cchen6月同主题写作
Arg 1 本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-2 23:21 编辑Argument1 ：Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
写作思路：
1.Brim River以前也deep and broad？
2.即使河一直deep and broad，Paleans只有boat过河这一种办法？
3.即使一定要坐船，没有找到船＝没有船？
4.即使Paleans没法坐船过河，basket只能通过Paleans带去Lithos？
思路看起来不错
In this argument, the archaeologists claimed that the basket once considered unique to Palean might have been made in other village based on the discovery of such basket in an adjacent village Lithos. However, in order to evaluate the argument, we need more evidence to show the condition of Brim River in prehistoric time, to rule out possibilities for Paleans to own boats or other way to cross the river and to preclude the other chance for the baskets to appear in Lithos.
这个主旨句的并列结构不错
To start with, we need information about the condition of Brim River in prehistoric time. Although Brim River is deep and broad, it might not be the same before. If during Palea(n) time, the there happened to be a drought period, the river would have evaporated most of it hydrates. Thus, with not much water in the river bed, Palean could have crossed the river by walking or wading. Without enough evidence proving that the Brim River was about same depth and broadness, which made it impossible for human beings to cross the river without any auxiliary tools, we are unlikely to assess the argument.
the there happened?
the river would have evaporated most of it hydrates表达
are unlikely to assess - unable
Even if the river was with great depth at that time, more evidence is needed to preclude other possibility for Palean to cross the river other than in boat. If there was a bridge once exist, people could easily walk over the bridge to trade the basket. If the water froze in winter, it made it convenient for villagers on both sides to walk on the ice surface. Thus, it is important to glean more pertinent evidence to assess the argument.
other than in boat. - by other means
If there was a bridge once exist,语法
Granted that boat was the only way to cross Brim River, we also need archaeological evidence to show that Palean had never owned boats. Although archaeologists did not find any remains of boats, it does not probably indict that no boat ever existed at that time. It could be possible that Palean had some wooden boats, but these boats were weathered into ashes. It could be equally possible that Palean burnt their wooden boats to keep warm because of a shortage of wood resources.Without relevant evidence to preclude the possibility of Palean owning boats, we could not assert that Palean baskets were not originated from Palea.
archaeological evidence to show that Palean had never owned boats. 这个是不可能的
没有证据能证明一样东西不存在 只能说找不到存在的证据
而且你这个主题句太笼统了
感觉这段的内容有些问题 关于weathered的问题 你到底需要什么证据
后面那个烧船取暖 我觉得也不靠谱
Even if no boats ever exists, it is essential to provide one more piece of evidence to rule out the chance for basket to show up in Lithos by other means. One scenario could be Lithos’ merchant coming to Palea and bringing baskets to Lithos village. Paleans, then, did not need to manage their way cross the Brim River. Another scenario could be the baskets floating over the river, pushing by the waves and making their arrival at Lithos. To better evaluate the argument, more information to exclude these chances will be helpful.
One scenario could be Lithos’ merchant coming to Palea and bringing baskets to Lithos village.那这些商人怎么过河？
In conclusion, in order to better evaluate the arugment, more evidence needs to be provided before we conclude that Palean baskets are no longer uniquley Palean.
写的时候就觉得干巴巴，每一段感觉语言都差不多，写完看了王老师的范文，差距啊！！！！比如写篮子的那一段，即使想表达的逻辑论证类似的，但着手点可以更深入从材质方面去探讨，而非简单的说篮子有可能可以自己漂过河。这样才能把逻辑往更细致的地方去挖掘，思维也不会被局限。
cchen2014 发表于 2015-6-2 20:43 static/image/common/back.gif
Argument1 ：Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been fou ...
已点评 你还是把本楼链接回复到那个练习帖吧
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