【寄托No.1】杀G小组 第6次作业 一起读OG~I
A大家已经初步有了自己的思路，下面我们开始解决另一个难题---I
从OG开始，大家写出自己对范文的见解~
作业要求：
（1）331的同学3月4晚上之前完成，其他同学5号晚上之前，大家在这个帖子里，每人占一楼，把自己的作业贴上去
（2）具体的内容要求：
A、任务为OG的6 5分范文
B、分析内容越详细越好，并且要注意要求，想想针对这个要求要怎么去写。
（3）提交作业之后，大家互相阅读，可以跟帖继续讨论。
（4）小组人数目前已经确定，请大家继续努力，互相帮助，杀G成功！ 本帖最后由 846136085 于 2012-3-5 17:05 编辑
看完6分范文，彻底绝望了……个人最高目标只能4分了……6分的标准
Articulates a clear and insightful position on the issue in accordance with the assigned task
Develops the position fully with compelling reason and/or persuasive examples
Sustains a well‐focused, well‐organized analysis, connecting ideas logically
Conveys ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety
Demonstrates superior facility with the conventions of standard written English (grammar, usage, and mechanics) but may have minor errors
The statement linking technology negatively [重述题目的立场] with free thinking plays on recent human experience over the past century. Surely [逻辑承接] there has been no time in history where the lived lives of people have changed more dramatically. A quick reflection on a typical day [针对change给出具体实例] reveals how technology has revolutionized[这个用词！] the world. Most people commute to work in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurrences could have been inconceivable at the turn of the 19th century[表明自己的立场].
The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to a reduction in the ability for humans to think for themselves [再次重述题目]. The assumption [挖掘题目成立的逻辑前提] is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone[对应第一段的例子], the hypothetical worker would need to find alternate methods of transport, information processing and communication[再次对应]. Technology short circuits this thinking by making the problems obsolete.
However[逻辑转折], this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativity that marks the human species. The prior examples reveal that technology allows for convenience. The car, computer and phone [继续对应第一段的例子] all release additional time for people to live more efficiently. This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think for themselves. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, but may itself create new issues that did not exist without technology[确立自己的观点]. For example, the proliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warming becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse‐and‐buggy generation[针对create new issue给出的具体事例]. Likewise[并行例子]dependence on oil has created nation‐states that are not dependent on taxation, allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to these complex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists and politicians.
In contrast to the statement [逻辑词], we can even see how technology frees the human imagination[现象列举，证明technology frees human imagination]. Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet has allowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman [例子]. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners [再次现象列举]. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine [对应前文中的interdisciplinary interactions] has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern Europe.
This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hope to the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goals [对hope to the future of humanity的进一步论述] can now be achieved. Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistorical days, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox. Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpox was systematically targeted and eradicated.
Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to the implementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will be no limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle [对应之前的观点]. There is no need to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopeful posture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of human imagination.
最大的感想：6分的文章真的不是一般的牛呀！！这逻辑结构，中间部分感觉亮点太多了！！开头结尾还有模仿的可能！
5分的标准
presents a clear and well-considered position on the issue in accordance with the assigned task
develops the position with logically sound reasons and/or well-chosen examples
is focused and generally well organized, connecting ideas appropriately
conveys ideas clearly and well, using appropriate vocabulary and sentence variety
demonstrates facility with the conventions of standard written English but may have minor errors
Surely many of us have expressed the following sentiment, or some variation on it, during our daily commutes to work: “People are getting so stupid these days!” 【确定立场】Surrounded as we are by striding and strident automatons with cell phones glued to their ears, PDA’s gripped in their palms, and omniscient, omnipresent CNN gleaming in their eyeballs, it’s tempting to believe that technology has isolated and infantilized us, essentally transforming us into dependent, conformist morons best equipped to sideswip one another in our SUV’s.【描述性地重述立场】
Furthermore【逻辑承接，后面开始举例】, hanging around with the younger, pre-commute generation, whom tech-savviness seems to have rendered lethal, is even less reassuring. With “Teen People” style trends shooting through the air from tiger-striped PDA to zebra-striped PDA, and with the latest starlet gossip zipping from juicy Blackberry to teeny, turbocharged cell phone, technology seems to support young people’s worst tendencies to follow the crowd. Indeed, they have seemingly evolved into intergalactic conformity police. After all, today’s tech-aided teens are, courtesy of authentic, hands-on video games, literally trained to kill; courtesy of chat and instant text messaging, they have their own language; they even have tiny cameras to efficiently photodocument your fashion blunders! Is this adolescence, or paparazzi terrorist training camp?【类似很多地方使用了比较强烈的感情色彩，感叹和反问】
