第一篇Issue(Issue2),no time limit + modified
请大家多多指教 ^_^3月考作文 拿来摸底的
It is the basic rule of all living creature to compete with each other; as Darwin's evolutionism pointed out: the survival of the fittest. Although it is the principle of the nature, it can also be applied in the human society. For thousands of the years, it is often the competition that impulses the society to a more sophisticated level, no matter how cruel and bitterness are companying with the process sometimes. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, my position will be aside with the above statement that proper competition will benefit our society at the end.
One of the basic forms of competition appears in the arena. It can be date back to the ancient times that people started to compete with each other in a certain place for some specific goals. For example, as the cradle of the well-known modern Olympic Games, Greece began to hold annual competition as early as in the ancient time, the year 776 BC. Moreover, being developed till nowadays, this sort of competition exists not only in sports field but also in a various rage of aspects of society like science, art and literature, etc. Such competition is not only the fundamental form of competition but also the most exciting, explicit and impetuous one. It is full of the expression of instinctive human nature (emulative, firm, indomitable) in it and the most extraordinary will outstand at last. The society would give high appreciation to those people and in turn they will also contribute to the society by set models for other people in certain sphere.
However, in the contemporary world there are lots of other forms of competition that may be more implicit and milder; we can even say that competition has penetrated into almost every corner of the society. One case in point can be observed apparently in the commercial world. The competition inside companies has stimulated the workers' motivation and improved the work efficiency greatly. Further mover, companies need to compete to preempt the market, thus to earn profit and to survive. As a result, more and more choices of products are being provided, shorter and shorter produce cycle is being developed. Customers get huge benefits from it as lower price, higher quality and better service.
Although competition benefits society a lot in promoting its process of evolution, over-severe competition may compose vicious effect on people. It is especially serious in the area of education in China. Since the shortage of the university plus the huge population, students are facing extremely cruel competition when they want to get further education. Besides unimaginable hard working, they also undertake great psychological pressure that causes many problems including intense relationship between classmates and friends, and the like. It is definitely detrimental for the healthy growing up of the youth.
To sum up, the advantages of competition overweight the disadvantages. Through the competition society will pick up those elitists and the process of the competition will move the society forward to be more advanced, but people still should be aware of the potential danger which may caused by over-severe competition. And it is also deserved to pay attention to the control of competition, to ensure the fair and open play. Otherwise, competition will mislead the society to the edge of the cliff. So the optimal situation of our society is that the mild competition becomes the momentum of a good circle of development, leading to the faster, higher and stronger. 呵呵。欢迎欢迎。不过发贴前要看一下置顶，格式要这样“ISSUE2。。。。。”开头，方便以后查找！ 下次把题目一起贴上来！
"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."
It is the basic rule of all living creature to compete with each other; as Darwin's evolutionism pointed out: the survival of the fittest. Although it is the principle of the nature, it can also be applied in the human society. For thousands of the years, it is often the competition that impulses the society to a more sophisticated level, no matter how cruel and bitterness are companying with the process sometimes. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, my position这里和前面重复了，直接说观点好了 will be aside with the above statement that proper competition will benefit our society at the end.
One of the basic forms of competition appears in the arena. 提醒一下，开头句一般不是过度就是TOPIC SENTENSE，你这样写需要很高的水平。It can be date back to the ancient times that people started to compete with each other in a certain place for some specific goals.后面也罗嗦，直接写It begins thousands of years ago就行了 For example, as the cradle of the well-known modern Olympic Games, Greece began to hold annual competition as early as in the ancient time, the year 776 BC找到时间了？呵呵. Moreover, being developed till nowadays, this sort of competition exists not only in sports field but also in a various rage of aspects of society like science, art and literature, etc.这句应该是TS，让我想起了那篇著名的未完成的6分范文 Such competition is not only the fundamental form of competition but also the most exciting, explicit and impetuous one. It is full of the expression of instinctive human nature (emulative, firm, indomitable) in it and the most extraordinary will outstand at last. The society would give high appreciation to those people and in turn they will also contribute to the society by set models for other people in certain sphere.
观点：竞争从古代就一直存在于多个领域 It is the basic rule of all living creature to compete with each other(看着别扭Competetion of living creature is the basic rule in the nature); (去掉as) Darwin's evolutionism pointed out: the survival of the fittest. Although it is the principle of the nature, it can also （also can） be applied in the human society. (下面改为： For thousands of the years, though cruelty and bitterness company with the process of evolution, the competition impulses the society to a more sophisticated level). Therefore, as far as I am concerned, my position will be aside with the above statement that proper competition will benefit our society at the end.
