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[未归类] 【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】1月20号作业 by roinyou [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-1-20 20:55:29 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 roinyou 于 2009-1-20 21:04 编辑

很高兴限时成功,大家千万不要客气,请狠拍!!!谢谢!

With the advanced technology, people tends to work more effeciently, but much more capacity we have, much more work have been assigned. More and more white-collar workers are suffering from pression of heavy daily work, and begin to take fast food for their lunch and dinner along instead of home with the family. In my oppinion, I firmly disagree this trend.
First of all, eating with family make much fun and help us relax from work. Much heavier the work burden is, much more we need to share our pression and unhappiness with the family. Dinner table is just the perfect place to have jokes and share the painful experience. In addition, we also have fun when we prepare for food and washing dishes with family, which we can not experience if we just take fast food along.

Second, eating at home with family is much more healthy. It is common knowledge that little nutrition does contain in the junk food, such as cola, hamburger or cook. What is more, much food may not comply the regulation of health food standards. For example, the hamburger may leave bacteriea when the seller take money and deliver food by the same hand.

Last reason why I prefer eating with our family is because it help us unify our family. Family is the foudational unit of our society, and it is responsible for us to take much time to cultivate and get along with our family, and make them happy. Image this situation, if we are abandoned from our family, who will support our career and backup us to success. In the modern time, with the advent of television, less time have been left for family share together. If we even lost the opportunity with family in the dinner table, we almost have no time with people who is most close to us.

To sum up, we have to spare more time to company with our family for the dinner, not only for the union of happy family but also for ourselves, at both aspects of good mood and great health.

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发表于 2009-1-21 15:50:53 |显示全部楼层
With the advanced technology, people tend(s) to work more efficiently, but much[the] more capacity we have, much[the] more work have been assigned. More and more white-collar workers are suffering from pressure of heavy daily work, and begin to take fast food for their lunch and dinner along[alone] instead of {eating at} home with the family. In my opinion, I firmly disagree {with} this trend. 2 m5 p- A* S. B
First of all, eating with family make much fun and help us relax from work. Much[the] heavier the work burden is, much[the] more we need to share our pressure and unhappiness with the family. Dinner table is just the perfect place to have[make] jokes and share the painful experience. In addition, we also have fun when we prepare (for) food and wash(ing) dishes with {the} family, which we can not experience if we just take fast food along[alone].
  w# b8 g3 Q. u* ?* L
Second, eating at home with family is much more healthy[healthier]. <It is common knowledge that little nutrition does contain in the junk food, such as cola, hamburger or cook>. What is more, much food {producer} may not comply {with} the regulation of health{y} food standards. For example, the hamburger may leave[have] bacteria [left] when the seller take money and deliver food by the same hand.

Last reason why I prefer eating with our family is because it helps us unify our family. Family is the foundational[elemental] unit of our society, and it is responsible for us to take much[more] time to cultivate and get along with our family, and make them happy. (Image this situation), if we are abandoned[apart] from our family, who will support our career and backup us to success. In the modern time[society], with the advent of television, less time have[has] been left for family  {to} share together. If we even lost the opportunity {of eating} with family in[on] the dinner table, we almost have no time with people who is most close to us. 1 w% P) r5 q3 u! U
5 G$ N/ y8 s% ]
To sum up, we have to spare more time to company[accompany] (with) our family for (the) dinner, not only for the union of happy family but also for ourselves, at both aspects of good mood and great health.
()删除 [ ]替换 { }添加 < >那句看不懂
话说这篇文章滴思路和讨论问题的角度还是很好滴,不过语法和拼写的问题有点小大……
首先,建议下次贴上来之前先放word里面扫下拼写问题。这里只把词改了没有标出
另外,您确定您没学过别的语言诸如法语德语啥的?因为您的语法着实有点小奇怪。不过咱自己语法也不咋滴,改错了您不要打我……
最后,我觉得第一段可以写的再直接简单一点,然后中间段的第二条可以再深入写下,分卫生和营养两个角度。总体来说,五段式弄的还是不错滴!再接再厉哈!

