triter seven

wk4aUID：2616910

我争取写完啊，今天教室里好多人都看完了，人越来越少了。
lele77521 发表于 2009-8-5 19:10

我在大教室，也没什么人了，现在搬研究生食堂来了，这里网速比主楼还快。

wk4aUID：2616910

Facing reproach, we always tend to find excuses for ourselves. "We have no choice."你考完了我得问问你抽的题目，我肯定不能写你考过的题目。 We comfort ourselves. Whereas, in most circumstance, we have more than one choice in reality; sometimes there even exist too many choices which can even make people lose their ability of judge.

Admittedly,这个词我现在用着有点犹豫，老觉得让下步到要到下一段才however，绕的有点远，不知道你怎么觉得。 human beings are still tiny and powerless encountering with nature. From this angle, human beings should obey the order of nature; as a result we have no choices indeed. We cannot choose when we come to the world; we cannot deny getting old; we cannot live without diseases; we cannot refuse to die. Also under natural catastrophes, human beings are still helpless: earthquake could take thousands of lives; twisters could leave countless homeless; volcano eruption could destroy all the culture of a region.
排比句现在是你的招牌菜。

Fortunately, such situations rarely happen. In our daily lives, people are still facing more than one choice. It is our complex emotions that impede us to make other decisions. Born with love, joy, jealousy, lust, fear, and rage, we always want to better our lives. How many times can we hear such complains such as "My boss makes me work till midnight. I just have to do this!" or "I have to leave him although I love him. I should not go against my parents."（do you? 呵呵） Further considering these so-called "no choice" situation, we discover that they actually can choose other ways. The poor employee can still go back home and accompany his friends. The lady could still go with her lover. But they fail to do so because of their desire deeply inside. The former one dreams so much of a decent life that he fears to be fired. The latter one may love her parents so much that she could not leave with their vote. We tend to make a seemingly right decision for the reason that we want a better life, including more money or love from parents. As a result, we let go a cozy lifestyle or our lover. So stop that “Sorry, I do not want this but I have to do this.” or” I have no choice.” Nobody forces us to make the choice in essence. It is ourselves who choose our way to live in the first place.
论证的很不错，祝你考试抽到这一题。

Additionally, we sometimes are given too many choices. In our spare time, we could study, surf on the Internet, go shopping, or even sleep all day. Even when we are hunting for jobs, we could still choose from Company A, B, C（？？？） and so forth. These dazzling selections can also make us frustrated. After meditation, we finally make our final choice and forgo others. But many would regret their own choice latter. "If I had..." we often say so. Sadly, just as time cannot go back, these hypotheses cannot be set up again; what can we do is to accept our original choice, and stand firmly for our conviction.
只能说所见略同了。
unlimited choice may lead to confusion, regret of the alternatives not taken, and indifference in an unstructured existence。

Taking into account what has been discussed above there barely exists circumstance that is absent of choice. It is our complex emotions that narrow our own choices.
新东方的老师说结尾一点都不重要，只要有就行。不要太在意。

wk4aUID：2616910

This arguer draws a conclusion that the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets. To support this view point, the author points out that the comets are made up of frozen water and gases, which would eventually fall on the surface of the Earth because of Earth has enough strong gravitation to hold the water. The author also tells us the basic principle about how was the gravitation of the Earth generated. It seems reasonable at first glance, in fact, it is flawed in several critical respects.
句型要是对变换下就好了。

In the first place, the author makes dubious assumption that the comets strike the Earth in history. But there is no evidence to support its assumption. If the comets never have stroke the Earth, the water in Earth’s ocean is impossible from the ocean. So, The author must offers some evidence to show that the comets really collide Earth ever before, otherwise, the author cannot confidently draw any general conclusions that the water in Earth’ ocean is from comets.
论证到点子上了，但是个人觉得可以再多写点假设什么的，有点短。不像以前用123开头了，语言也有进步。

Even assuming that the comets have stroke (时态怎麽用)the Earth in history. The author （Even comets do have stroke the Earth in history. The author ）tells us that the gravitation of the Earth was strong enough to hold gases and water vapor from the comets, but it requires that the time of the strong gravitation formed must ahead of its collision. If the comets strike the Earth when the Earth has not enough strong gravitation to hold the vapor, the water may go off into space. Without providing any information about the time when comets collide the Earth, the argument cannot indicate that the water eventually fall on the Earth.
Even if the two assumptions above mentioned have no false, the conclusion that the water in Earth's oceans must some from comets' vapor is too hasty. It is entirely possible that the water source is from some other planet. In short, without out considering the other possibilities that may produce water, the author cannot convince me that the ocean water is must from comets.
攻击点都找的不错，就是论证欠佳，多学习下范文的写法会比较有收获。

