[请求]第一篇ISSUE作文,请多多指教.
89(109) The purpose of many advertisements is tomake consumers want to buy a product so that they
will "be like" the person in the ad. This practice
is effective because it not only sells products but
also helps people feel better about themselves.
According to the above statements, the key purpose
that many advertisers are pursuing is to convince
consumers that if they buy a certain kind of product
that the advertisement star is using, they will look
like the person in the ad. While I agree that advertisements
play an important role in contemporary society and
it is an effective way to sell products, I insist that the
majority of this kind of ad will not help consumers feel
better than ever before.
Admittedly, employing celebrities for advertising
has proved to be an effective way to sell products. For
example, more and more movie stars appear in the ad of makeup.
Their beauty, grace and unique dispositions appeal to a great
deal of people so that they mimic what the stars did in the ad,
thus this makeup product will be sold well over the country,
or even over the world. But will all people really be
intoxicated with self-satisfaction all the time after they
watch the advertisement? I believe that many people do
not get real self-satisfaction in two periods.
The first period is after the ad plays, or even when it is
playing. Many advertisers employ celebrities or beauties in
order to arouse the public not only the desire of purchase
but also the desire to pursue all beautiful things. As we all
know, advertisements usually exaggerate the merits and conceal
the defects, which can give people an illusive impression that
all the person in the ad are perfect. In contrast to the
shortcomings of themselves, people may be sad, ashamed, and
some of them will probably become psychologically unhealthy,
which can make people feel worse about themselves. I ever
read of a thing that happened in England, where a girl has
suffered anorexia and anemia after watching Jennifer Lopez,
a famous Hollywood star, full of bone-sense in the ad.
Blindly having weight-loss diet leads the pretty girl to lose
her fertility.
Another dissatisfaction period will occur after people purchase
the products in the ad. In every country, people admire the
celebrities, and they believe what they say and mimic what they do
in the ad. But a few of those stars lie openly. Whether they know
the quality of this kind of products exactly or not, they need to
say best words without any hesitation after they accept millions
of dolloars from advertisers. Yet, once people find that the products
are not as good as what the celebrities have said in the ad, all the
consumers will feel cheated by not only the products, the
advertisers but also the celebrities and the authorities. Under this
circumstance, consumers will not feel better about themselves any
longer. Instead, they will feel that they are like a fool that can
be twisted around the celebrities' fingers willfully.
To conclude, employing the celebrities for advertising can be a
double-edged sword. On the one hand, it is necessary to promote
products and to attract more consumers. On the other hand, it seems
unavoidable that advertisements will exert a negative influence on
the consumers' psychology, especially the feeling of self-satisfaction. According to the above statements(statement), the key purpose that many advertisers are pursuing（不搭配,pursue purpose? 而且这样的开头把原论点客观化了，建议使用the author claim 之类的主观化表述） is to convince consumers that if they buy a certain kind of product that the advertisement star is using, they will look like the person in the ad. While I agree that advertisements play an important role in contemporary society and it is an effective way to sell products, I insist that the majority of this kind of ad will not help consumers feel better than ever before.
Admittedly, employing celebrities for advertising has proved to be an effective way to sell products. For
example, more and more movie stars appear in the ad of makeup. Their beauty, grace and unique dispositions appeal to a great deal of people so that they mimic what the stars did in the ad,
thus this makeup product will be sold well over the country,（看到这里，我觉得你的用词的感觉并不是太地道，说不太清楚的一种感觉，语法上也许基本上都正确，但是语感上有一定差距）or even over the world. But will all people really be intoxicated with self-satisfaction all the time after they
watch the advertisement? I believe that many people do not get real self-satisfaction in two periods.
The first period is after the ad plays, or even when it is playing. Many advertisers employ celebrities or beauties in order to arouse the public not only the desire of purchase but also the desire to pursue all beautiful things. As we all know, advertisements usually exaggerate the merits and conceal the defects, which can give people an illusive impression that all the person in the ad are perfect. In contrast to the
shortcomings of themselves, people may be sad, ashamed, and some of them will probably become psychologically unhealthy,which can make people feel worse about themselves. I ever
read of a thing that happened in England, where a girl has suffered anorexia and anemia after watching Jennifer Lopez,a famous Hollywood star, full of bone-sense in the ad. Blindly having weight-loss diet leads the pretty girl to lose her fertility.（这个例子举得不错，不过组织上调整一下会使说理更有力，有些东西不是你摆出论点人家就承认的，要去support和develop，中间有的地方一定程度上说得hyperbolic了）
Another dissatisfaction period will occur after people purchase the products in the ad. In every country, people admire the celebrities, and they believe what they say and mimic what they do in the ad. But a few of those stars lie openly. Whether they know the quality of this kind of products exactly or not, they need to say best words without any hesitation after they accept millions of dolloars from advertisers. Yet, once people find that the products are not as good as what the celebrities have said in the ad, all the
consumers will feel cheated by not only the products, the advertisers but also the celebrities and the authorities. Under this circumstance, consumers will not feel better about themselves any
longer. Instead, they will feel that they are like a fool that can be twisted around the celebrities' fingers willfully.
说了两个period，但是这个观点太主观化以至于support得并不好。等同于说，所有的ad都会产生这个效应，在没有充分例证的情况下一般人不容易接受这个观点。
To conclude, employing the celebrities for advertising can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it is necessary to promote products and to attract more consumers. On the other hand, it seems
unavoidable that advertisements will exert a negative influence on the consumers' psychology, especially the feeling of self-satisfaction.这个conclusion有点不负责任的感觉了。把两个东西扔给人家，这种表态不能算是表态的，至少还要加一句话补充你的看法。
除了以上缺点以外，第一篇issue写成这样已经相当好了。下一步要提高语感，也就是组句用词，逻辑线索和结构上的问题通过行文来练习。至于构思嘛，我认为本篇的内容分析上略微有所偏颇，可以去看看人家写得好的文章，不知不觉地你就同意过去了，说理的力度在无形中体现的那种是很高级了，稍微差一点的，用朴实的例子来支持自己也能体现你的逻辑思维。 IMONG,你的确认真负责的说~~~ Thank you so much, imong!
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