One of the basic forms of competition (is ) in the arena. It (是被动语态吗)can be date back to the ancient times that people started to compete with each other in a certain place for some specific goals. For example, as the cradle of the well-known modern Olympic Games, Greece began to hold（held吧） annual competition as early as in the ancient time, the year 776 BC. Moreover, being developed (被动语态吗？)till nowadays, this sort of competition exists not only in sports field but also in a various rage（range？） of aspects of society like science, art and literature, etc. Such competition（sports的竞争吧，指代不清） is not only the fundamental form of competition but also the most exciting, explicit and impetuous one. It is full of the expression of instinctive human nature (emulative, firm, indomitable) in it and the most extraordinary will outstand at last（觉得这句有点怪，我也改不好）. The society would give high appreciation to those people and in turn they will also contribute to the society by set（setting ? ） models for other people in certain sphere.
However, in the contemporary world there are lots of other forms of competition that may be more implicit and milder; we can even say that competition has penetrated into almost every corner of the society. One case in point can be observed apparently in the commercial world. The competition inside companies has stimulated the workers' motivation and improved the work efficiency greatly. Further mover, companies need to compete to preempt the market, thus to earn profit and to survive. As a result, more and more choices of products are being provided, shorter and shorter produce cycle is being developed. Customers get huge benefits from it as lower price, higher quality and better service.
Although competition benefits society a lot in promoting its process of evolution, over-severe competition may compose vicious effect on people. It is especially serious in the area of education in China.(Education in China reflects this point evidently ) Since the shortage of the university plus the huge population, students are facing extremely cruel competition when they want to get further education. Besides unimaginable(没那么严重吧 ：) ） hard working, they also undertake great psychological pressure that（which） causes many problems including intense relationship between classmates and friends, and the like. It is definitely detrimental for the healthy growing up of the youth.
To sum up, the advantages of competition overweight the disadvantages. Through the competition society will pick up those elitists and the process of the competition will move the society forward to be more advanced, but people still should be aware of the potential danger which may caused by over-severe competition. And it is also deserved to pay attention to the control of competition, to ensure the fair and open play. Otherwise, competition will mislead the society to the edge of the cliff. So the optimal situation of our society is that the mild competition becomes the momentum of a good circle of development, leading to the faster, higher and stronger. It is the basic rule of all living creature to compete with each other; as Darwin's evolutionism pointed out: the survival of the fittest. Although it is the principle of the nature, it can also be applied in the human society. For thousands of the years, it is often[觉得usually好些] the competition that impulses the society to a more sophisticated level, no matter how cruel and bitterness[该是形容词吧？] are companying with the process sometimes[不对，你的cruel和bitter没有修饰对象，可以说no matter how cruel and bitter the process is]. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, my position will be aside with the above statement that proper competition will benefit our society at the end.
One of the basic forms of competition appears in the arena. It can be date back to the ancient times that people started to compete with each other in a certain place for some specific goals. For example, as the cradle of the well-known modern Olympic Games, Greece began to hold annual competition as early as in the ancient time, the year 776 BC. Moreover, being developed till nowadays, this sort of competition exists not only in sports field but also in a various rage of aspects of society like science, art and literature, etc.[扩展一下，说明competition在具体领域的积极作用] Such competition is not only the fundamental form of competition but also the most exciting, explicit and impetuous one. It[,which] is full of the expression of instinctive human nature (emulative, firm, indomitable) in it and the most extraordinary will outstand at last. The society would give high appreciation to those people and in turn they will also contribute to the society by set models for other people in certain sphere.[注意题目是说明competition对society的积极作用大于消极作用，具体各句间的衔接词用的不好]
However, in the contemporary world there are lots of other forms of competition that may be more implicit and milder; we can even say that competition has penetrated into almost every corner of the society. One case in point can be observed apparently in the commercial world. The competition inside companies has stimulated the workers' motivation and improved the work efficiency greatly.[何不用a case in point引导一句长句呢?] Further mover, companies need to compete to preempt the market, thus to earn profit and to survive. As a result, more and more choices of products are being provided, shorter and shorter produce cycle is being developed [读起来不连贯,不通].Customers get huge[不是吧,huge?] benefits from it as lower price, higher quality and better service.
Although competition benefits society a lot in promoting its process of evolution, over-severe competition may compose vicious effect on people. It is especially serious in the area of education in China. Since the shortage of the university plus the huge population, students are facing extremely cruel competition when they want to get further education. Besides unimaginable hard working, they also undertake great psychological pressure that causes many problems including intense relationship between classmates and friends, and the like. It is definitely detrimental for the healthy growing up of the youth.
