好点点?

汗,我水平不怎样的,可能提出的建议会比较ruozhi,请楼主和其他g友不要介意:)

[ 本帖最后由 wuqiang_1982 于 2007-6-20 19:08 编辑 ]

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
264
注册时间
2007-5-12
精华
0
帖子
2
发表于 2007-6-20 19:03:35 |显示全部楼层
3. 第三段开头句:However,after solving the first problem, another one rises. 是不是语法上稍微有误?
按道理,after solving是某人进行的,那么后面应该也是“人”的行为,譬如after solving the first problem, we see another one rising. 或改为“However,after we solve the first problem, another one rises.”

使用道具 举报

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
427
寄托币
22408
注册时间
2006-9-29
精华
55
帖子
644

Cancer巨蟹座 荣誉版主 QQ联合登录 建筑版勋章

发表于 2007-6-20 19:15:52 |显示全部楼层
第一段主题句长了些, 看起来很晦涩
另外Count Thibault of Malfete 这个例子我没看懂...
发现以后同主题可以让BZ来写...开发新形式嘿嘿

使用道具 举报

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
902
寄托币
18362
注册时间
2005-10-29
精华
23
帖子
1033

Scorpio天蝎座 荣誉版主 US Advisor

发表于 2007-6-20 19:27:26 |显示全部楼层
原帖由 lastangel 于 2007-6-20 19:15 发表
第一段主题句长了些, 看起来很晦涩
另外Count Thibault of Malfete 这个例子我没看懂...
发现以后同主题可以让BZ来写...开发新形式嘿嘿


just visiting那个电影里面的人物

从中世纪被巫师传送到现代了


我自己写得时候也想过这个问题
同主题可以考虑这个样子...
一次让一个版主来写一篇...
大家评论~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
427
寄托币
22408
注册时间
2006-9-29
精华
55
帖子
644

Cancer巨蟹座 荣誉版主 QQ联合登录 建筑版勋章

发表于 2007-6-20 19:32:57 |显示全部楼层

回复 #5 iq28 的帖子

;d: 么事, 我现在也不开Q, 很久没上去过了

使用道具 举报

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
902
寄托币
18362
注册时间
2005-10-29
精华
23
帖子
1033

Scorpio天蝎座 荣誉版主 US Advisor

发表于 2007-6-20 19:51:46 |显示全部楼层
大家再看看吧...


感觉有点怪怪的~~:eek: :confused: :eek:

为了收集个x习作....
sigh

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
8
注册时间
2007-2-17
精华
0
帖子
23
发表于 2007-6-20 20:25:52 |显示全部楼层
考完了还写?PF!
回报寄托……

使用道具 举报

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
902
寄托币
18362
注册时间
2005-10-29
精华
23
帖子
1033

Scorpio天蝎座 荣誉版主 US Advisor

发表于 2007-6-20 20:31:37 |显示全部楼层

回复 #8 区委常委 的帖子

哪来的mj~~

没办法 这个题目难而且频率不算太高

要收集习作就只好自己动手了

顺便也锻练锻练呵呵

使用道具 举报

Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11Rank: 11

声望
902
寄托币
18362
注册时间
2005-10-29
精华
23
帖子
1033

Scorpio天蝎座 荣誉版主 US Advisor

发表于 2007-6-20 20:42:42 |显示全部楼层
2楼3楼的建议很好...
都改过了 谢谢:)

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
264
注册时间
2007-5-12
精华
0
帖子
2
发表于 2007-6-20 22:10:58 |显示全部楼层
shy ing。。。。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 9Rank: 9Rank: 9

声望
141
寄托币
6800
注册时间
2004-7-29
精华
3
帖子
792

Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主

发表于 2007-6-21 22:47:46 |显示全部楼层
TOPIC: ISSUE221 - "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."
WORDS: 726          TIME: N/A         DATE: 2007-6-20

Generally speaking, the significance of study of history can hardly be concluded in a few words. Thus, seeing from this angle mentioned above, although it may be a little naive and narrow to just limit the primary functions of history study merely within 'break down the illusion', I acknowledge fundamentally that during the process of history study, people will realize that they actually share much in common with their ancestors gradually, in spite of various superficial differences. Intricate as the topic is, following explanations are necessary.

