第一次发作文，请大家帮忙啊
括号中的内容不必看186Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world."
In the statement above, the speaker claims that all powers and talents must serve practicality, which is now our great idol. And the speaker suggests next that anything that is not apparently (appearently) practical has little merit for current society. At first glance, this assertion seems correct when we examine today's (practical, pragmatic) world around us. However, after carefully scrutiny, I find this claim gives too much emphasis on the practicality while ignores some other aspects which are also very beneficial for the development of the society. In the following paragraphs, I will present my standpoint on this issue using some evidence in history and personal experience.
Admittedly, practical is very important for every member in this society, for the reason that it is always guarantee (garantee) our basic needs in daily life or even survival in the society that filled with intensive competition. Every day, we can see many people busy working, and at the same time, we can also hear the complaint that they feel very tired in working or that their jobs are too boring. However, since there is so much dissatisfaction in the working condition, why do they want to carry on such a job? The reason is very simple, they must live, and a pursuit of practicality can always guarantee such need. There are many examples happened around us that a person who loves a certain subject very much finally choose a practical job, such as programmer or lawyer, as his career, only because that the subject he loves can not bring him satisfactory salaries as those practical ones do. After the analysis above, we can easily observe through these examples that practicality does become a great idol for most of people.
However, when we retrospect our history, we can find that many great people do not put their attention only to the value of practicality, but the problems they interested in and the faith they stick on. Einstein, the greatest (most great) scientist in history, the founder of the theory of relativity, did not think anything about money or reputation when he began the study of physics. The only impetus that propels (propells) him to carry on this research is his simple curiosity about the science and his determination to reveal the secret in the world. Take another great person in history, Martin Luther King, as an example. If he did not carry the banner of leading the movement of the black people, maybe he can get a good job, and live a pleasant (pleasent) life. However, he chose a rough way for his life—to fight for the rights of the black people. Unfortunately, he died for his faith and dream finally. We can also find many other people that throw the practicality away and choose to live for their dreams. It is their beliefs that make our society keep moving forward. I can not imagine that without those people, what our society will be like.
Actually, it is our imagination and enthusiasm, but not the attitude of practicality, that offer us strength (strengh) to facing the difficulties in life. The example of Jingrun Chen, the famous Chinese mathematician, can well demonstrate my point of view. When he was studying one of the most difficulty math issues in the mathematic world, he kept working hard for many years, which seems to be insufferable (unsufferable) to common people. At last, he eventually conquered this difficult problem, which was never solved before. If he only cared about to be famous or to be rich, maybe this puzzle would not be solved forever, for the reason that the power of practicality will never substitute (substitude) the strength from the inner heart.
In sum, the claim that appreciates the value of the practicality has some considerable merits in current society, for the reason that it ensures the most basic need of the people in daily life. However, it overstates the function of the practicality. If too many emphases are given on practicality, it will hinder the advancement of the individual, and moreover, the development of the whole society. In my opinion, the attention for practicality is enough, what we lack is the education and propaganda (propagandize v.) that encourages us to explore our emotions and follow our interest. 186Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world."
In the statement above, the speaker claims that all powers and talents must serve practicality, which is now our great idol. And the speaker suggests next that anything that is not apparently (appearently) practical has little merit for current society. At first glance, this assertion seems correct when we examine today's (practical, pragmatic) world around us. However, after carefully scrutiny, I find this claim gives too much emphasis on the practicality while ignores some other aspects which are also very beneficial for the development of the society. In the following paragraphs, I will present my standpoint on this issue using some evidence in history and personal experience.开头这么写是满清楚的，不过长了一点
Admittedly, practical is very important for every member in this society, for the reason that it is always guarantee (应该是garantees) our basic needs in daily life or even survival in the society that filled with intensive competition. Every day, we can see many people busy working, and at the same time, we can also hear the complaint that they feel very tired in working or that their jobs are too boring. However, since there is so much dissatisfaction in the working condition, why do they want to carry on such a job? The reason is very simple, they must live, and a pursuit of practicality can always guarantee such need. There are many examples happened around us that a person who loves a certain subject very much finally choose a practical job, such as programmer or lawyer, as his career, only because that the subject he loves can not bring him satisfactory salaries as those practical ones do. After the analysis above, we can easily observe through these examples that practicality does become a great idol for most of people.
这一段写实用性的好处，论述 得挺完整的，但你的重点是放在后面的，你不觉得有点长吗？
However, when we retrospect our history, we can find that many great people do not put their attention only to the value of practicality, but the problems they interested in and the faith they stick on. Einstein, the greatest (most great) scientist in history, the founder of the theory of relativity, did not think anything about money or reputation when he began the study of physics. The only impetus that propels (propells) him to carry on this research is his simple curiosity about the science and his determination to reveal the secret in the world. Take another great person in history, Martin Luther King, as an example. If he did not carry the banner of leading the movement of the black people, maybe he can get a good job, and live a pleasant (pleasent) life. However, he chose a rough way for his life—to fight for the rights of the black people. Unfortunately, he died for his faith and dream finally. We can also find many other people that throw the practicality away and choose to live for their dreams. It is their beliefs that make our society keep moving forward. I can not imagine that without those people, what our society will be like.我看过你的另一篇文章，感觉你总是Einstein的例子，太少了，可以举别人呀，而且，这个例子举在这里不合适，科学家是怎么想的，你不能轻易替他下结论，你可以举一些理论性科学研究的例子说明 practicality不一定是最好的, Martin Luther King的例子不错！
Actually, it is our imagination and enthusiasm, but not the attitude of practicality, that offer us strength (strengh) to facing the difficulties in life. The example of Jingrun Chen, the famous Chinese mathematician, can well demonstrate my point of view. When he was studying one of the most difficulty math issues in the mathematic world, he kept working hard for many years, which seems to be insufferable (unsufferable) to common people. At last, he eventually conquered this difficult problem, which was never solved before. If he only cared about to be famous or to be rich, maybe this puzzle would not be solved forever, for the reason that the power of practicality will never substitute (substitude) the strength from the inner heart.
这一段有点突兀，power 的问题跟上面好象差了好大一截。要么，上面指明你是在写talents 的观点。自己写当然很清楚思路是怎么样的，但是读者不知道啊。In sum, the claim that appreciates the value of the practicality has some considerable merits in current society, for the reason that it ensures the most basic need of the people in daily life. However, it overstates the function of the practicality. If too many emphases are given on practicality, it will hinder the advancement of the individual, and moreover, the development of the whole society. In my opinion, the attention for practicality is enough, what we lack is the education and propaganda (propagandize v.) that encourages us to explore our emotions and follow our interest.结尾超出了你已经论述过的范围，我觉得最好不要使出这一招，又不是字数不够。整篇文章不够紧凑，有点散，连词用得少可能是其中一个原因，以前列过这篇文章的提纲，有一条是说实用性的坏处的，万一字数不够，可以拿来用。
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