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发表于 2009-1-21 21:13:15 |显示全部楼层
晒晒我的作文
1 Why people attend college?
After graduation from high school, students can either go job-hunting or attend college, while most of them chose the latter one. Diametrically different as reasons referred to to go to college, career preparation is the most tenable one according to me. It surely is stereotypical , but it’s also true.
    Firstly, since students have a major in college, which provides them with an opportunity to specialize in one subject and get a diploma for this subject to clearly prove his ability in this. Others doesn’t possess such proof. Take computer skills for example. Though a high school graduate may actually have a better command of computer, but he can’t make this ability as decipherable as a college degree in computer for sure.
On the other hand, employers is more likely to recruit those who have received college education for college graduates who have a high-end social network , mostly including their schoolmates or alumni, gains a superb resource, namely, an edge over other competitors. For instance, the real estate company where you occupied a position is planning new buildings and you have an acquaintance with your schoolmates who majors in construction or architecture, your company will get an extra convenience in the project.
Finally, being able to attend college is also a proof of being in the vanguard of learning ability, though passing exams by no means equal to everything. In the light of these, the conclusion is that people attend college for career preparation in all regards.


2 Are parents good teachers?
Parents are undoubtedly the first teachers in one’s life, but whether they are good ones is a question to be discussed.
First of all, not all parents are good teachers. After all, they’re not born educators, most of whom are prone to issue orders as a commander rather than communicate with children equally. Namely, some parents are devoid of a basic sense of education and their preach may also backfire.
Of course, some of the parents are qualified as good teachers. They know how to make their ideas and opinions understood by their children in a natural way, but even this portion of parents aren’t good teachers in all regards, especially academic subjects. For example, white-collar parents in a company in most cases can’t perform the same function in teaching advanced mathematics or physics as books or professional teachers.
However, these parents are good teachers in term of teaching their children how to be morally excellent, the way of communication, making friends and so forth. Parents teaches these by their personal examples combined with verbal intrusion. For instance, when a warm-hearted mother help out a beggar or give a few cents, his son will also learn to offer their hands when others are in trouble. Due to the great influence parents exercise on children, their behavior, no mater how trivial it is, is teaching their children. Parents with self-discipline will be good teachers according to this.
In a word, it’s superficial to judge whether parents can be good teachers.

3 Does easier-prepared food improve the way people live?
With increasing demand for speed, easier-prepared food has emerged in everyone’s life. Food that used to consume perhaps a whole day is now ready in only a few minutes. Such simplification has emancipated housewives from the tedious dinner preparation, which leads to a more productive society. But does it contribute to the improvement of individual’s life?
The convenience it brings about seems to play a positive role. You don’t need to “squander” your precious time on a meal which takes even less time to eat than to prepare and find a job to get “extra bonus” for your own family. Also, for the standardized production of easy-prepared food, living costs are greatly curtailed.
While convenience and economy takes priority, people overlook the ultimate goal of them. Will these navigate you and your family to a truly comfortable life? No. The taste of easier-prepared food is rarely glorified, which also contains plentiful edible additives, bearing little relationship with health. It’s once reported there are over twenty different additives in a brand of instant noodles. In addition, such artificial substance will even impair your well-being if accumulated for a certain period of time.
Even if ignoring the nutritional effect of such food, its negative effect on life improvement still outweighs the positive one. It causes not only the loss of patience to await a delicate meal, but also of an idyllic life. In this “easier-prepared” food era, people are living in anxiety and agitation. How you can say that life has been improved? Only if you slow down and depart from it, you’ll realize that spending the entire afternoon in toasting ducks or learning to bake a delicious steak makes you relax and enjoy the always-neglected peaceful life.
According to the latter two points, it’s easy to draw a conclusion that the seemingly beneficial food isn’t the right path to improving your life.