With all this evidence, it’s easy to believe that tech trends and the incorporation of technological wizardry into our everyday lives have served mostly to enforce conformity, promote dependence, heighten comsumerism and materialism, and generally create a culture that values self-absorption and personal entitlement over cooperation and collaboration. However, I argue that we are merely in the inchoate stages of learning to live with technology while still loving one another. After all, even given the examples provided earlier in this essay, it seems clear that technology hasn’t impaired our thinking and problem-solving capacities. Certainly it has incapacitated our behavior and manners; certainly our values have taken a severe blow. However, we are inarguably more efficient in our badness these days. We’re effective worker bees of ineffectiveness!【开始体现了自己的观点，既不肯定，也不否定】
If technology has so increased our senses of self-efficacy that we can become veritable agents of the awful, virtual CEO’s of selfishness, certainly it can be beneficial. Harnessed correctly, technology can improve our ability to think and act for ourselves. The first challenge is to figure out how to provide technology users with some direlyneeded direction.【陈述自己的观点】
个人感觉这篇5分的文章很一般，单纯从结构和用词上看，真的很一般。亮点可能在于最后落在了一个居中的观点，但这就可以得5分吗？？？ 来占~ 本帖最后由 leijerry888 于 2012-3-4 22:08 编辑
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely?deteriorate.
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your?position.
Essay Response — Score 6
The statement linking technology negatively with free thinking plays on recent human experience over the past century. Surely there has been no time in history where the lived lives of people have changed more dramatically. A quick reflection on a typical day reveals how technology has revolutionized the world. Most people commute to work in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurrences could have been inconceivable at the turn of the 19th?century.
首先，第一段对作文题目的前半句
“people rely more and more on technology to solve problems”
给予展开，为下文写这些technology对人类的影响打下基础。
The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to a reduction in the ability for humans to think for themselves. The assumption is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone, the hypothetical worker would need to find alternate methods of transport, information processing and communication. Technology short circuits this thinking by making the problems?obsolete.
第二段开头两句点出issue题目的结论和其assumption，然后基于第一段，指出technology简化了人类的思维过程。但是并没有指出人类的思维能力是否受到影响，因此这一段的论证思路我有些不解。也许是为了给下一段埋下伏笔吧。
However, this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativity that marks the human species. The prior examples reveal that technology allows for convenience. The car, computer and phone all release additional time for people to live more efficiently. This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think for themselves. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, but may itself create new issues that did not exist without technology. For example, the proliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warming becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation. Likewise dependence on oil has created nation-states that are not dependent on taxation, allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to these complex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists and?politicians.
第三段开头指出对于issue论点的反论点。之后给予例证。科技给人类节省了时间，人类利用节省的时间却有更多的问题需要思考。且科技本身就产生了更多的问题让人思考和解决。如此反驳了题目中的观点。
In contrast to the statement, we can even see how technology frees the human imagination. ?Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet has allowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern?Europe.
第四段首句指出本段论证点，科技解放了人类的想象力。之后给予WebMD和JS的例子。
This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hope to the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goals can now be achieved.? Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistorical days, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox.? Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpox was systematically targeted and?eradicated.
第五段进行发散，指出科技的好处，为人类造福，给未来希望。给出天花之例。
Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to the implementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will be no limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle. There is no need to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopeful posture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of human?imagination.
最后一段是总结，指出科技不会减少问题，只会为人类解决问题提供更好的途径。
Essay Response — Score 5
Surely many of us have expressed the following sentiment, or some variation on it, during our daily commutes to work: "People are getting so stupid these days!" Surrounded as we are by striding and strident automatons with cell phones glued to their ears, PDA's gripped in their palms, and omniscient, omnipresent CNN gleaming in their eyeballs, it's tempting to believe that technology has isolated and infantilized us, essentally transforming us into dependent, conformist morons best equipped to sideswip one another in our SUV's.
