哎呀，第一篇GRE作文啊！求指导，尤其是写作的方向对不对，求指导啊
1．As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.instruction:……，in developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these consideration shape your position.
Last summer vocation, I returned to my hometown for visiting my grandparents and taught，in the meantime, my nephew mathematics, which he failed in primary school. I found he tried to solve even the easiest addition operation like 78 plus 234 by calculator. Responding my question that “why not get result by yourself”, he said it was unnecessary to work out the answer when calculator was obviously accurate. Here is the question: Does the dependence on technology to solve problem attribute to the deterioration of the ability of human to the think for themselves?
It is seemingly authentic that people are more shortsighted and slow-witted with the development of technology. By the assistance of high tech, pursuit of material satisfaction is so filled with human’s heart that reflection inside become a kind of luxury. A threat of nuclear weapon become a way by which powerful nation deprive more economic and political benefit of weak ones. The expansion of city results in the diminishment of animal habitat. The inordinate exhaust emission ascribe to the severe problem of atmosphere. Without any awareness and regret, people are depraving, mentally in particular,by technology to some extent.
However, it is hardly to neglect the benefit from advantage of technology to humans’ realization of themselves. The unbelievable magic of technology brings to human the improvement of life quality such as the higher education and more integral medical equipment. Compared to our ancestors in Neolithic who always worry about where to find food tomorrow, humans are absolutely capable of focusing energy on thinking what is the really need of heart and how to shape our behavior according to the call from the deepest bottom of our heart. Moreover, internet and artificial intelligence provide us with so accessible approach to enrich one’s inner world. With this abundance, human is inclined to discover their view of world and life which plays a significant role on one’s moral integrity.
Indeed, human rely technology to solve lots of problems, but there are always divergence which beyond the ability of technology. Even though the most marvelous technology could exert least positive effect on dissolving the strife, particularly, the conflict between several different cultures, the gap between wealth and poverty, and the racial and sexual discrimination. In order to solve the dilemma, lots of people, who commiserate the suffering others, would learn to introspect themselves and tolerate with each other. In this sense, the ability of people to think is hardly to be deteriorated and probably, with profoundly conscious of the significance of peace, improve.
In summary, in general my perspective is that technology could contribute to our ability to contemplate mentally if we utilize it appropriately. After all, modern society will be difficult to develop without modern high tech and spiritual cultivation of human own
第一段写得真累赘...那是托福作文的开头么
body部分的论证，第一段不知道想表达什么，看着混乱；第二段请注意论据和例证之间的联系，论据提出了什么，例证就要按着论据给出的标志来进行。
另外，看了下题目，文章要求论述解决问题时依靠科技与独立思考之间孰是孰非的问题，而不是讨论对自己个人精神境界的追求，你有些偏题了
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