4 Which is more important, book knowledge or experience?
Preference on book knowledge are prevalent in all kinds of proverbs and mottos, such as “Book is human’s way to progress.” , “One without knowledge is like a ship without beacon in the sea, while people attaching great weight on experience is also not rare. It’s easy to conclude that both book knowledge and experience are essential.However, it’ s rather arbitrary to say which is more important.
In some fields, book knowledge are more important, such as literature, mathematics. For example, without reading hundreds of books and garner the relevant knowledge of the 18th century, how can you write a novel on Napoleon, no matter how much life experience you have. Without the previous results of Euclidean geometry, how can you finish proving any theorem of triangle. The development of such subject counts more on the knowledge passed on from earlier generations than on your own experience.
Of course, sometimes experience plays a more vital role. When we learn how to swim , merely a detailed manual, even abundantly filled with illustrations, is at most useless. We have to jump into the water and gain the knowledge by experience. How to deal with personal finance, how to cope with current social trends, even how to most effectively organize our own mind, and numerous other things can seldom be found thoroughly discussed in books.
Book knowledge and experience are sometimes both indispensable. Take physics for example. Had Galileo’s results never been read about, Newton can hardly deduce the basic laws of classic mechanics. On the other hand, if no experience in life supports the law, the physics edifice would also topple.
Therefore, I think whether one source is more important than others depends on circumstances.

5 The advantages and disadvantages of a new factory near your community
   I have been leading a relaxed and enjoyable life in the community for quite a few years, especially impressed by the peaceful and harmonious atmosphere. When I heard that a new factory will be built near my community, I deem it a must to state my opposition for it will spoil not only my life but also hundreds of other dwellers in this community.
   Surely, it’s not that disturbing. Owing to the global financial crisis and increasing jobless report, that it’ll create employment for the fired at least in my community, providing convenience for the daily commuters will be encouraging. Furthermore, the students of the secondary school in our community will obtain an access to social practice if the factory does exist in the future. They can learn a lot by working in the factory.
However, the potential risks greatly outweigh the previously mentioned benefits. Firstly, the noise all day and all night is bound to produce countless sleepless nights. Considering the high proportion of the elderly in our community, such irritation is one of the greatest drawbacks. It also prevents students like me who have to immerse themselves in studying from concentrating on their books. In addition to the negative effect on part of the residents, major problems like air pollution and water pollution exercise bad influence on all sorts of people. The choky smog released from the factory will damage everyone, especially babies’ delicate health of lungs and cause the proliferation of harmful insects. The water, if not carefully processed, will lead to the intake of contaminated foods. Finally, the construction of the factory will compel us to go much farther to reach the nearest supermarkets and grocery stores.
Therefore, the trivial merits and the great disadvantages makes me vigorously opposed to the plan of building a new factory near my community.


6 The most important thing you want to change about your hometown
Born and bred in Shanghai, I’ve experienced the quick development of the whole city. Though the magnificent achievement deserves compliment, the problem is still obvious and will become a resistance to the city’s further progress if not resolved well. If I were to be empowered to change something about my hometown, I would choose to relax the limitation on immigration of rural population.
First of all, because of the increasing proportion of the elderly, the formerly inadequate labor becomes even more deficient. The manufacturing sector is influenced the most, since the local youth dismiss seemingly insignificant occupations as factory workers which actually make important contributions to the society and preferred to be white-collar clerks. If we allow certain amounts of rural population to move into city, we can solve both the problem of rural unemployment, which results from the surplus population in agricultural production and may cause the rise of crime rate, and of the driving force for the city development.
Somebody may think that the rural workers will make the employment of city even more difficult for they also occupy some positions which would originally belong to local workers. However, I think the rural flocking in, on the contrary , compel locals to become more competitive. In addition, the children of these immigrants will stand the chance to receive better education than in the past, which will enhance the general quality of the people in the countryside.
Furthermore, if more immigrants from the underdeveloped areas settled down in the city, namely offer them an opportunity to acquire favorable welfare , which will effectively narrow the gap between the rich and the poor.
Though I am not capable of carrying out such a great plan to make a change, I believe the government is bound to take such idea into account in the near future

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