第一段肯定作者观点，正面论证，说明科技充斥生活，让人类变的“愚蠢”。使用排比的方法举出一系列的科技之例，虽是举了这么多例子，却无一展开。
Furthermore, hanging around with the younger, pre-commute generation, whom tech-savviness seems to have rendered lethal, is even less reassuring. With "Teen People" style trends shooting through the air from tiger-striped PDA to zebra-striped PDA, and with the latest starlet gossip zipping from juicy Blackberry to teeny, turbo-charged cell phone, technology seems to support young people's worst tendencies to follow the crowd. Indeed, they have seemingly evolved into intergalactic conformity police. After all, today's tech-aided teens are, courtesy of authentic, hands-on video games, literally trained to kill; courtesy of chat and instant text messaging, they have their own language; they even have tiny cameras to efficiently photodocument your fashion blunders! Is this adolescence, or paparazzi terrorist training camp?
第二段指出科技尤其给青少年带来的种种恶劣影响。
With all this evidence, it's easy to believe that tech trends and the incorporation of technological wizardry into our everyday lives have served mostly to enforce conformity, promote dependence, heighten comsumerismand materialism, and generally create a culture that values self-absorption and personal entitlement over cooperation and collaboration. However, I argue that we are merely in the inchoate stages of learning to live with technology while still loving one another. After all, even given the examples provided earlier in this essay, it seems clear that technology hasn't impaired our thinking and problem-solving capacities. Certainly it has incapacitated our behavior and manners; certainly our values have taken a severe blow. However, we are inarguably more efficient in our badness these days. We're effective worker bees of ineffectiveness!
第三段的中后段对前文进行转折，指出，虽然科技劣迹斑斑，但是并没有损害人类的思维，却让人在不好的方面十分有效率。
If T\technology has so increased our senses of self-efficacy that we can become veritable agents of the awful, virtual CEO's of selfishness, certainly it can be beneficial. Harnessed correctly, technology can improve our ability to think and act for ourselves. The first challenge is to figure out how to provide technology users with some direly-needed direction.
最后有一些发散论点的感觉，写出了科技到底如何影响人类的效能，但是通篇感觉，全文的重点在讨论科技对人的生活带来是好处还是坏处，却对科技是否对人的思维能力造成负影响写的甚少。 本帖最后由 琼央 于 2012-3-5 23:13 编辑
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.对"statement might or might not hold true"的剖析=即是对to which extent you agree or disagree=strong disagreement/strong approval/qualified agreement/disagreement The statement linking technology negatively with free thinking plays on recent humanexperience over the past century. Surely there has been no time in history where thelived lives of people have changed more dramatically. A quick reflection on a typicalday reveals how technology has revolutionized the world. Most people commute towork in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurences would have been inconceivableat the turn of the 19th century.开头第一句直接讲出了本文作者认为的文章的谬误点，清晰地提出了自己的看法，并从surely开始一直到each之前都是科技改变人们生活的例子，并以最后一句inconceivable强烈暗示了本文的观点：技术进步没有损害人们的思考能力。The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to a reduction in theability for humans to think for themselves. The assumption is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone, the hypothetical worker would need to find alternatemethods of transport, information processing, and communication. Technology shortcircuits this thinking by making the problems obsolete.第二段首先用自己的语言表达了文章标题隐含的意思，似乎是有同意技术进步有害论之嫌疑，如果没有下一段的话。而又正因为有了下面几段的阐述，这一段的存在就增加了文章的客观性，即是有针对的点出了什么使标题might not hold true.However, this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativitythat marks the human species. The prior examples reveal that technology allows forconvenience. The car, computer, and phone all release additional time for people to live more efficiently. This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think forthemselves. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, butmay itself create new issues that did not exist without technology. For example, theproliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a globalscale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warmingbecomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation. Likewisedependence on oil has created nation-states that are not dependent on taxation,allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to thesecomplex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists andpoliticians.