对于Issue的一些想法(暨平衡思路的结构组织分析)
期末考基本搞定,闲着一边看星际一边改了两篇作文,结果又发现了issue中对于平衡观念的结构处理过分简单化程式化的倾向.个人一直坚信只有付出才有回报,没有一种万能的方法能够解决所有问题.
如果懒惰的我们停止了思考,只是千遍一律的麻木套用一种思路而不去深究这种思路的精髓在何,那将是很危险的.
AW考我们什么?作为GRE,一种逻辑考试,的一个子部分,AW显然是更加倾向于测试我们的逻辑思维能力,包括深度和结构组织的合理性.
AW中,尤其是Issue中赢得高分的利器,就是文章的思路布局.
完全赞成,完全反对这两种思路,虽然比较有利于挖掘出比较有深度的分论点,但他们都有各自的缺陷.
首先这两种布局都是属于单向思维,不容易展示出逻辑思维的多向性;其次过分强调某件事情的好处而忽视其明显的缺点未免显得过于naive了一点.
基于这两点考虑,平衡思路虽然在有限篇幅内相对较难挖掘出某个方向上很有深度的分论点,但比较容易兼顾到某个事物的各个方面,从而展示出你逻辑的全面性.如果分论点之间结构处理得当,更可以秀出你逻辑思维的条理性.
不过现在大家这么流行使用平衡思路,真的是经过自己对于所有思路的利弊综合思考么?还是前人告诉自己,大部分人都用了这种思路,所以你也就随大流跟着用了?
现在的平衡观念文章已经逐渐变了味道,绝大部分人的平衡思路文章布局,就是前半部分赞同(反对),然后中间忽然来一句'However, blablabla'接着后半部分反对(赞同).这样的布局,根本无法体现出平衡思路的优势,更像是半篇赞同思路和半篇反对思路的文章的生硬拼凑,即无法展示出思维方向的多样性,而且每个方向的挖掘深度还极其浅薄,试问这样的文章凭什么来拿高分?
个人觉得相比于一边倒的思路的取胜点,即思维的深度,平衡观念的取胜点,也就是分论点之间的复杂而又清晰逻辑关系show,是更加容易训练出来的,因为对于一个问题看法的深度是需要在生活中一点一点慢慢熏陶出来的.GRE的考生要的应该是短期高效的训练方法,所以从布局上下手训练应该是更加合理可行的方法.
具体怎么在平衡观念的文章中体现出你的逻辑思维优势呢?下面贴出两篇erater改出的5分文章给大家分析.
ps:有关于erater的可信度,长期以来一直有争议,很多人都觉得那个软件纯粹是靠找关键词来改文章.个人觉得ets还没有傻到这个程度来骗大家的银子.有兴趣的筒子可以参考imong前辈对于erater的解密帖子https://bbs.gter.net/thread-161834-1-1.html
第一篇
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."
Does the technological equipment cause the loneliness we feel in the current society? I admit the feeling of loneliness increases in the modern society, while technology is not the major fact of that, instead of this, technology of communication actually help us connecting each other. (首先说两种感觉孤独这种情况是在现代社会存在的,似乎在同意题目的观念,下面话锋一转,却说科技并不是主要原因,而且还帮助人们相互联系.明晰地提出自己观念的同时顺带指出了题目的intricacy)
With the development of technologies such as telephone, Internet and mobile phone give us the ability to communicate with each other without face-to-face communication. (第一个现代科技方便人们交流的原因:不用face-to-face) We only need to sit in front of a desk and send an Electronic mail to others, or use a mobile phone to call another. It is the truth that the times we meet with other people become less than before, (小让一步) when our predecessors needed to take a trip to see their families or send a mail and wait for several days.
Admittedly, the lack of direct connection (针对上一段的ts中without face-to-face communication的条件提出这种情况下的缺点.) with each other makes us easily to feel lonely for we only listen to the voices and words instead of the real figures everyday. Although we can turn to Internet to appease our emotion (再让一步,可以看到图象) we will feel even more lonely or helpless when we find there are only illusions made with digital bytes because we cannot be together with the person in another side of the wires.
上面两段长度都不长,甚至可以说有点单薄.没有举出什么华丽的例子.语言也不是特别出彩.但是两个层次之间关系非常明晰,下一段针对上一段without face-to-face communication.的不足.论证的每一句话都strike the target.紧紧围绕着本段ts.
