如何写好Issue结尾，以北美范文Issue17为例
本帖最后由 shadow1987 于 2010-7-21 18:35 编辑复习AW是从这个月初开始的，一上来猛打猛冲写了十几篇，经验是有一些，缺点也不少，前天看了小哀姐对自己文章的批改，猛然发现自己从一开始就忽视了Issue结尾，其中包括body paragraph的last sentence和文章结尾段的conclusion。于是最近两天歇笔，研究了一下北美范文，结合我自己的思考，做了一些很个人化的总结，望各路高人指正。
写阿狗的时候养成习惯了，先主后次，那就先说本文的重点：结尾段！关于conclusion的重要性，个人觉得重要性体现在这几个方面：
1：graders看一篇文章的时间相当有限，开头和结尾是判分的重要依据，这是我们从小就知道的常识，在这一点上国内和国外都是一样的，因此我们必须像对待introduction那样对待conclusion，可是我们没有，至少我没有。
2：机考时间非常紧张，我相信会有很多人担心时间不够，试想，当时间不够时影响最大的是哪里？conclusion！人一紧张思维僵化，只能repeat前面自己写过的文字，但是AW又特别忌讳字词重复！所以如果不重视conclusion的下场就是把自己最薄弱的地方放在最显眼的地方供人判分！！
3：最关键一点是conclusion是可以形成思维模式的！通过训练，它的完成时间和完成质量不一定是正相关！即时间可以缩短，同时质量也能提高！虽然我是菜鸟，但是我相信我的判断！
废话说了一大堆，切入正题，结尾段怎么写？我们可以来看一个AW考了6分的native speaker是如何论述的：
Conclusion ties it（整篇文章） all together, but does not just repeat what you said in the body of the essay. You want to paraphrase what you said, try to keep it interesting and remember this should be the cherry on top of your essay ice cream.
冰激凌上的樱桃！据此我分析这个cherry有三种境界，最高境界是paraphrase what you said and keep it interesting，怎样还能保证它有趣呢？个人认为需要加入一些新的东西，这些东西可以是比较发散的，即有些论证点你放在body中去怕会写跑偏，那你就放结尾一笔带过，即展示了你思维的广度，也能保证结尾有趣；第二层境界就是纯粹的paraphrasing，也很好了，展示了你的词汇量和句型变化能力，第三层境界嘛，restatement及以下，你们懂的！呵呵
下面是北美范文Issue17及我的中文分析：
"There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."
According to this statement, each person has a duty to not only obey just laws but also disobey unjust ones. In my view this statement is too extreme, in two respects. First, it wrongly categorizes any law as either just or unjust; and secondly, it recommends an ineffective and potentially harmful means of legal reform.
整体分析：introduction很经典，第一句paraphrase the topic，第二句摆观点说the topic is too extreme，并且点出有两方面问题，第三句简述这两方面问题，concise！nice！
结尾分析：有很多人喜欢把introduction的最后一句话写成自己的观点，像这种套路：In today's society……. Therefore, the author is incorrect in asserting that……and the alternate approach is more effective because…….Consequently, my view is that……。但是如上文，把观点放在段中，流畅的分析问题然后自然结尾，我认为没有模式化的痕迹，潇洒，得体，自然。当然，我也看到过很多篇北美范文用上述这种中规中矩的结构的，没有任何问题！
First, whether a law is just or unjust is rarely a straightforward issue. The fairness of any law depends on one's personal value system. This is especially true when it comes to personal freedoms. Consider, for example, the controversial issue of abortion. Individuals with particular religious beliefs tend to view laws allowing mothers an abortion choice as unjust, while individuals with other value systems might view such laws as just.
整体分析：上段提过the topic wrongly categorizes any law as either just or unjust，此段接着说the fairness of any law depends on one’s personal value system。很舒服，以堕胎为例，说得比较简单。
The fairness of a law also depends on one's personal interest, or stake, in the legal issue at hand. After all, in a democratic society the chief function of laws is to strike a balance among competing interests. Consider, for example, a law that regulates the toxic effluents a certain factory can emit into a nearby river. Such laws are designed chiefly to protect public health. But complying with the regulation might be costly for the company; the factory might be forced to lay off employees or shut down altogether, or increase the price of its products to compensate for the cost of compliance. At stake are the respective interests of the company's owners, employees, and customers, as well as the opposing interests of the region's residents whose health and safety are impacted. In short, the fairness of the law is subjective, depending largely on how one's personal interests are affected by it.