这一段用了however开头，并用this reliance指代上一段的诸多例子，真正点出本文作者的观点：强烈反对技术进步有害论，并提出了支持中心论点的第一层观点：技术进步并没有使人们的创造力受损。（does not necessarily preclude the creativity）.并用人们熟知的例子进行详细的分析。In contrast to the statement, we can even see how technology frees the humanimagination. Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet hasallowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern Europe.这一段与上一段也有明显衔接（even）,提出了支撑中心观点的第二个论点：技术解放了人们的想象力。随后使用了一个极为生动的医学上的例子，使文章的论证显得很生动，很有说服力。This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hopeto the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goalscan now be achieved. Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistoricaldays, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox. Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpoxwas systematically targeted and eradicated.这一段的第一句话提出了第三个支撑论点：技术进步给人类带来了希望。这个论点乍听上去比较广阔，但随后作者用了smallpox的例子生动说明了提出这一论点的依据。Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to theimplementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will beno limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle. There is noneed to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopefulposture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of humanimagination.文章最后再一次重申了中心观点：技术进步没有使人类思维退化，并提出了自己的美好愿景。总的来说，这篇文章呈现一种strong disagreement的模式，并以总-分-总的结构论证了自己的观点，中心明确，论证合理有力，而且段与段之间的转折明确、连贯，实在是一篇好范文。但是我个人看的时候对于例子其实看得并不是很仔细，因为觉得文章太长了，例子有点重复（比如cars什么的），大概看一下例子合不合理而已，所以这篇文章是否算冗长呢？ 【score 5】Surely many of us have expressed the following sentiment, or some variation on it,during our daily commutes to work: “People are getting so stupid these days!”第一段用的是强烈口语化的开头，而最后一句people are getting so stupid these days则暗示了本文作者实质上是同意标题，技术使人们的思考能力变坏的观点。 Surrounded as we are by striding and strident automatons with cell phones glued totheir ears, PDA’s gripped in their palms, and omniscient, omnipresent CNN gleamingin their eyeballs, it’s tempting to believe that technology has isolated and infantilizedus, essentally transforming us into dependent, conformist morons best equipped tosideswip one another in our SUV’s.第二段用了大量生活中很常见的现象（尤其是便携式电子产品的泛滥）来支持第一段中people..的观点。Furthermore, hanging around with the younger, pre-commute generation, whomtech-savviness seems to have rendered lethal, is even less reassuring. With “TeenPeople” style trends shooting through the air from tiger-striped PDA to zebra-stripedPDA, and with the latest starlet gossip zipping from juicy Blackberry to teeny, turbocharged cell phone, technology seems to support young people’s worst tendencies to follow the crowd. Indeed, they have seemingly evolved into intergalactic conformitypolice. After all, today’s tech-aided teens are, courtesy of authentic, hands-on videogames, literally trained to kill; courtesy of chat and instant text messaging, they havetheir own language; they even have tiny cameras to efficiently photodocument yourfashion ! Is this adolescence, or paparazzi terrorist training camp?第三段在第二段的基础上，集中描述了现实青少年使用数码产品的现象，是对第二段的补充描述，加深了论述现代技术对人们生活的影响的深度。把人群限定在青少年中，不仅更符合实际，也使论理更有说服力。（With all this evidence, it’s easy to believe that tech trends and the incorporation of technological wizardry into our everyday lives have served mostly to enforce conformity, promote dependence, heighten comsumerism and materialism, and generally create a culture that values self-absorption and personal entitlement over cooperation and collaboration）. However, I argue that we are merely in the inchoate stages of learning to live with technology while still loving one another. After all, even given the examples provided earlier in this essay, it seems clear that technology hasn’t impaired our thinking and problem-solving capacities. Certainly it has incapacitated our behavior and manners; certainly our values have taken a severe blow. However, we are inarguably more efficient in our badness these days. We’re effective worker bees of
ineffectiveness!
第四段的第一句看着像这一段的论点，但其实论点在however之后，作者这里明确提出it seems clear that ..capacities.
If technology has so increased our senses of self-efficacy that we can become veritable agents of the awful, virtual CEO’s of selfishness, certainly it can be beneficial. Harnessed correctly, technology can improve our ability to think and act for ourselves. The first challenge is to figure out how to provide technology users with some direly needed directions.
