argument 162 请狠拍！ 谢谢！！

窟窟UID：2644755

TOPIC: ARGUMENT162 - A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer 9 times more chronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia. Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat 20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called isoflavones, which have been found to possess disease-preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.



Basing on the result of one recent study that people living in North America suffer more chronic fatigue and depression than those in Asia and the general phenomenon that Asians eat 20 grams of soy per day while North Americans eat none, the author draw a causal relation between not eating soy and suffering fatigue and depression to bolster his conclusion that North Americans should prevent fatigue and depression by eating soy. However, after close examination this argument based on inconsiderate logic suffers several fallacies.

First and foremost, without showing concrete evidence, the argument that North Americans suffer fatigue and depression merely due to the lack of eating soy is highly suspicious. Other possible factors such as health condition, working press, living environment and quality, etc, to some extent, jointly determining whether people suffer fatigue and depression are neglected by the author. Therefore, unless rule out such additional possibilities mentioned above, the casual relation drawn by author is open to doubt.

Secondly, there is no guarantee that the phenomenon that Asians suffer less fatigue and depression is completely attributable to, on average, eating 20 grams of soy per day. The mere fact that soy contains phytochemicals called insoflavones, which possess disease-preventing properties, is too insufficient to support the argument. We are not inform how much such phytochemicals soy contains and to what extent this phytochemical can prevent fatigue and depression. Without asking both questions, the author can hardly ensure that the lower percentage of people suffering fatigue and depression in Asia is responsible to the higher intake of soy.

Last but not least, even though eating soy is the significant factor resulting in the low fatigue and depression in Asia, however, it is not necessarily advisable in North America. There exists huge differences in living style and eating habits between Asia and North America, not to mention the distinctive environmental condition from place to place. Therefore, both human and natural conditions heavily increase the unpredictable possibility, consequently, without precise statistic and detail information to support the common curative effect of soy , the way by eating soy, which perhaps be effective in Asia, would probably exert no positive effect on preventing fatigue and depression in North America.

In sum, the argument based on hasty and inconsiderate assumption is too problematic to convince us that North Americans can prevent fatigue and depression by eating soy. To lend more credence to the conclusion, the author should provide more detailed information about the benefits of eating soy in preventing fatigue and depression.

nuaaskyUID：2615912

首先看看语言
1、第一段对问题的reclaim有些啰嗦，而且用了一个超长的句子，我不敢保证你这个句子ets喜欢
2、However, after close examination this argument based on inconsiderate logic suffers several fallacies.
     too insufficient
    there is no guarantee that
    Without asking both questions, the author can hardly ensure that the lower percentage of people          suffering fatigue and depression in Asia is responsible to the higher intake of soy.

    这些句子是否有些中国式表达了？文章中不止这些~
其次说结构、逻辑
1、even though eating soy is the significant factor resulting in the low fatigue and depression in Asia, however, it is not necessarily advisable in North America这句even though是尽管，即使的含义，那就是肯定吃soy有用咯？这样表达不是证明题中观点了~建议不要这样写~
2、第一论点没有demonstrate好，表现在没有well-develop：Other possible factors such as health condition, working press, living environment and quality, etc,写得太抽象了吧？完全可以展开的~
3、整篇通读写来感觉每一个论点都说了，但每一个论点的攻击太抽象，为什么不能举一些例子呢？文章的行文感觉就是在做抽象的分析。而且，文章感觉有点模版话，不自然To lend more credence to the conclusion这句我莫名其妙看到好多人用了这又出现了~还有每一个攻击的段落里面的有效字数感觉不多~

所以给楼主的建议：
1、该抛弃模版的时候要抛弃模版，要增加有效字数，文章是比思路不是比句型
2、多看ets的范文，看看如何表达观点是地道的

以上为吾之拙见，楼主认为有道理就采纳，认为没道理就无视吧~