求拍，第一次写作文第一次写A，写的很烂，求指教
本帖最后由 celinewxl 于 2011-7-14 12:35 编辑The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this argument, the author recommend the daily use of Ichthaid-- a nutritious supplement derived from fish oil-- as a excellent way to prevent colds and lower absteeism . In order to strengthen this recommendation, she cites a study that in nearby East Meria ,where the fish consumption is relatively very high and the people there visit the dotors only towice a year. Seemingly, the argument is plausible at the first glance, but many flaws can be found with a deep analysis. The argument provides little credible support for the effectiveness of Ichthaid.
First of all, hardly can we accept the arguer's claim that the fish consumption in nearby East Meria is very high means that the people only eat the fish . As far as we know, there are various ways to consumpt the fish, for instance , the local people might do not like eating the fish, they just buy the fish and feed them as their pets, and it's possible that they buy the fish in order to make the fish cans. In short , the arguer failed to recognize the possibility of the other numerouse ways of fish consumption.
Secondly, even if the fish consumption just means that people eat all the fish up, the arguer offers no evidentce to show that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. The arguer mentions that the people there ,where the fish consumption is high, vitsit the doctor only twice a year. Perhaps the people there have certain other habits or certain inherited traits needed for a person to keep healthy. And, we cannot deny that there is a possibility that the people who had caught cold didn't visit the dorcors just because they paid little attention to the cold. Unless the arguer can convince me that all these possibilities are unlikely, I cannot accept the point of the view that the people there can prevent cold just because of the high fish consumption.
Thirdly, even if we grant it for true that eating fish can prevent cold, the arguer assumes too hastily that the daily use ot Ichthaid- - - a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil- - - as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. Perhaps, the other parts of fish have effective power to prevent cold.Or perhaps, the daily use of Ichthaid may actually increase the possibility of getting cold.
Finally, it's obviously for us to learned from the argument that the report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council, however ,the study reports that in bearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only twice a year. So without any evidence indicating the reliability of the study, it would be the arguer's haset to draw any firm conclusion on the study.
To sum up, the arguer's reccommendation is not well supported. To bolster it the arguer must offer better evidence that the consumption of Ichahaid can effectively prevent colds and lower absenteeism.otherwise, hardly can we accept the recommendation, you should append the topic as well while revealing your essay.
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