eraser 发表于 2004-7-31 19:14:12

Issue235 第二篇issue,写得比较顺,自我感觉还不错。

Issue235"Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
  
I agree with the speaker insofar as to loyalty can be a bad quality in certain situations. Nevertheless, the speaker overstates its dark side while demeaning its good side. After all, loyalty is also of vital importance in our society and many destructive problems can result from declining amounts of loyalty in society.

Loyalty is a bad quality when interpreted to mean-as it was by some American midshipmen during the cheating scandal-protecting friends who have done something wrong. Actually, this is immoral, because it puts the interests of individuals ahead of the public institution and the country, with damage caused to both. Often the obligations of professional integrity may be pitted against personal loyalties or friendships. The highest loyalty is to the profession itself, and invariably that requires individuals to place their public duties above their personal relationships.(这段考虑再加个例子)

Even so, loyalty to a country or profession also has to yield to higher ethical duties in some circumstances, such as when a nation commands a person to violate human rights. A trip to the Nanjing Holocaust Museum in China or other similar museums in other countries can inform us firsthand what can happen when misplaced loyalty, blind obedience, and a lack of concern for human dignity are taken to the extreme. We can also see the deleterious effects of misplaced loyalty in law enforcement, such as "The Blue Code of Silence" in America. That is the unspoken loyalty agreement among many police officers that they will not report wrongdoing committed by a fellow officer or assist in bringing the officer to justice.  

Many political and business leaders, who loudly claim to be concerned a decline in "moral values" rarely if ever mention the moral obligation to oppose wrongdoing committed by one's coworkers or friends. Nor are they seen coming to the aid of government and corporate whistleblowers who are often punished for carrying out that ethical duty. Leaders' failure to speak out on those matters is itself an ethical lapse and of great harm. It sends a message that they prefer that people remain loyal to wrongdoers in government or business rather than possess a higher loyalty to the public. At the very least, because it is usually to the advantage of unscrupulous political and corporate leaders for people to ignore corruption in government and business, the leader’s silence on these ethical issues creates an appearance of impropriety. If they have no wrongdoing to hide, they should not be afraid of whistleblowers but instead should wholeheartedly support them. Otherwise, their preening about favoring high ethical standards and “law-and-order” deserves the retort: “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”

However, as I mentioned before, decreased loyalty can also undoubtedly contribute to many personal and social problems. In fact, many problems have been arising to date in our society. These problems include high divorce rates, "deadbeat" dads and moms who fail to support and care for their children, corporate downsizing and relocations, a widening income disparity between managers and workers, job dissatisfaction, job hopping, social instability, and less participation in the political process.](回头再重写这一段)

  On balance, loyalty is a virtue and should be advocated, but personal loyalty cannot subvert group goals. Loyalty must be to broad principles- such as, “The good of the people is the chief law.”                                                      (字数:550)

提纲:
基本观点:有保留的赞成,比较接近平衡观点。
B1.忠诚在被用来指保护作了坏事的朋友时,其就是一个不好的品质。
B2.进一步指出就算是对国家或行业的忠诚在某些情况下也有可能危害社会。
B3.继续阐述忠诚上述两点坏作用的危害:一些领导人在忠诚问题上自打自脸,害人也害己。
B4.转折。指出忠诚的减少也必然会给社会带来一些危害较大的的问题。


第二棵椰树。哎呀,果然要种得轻松多了!大概两个小时就搞定了(这个当然是相对于我之前的水平而言的,上一棵花了我差不多两天的时间呢!还是那句话,提前谢过大家的照顾了!

naiba369 发表于 2004-8-1 00:57:49

1,好像有问题After all, loyalty is also of in our society and many destructive problems can result from declining amounts of loyalty in society.
2,b1 只是理论的讲解,没例子,论证很薄。
3,说是话,感觉你真的很牛,用词语言上,很有一套。不过,看完后,我觉得,也许是太地道了,我什么都不清楚,只知道用词很好。在用词霸看完你的文章后,觉的你是不是应该让各个分论点更清楚呢。虽然,行文很有艺术性,但从我的习惯,感觉很不适应。觉得是不是让论证更充分些。过多的分段会让你的论证很单薄,而你的切入角度从一开始就给人感觉不好--中间论证,最容易落入什么都没说的这种感觉。还是要么好,要么坏,然后作出少量让步,比较好论证。
3,我的感觉就是这样,你最好让些牛人给你点平一下,我也想看看他们的见解。

naiba369,愚见送上

eraser 发表于 2004-8-1 18:43:27

1.好像有问题After all, loyalty is also of in our society and many destructive problems can result from declining amounts of loyalty in society   此处应该没问题吧,因为好像是老师讲过的句型。
2.b1简单插了一个例子。as it was by some American midshipmen during the cheating scandal
3."不过,看完后,我觉得,也许是太地道了,我什么都不清楚,只知道用词很好。"应该是此处太突兀了 :These problems include high divorce rates, "deadbeat" dads and moms who fail to support and care for their children, corporate downsizing and relocations, a widening income disparity between managers and workers, job dissatisfaction, job hopping, social instability, and less participation in the political process. 因为的确是改写的老美的东西。 看来还是不能要。其他主要是因为我电子词典基本上没离过手。其实很多地方也是硬翻的。(《新英汉词典〉趁机推荐一下。)
4.论证当然是最重要的,但这也是我最头痛的。因为总是虽然中文想得很好英文却总是表述的走样。
谢谢naiba369的点评!

naiba369 发表于 2004-8-1 20:20:26

eraser 是English Major 的吧?
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查看完整版本: Issue235 第二篇issue,写得比较顺,自我感觉还不错。