文章最后一段的头一句话点出了作则的中心观点：技术进步对人们是有利的，在使人们变得自私的层面上。并提出了自己的建议。
综合全文，其实从一开头就开出来，本文作者的写作风格是戏谑的、讽刺的，从头到尾都在用反语的手法来阐述自己的观点，几乎文中的每一句话都要反着理解才能真正领会作者本人的真实意图。说到底，本文写的仍然是strong disagreement，但是使用另类的手法表达自己的意图。所以从这一点上说，本文的段与段之间的逻辑不是依靠句首或转折句建立的，而是在统一中心论点的统领下以每一段例子的本后的含义为连接的，这样的行文十分特别，而且逻辑上也很连贯。
而根据og的评论，我想说，我看不出来这是不肯定不否定的论证= =“The language of this essay clearly illustrates both its strengths and weaknesses（没看出来strength在哪）. The flowery and sometimes uncannily keen descriptions are often used to powerful effect, but at other times, this descriptive language results in errors in syntax（这个我赞同，这篇范文有些地方写得让人看得糊里糊涂的）. See, for example, the problems of parallelism in the second to last sentence of paragraph 2 (“After all, today’s tech-aided teens . . . ”).There is consistent evidence of facility with syntax and complex vocabulary (“Surroundedas we are by striding and strident automatons with cell phones glued to their ears, PDA’s gripped in their palms, and omniscient, omnipresent CNN gleaming in theireyeballs, it’s tempting to believe . . . ”). Such lucid prose, however, is often counteredwith an over-reliance upon abstractions and tangential reasoning （我也认同，这篇文章虽有不少例子，但很多例子都缺乏深度，作者也许想通过大量生活中的例子来“自然”证明依赖性这个问题，可是缺乏详细的分析使文章看上去稍有空洞）what does the factthat video games “literally train to kill” have to do with the use or deteriorationof thinking abilities, for example?).Because this essay takes a complex approach to the issue (arguing, in effect, thattechnology neither enhances nor reduces our ability to think for ourselves, but can beused to do one or the other depending on the user) and because the author makes useof “appropriate vocabulary and sentence variety” (see Issue Scoring Guide, pages37–38), a score of 5 is appropriate.(这是官方的给分点，可是我觉得要我给的话最多4分，以为有些地方的表达实在是太不清晰了，观点模棱两可，看着闹心= =)
对比6分和5分的两篇范文，我觉得6分的明显的比较正统，中心突出，有理有据，看着舒心，论证层次感强，一看就是可以给高分的；可是5分的从文风到论证到用词都有争议，而且中心论点不够清晰（也许是选取的论证角度比较特别？），这样的文章在考场上可能还是不写为妙。
本帖最后由 良药重口 于 2012-3-4 14:03 编辑
Issue 在我看来，就是让你把逻辑用地道的英语表述出来的过程，其形式可以是举例子，也可以是摆道理，总之，逻辑和语言的流利性达到了就没太大问题
我曾经不记得在那篇文章上看到了这样一句话，感觉很有道理，给大家分享一下：
对于一篇题目，为了展现自己语言的逻辑性，通常可以从以下四个方面来看--1.原因和结果
2.方面与程度
3.定性与定量
4.优势与劣势
有了这四点，不信你的语言会不充实呵呵，一下就利用这篇范文来具体说明一下（时间不太多，就只看了看6分的了，原谅我把）
As peope rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate..p133
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Essay Response — Score 62 l: e5 [& W. n z2 @& L# H. [
The statement linking technology negatively with free thinking plays on recent human experience over the past century. Surely there has been no time in history where the lived lives of people have changed more dramatically. A quick reflection on a typical day reveals how technology has revolutionized the world. Most people commute to work in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurrences could have been inconceivable at the turn of the 19th century.（第一句定性表明statement的观点，其后几句就是从生活方面具体引出作者论断）
The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to reduction in the ability for humans to think for themselves.The assumption is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone, the hypothetical worker would need to find alternate methods of transport, information processing and communication. Technology short circuits this thinking by making the problems obsolete.（从科技发展的劣势方面来讲，原因是科技的便利确实使人们不太需要去思考（make the problems obsolete)）。
However, this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativity that marks the human species. The prior examples reveal that technology allows for convenience. The car, computer and phone all release additional time for people to live more efficiently.This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think for themselves. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, but may itself create new issues that did not exist without technology. For example, the proliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warming becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation. Likewise dependence on oil has created nation-states that are not dependent on taxation, allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to these complex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists and politicians.（作者从科技给人们带来便利这个方面重新审视了statement的观点，从某种程度上来说，正是这种便利，使得人们有更多的时间去思考问题，从而反驳了statement里科技使人不思考的观点，而且，作者语言表述的流利性和选词用的都相当到位，比如“proliferation”，“maverick”，以及长短句的变化，作者formidable的语言功底可见一斑啊）
In contrast to the statement, we can even see how technology frees the human imagination.
Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet has allowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern Europe.（举了几个例子，即科技发展带来的结果。看得出来，WebMD和interdisciplinary interaction这两个素材都是作者上考场之前精心准备的，乍看一眼，交叉学科和科技使人变笨没太多的交集啊，但是作者将其完美的结合于科技发展的优势上了，因此素材我们还是应该得准备一下，总会用上的）
This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hope to the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goals can now be achieved.
Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistorical days, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox.
Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpox was systematically targeted and eradicated.（从具体的方面，从天花的消灭引申到科技给人类思想上的解放，语言的逻辑性，思想的复杂性，有木有啊有木有！！）
Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to the implementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will be no limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle. There is no need to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopeful posture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of human imagination.（重述观点+引申）
开头和结尾大家练一练其实都可以和该大牛差不多，关键还是正文部分这个大牛的亮点太多了：比如第三段作者从科技带来的结果的两方面（问题和便利）都加以阐述。特别是问题方面：科技发展（the proliferation of automobiles)到产生的问题（a need for fuel conservation in global scale)，又从能源问题揭示了更深的问题（石油国家的政治问题），一环扣一环，逻辑性相当紧密。
嗯，就先扯这么多吧（时间不太多，就只看了看6分的了，原谅我把），一家之言，期待更多大牛解释~大家加油！ 本帖最后由 babyenoch 于 2012-3-6 00:57 编辑
Score 6
In addressing the specific task directions, a 6 response presents a cogent, well-articulated analysis of the issue and conveys meaning skillfully.
A typical response in this category:
Articulates a clear and insightful position on the issue in accordance with the assigned task;
Develops the position fully with compelling reasons and/or persuasive examples;
Sustains a well-focused, well-organized analysis, connecting ideas logically;
Conveys ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety;
Demonstrates superior facility with the conventions of standard written English (i.e., grammar, usage, and mechanics) but may have minor errors;
Score 4
In addressing the specific task directions, a 4 response presents a competent analysis of the issue and conveys meaning with acceptable clarity.
A typical response in this category:
Presents a clear position on the issue in accordance with the assigned task;
Develops the position with relevant reasons and/or examples is adequately focused and organized;
Demonstrates sufficient control of language to express ideas with acceptable clarity;
Generally demonstrates control of the conventions of standard written English but may have some errors;
评分重点都加粗标出来了~感觉6分的要求实在难以达到，所以后面就主要看了一下4分的，感觉还是有可能做到的，但实际貌似中国学生得四分也蛮难吧~~所以issue总的来说难度还是很大了，现在只有不到一个月了，就照着这个目标来练习吧，其实issue能拿到4分就很满足了
6分的Issue主要就是欣赏为主了，实在是6分的要求太苛刻了= =大家都分析的很详细了，所以我就不再做很详细的标注了
还是仔细看一下四分的范文比较靠谱
范文
Score 4
In all actuality, I think it is more probable that our bodies will surely deteriorate long before our minds do in any significant amount. Who can’t say that technology has made us lazier, but that’s the key word, lazy, not stupid. The ever increasing amount of technology that we incorporate into our daily lives makes people think and learn every day, possibly more than ever before. Our abilities to think, learn, philosophize, etc. may even reach limits never dreamed of before by average people. Using technology to solve problems will continue to help us realize our potential as a human race.
首段首句就提出了自己的观点。开篇点题
If you think about it, using technology to solve more complicating problems gives humans a chance to expand their thinking and learning, opening up whole new worlds for many people. 【第一个分论点】Many of these people are glad for the chance to expand their horizons by learning more, going to new places, and trying new things. If it wasn’t for the invention of new technological devices, I wouldn’t be sitting at this computer trying to philosophize about technology. It would be extremely hard for children in much poorer countries to learn and think for themselves without the invention of the internet. Think what an impact the printing press, a technologically superior machine at the time, had on the ability of the human race to learn and think.
Body段首段：科技开阔了人们的视野。理证+例证
Right now we are seeing a golden age of technology, using it all the time during our everyday lives.【第二个分论点】 When we get up there’s instant coffee and the microwave and all these great things that help us get ready for our day. But we aren’t allowing our minds to deteriorate by using them; we are only making things easier for ourselves and saving time for other important things in our days. 【强调科技并没有损害人们的思维】Going off to school or work in our cars instead of a horse and buggy. Think of the brain power and genius that was used to come up with that single invention that has changed the way we move across this globe.