This condition, however, is not really caused by these new technologies. (话锋再次一转,针对上一段的lonely,虽然是和科技发展共存的,但并非科技发展导致了人们更加孤单) We actually have modern transports like airplanes and high speed railways, which make our trip much more convenient than before. (科技也有使人们方便见面的一方面) Even if we can not feel better with the tools like Internet and mobile phone, we can visit others easily when we have enough time. (引出时间,下面开始本段重点论证) However, we do not (have) enough time actually. (很短的一句话,朴实到家了,但是效果非常,好承上启下) The strong pressure of competence and fast life pace make us like machines only designed for working. We have to compete with others since the primary school, we need to get good grades and win a chance to enter a better college. After we graduate, we will face both the pressure from the society and the goals of ourselves. Thus, we just feel busy and lonely every day, (这一句话可以放在下面一句后面,下面一句是lonely的终极原因~否则直接来busy and lonely让人觉得武断了:为什么会lonely?busy了就lonely了?) although we may have chances to know our classmates and colleagues, we often take them as competitors rather than friends. (这句加精) This is the real reason for our loneliness. It is the feeling of pressure and the ambition for success make us feel lonelier than before. (得出总结ts,压力和野心会导致孤独,同时也导致没时间看朋友亲人,更孤独.一气呵成)
这段有点不是那么清楚,觉得最好的链子是压力野心推出时间不足推出无法见面导致孤独.后面说到同事和同学是竞争对手而不是朋友固然很棒,但最好再能提及一下是压力和野心导致了时间不足,酱紫下一个段落的ts就会更针对于本段的时间问题~
On the other hand, the wide spread of communication tools like mobile phones and Internet actually give us a precious opportunity so that we can keep connection with our families and friends in the limited leisure time. (这一段ts科技使人们方便交流是虽然是重点强调了节省时间方面,但下面的论证其实多少会和第一个body重合(那儿好像强调的是空间~),显得不是很好.也许点明了这段是时间那段是空间,论述的时候再注意拉开一点会更好.但文章的宏观结构还是很清楚的,本段ts是针对上一段time已经很少的情况之下,科技还是帮了我们很多忙的~) Without them, we may not have enough time to drive a car to our friend’s home hundreds of miles away or write a mail and take it to the post office. If so, we may lose the feeling of affection and we may no longer know what is loneliness, since we only live with ourselves and never know each other.
In sum, the development of communication technology actually helps us connecting with each other instead of making us feel lonely on the surface. It is the pressure and competence make us feel lonely, and the introduction of these new tools have made their efforts to overcome this effect, although they are limited.
大家看完之后什么感觉?
语言和例子都不是很强(甚至有点糟糕)的情况之下为什么能拿到5分?
先不说段内论证的简洁且直击要害(虽然细看有很多毛病),这篇文章比论证更成功的是宏观的思路,太清楚了.
空间上,科技发展使得我们不用见面就可以交流(+)------>然而不见面人们确实会孤单(-)------>不过不见面的孤单不是由科技发展,而是由人们自己的压力和野心造成的时间不足造成(+)------>而且对于时间这个问题,事实上科技又是有帮助的(+).
最后总体对于科技是有保留的正态度,不过这个论证的过程是+ - + + ,而且一环套一环,明显比很多人(包括以前的我)只会先正再让步最后再来个这两个是incompatible的要强很多了.
感谢zrrifle写出的这篇精彩文章:)
第二篇
不自己评点了,和上一篇是同一个题目,思路不同,但同样展示出了平衡思路的优势所在.
下面的点评是当时队友逐梦天涯写的,在这里先谢谢他:)
这是taisha电子书上一篇5分习作,初看其貌不扬,看完后发现我们有的(经典的历史事件,复杂的句型,丰富的词汇)它都没有,而它有的(严整的逻辑结构)我们却鲜有,我们如何能得高分?
Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."
I disagree with the argument that "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."" Arguments can be made for this thesis, but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "loneliness".
简单明了地提出论点(有谁见过这么懒的开头… -,-!) 华丽指数: -10 优点: 快!
