第一次发作文上来,ıssue 114, 希望大家指教,谢谢^^
一定有很多错误与不足, 只有一点欣慰就是差不多在45MIN搞定, 麻烦大家改一下. I apprecıate your help!Issue114. Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity."
I strongly agree with the author’s assertion on the point of the innovation of the technology has taken place, but I take leave to doubt the others two point of views from the author, namely the opinions that humanity has made little real progress over the past century and technology cannot change the condition of humanity.
Technology has became the most dynamic force of the human progress and thus played an essential role in people’s lives nowadays. The technological innovation of the past century is obvious and patent. Aero plane just celebrated its 100th birthday; solar energy begin to be widely used; people landed on the moon just as in science fiction hundred years ago; the Internet allows us to communicate instantly without any delay which seems to be unimaginable for the people hundred years ago……We just need to look around and all the magnificent changes will run into our eyes.
Humanity, however, lands in a much more perplex situation to analyze. But in my opinion, the humanity has also advanced during the last hundred years, especially since the Second World War. Although it is true that war, violence, and poverty still exist in our lives, yet our should consider the living standard of people from all over the world as a whole which has undoubtedly enhanced greatly. Everybody starts to realize nowadays that they are not only individuals but as well as a member of the world citizen and at the same time learns to respect others’ culture, religion, and different ways of living; people are willing to extend helping hands to the other people in the need. The concept of world peace, cooperation, mutual development and understanding has already been spread around the world and has gained an international acknowledgement.
And I firmly believe that the development of technology considerably facilitates the progress of humanity. We only have to look into a specific index of the technology to see how it works. GDP----gross domestic product, accepted to be an important pointer of the economic state within a country. In long run, it indicates the technological development. We see the growth of GDP of all the nations considered together rose enormously. But just as Robert Kennedy said as he ran for president of America in 1983，GDP alone does not measure the health of our children, their educational quality and the happiness derived from playing; It does not include the joy we get from poetry, or the stability of our marriages; it does not consider our valor, wisdom, and our love to our fatherland… in sum, it includes everything but what make our lives meaningful… There is definitely truth in his words for GDP only measure the value of the products produced. Nevertheless, in the eyes of economists, a high GDP is significant because though it does not includes the things that make our life meaningful, it provides a powerful underpinner to gives us a better chance to construct that wonderful environment. We can tell the war and the violence are mainly the result of lacking of resources, poverty, etc., and those problems can be solved by the development of technology. In this way, it promotes humanity indirectly.
All in all, I reiterate my opinion that both technology and humanity made impressive progress in last century, and relationship between them are not to be effaced. In addition, through our ceaseless efforts in advancing in both aspects, we are sure to build a world of vibrancy, development, and innovation of out them. I strongly agree with the author’s assertion on the point of(后面是从句，用that引导较好是不是更好？） the innovation of the technology has taken place, but I take leave to doubt the others two point of views （the other two points of views）from the author, namely the opinions that humanity has made little real progress over the past century and technology cannot change the condition of humanity.
Technology has became the most dynamic force of the human progress and thus played an essential role in people’s lives nowadays. The technological innovation （用复数好一些）of the past century is obvious and patent. Aero plane just celebrated its 100th birthday; solar energy begin to be widely used; people landed on the moon just as in science fiction hundred years ago; the Internet allows us to communicate instantly without any delay which seems to be unimaginable for the people hundred years ago……We just need to look around and all the magnificent changes will run into our eyes.
不错！
结尾做好在总结一下。
Humanity, however, lands in a much more perplex situation to analyze. But in my opinion, the humanity has also advanced during the last hundred years, especially since the Second World War. Although it is true that war, violence, and poverty still exist in our lives, yet our（we） should consider the living standard of people from all over the world as a whole which has undoubtedly enhanced greatly. Everybody starts to realize nowadays that they are not only individuals but as well as a member of the world citizen and at the same time learns to respect others’ culture, religion, and different ways of living; people are willing to extend helping hands to the other people in the need. The concept of world peace, cooperation, mutual development and understanding has already been spread around the world and has gained an international acknowledgement.
错看不错，细看有不小的问题
主要是对humanity的理解有问题。前面你的论点 living standard of people from all over the world as a whole which has undoubtedly enhanced greatly就把humanity当成了living standard。这本身就有问题。在我看living standards的提高恰是科技发展的结果。论据似乎又偏离了你的论点。你再看看，你的那段是在说明living standards的提高嘛？不然就是我们对living standards 的理解有问题
每一句都不错，但放在一起看有些散
And I firmly believe that the development of technology considerably facilitates the progress of humanity. We only have to look into a specific index of the technology to see how it works. GDP----gross domestic product, accepted to be an important pointer of the economic state within a country. In long run, it indicates the technological development. We see the growth of GDP of all the nations considered together rose enormously. But just as Robert Kennedy said as he ran for president of America in 1983（Robert Kennedy 是肯尼迪吧？怎么可能是1983？那时是里根），GDP alone does not measure the health of our children, their educational quality and the happiness derived from playing; It does not include the joy we get from poetry, or the stability of our marriages; it does not consider our valor, wisdom, and our love to our fatherland… in sum, it includes everything but what make our lives meaningful… There is definitely truth in his words for GDP only measure the value of the products produced. Nevertheless, in the eyes of economists, a high GDP is significant because though it does not includes the things that make our life meaningful, it provides a powerful underpinner to gives us a better chance to construct that wonderful environment. We can tell the war and the violence are mainly the result of lacking of resources, poverty, etc., and those problems can be solved by the development of technology. In this way, it promotes humanity indirectly.
乱了。
论点是科技可以促进人性,对吧？可你的大部分篇幅都在说GDP，也就是经济或者说科技的体现怎么样的无意义 includes everything but what make our lives meaningful… 只是在最后一句点了一下GDP可以创造一个好的环境，类似于经济基础决定上层建筑。
All in all, I reiterate my opinion that both technology and humanity made impressive progress in last century, and relationship between them are not to be effaced. In addition, through our ceaseless efforts in advancing in both aspects, we are sure to build a world of vibrancy, development, and innovation of out them.
关键问题还是出在对humanity的理解上。我觉得你有些似懂非懂，一会说生活水平，一会又是文化宗教。其实humanidty这个词的内涵很深，外延也很广。我也不能给你一个精确的解释。工业革命例子可能可以说明科技和人性问题（也仅仅是我的理解而已）
工业革命带动了大众教育的兴起，从此公民的受教育程度大幅提高，思想解放。妇女获得工作，其政治地位也大幅提高
能写成这样已经很不错了，我指导最后几篇才限时成功的。加油啊。 Thanks very much for help! And about the understanding of humanity, 汗, 的确是不是很清楚,只是看到题目上有poverty, 就写living standard了, 然后又把以前经济学书上学到得关于GDP得东东写上去了, 回去再好好加工! 谢谢!
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