In sum, as it stands the argument is wholly unpersuasive. To bolster it the author must show the time when the Earth has the strong gravity and when the comets strike it. It would be also better to investigate the other sources of the Earth’s water.

wk4aUID：2616910

In this case, the water on earth may a result of the formation of the original elements from earth itself.上段不是已经讨论过地球上本上就存在水了， Unless the arguer provides evidence of the collisions of comets and the quantity is huge enough, other possibilities can be eliminated.第三段是第二段的顺接，第二段已经说过地球可能本身就有水，第三段就没有必要再说了这句话（红线部分），应该是在第二段假设成立的基础上讨论。这样就会使文章紧凑一些。
第二段是说反驳地球自己没有水。第三段说反驳水完全来自彗星，我这才发现其实是一个意思，逻辑太傻了。
Even if the water on earth is brought by comets, the reasoning that the surface of earth is cooled and solidified by rain which is formed by vaporized comets is questionable in that the arguer fails to introduce the whether condition at that time. For vaporized water, if it is to successfully form a rain, certain factors like temperature condition and air pressure are indispensable. Also, the Earth may have long been cooled before rain falls. Thus the surface condition nor the formation of oceans do not have to be contributed by rain fall. 可以攻击不是下雨的形式可以是下雪或者别的方式，说地球上的说不是通过下雨形成有点跑题了，本题是讨论海洋水是不是来自彗星。
没想明白这一题的说下雨，solidate surface有什么意思，本来题目自己是要证明海水的来源的，半路说这些干什么？

wk4aUID：2616910

说说我的点吧，
1. 原来就在大气层里的水会不会又回到地球上？
2. 彗星撞地球的时期（这个你提了），会不会在地球未成形时就撞了？
3. 彗星在太空中摩擦过程中，会不会已经失去了大量的水？
4. 地球上水的其他来源形式，如地下水。

1、题目的前提是不是暗示大气里的水不是属于地球的？
2、是要证明撞后的影响大小吧？
3、太空没有摩擦好不好？
4、地下水和大气一样，是地球神圣不可分割的一部分。

我发现只要是我改的，一定花花绿绿的赏心悦目。

lele77521UID：2672123

I firmly agree with the speaker's opinion that the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance, whether individuals, community or society, are facing choice in every minute. Even under some circumstance that most people may consider “we have no choice but to fit it”is a process of making decision.

No one deny that humans are making choice in daily life. People may choose whether they eat breakfast or go on sleeping on Sundays; Ladies make decision to go shopping or chat online with friends; students in college would choose the optional class they like; the readers choose which book they would buy at weekends. In short, people are making all kind of choices in daily life. Under this circumstance, the author's idea is apparently correct.

Human society is also making choice in each period. Each nation has its own culture, ethics, and religion. Why they are differ in different countries? Perhaps it is environmental or social factors.  But I assert the inside reason is the result of its people’s behavior, which made diversity choices according their own circumstance at that time. It may also true in companies, the characteristic of its product, the traits of their workers, those are all decide by the companies' long choice which they like most.

However, we often hear people complain that "we have no choice but to fit it", especially when we facing up the natural disaster or social crisis. Take the 5.12 Sichuan earthquakes as a typical example, thousands of people lost their lives and countless children become homeless. Another example is the latest economic crisis, which has been result in high unemployment rate, factories' bankruptcy, lower real wage and so on. Under this condition, most people may hold the opinion that we have no choice. But, I still persist that we confront choice. In fact, natural disasters are the nature choice, human have no right to intervene the natural laws, we just make choice how to overcome the problem it brought. Financial crisis, which is the due to humankind's irrational behavior, the present crisis is the result of historical choice; we do not care the long-term high risk and lend money to those who may fail to give back the money, and then lead to the credit crisis. Now, we have to admit that financial crisis is actually the result of our historical choice. What we have to do is continue choosing the best alternative to overcome it.

