Issue 78 提纲&范文分析&关于主题句和分论点的反思
本帖最后由 黛丝丝丝丝 于 2014-12-12 15:37 编辑本帖来自"14年秋季GRE提纲+全文互改小组"，欢迎关注！你还可以查看更多小组、创建小组78.People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
相关题目：11/99
请回帖时按照指引( https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777364-1-1.html )列出英语提纲并用汉语解释并根据指引点评楼上的提纲。 第一个回帖的同学不必点评 本帖最后由 黛丝丝丝丝 于 2014-12-12 14:43 编辑
我的提纲版本：
根据3+1模型，需要把题目细分到三个方面来讲，我是【society as a whole】派。
我开始想到的是：
1. 社会对善恶的定义影响人们的态度，举例反腐；
2. 社会一些大事件对人们态度的影响，举例造星与追星，汶川地震；
3.（近期做阅读做多了受了feminist熏陶想出来的。。。）社会的一些思想上的stereotype也会影响人们的态度，举例女性婚姻选择问题；
Some believes that it is direct situation and surrounding around individuals rather than the whole social environment that affects people’s attitudes. However acting as an invisible but powerful hand, society has a deep influence on individuals’ life much more than they believe.
It is the way in which the society treats goodness and evilness that determines civilians’ reaction towards them. E.g.1 中国文化很强调敬老，因此一方面在日常生活中，如公交上人们会给老人让座，很多地方有老人的专用通道，另一方面大部分中国人都认为自己有赡养父母的义务 E.g. 2 中国政府的anti-corruption国人对corruption的态度更加不能接受，politics 需要更加自律，civilian 则对政治更加关心，对supervision参与积极性更加高，而不是从前的被代表。
People also, with or without consciousness, accept information or implication from social sensational affairs that affect their behaviors. 明星对追星族的影响；汶川地震后人们更加关心楼房的抗震设施以及地震的相关知识等
Reckoning on the reality that people’s attitudes are of susceptibility of their surroundings, it is, however, the larger picture of society as a whole build the surroundings. 讲女生到了25岁还不找对象就会被家长和朋友念，但周围人这种年龄限制观念其实是整个社会造成的，社会对女性的期望是组成家庭繁衍生命，一个没有完成这项工作的女性有可能会被视为异类等。 本帖最后由 黛丝丝丝丝 于 2014-12-12 14:44 编辑
Doctor Wang (⊙o⊙) 王老师版本，//是我做的分析。
The society as a whole, the attitudes of individuals towards different issues and the immediate situation or environment interact with one another to create the complex human experience as we know it. In my opinion, our attitudes are fundamentally shaped by the society through education, media and government policies which also, to a large extent, determine the situation and surroundings in which we find ourselves.
//开头句点明【the society as a whole】【attitudes】【immediate situation】三者相互作用的复杂性。第二句表明态度：态度由社会决定，具体会分【education】【media】【government policies】三个方面来作用。值得学习的是，这里指出社会对人们身边环境的影响，这两个因素并不是全然独立分开的，这一观点也响应ETS对观点复杂性的要求。
Education is an important social institution that determines our attitudes as well as our social environment. Take the simple example of priority seating in public transportations. As schoolchildren, we learned the social etiquette of offering our seats to those in need, e.g. pregnant or sick passengers. Such practices are encouraged in our education based on the golden rule: “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” Our attitudes towards our fellow passengers are shaped by this belief developed through education. Meanwhile, the society would also make sure the environment reflects the same principle that is consistent with our attitudes. Priority seats are clearly marked in buses and subway trains to remind us this social etiquette. In other words, the society would first shape our attitudes and then design our environment that would facilitate the related practices.
//以优待座为例，讲述社会如何通过教育来影响人的态度。段落行文思路为 TS-example-explaination-社会会通过建立人的观念，然后影响环境，进而影响最终的行为（与全文TS呼应）
Our attitudes are also determined by the society via the mass media and the corporates. This is particular true in today’s consumer-oriented society. Through extensive advertising campaigns, we are brainwashed into the belief that we need all the luxurious products and services to be happy. We come to believe that our value as human beings is determined by the material goods we buy as advertised in the media. Meanwhile, the society would shape our environment in such a way that shopping and buying these items are effortless. The Amazon’s 1-click ordering, for example, enables the online shoppers to place their orders with just one click without even confirmation. Such arrangement in our surrounding, along with the advertising and promotion in the media, reinforces the attitudes we hold towards consumption.
