lsyanyue 发表于 2013-9-10 22:26:20

issue 28,求点评

The surest indicator of a great nation is represented not by the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but by the general welfare of its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

As the increasing demand for quality of life by general people, welfare gets much more attention. Under this circumstance, some people propose a claim that general welfare of common people is proper to represent states of a nation, rather than achievements of eminent persons such as rulers. To some degree, i agree with it. Although those eminent people, rulers, artists, or scientists, their achievements exhibit some achievements of a great nation, the much nicer success, may be seen, in the welfare of those common people, which indicates living condition, security and medical system, citizens happiness and sense of belonging to country, might exhibit whether a nation is strength or not.
It is reasonable that judge a nation by its successful people, who produce huge wealth for country, or create perfect art works to exhibit surpassing culture of a nation, or invent many high techinical patent to bring larger wealth. Rulers achievements closely connect development of the country. While they make prudent policy, speed of country’s development may increase, and its strength may be able to reninforce, but if they make wrong policy, it may become a calamity for the nation. It is generally accepted that a wise and lofty leader always leads to promising future. As a result we can undetstand some aspects of the strength of a country by its rulers. Similarly, success of artists implies prosperity of its culture, which possess indispensable influence in a nation, and achieve of scientists give expression to high technique and strong military. Thus, we can conclude from the instances mentioned above that it is advisable to undetstand the strength of a nation from their outstanding people.
However, there achievement, though powerful, may insufficient to represent the whole status of the country. For instance, It may be possible that a country with high military strength and huge wealth possiblely accompany with losing popular support, for leaders occupy the privilege and wealth, letting his citizens in peril and hardship. Full of surpassing paintings may not accurately shows a great nation. Maybe some artists are starving for food, or some precious vestiges faced with destroying without fanancial supporting. To observe the prosperity of a nation should find a better way.
Welfares for general people, as include living condition, education level, security system and unity level of citizens, may make a suitable way to examine a great nation.  Good living condition makes people live healthy and happily, and high education benefit the culture booming and development of science. What’s more, we can see from history that a nation without unitied public may lead to decline and cleavage. All this quality occupy an important propotion in conprehensive strength of a country, so when we attempt to understand the country, these seems stronger. In addition, while nation is consist of numerous general people, elites only occupy a small fraction, only access achievements of them may be inopportune. Consequently, welfare of general people may show much wider aspects than those eminent people's achievements.
Therefore, while we want to observe the surest state of a great nation, judging it by achievements of elites is feasible, but still feasible is examing general welfare of its people, which represent much Wilder peculiarity of the nation.

我这篇文章改了很多遍,总是改不出好的论点来。这是我还能接受的结果。希望各路大神多多批评,谢谢。

IRIS凹 发表于 2013-9-18 11:01:37

题目?

IRIS凹 发表于 2013-9-18 11:46:03

看走眼了。文章已改,见附件。
建议楼主写完作文,自己先检查一遍基本的拼写和语法错误。
Polishing your writing by yourself might even be the better way to progress.
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