In conclusion, each of us are facing all kinds of choice, or experiencing the outcome of the other's choice, whether it is natural or social choice. Which require us to constantly choosing the direction where we should go?(最后一句怎么改比较好)

lele77521UID：2672123

我怎么写都写不到500字，怎么办？其实还有好多话想说，估计憋一憋也能凑够字数，但我就感觉思路容易打断，你们提提建议，是在这些400字的基础上再修改润色呢还是怎么办？虽然不要求字数，但我又不是牛人，句子不好还写得少，明摆着让考官省心又省力呢。

emily_feifeiUID：2626151

另一篇其实下午就写完了~实在自己看了都恶心~还是再改改贴上来吧~

emily_feifeiUID：2626151

TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."

我的作文离不开DPRK了~攻击金家王朝好爽啊~

WORDS: 573         
Retrospect to history, countless countries sprang up and then faded. Among them, many were sparking for a certain time, but few could be reckoned as great or magnificent. When evaluating a nation, we can hardly ignore those incredibly dazzling achievements made by the elites, but on no account could we afford to neglect the general welfare of the mass people.

Dating back to 500 BC, science and art were blooming in ancient Greece. They even established the earliest democratic vote system which had crucial effects on contemporary society. To some extent, we are all descendants of ancient Greeks for the reason that we have absorbed so much from their beliefs and culture. Archimedes calculated the value of pi (the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter); Socrates’ far-reaching words still echo in the sky nowadays. Being humbled, people in present days admire so much of their brilliant and gorgeous heritage not for their power which helped them to conquer neighbor countries but their unyielding pursuit of truth, virtue, and beauty.

However, without the general welfare of the people, a nation is by no means an enough strong one. Mass people are the creators of productivity; the foundation of a country is not the minority ones, like rulers, artists, or scientists, but the majorty of its people. But failing to notice this point, some are standing on the wrong side of the history. Take North Korea (DPRK) for instance. Its leader has been imbuing his people with the notion that the greatness of a nation relies on the brilliance of its leader and that all people should fight for its leader. Being blockaded from outside world for dozens of years, almost all the nationals are living in a big illusion that they are the happiest people in the world. Sadly, what the reality is that the people in DPRK are still suffering famine, not to mention plenty supplies; frequently power failure is taken for granted; even a mild disease cannot be cured in their best hospitals. The rights of existence of nationals in DPRK are still so frail that can be threatened almost anytime. Facing all these, how could we rank DPRK into the great group? We can scarcely imagine what direction the country would go if the nation is exposed on massive realities. Will the people grab the gun and guard their leader? Or would they obscure in some corners, letting tears flow on their face?

Additionally, the concept of welfare should be extended to not only abundant materials but also the freedom of mind, including the feeling of being treated equally, the rights of express their own thoughts freely. A nation, whether it is a patchwork of various cultures and beliefs or a tiny place with one sole nationality, would inevitably in the face of different opinions and discords. How to balance the disparities, satisfy the majority of its people and spin the wheels of the nation harmoniously plays a crucial role in the government's routine. Only by handling these appropriately can the mass people enjoy true happiness.

Taking into account what has been discussed above the achievements by social elites serve to make a nation or even a culture more glaring, but the general welfare of its people is the pedestal of a country. The bliss of the people should be a constant goal to pursue for any nation who has the desire to be a great one.

emily_feifeiUID：2626151

21# lele77521

I firmly agree with the speaker's opinion that the absence of choice is a very rare circumstance, whether individuals, community or society, are facing choice in every minute. Even under some circumstance that most people may consider “we have no choice but to fit it”is a process of making decision. （个人认为开头你可以先说我们时时刻刻都面临选择，后面稍微啰嗦下，比直接扔出你的观点强~）

No one deny that humans are making choice in daily life. People may choose whether they eat breakfast or go on sleeping on Sundays; Ladies make decision to go shopping or chat online with friends; students in college would choose the optional class they like; the readers choose which book they would buy at weekends. In short, people are making all kind of choices in daily life. Under this circumstance, the author's idea is apparently correct.（daily life有那么多选择~你字数不够就再多些两句啊，可以把某一种选择写详细，组长描述商店选择多就超生动，哗哗写了好几行，差不多有你这段这么多了，多合算~----我真啰嗦）

Human society is also making choice in each period.（这点很不错啊~我们都没想到） Each nation has its own culture, ethics, and religion. Why they are differ in different countries? Perhaps it is environmental or social factors.  But I assert the inside reason is the result of its people’s behavior, which made diversity choices according their own circumstance at that time. It may also true in companies, the characteristic of its product, the traits of their workers, those are all decide by the companies' long choice which they like most.（同样的，你可以具体说某一种company，比如it业，需要创新的员工，不断推出产品更新。）