Body段第二段：从生活角度来说科技给人们带来的便利。依然有理有据~同时反驳了题目观点
Using technology to solve our continually more complicated problems as a human race is definitely a good thing. Our ability to think for ourselves isn’t deteriorating; it’s continuing to grow, moving on to higher though functions and more ingenious ideas. The ability to use what technology we have is an example
末段再次重申自己的观点，科技没有损害人们的思维balabala。。。
4分范文的确没有6分范文那么多亮点，但是也有一些我们可取的地方，比如说举例，都是一些生活中的小事，这样一是大家都可以理解并接受，再就是避免了那些老例子让考官厌烦。所以，在这段时间，还是要根据题目，好好整合一下自己身边的一些小事作为例子了，这样在考场就能信手拈来~~也不需要去背很多自己不熟悉的例子了~
另外这篇文章虽然字说不多，而且观点也不是很深入，但是还是有一定层次感的，body段分别从人们的学习和生活两方面展开，而且有理有据，不会显得很空洞。首段和结尾也都扣住了自己的观点。
文章用词和句子方面也还是有一定优势的，所以短期能要达到这个4分的要求也不见得有多简单= =
我们能做的就是在有限的时间内，尽可能的整理出自己的事例和提纲，尽可能让自己的文章切题，而且充实，尤其重要的是文章观点一定要很明确，开头结尾一定要扣题！ 哈哈，来倒水。。。
学习了一天真心累啊！！！
晚上还要自习写作业真心不情愿啊！！！
为虾米看见你们就这么开心捏？？？
大家认真写作业哈！！！ 本帖最后由 asahi 于 2012-3-7 04:41 编辑
跟队！
地板都没有了啊
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Essay Response — Score 6
The statement linking technology negatively with free thinking plays on recent human experience over the past century. 提出issue论点
Surely there has been no time in history where the lived lives of people have changed more dramatically.让步 A quick reflection on a typical day reveals how technology has revolutionized the world.
指出科技对人们生活的影响 Most people commute to work in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurrences could have been inconceivable at the turn of the 19th century.
The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to a reduction in the ability for humans to think for themselves. The assumption is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone, the hypothetical worker would need to find alternate methods of transport, information processing and communication. Technology short circuits this thinking by making the problems obsolete.
However, this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativity that marks the human species.
给出反论一 The prior examples reveal that technology allows for convenience. The car, computer and phone all release additional time for people to live more efficiently. This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think for themselves给出论点. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, but may itself create new issues that did not exist without technology. For example, the proliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warming becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation. Likewise dependence on oil has created nation-states that are not dependent on taxation, allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to these complex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists and
politicians.
段落模式
1，给出中心句
2，解释
3，举例子
4，总结呼应首句
In contrast to the statement, we can even see how technology frees the human imagination.
进一步深入反论 Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet has allowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern
Europe.
This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hope to the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goals can now be achieved. Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistorical days, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox. Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpox was systematically targeted and
eradicated.
Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to the implementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will be no limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle. There is no need to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopeful posture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of human
imagination.
六分作文有非常多的好例子,以及词汇. 例子可以慢慢积累. 最主要的是文章的思路和脉络非常值得学习.
举例子时候，用到的句式
for example ,
consider how
With…, By…., Given…等词开头的句式非常好
让步
Surely…
Essay Response — Score 5
Surely many of us have expressed the following sentiment, or some variation on it, during our daily commutes to work: "People are getting so stupid these days!" Surrounded as we are by striding and strident automatons with cell phones glued to their ears, PDA's gripped in their palms, and omniscient, omnipresent CNN gleaming in their eyeballs, it's tempting to believe that technology has isolated and infantilized us, essentally transforming us into dependent, conformist morons best equipped to sideswip one another in our SUV's.
Furthermore, hanging around with the younger, pre-commute generation, whom tech-savviness seems to have rendered lethal, is even less reassuring. With "Teen People" style trends shooting through the air from tiger-striped PDA to zebra-striped PDA, and with the latest starlet gossip zipping from juicy Blackberry to teeny, turbo-charged cell phone, technology seems to support young people's worst tendencies to follow the crowd. Indeed, they have seemingly evolved into intergalactic conformity police. After all, today's tech-aided teens are, courtesy of authentic, hands-on video games, literally trained to kill; courtesy of chat and instant text messaging, they have their own language; they even have tiny cameras to efficiently photo
document your fashion blunders! Is this adolescence, or paparazzi terrorist training camp?
