5G处女作，Argument50，求大力的拍！~
我知道我准备AW有点太晚了。。写的第一篇argument，用时一小时多，啰啰嗦嗦540多字，想改的短一些自己还不知从哪下手- -
希望各位能给下面几个方面的意见：
1 反驳思路是否有力？表达出意思了吗？
2 是否有使用模板的嫌疑（我写的时候是没有，不知是否因为某些句子和北美范文相似被认为用模板）
3 怎么能写的简洁精练一些？
非常非常的感谢！Any Comment is welcome
Argument 50 A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer 9 times more chronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia. Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat 20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called isoflavones, which have been found to possess disease-preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.
In this argument the author made a recommendation that North Americans should add soy into their daily diet, because soy has something beneficial in preventing disease such as fatigue and depression. In sustaining his recommendation, the author referred to a recent study that claims North American suffer a much greater rate of chronic fatigue and depression than Asian people do. At the same time, he pointed out the fact of Asian's soy consuming compared to North American's lack of it. From my point of view, the recommendation and the evidence raised by the author are all logically flawed and therefore not warranted at all. To start with, the study mentioned by the author is lack in persuasiveness itself. How was the study carried out? Was the sample of people under study scientifically chosen? How long was the period of time of this study? Was the symptom of chronic fatigue and depression strictly defined and detected? Did people under the study belong to the same age group and generally have similar health condition? As the argument fails to mention any of these and other questions concerning the strictness of the study, it seems to me that this study is so unconvincing that it cannot be put forward as the reveal of truth. Secondly, even if the study is carefully carried out and properly reveals the true condition that North American suffer much more from such diseases, it is not necessarily the case that this fact is attributable to the difference in soy consuming. The living condition and the style of life are both dramatically distinct between residents in North America and Asia. Despite of the diet with soy, there are billions of other reasons that might contribute to catching these illnesses. For example, the Asian people traditionally bear a culture that is family oriented, whereas North American usually lead a more independent life and lack enough connection with their family. Without necessary evidence to rule out alternative reasons for this disparity, the author cannot convince me of the effectiveness of soy in decreasing the risk of fatigue and depression. Moreover, even if the author could somehow substantiate the effect of soy, he still needs to think twice before promoting such recommendation. Before introducing soy into North American's diet, much investigation needs to be performed in order to preventing the potential problem with the change of the diet, as there may be some possibility that people with certain health condition cannot eat soy. In addition, the author should also consider whether there are ways other than soy consumption that are even more effective in reducing fatigue and depression. Absent in considerations of other feasible solution and the condition under which the recommendation is performed, this argument is highly irresponsible and risky. In the final analysis, the author fails to promote adequate evidence and as a result, his recommendation is not substantiated. To make his argument strong and convincing, the author needs to cite further resource to justify the persuasiveness of the study he referred to, and construct a proper link between the effect of soy and the prevention of fatigue and depression. Furthermore, it is also necessary to consider the application of the recommendation and other ways that may also apply. 1# 沁雪 In this argument the author made a recommendation that North Americans should add soy into their daily diet, because soy has something beneficial in preventing disease such as fatigue and depression. In sustaining his recommendation, the author referred to a recent study that claims North American suffer a much greater rate of chronic fatigue and depression than Asian people do. At the same time, he pointed out the fact of Asian's soy consuming compared to North American's lack of it. From my point of view, the recommendation and the evidence raised by the author are all logically flawed and therefore not warranted at all.
To start with, the study mentioned by the author is lack in persuasiveness itself. How was the study carried out? Was the sample of people under study scientifically chosen? How long was the period of time of this study? Was the symptom of chronic fatigue and depression strictly defined and detected? Did people under the study belong to the same age group and generally have similar health condition? As the argument fails to mention any of these and other questions concerning the strictness of the study, it seems to me that this study is so unconvincing that it cannot be put forward as the reveal of truth.（个人感觉没有没有必要花这么大段落展开，4，5句话就好）
Secondly, even if the study is carefully carried out and properly reveals the true condition that North American suffer much more from such diseases, it is not necessarily the case that this fact is attributable to the difference in soy consuming. The living condition and the style of life are both dramatically distinct between residents in North America and Asia. Despite of the diet with soy, there are billions of other reasons that might contribute to catching these illnesses. For example, the Asian people traditionally bear a culture that is family oriented, whereas North American usually lead a more independent life and lack enough connection with their family.
(这个chronic fatigue和 depression没有关系吧?)Without necessary evidence to rule out alternative reasons for this disparity, the author cannot convince me of the effectiveness of soy in decreasing the risk of fatigue and depression.(可以再展开一些，说是由于工作压力、生活节奏、其他饮食习惯因素导致的)
Moreover, even if the author could somehow substantiate the effect of soy, he still needs to think twice before promoting such recommendation. Before introducing soy into North American's diet, much investigation needs to be performed in order to preventing（prevent） the potential problem with the change of the diet, as there may be some possibility that people with certain health condition cannot eat soy. In addition, the author should also consider whether there are ways other than soy consumption that are even more effective in reducing fatigue and depression. Absent in considerations of other feasible solution and the condition under which the recommendation is performed, this argument is highly irresponsible and risky.
In the final analysis, the author fails to promote adequate evidence and as a result, his recommendation is not substantiated. To make his argument strong and convincing, the author needs to cite further resource to justify the persuasiveness of the study he referred to, and construct a proper link between the effect of soy and the prevention of fatigue and depression. Furthermore, it is also necessary to consider the application of the recommendation and other ways that may also apply.
语言不错，段内逻辑还可以加强
另外，就是我觉得模板什么的至少可以让层次更加清楚，还是可以借鉴的
水平有限，以上纯属个人意见
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