However, we often hear people complain that "we have no choice but to fit it", especially when we facing up the natural disaster or social crisis. Take the 5.12 Sichuan earthquakes as a typical example, thousands of people lost their lives and countless children become homeless. Another example is the latest economic crisis, which has been result in high unemployment rate, factories' bankruptcy, lower real wage and so on. Under this condition, most people may hold the opinion that we have no choice. But, I still persist that we confront choice. In fact, natural disasters are the nature choice, human have no right to intervene the natural laws, we just make choice how to overcome the problem it brought.（跟我的视角不一样，呵呵~这句话缺陷是全是逗号，这叫流水句，你实在拿不准就用分号，绝对不错。） Financial crisis, which is the due to humankind's irrational behavior, the present crisis is the result of historical choice; we do not care the long-term high risk and lend money to those who may fail to give back the money, and then lead to the credit crisis. Now, we have to admit that financial crisis is actually the result of our historical choice. What we have to do is continue choosing the best alternative to overcome it.（论证不错，你看东西一些具体内容就多了）

In conclusion, each of us are facing all kinds of choice, or experiencing the outcome of the other's choice, whether it is natural or social choice. Which require us to constantly choosing the direction where we should go?(最后一句怎么改比较好)（你这不应该是新的一句啊，应该是上面那句的非限制性定从，最后也是句号。）

emily_feifeiUID：2626151

说说我的点吧，
1. 原来就在大气层里的水会不会又回到地球上？
2. 彗星撞地球的时期（这个你提了），会不会在地球未成形时就撞了？
3. 彗星在太空中摩擦过程中，会不会已经失去了大量的水？
4. 地球上水的其他来源形式，如地下水。

1、题目的前提是不是暗示大气里的水不是属于地球的？
2、是要证明撞后的影响大小吧？
3、太空没有摩擦好不好？
4、地下水和大气一样，是地球神圣不可分割的一部分。

1. 我理解的题目意思是大气里的水是从space rocks 那melt来的。其实形成了大气层也算是地球的财产了。但是题目说的是水都是来自彗星，因此，我认为可以从大气说说啊。
2. 问题如果地球成形就没撞了呢？题目只是说彗星里有水，没说它一定撞吧。
3. 谢谢扫盲。
4. 地下水是地球成形中形成的。so what? 他就是形成海洋了，关彗星什么事？

wk4aUID：2616910

这篇比上篇更灾难，请不要留情。

TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."

Most people tend to view a nation, which is a body of people who share a real or imagined common history, culture, language or ethnic origin, who typically inhibit a territory though its technology development level and cultural accomplishment. But since the major component of a nation is the common public, its greatness is determined by the general welfare of all its people.

Admittedly, when a nation is mentioned, what comes first to people's minds is how advanced it has reached. Poor were most citizens of many venerable civilizations, they left dazzling science and culture accomplishment. Pharaohs in ancient Egypt led their people to build incredible pyramids; ancient Chinese scientist invented the compass, gunpowder, paper and movable type printing; the ancient Babylonia is also famous for the Hanging Garden. Old are these countries, they never fade in people's memory due to their great works. As for present time, Germany, for instance, is considered a great nation thanks to its numerous musicians and philosophers as well as its science technology.

However dazzling the aureole is enjoyed by a nation, it is dangerous to put the glory before a nation's practical function: to offer happiness, orders and safety to its people. Looking back at human's long history, even the earliest primitive men have learned to live together in order to avoid danger and to hunt bigger preys. The original formation of a gathering of people has informed us that in spite of the size and extent, any organization exist for its major members rather than accomplishing some certain tasks. Many great nations in history have made great buildings and inventions but finally disappeared as results of ignoring the fact the people's welfare is the reason they exist. The public is to a country likes water is to a boat; water can hold a boat and overthrow it as well.

Benedict Anderson argued that nations were "imagined communities" because "the members of even the smallest nation will never know most of their fellow-members, meet them, or even hear of them". But still, in the minds of each people lives the image of their communion. If the nation fails to offer the reason of belongings, the image in people's minds would inevitably vanish. Though a country receive significantly credit for its marvelous history, technology and culture, leaders should never wallow in it.