Before acknowledging that history study can indeed break down such an illusion, it is human nature for anyone to first wonder that why we may consider that people living in one period of time are different from those who lived in another. We may feel normal to find Count Thibault of Malfete was totally astonished and confused by the enormous gap between his descendant and himself after he was suddenly conveyed from his own time to hundreds of years later, because that, we know the aristocrat has not experienced or even witnessed the long span of time he just passed within one second, during which numerous changes actually have taken place; similarly, if a person lacks basic knowledge or awareness of the evolution of history between other people and himself, he will undoubtedly feel strange of those who beyond his own time when confronting with them on TV programs, magazines or other mediums. Therefore, the answer to the question at the beginning of the paragraph seems clear, that is, the illusion is caused by the lack of the adequate edification of history.
(这个回到未来的例子证明历史似乎有点别扭,未来是完全不可知的)


However, after the first problem has been solved, another one rises. If we admit the illusion as a product of the ignorance of history, we must also admit that the history is changing at the same time. Then, ironically, will the 'illusion' still be an illusion? Or it just turns out to be the truth?

To answer this question it is inevitable to scrutinize the essential points of history. There is no denying that, history never appears as a stasis, but the (a) changing process (which) is accumulative and slow rather than reconstructive and radical(
这样好像更工整). Therefore, although history cannot repeat thoroughly today, the overall trend stays the same during the human history. More or less, modern theories, technologies or conceptions cannot avoid being influenced by their predecessors, and, consequently, they revise the dross, inherit merits, establish themselves finally. (加个例子吧,好空洞的感觉啊)Accordingly, it is not exaggerateexaggeration to suggest that every new form of event related (to) with human beings is similar with its foregoing counterpart; or at least, the difference is not as significant as many people think.

Furthermore, besides the external forms
(也没看出来上一段强调外部变化)
of changes mentioned above, the consistency of human history relies much more on the inner spirits of human race in fact. Sword, rifle, atom bomb, from the first to the latest, the shape differs apparently, and the power multiplies dramatically, due to the development of technology. But human beings use them only for one purpose--- that is to war; moreover, although the weapons used in the war are different, the origin of the war also remains the same, that is greed and lust, both of which belong to the Seven. On the contrary, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, although their doctrines are incompatible, the spirit of pursuing the truth has passed down from one to another. Aside from those two particular examples, the more careful you delve into the history, the deeper you will be convinced that some inner characters of human beings are permanent, either good or evil. But, be noticed, only through in-depth study of history can you get the conclusion mentioned above, otherwise you will probably be puzzled by various covers on the inherent similarities of human beings.

Insofar, the foregoing discussions all support the assertion of the author; admittedly the meaning of studying history is much wider than contrasting people in different times. From the standpoints of individuals, it can provide entertainments, meet the curiosities and so forth; seeing from a higher position, it can raise the ethos of a nation, guide the decisions of the leaders, etc. However, it is unreasonable to demand one assertion is perfect in every side, and we just need to absorb the merits of this assertion, that is, thorough studying history, we may know more about our ancestors, and thus, know more about ourselves.


本文的思路有些混乱,特别是后2个主题段。第二个主题段说后人受前人影响,第三段又一开始说表面不同,内在一致,2段有冲突的地方,读起来很乱。其实还不如把文章缩短些,一段说不同的幻觉的产生是因为外在大不相同,另一段说内在本质基本没变,这样应该会清楚些。最后的总结段实在没有必要提及学习历史的其他作用吧,很多余的感觉。
寻10fall去费城的朋友~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 9Rank: 9Rank: 9

声望
141
寄托币
6800
注册时间
2004-7-29
精华
3
帖子
792

Pisces双鱼座 荣誉版主

发表于 2007-6-21 22:48:42 |显示全部楼层
语言能改的不多,很好了
寻10fall去费城的朋友~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 10Rank: 10Rank: 10

声望
220
寄托币
42376
注册时间
2005-11-21
精华
25
帖子
1164

Sagittarius射手座 荣誉版主

发表于 2007-6-21 23:07:32 |显示全部楼层
呵呵。我之前光看了语言。不如阿。加油啊各位。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
0
寄托币
2324
注册时间
2007-4-4
精华
0
帖子
115
发表于 2007-6-22 10:13:46 |显示全部楼层

回复 #13 pippo1983 的帖子

嗯啊
有道理撒;d:
不过我尽力啦

再改确实也有难度了~

使用道具 举报

RE: Issue221 sigh 确实老了,写得勉强. [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
Issue221 sigh 确实老了,写得勉强.
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-689096-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部