[每日一评] Issue13 By 海王泪--ISSUE题目中的审题陷阱
本帖最后由 irvine666 于 2010-2-14 23:41 编辑本期的每日一评来自海王泪的一篇issue：
TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."
It is regrettable that many lesser-known languages are being lost because cultural heritage disappears simultaneously. （你的论点出来的很突然，前文是“你”感觉到遗憾，后文就是“政府”应当…，如果你需要用背景式开头，不如换一个易于和论点接轨的背景，比如有个背景是说澳大利亚因为政府不作为，每年有10多种土著语言消失。尽量和政府挂钩）Governments should preserve languages as keys to cultures, but they should keep in mind that sparing no efforts to keep specific communication tools does not worth an investment.
Without lingual keys, lots of unique and valuable treasure may lose in human’s evolution. （跟进论述不够导致例子与TS无法套好。按照你下文的EXAMPLE，这里最好加上“hardly could human beings truly and fully understand their ancestors’ history, skills and records without the help of languages. So the lost of languages will lead to cultural discontinuity.”）For instance, Maya civilization, which amazes us by its cutting edge, becomes an unsolved mystery because no one has lingual access to Maya. How could they calculate the cycle of planets before Christ? How could they build edifices when they only use Neolithic tools? No matter historians or scientists are eager for answers. But the answers through ancient words on stone or books cannot be read and understood any more.（这句话点题了，不错） We are not willing to accept similar loss of culture. When we spend an awful lot of money to preserve endangered animals for diversity or appreciation, how could we leave behind those keys to stunning, various, and awesome experience of world?(这两句话在这里比较多余,按照你的段落结构来看，可以放到下面去)
Thanks to the realization of importance to culture, governments today are willing to pay for lesser-know languages（上文谈论的是语言的作用，这里出现政府如何如何比较突然。那么我建议你这句话改成：Holding almost all of the information of any civilization , languages are obviously essential to pass on valued spirits, ancient customs, and accumulated wisdom of human beings from generation to generation. (呼应上文) This irreplaceable usage forces governments to understand the importance of them, and motivate them to be more and more willing to pay for their preservation.）.(逻辑跳跃，可以将下文改一改：But how to utilize the money appropriately and effectively? There are two mainstream perspectives.) Interestingly, policies in preserving endangered are mainly divided into two camps. One involves language-promoting projects. Another is sending experts to save them in files.
虽然我把你的句子重组修正以后使得文章更加顺畅，但是仍然存在一个很大的隐患，你这一段引出的论述似乎已经偏离的题目的本意。 题目需要论述的是government should act, 而并非how to act， 更不是 details of the action. 因此如果下文你没有拉回来你的论述到should和 act to prevent,仅仅是在关注于explain two policies的话，就偏题了。
The latter alternative seems cruel when a language loses its life as a rare bird becoming specimen.（歧义句，as引导的从句到底是类比主句的意思还是when从句的意思？你整个句子的意思来看，as从句显然是主句的，但是读起来却让人感觉到是when从句的。） So it seems obvious that most of people agree with the former policy emotionally . However, promoting projects seldom work in practice due to reluctance of individuals and governments. （英语中however等转折之后才是重点强调，换言之转折之后才是你的最重要的观点。 然而这句观点和题目的key words: should act, prevent与否并没有关系，反而是在解释这种政策的优缺点，使你的文章成为一篇评论性文章而非议论性文章，不知道是不是你debates看多了的原因）
On account of individual development, promoting policy often fails to get cooperation. Populace neglect governments’ kindness, giving up their own tongues when a substitute language brings much more opportunities for them.（从这里开始已经偏离了题目的本意，你的论述应该对应的话题是：“政府应当如何有效的保护语言”，而不是题目所言的“政府该不该行动起来保护语言”，我建议你把所有的后面三段全部重写。） It has been my personal experience that government fails to hold Hakka dialect when immigrants and locals adopt other widely-used languages, such as English and Mandarin which serve as better living tools and greater convenience to keep in touch with a richer, broaden world. Immigrants live in foreign countries where local government could hardly reach, while locals are not willing to cooperate with regional government though it publicized and offered classes for our old sad story.
For macroeconomic growth, reviving endangered languages seems unwise to governments. Politicians know well that there is high correlation between endangered languages and poor groups of people. They would like to boost the intercommunication between these poor economic entities with stronger ones. Widely-used languages would be promoted instead of lesser-known languages. Hence people in backward areas can get more information, better education, more business and thus can naturally improve their life while decrease subsidy needed. In contrast, holding back lesser-known “tongue” not only costs a lot but perhaps deprives poor economic entities of rapid development.
Let us alter to another policy, which is more practical, effective and valuable in saving a language. By funding not a lot to small and active groups of experts, lesser-known languages could be recognized and recorded more immediately than governments’ direct participation, because experts are much more sensitive than populace and politicians. Before extinction, linguists, historians, anthropologists and so on could be easily directed together, editing dictionaries, translating important literature, taking sounds tracks, pictures, and videos and so on. Sometimes the combinantion research interest, record tools and media could even create much more value than promotion of lesser-known languages. For instance, Chinese scholars inquiring language of Manchu make greater contribution to cultural interaction than those remained Manchurians do. Their achievements in details benefits subsequent scholars. Their achievement allows people today to read books, watch program and search Internet to understand the once magnificent ethnic group without knowing a Manchu word. In contrast, promoting projects of Manchu language failed. Obviously, those residents in poor, remote area cannot attain what experts achieve for their dying culture.
To human, forfeiting a species of animal means losing of a vivid image, while forgetting a language indicates loss of a unique and splendid view about our world. Raising and falling of languages are similar to the natural selection of creatures, thus the governments of countries where lesser-known languages are spoken should not consider direct intervention too much. Instead, they can act to focus and organize experts to preserve the genes of languages when today’s technology has made it available. And preservation offers opportunities for people in the future, that one day offspring can reuse their old languages and find their original self-identity, as long as they are willing to do that.最后一段总结的还不错，算是到点了
总的来说，你对题目的第二个分句认识不足，导致中间大段的论述偏离了原来的题目的话题。这篇文章如果放在考场，很容易被评off topic.
看eco学的是它的文字和语言，而不是论证方式，ECO的大部分文章都是新闻性的说明评论文，风格不适合在ISSUE当中做论证。希望你能改过来。 SF 我的SF啊。。。 地毯。
666辛苦了。
沙发板凳辛苦了。 lz辛苦啦！ 好精辟的分析~不过两句话的issue找关系好复杂啊~ good
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