//从大众媒体，具体来说是广告，方面讲社会对人类的影响。先说人们被广告里宣传的物质主导，然后说社会让购买行为变得轻而易举。最后总结社会的arrangement和周围环境共同作用了人们的消费。
Finally, the society may also influence our attitudes through government policies. In recent years, gay marriages have become increasingly acceptable in American and European societies as the governments have adopted more lenient policies towards the civil unions or marriages of homosexual couples. Despite the fierce opposition from certain social groups, the public attitudes towards gay marriages have gradually changed from hatred or reluctance to acceptance. On the other hand, the changes in government policies also stimulate the industries for gay romance and wedding. New products and services become increasingly available for homosexual couples to celebrate their relationships and bondings. Again the social environment would respond to the shift in government policies and public attitudes.
//从政府政策方面说明。举例同性婚姻，政策的逐步宽松促进了同性婚姻相关行业的发展，由此说明环境会受到政府政策（社会）和公众倾向（个人态度）的影响。
In conclusion, I do not believe that our attitudes towards different issues are determined by our immediate surrounding. Rather, our attitudes are shaped by the larger society through institutions such as education, media and government, which, at the same time, would shape our social environment and make sure that it is in harmony with our attitudes and behaviours.
//总结，态度不由个人周边环境决定而是由大社会 环境决定，且这个大环境还会影响到个人周边的环境。 本帖最后由 黛丝丝丝丝 于 2014-12-12 15:00 编辑
由于开头段落和每段Topic Sentence（个人感觉）是3.5迈向4分的关键，因此我特别拿出Simon和我的部分进行对比：
Opening
Daisy:Some believes that it is direct situation surrounding individuals rather than the whole social environment that affects people’s attitudes. However acting as an invisible but powerful hand, society has a deep influence on individuals’ life much more than they believe.
Simon: The society as a whole, the attitudes of individuals towards different issues and the immediate situation or environment interact with one another to create the complex human experience as we know it. In my opinion, our attitudes are fundamentally shaped by the society through education, media and government policies which also, to a large extent, determine the situation and surroundings in which we find ourselves.
两个加粗部分：
1.interact with on another 说明了讨论主题的复杂性
2.举的三个领域就是下文详细描述的三个段落，清晰明了。
而我的开头段非常简单，而且除了表明态度外，并没有提及这个观点适用于哪一些方面。
Topic Sentence
Daisy:
1.It is the way in which the society treats goodness and evilness that determines civilians’ reaction towards them.
2.People also, with or without consciousness, accept information or implication from social sensational affairs that affect their behaviors.
3.Reckoning on the reality that people’s attitudes are of susceptibility of their surroundings, it is, however, the larger picture of society as a whole build the surroundings.
Simon:
1.Education is an important social institution that determines our attitudes as well as our social environment.
2.Our attitudes are also determined by the society via the mass media and the corporates.
3.Finally, the society may also influence our attitudes through government policies.
主题句是我的一大问题点（被Simon评价“不知道在写什么”。。。）
1.句子意思太隐晦，不鲜明。改进办法是写得简单明晰，主谓宾清楚，且句子尽量短，结构不要太复杂。
2.除了第三段，没有提及到surrounding，有略偏题之嫌疑。
————————————————————我需要鸡血分割线————————————————————————
在Brainstorming三个支持观点的分论点上，我先前的理解停留在了三个reasons。
但是通过阅读Simon的文章，这三个分论点一般不是信手拈来的三个没有关系的reason，而是从学术角度考虑的三个科目。
比如科学/政治/艺术/教育/文学等等。
这使得文章比较容易控制。
我对这个发现的理解还不是很深，欢迎大家一起探讨。
页:
[1]