整体分析：段内结构好经典！第一句讲法律的公正性也取决于利益，次句开始举例，说化工厂，用四句话简单但是又充分的点到各方利益的冲突，最后in short，再点题，说法律公正很主观，取决于个人利益。
结尾分析：有必要把上两段的结尾句放在一起研究一下，我之前写段落结尾时扣得很死板，比如我观点是反对topic，然后body一定要举个例子，然后最后说，你看我例子证明topic错了吧，然后不管每段写什么，结尾一定重复这句话= =！其实我现在发现，结尾句和topic可以是不直接相关的，或者说完全没必要直接相关。什么叫各司其职，我一个分段落的任务不是证明整个大的topic是对是错，而是证明一个分论点对错就行了，最终，把分论点有力的支撑起来后，他们自然会把你的观点支撑起来。因此，段落结尾句只要总结小段落的作用就行了。
The second fundamental problem with the statement is that disobeying unjust laws often has the opposite affect of what was intended or hoped for. Most anyone would argue, for instance, that our federal system of income taxation is unfair in one respect or another. Yet the end result of widespread disobedience, in this case tax evasion, is to perpetuate the system. Free-riders only compel the government to maintain tax rates at high levels in order to ensure adequate revenue for the various programs in its budget.
整体分析：这段开始说另一个respect，即the topic推荐一种很糟的修改法律的方式：拒绝服从。首句不遵守法律会有opposite effect，次句举例开始说税收，例子挺好。
Yet
another fundamental problem with the statement is that by justifying a violation of one sort of law we find ourselves on a slippery slope toward sanctioning all types of illegal behavior, including egregiouscriminal conduct. Returning to the abortion example mentioned above, a person strongly opposed to the freedom-of-choice position might maintain that the illegal blocking of access to an abortion clinic amounts
to justifiable disobedience. However, it is a precariously short leap from this sort of civil disobedience to physical confrontations with clinic workers, then to the infliction
of property damage, then to the bombing of the clinic and potential murder.
整体分析：继续说disobedience可能带来的糟糕后果，还是拿堕胎作例子，说得比第二段细致得多，说强烈的反对堕胎者可能会给社会带来问题。句子很漂亮，压力很大啊。
In sum, because the inherent function of our laws is to balance competing interests, reasonable people with different priorities will always disagree about the fairness of specific laws. Accordingly, radical action such as resistance or disobedience is rarely justified merely by one's subjective viewpoint or personal interests. And in any event, disobedience is never justifiable when the legal rights or safety of innocent people are jeopardized as a result.
结尾分析：这个段落太精彩了，我先回顾一下作者的两个respects，其一是法律不能简单被归纳为是just还是unjust，其二是暴力不能很好的解决问题。回到原文，作者上来根本没有要paraphrase的感觉，而是要准备go a step further。第一句话就即总结了第一个respect，并且点出了认为法律不合理的根本问题，说法律的固有作用是平衡各方利益，而且是一种competing的利益，因此被视为不公平是很reasonable的。后面其实是总结第二个respect，说法律往往站在中立的角度思考问题，而resistance or disobedience往往站在天平的某一个立场，所以且不说法律公正与否，你们这些resistance or disobedience从出发点上看就是unjust的，特别是当伤及无辜的情况发生时！完全没有再攻击题目了！没有再重申什么the topic is to some extent too extreme！潇洒！但是这里注意下，据我目测如果文章脉络无法把握得像作者这样的话，结尾点题还是很重要的= =！
最后总结一下整篇文章，很特别，body能算得上是纯粹结尾句的只有第三段的最后一句话（结尾句和结尾段都用红线划出了），其他的都是在陈述事实或举例时自然收尾。为什么选这样一篇不好操作的文章学习呢?其实我觉得是一种意识！一种内容比形式重要的意识！你在内容上层次鲜明，立意清楚，就没有必要在形式上放太多枷锁一样的句子束缚自己了！其次，是应该发现结尾句的意义！段中结尾句总结的应该是它所属的那个单独层次的意义，而不需要是整体！结尾段应该是从内容上再进一步的而不是原地踏步的的！
以上所以内容纯粹个人学习经验总结，注意是学习，不是成功经验总结，差别很大，所有观点没有得到ETS的肯定，成绩的肯定甚至是前辈的肯定，在这里我的目的是交流，先把自己想到的东西摆出来，然后收获批评和建议，最终去粗取精收获真理。还有20天就考试，是重新提笔开始冲刺的时候了，心情复杂！为了老爸老妈，为了猪，更是为了我自己，拼了！老子不后悔！ 好牛啊~不过也只能学习学习，我们的水平远远不能和范文比，虽然形式上的模板会束缚人的思维，但还是要用啊 good. I wish you could overcome the problem we all have ( don't know how to end paragraph properly) and (don't know how to begin a paragraph with smooth transition)
reading simple assay over and over is actually a good habit, every good writer starting by learning how others write, then eventually form the style of their own. 3# lingli_xiaoai
roger that! I will try to work these out！ 这篇文章很精彩，观点清晰，行文流畅，作者的点评也好，很受益！
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