To sum up, the advantages of competition overweight the disadvantages. Through the competition society will pick up those elitists and the process of the competition will move the society forward to be more advanced, but people still should be aware of the potential danger which may caused by over-severe competition. And it is also deserved to pay attention to the control of competition, to ensure the fair and open play. Otherwise, competition will mislead the society to the edge of the cliff. So the optimal situation of our society is that the mild competition becomes the momentum of a good circle of development, leading to the faster, higher and stronger.
[用词,语法错误较多,从第一段的bitter可以看出,你除了用office,自己没有在推敲就发上来了.建议除了用office修改,自己一定要改好再上传,否则大家就不会有兴趣给你批改了.
论证中,语句之间衔接的不是很好,建议加强这方面的训练.长句较少.
论证的应该是competition益处大于弊端,而这方面你展开的不够,如第二段,还有最后第四,第五段.难让人信服.
一家之言...]
我前两天写的issue2，今天看了此贴后改了一点！
"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."For many years now, there has been a public controversy over the issue of competition. Although it is commonly agreed that competition more or less gives rise to tremendous stresses among people in this modern society, in my view, I wholeheartedly agree the above statement that competition is ultimately more beneficial than harmful to society.
The first reason that can be presented to develop my position is that competition greatly contributes to the economics field. As a professor of Economics at my college once said (and I paraphrase):"We live in an economics kingdom obviously different from the past, in which the 3C Theory--Customer, Change and Competition has become more and more influential in the current market. Among these three elements competition plays a leading role." I am not an expert in Economics, yet common sense and intuition inform me that in the absence of competition, the whole market might unavoidably stop its steps. Furthermore, what is also worth noticing is that market economy, no doubt, has proved more effective than planned economy all over the world. As we all know, the remarkable difference between them is whether competition has existed in the market, which has been regarded as an impetus of economy development. To illustrate, perhaps the most striking example is the successful transition of China economy from planned economy to market economy, which no one can easily overlook.
In addition, another important rationale for me to support my view is that competition benefits more in democratic countries, when parties and candidates compete for power and honor. Undeniably, the most telling example is America, whose political system is relatively perfect in that its society institution is primarily governed by two parties -- republic and democracy. The two parties from time to time supervise each other, and avoid or improve their obvious drawbacks and finally the whole society becomes more and more stable and prosperous. So we can say that it is the competition between the two parties that virtually remedies the flaws and ultimately boosts the assets.
Admittedly, when competition gets out of the control of morals and laws, society suffers. While competition make large contributions to us in most cases, I concede that our modern society is fraught with deceptions and illegalities which, undoubtedly, impede the evolution of society, hamper the development of civilization and, even more importantly, ruin the faithfulness among each of us. It is no exaggeration to say that inappropriate competition may misguide the society to the edge of the cliff. Hence, it is high time that we should take action to annihilate immoral and illegitimate competition among every corner of our society.
In spite of immoral and illicit competition, we should not be blind of the positive points of it. From what has been discussed above, we may come to the conclusion that the advantages of competition eventually take precedence over its negative influence to the society. In other words, it is the proper competition that advances the society to a more sophisticated level, no matter how cruel and painful the process seems.
给我也拍砖！ 第一次来就有这么warm的welcome和这么cogent的advice
deeply moved thanks all ^_^
ps:
这句应该是TS，让我想起了那篇著名的未完成的6分范文
TS是什么呀？著名的未完成的6分范文 是怎么回事呢？
是说写铺垫太多导致最后超时乐么？ [QUOTE[用词,语法错误较多,从第一段的bitter可以看出,你除了用office,自己没有在推敲就发上来了.建议除了用office修改,自己一定要改好再上传,否则大家就不会有兴趣给你批改了.
不瞒你说 我自己看过好多遍乐，真的愣是没找出来这些错误，还有长句方面的缺陷都是基本功不扎实
//shy 还有一个月不到 会加油的 :)
谢谢！
还有请教一下
One case in point can be observed apparently in the commercial world. The competition inside companies has stimulated the workers' motivation and improved the work efficiency greatly.[何不用a case in point引导一句长句呢?]
应该怎样写啊?
Re: 我前两天写的issue2，今天看了此贴后改了一点！
最初由 tilent 发布"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."
For many years now, there has been a public controversy over the issue of competitio..
以下省略......
写得很好啊，特别是好多“高级”词汇哦 :)-
语句也比我的通顺多乐
avoid or improve their obvious drawbacks
~~~~~~这里搭配不当吧 improve drawbacks "TS是什么呀？著名的未完成的6分范文 是怎么回事呢？
是说写铺垫太多导致最后超时乐么？"
TS就是TOPIC SENTENSE。
铺垫太多很难写，开始的话还是把TS放在第一句比较好。
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