argument 55 第一次写argu。。使劲拍。。拍成灰也没关系。。 【已批改 by 版主ok奇】
本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-5-5 19:00 编辑各位狠拍啊！5.27考g。。作文又是我的弱项。。求指教。。。估计语法错误无数。。。
题目The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people ten to twenty-five years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
正文
The author suggested that the sales of whirlwind video games is about to be reserved .To support his opinion, he gave us a survey about what kind of games do players prefer .however ,to convince me ,the author had to provide more evidences because in this argument the author had made several logical mistakes.
Firstly, the author uses a survey to support his argument. He think that according to the survey, the advertising campaign which directed at people 10 to 25 years old will useful because the prefer the games with lifelike graphics. However, he didn’t offer the interviewees’ age. If the survey’s targets are peoples between 25 to 35 or peoples less than 10, the survey can’t act as a proof to sustain the argument. As the author didn’t give the details of the survey, the argument is unconvincing.
Secondly, even if the author’s survey is reliable, the argument is still doubtable. The author claimed that since the players pay more attention on the graphics, so the games of whirlwind will sell better next year. However, the author ignored that the graphics is not the only thing the players need. except graphics ,there are still many characteristics that will influence the players like music ,story ,control and so on .so if the game of whirlwind don’t have all these aspects ,the sales can hardly to be reserved. In order to convince me, the author has to present more information about these games.
Thirdly, even the games of whirlwind are wonderful and players like it very much, it doesn’t mean the sale will be recovery. The quality of games is only part of facts which impact players to buy it. Many other reason can influence the sale .for example ,under the economic crisis ,many people reduce their expenses on entertainment thus they won’t buy the games even if they are attracted by it ,or it is possibility that other game company also discover that players prefer this kind of games and they bring out good graphic games too. All these elements can affect the sales, so only rely on the survey to make the conclusion is insufficient.
To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning. The author suggested that the sales of whirlwind video games is about to be reserved .To support his opinion, he [最好直接用the author ，因为你不知道作者是男是女，要么就用he/she] gave us a survey about what kind of games do players prefer .however [大写] ,to convince me ,the author had to provide more evidences because in this argument the author had made several logical mistakes. [开头段末尾最好跟着instruction走，instruction说让你examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions，那你可以来一句这些assumption不靠谱之类的]
Firstly, the author uses [既然你前面用了过去式，那你全文就要一致，used] a survey to support his argument. He think that according to the survey, the advertising campaign which directed at people 10 to 25 years old will useful because the prefer the games with lifelike graphics. However, he didn’t offer the interviewees’ [这里用respondents好一点] age. If the survey’s targets are peoples between 25 to 35 or peoples less than 10, the survey can’t [正式作文中要写 cannot] act as a proof to sustain the argument. As the author didn’t give the details of the survey, the argument is unconvincing.
Secondly, even if the author’s survey is reliable, the argument is still doubtable. The author claimed that since the players pay more attention on the graphics, so the games of whirlwind will sell better next year. However, the author ignored that the graphics is not the only thing the players need. except [大写] graphics ,there are still many characteristics that will influence the players like music ,story ,control and so on .so if the game of whirlwind don’t have all these aspects ,the sales can hardly to be reserved. In order to convince me, the author has to present more information about these games.
Thirdly, even the games of whirlwind are wonderful and players like it very much, it doesn’t mean the sale will be recovery. The quality of games is only part of facts which impact players to buy it. Many other reason can influence the sale .for example ,under the economic crisis ,many people reduce their expenses on entertainment thus they won’t buy the games even if they are attracted by it ,or it is possibility that other game company also discover that players prefer this kind of games and they bring out good graphic games too. All these elements can affect the sales, so only rely on the survey to make the conclusion is insufficient.
To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer [既然你前面用了author，那就全文都用author] maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning.
这篇文章的基本语法错误较多，lz需注意
另，此文章行文像是四六级作文，一些句子太普通，lz平时应注意积累好句式，写文章时多使用好句型、转换句型。
再接再厉！
2# okqishi
哦。。谢谢大大指点。。我这篇作文大概能拿几分？=。= 关于句式的问题我应该怎么提高？ 3# jhxwei
拿几分不好说，毕竟我也不是ETS阅卷人，我只能说这篇文章拿不了高分
关于句型句式，平时要注意积累，看到好的句型句式最好能背下来，然后paraphrase一下，自己用多了也就熟了。资料的话有很多，网络资源、市面上的书等。寄托G AW版和G 综合版的置顶帖也有大量资料下载
加油啦
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