Minor elites and common public are all indispensable components of a nation, in spite of what they contribute. We may honor a nation which owns great science and culture accomplishment; we yearn the one with more concrete happiness and welfare.

wk4aUID：2616910

说说我的点吧， 1. 原来就在大气层里的水会不会又回到地球上？ 2. 彗星撞地球的时期（这个你提了），会不会在地球未成形时就撞了？ 3. 彗星在太空中摩擦过程中，会不会已经失去了大量的水？ 4. 地球上水的其他来源形式，如地下水。 1、题目的前提是不是暗示大气里的水不是属于地球的？ 2、是要证明撞后的影响大小吧？ 3、太空没有摩擦好不好？ 4、地下水和大气一样，是地球神圣不可分割的一部分。 1. 我理解的题目意思是大气里的水是从space rocks 那melt来的。其实形成了大气层也算是地球的财产了。但是题目说的是水都是来自彗星，因此，我认为可以从大气说说啊。 2. 问题如果地球成形就没撞了呢？题目只是说彗星里有水，没说它一定撞吧。 3. 谢谢扫盲。 4. 地下水是地球成形中形成的。so what? 他就是形成海洋了，关彗星什么事？

题目前提是地球是干的，所以arguer是想说不管大气还地下的水，最初的来源是彗星。

emily_feifeiUID：2626151

28# wk4a
题目前提是地球是干的，所以arguer是想说不管大气还地下的水，最初的来源是彗星。

我对题目的理解是大气的水可以来自space rocks。刚看了你的文章，同意乐乐的观点，你的第三段说水不是通过下雨我觉得也是没说到点上。

wk4aUID：2616910

Retrospect to history, countless countries sprang up and then faded. Among them, many were sparking for a certain time, but few could be reckoned as great or magnificent. 这句话可以背下来做很多题目的开头了。When evaluating a nation, we can hardly ignore those incredibly dazzling achievements made by the elites, but on no account could we afford to neglect the general welfare of the mass people.

Dating back to 500 BC, science and art were blooming in ancient Greece. They even established the earliest democratic vote system which had crucial effects on contemporary society. To some extent, we are all descendants of ancient Greeks for the reason that we have absorbed so much from their beliefs and culture. Archimedes calculated the value of pi (the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter); Socrates’ far-reaching words still echo in the sky nowadays. Being humbled, people in present days admire so much of their brilliant and gorgeous heritage not for their power which helped them to conquer neighbor countries but their unyielding pursuit of truth, virtue, and beauty.
appluade！

However, without the general welfare of the people, a nation is by no means an enough strong one. Mass people are the creators of productivity; the foundation of a country is not the minority ones, like rulers, artists, or scientists, but the majorty of its people. But failing to notice this point, some are standing on the wrong side of the history. Take North Korea (DPRK) for instance. Its leader has been imbuing his people with the notion that the greatness of a nation relies on the brilliance of its leader and that all people should fight for its leader. Being blockaded from outside world for dozens of years, almost all the nationals are living in a big illusion that they are the happiest people in the world. Sadly, what the reality is that the people in DPRK are still suffering famine, not to mention plenty supplies; frequently power failure is taken for granted; even a mild disease cannot be cured in their best hospitals. The rights of existence of nationals in DPRK are still so frail that can be threatened almost anytime. Facing all these, how could we rank DPRK into the great group? (加上个even though they bala bala 的伟大成就，如果你能找到)We can scarcely imagine what direction the country would go if the nation is exposed on massive realities. Will the people grab the gun and guard their leader? Or would they obscure in some corners, letting tears flow on their face?
本段后面应该着重批判金式家族不伟大而不是人们不幸福，不拥护。

Additionally, the concept of welfare should be extended to not only abundant materials but also the freedom of mind, including the feeling of being treated equally, the rights of express their own thoughts freely. A nation, whether it is a patchwork of various cultures and beliefs or a tiny place with one sole nationality, would inevitably in the face of different opinions and discords. How to balance the disparities, satisfy the majority of its people and spin the wheels of the nation harmoniously plays a crucial role in the government's routine. Only by handling these appropriately can the mass people enjoy true happiness.
这一段我没想到，比较有意思。

Taking into account what has been discussed above the achievements by social elites serve to make a nation or even a culture more glaring, but the general welfare of its people is the pedestal of a country. The bliss of the people should be a constant goal to pursue for any nation who has the desire to be a great one.