With all this evidence, it's easy to believe that tech trends and the incorporation of technological wizardry into our everyday lives have served mostly to enforce conformity, promote dependence, heighten comsumerism
and materialism, and generally create a culture that values self-absorption and personal entitlement over cooperation and collaboration. However, I argue that we are merely in the inchoate stages of learning to live with technology while still loving one another. After all, even given the examples provided earlier in this essay, it seems clear that technology hasn't impaired our thinking and problem-solving capacities. Certainly it has incapacitated our behavior and manners; certainly our values have taken a severe blow. However, we are inarguably more efficient in our badness these days. We're effective worker bees of ineffectiveness!
If T\technology has so increased our senses of self-efficacy that we can become veritable agents of the awful, virtual CEO's of selfishness, certainly it can be beneficial. Harnessed correctly, technology can improve our ability to think and act for ourselves. The first challenge is to figure out how to provide technology users with some direly-needed direction.
多搞出来一楼。。。。删了吧 6分
The statement linking technology negatively with free thinking plays on recent human experience over the past century. Surely there has been no time in history where the lived lives of people have changed more dramatically. A quick reflection on a typical day reveals how technology has revolutionized the world. Most people commute to work in an automobile that runs on an internal combustion engine. During the workday, chances are high that the employee will interact with a computer that processes information on silicon bridges that are .09 microns wide. Upon leaving home, family members will be reached through wireless networks that utilize satellites orbiting the earth. Each of these common occurrences could have been inconceivable at the turn of the 19th century。开头并没有直接说明立场，而是通过论述在第二局句开始表明立场，例子举得很漂亮，很有说服力。
The statement attempts to bridge these dramatic changes to reduction in the ability for humans to think for themselves.The assumption is that an increased reliance on technology negates the need for people to think creatively to solve previous quandaries. Looking back at the introduction, one could argue that without a car, computer, or mobile phone, the hypothetical worker would need to find alternate methods of transport, information processing and communication. Technology short circuits this thinking by making the problems obsole。提出第一个假设。例子和论述，句子写的很好，望成莫及啊。。。。
However, this reliance on technology does not necessarily preclude the creativity that marks the human species. The prior examples reveal that technology allows for convenience. The car, computer and phone all release additional time for people to live more efficiently.This efficiency does not preclude the need for humans to think for themselves. In fact, technology frees humanity to not only tackle new problems, but may itself create new issues that did not exist without technology. For example, the proliferation of automobiles has introduced a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. With increasing energy demands from emerging markets, global warming becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation. Likewise dependence on oil has created nation-states that are not dependent on taxation, allowing ruling parties to oppress minority groups such as women. Solutions to these complex problems require the unfettered imaginations of maverick scientists and politicians
In contrast to the statement, we can even see how technology frees the human imagination. Consider how the digital revolution and the advent of the internet has allowed for an unprecedented exchange of ideas. WebMD, a popular internet portal for medical information, permits patients to self research symptoms for a more informed doctor visit. This exercise opens pathways of thinking that were previously closed off to the medical layman. With increased interdisciplinary interactions, inspiration can arrive from the most surprising corners. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the architects of the UN Millenium Development Goals, based his ideas on emergency care triage techniques. The unlikely marriage of economics and medicine has healed tense, hyperinflation environments from South America to Eastern Europe
This last example provides the most hope in how technology actually provides hope to the future of humanity. By increasing our reliance on technology, impossible goals can now be achieved. Consider how the late 20th century witnessed the complete elimination of smallpox. This disease had ravaged the human race since prehistorical days, and yet with the technology of vaccines, free thinking humans dared to imagine a world free of smallpox.
Using technology, battle plans were drawn out, and smallpox was systematically targeted and eradicated
Technology will always mark the human experience, from the discovery of fire to the implementation of nanotechnology. Given the history of the human race, there will be no limit to the number of problems, both new and old, for us to tackle. There is no need to retreat to a Luddite attitude to new things, but rather embrace a hopeful posture to the possibilities that technology provides for new avenues of human imagination
不得不佩服6分作文，写的非常的地道，很有ETS的风格。其实我觉得最要命的还是句子的写法，他的思路其实大家都差不多可以猜到，但作者的句子真的就和评分标准里写的一样，准确，简介，有说服力。
还有不得不提的是作者举得例子，这点自己批评一下，很多例子根本没有听说过，更不要说写出来了。所以例子的问题任重道远，不知道剩下的这50天够不够。。。。。。
还有字数问题，这么多字真不确定30分钟打得完，，难倒真的要因为字数扣分？很不甘心。。。。 多高了一楼，，，求删除 啊，我来晚了
页:
[1]