If one defines loneliness as the absence of as much physical, face-to-face contact with other people, then this argument is probably true. The invention of modern telecommunications devices such as telephones, fax machines, and computers has definitely cut down on the amount of physical contact with other people. This is especially true in recent times due to the extremely rapid expansion of the Internet. E-mail and tele-conferencing are direct substitutes for physical contact, especially in the business world.
准确地把握住论证地basis – the definition of loneness,假设定义是A,原结论成立
However(引出全文论证地基础 -- 定义B,), I believe that loneliness can be better measured by intellectual contact with other individuals. Unarguably, modern technology makes this faster and easier, with better communication with a larger number of people. Some employers have argued that productivity is lessened since they have had computers linked to the Internet, as the employees spend much of their time "chatting" with friends, acquaintances, or business contacts across the country. This is probably not a good thing for the employers, but it demonstrates the increased degree of communication due to modern technology.
指出现代科技促进交流(并不急于一下得到最终结论—现代科技不会导致loneness)
Of course, some technologies have increased loneliness by any standards, such as the automobile or other transportation mechanisms. These encourage substantially longer commutes between home and work. Automobiles have made possible the pattern of suburbanization that has been in place in the United States since immediately after World War Two. Time spent commuting is generally unproductive and spent alone, unless the individual in question is car-pooling or using mass transit. The contribution of the commuting culture to loneliness may actually be changing now due to new technology that is being invented and used by the general public. Popular new devices, such as the cellular phone, the laptop computer, and the combination thereof may actually convert commuting time to a period of increased communications between people, to "pass the time". This will be especially true as use of mass transit grows, which will probably happen, due to problems with gas shortages, air pollution, and the creation of further mass transit by federal and local governments.
先抑后扬,个人交通工具会造成某种程度的孤独,但是现代科技的发展会改观这种状况.
The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices. However, since the advent of the personal computer, the price per computing power has continually lowered rapidly, and this trend shows no sign of changing. Several companies, such as Sun Microsystems and Oracle have announced that they are attempting to develop terminals with little computing power, but a full capability to access the Internet. These devices will be in approximately the $500 price range, which is much more reasonable than the price of the current top of the line PC. In addition, to cater to a larger mass of the public, software companies have been carefully making their products easier to use by non-"computer nerds". This trend is not likely to cease.
事出皆有因,分析原题观点的原因,并驳之.
In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion. The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and the difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.
读完这篇5分习作,第一个感觉就是语言比较恶心,用词单调不准确,很多都读不通,更谈不上行云流水.但是这篇作文最大的优点,也是它被判成5分的理由,就是它具有层层递进严整的逻辑关系和多角度的论证.
其论证流程如下 definition A-->conclusion A(被驳的论点)-->however, the truly definition is B-->自然而然的推出:科技促进交流-->尽管早期科技导致孤独-->但是当今科技可以改变现状-->分析conclusion A出现的原因-->指出现代科技可以解决导致conclusion A的问题,并得到conclusion B:现代科技不会导致孤独
对于科技的态度的走势,(-)---->(+)---->(-),并且最后给出了比较有深度的集中推理分析.
看完了上面两篇文章,不知道大家对于平衡思路的结构组织是不是有了一点感觉.
希望大家以后的平衡观念文章能够摒弃那种尴尬的前半段+(-)后半段僵硬地转为-(+),而且正负两种观念之间还毫无逻辑联系的结构.
比起这个希望,我更愿意看到的是大家以后对于一些问题能够主动的思考其实质而不是被动地去跟风.
如果大家看了这篇文章之后,只是摒弃了先+(-)后-(+)的形式,转向了疯狂追求+-+-+-颠来倒去的形式而不去思考各个+与-之间的逻辑联系,那我真的就有点失望了.
以上只是个人看法,希望大家辩证接受.
欢迎跟帖讨论.:)
[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-5-26 10:06 编辑 ] 占,防止有用~ :) 板凳 yeah 居然没看到..
趴地板上学习 ^_^
... ls大人是起得太早还是睡得太晚? 刚起。。。
实验室组织春游。。。 ls的俩又开始发挥无敌的水性了:mad :mad 辛苦辛苦 good job! 再强调一下
我们为什么这么喜欢用平衡观念
不应该是因为高中写作文的那种中庸的习惯的延续！
issue里面没有什么观念是是错误的
我们用平衡观念只是为了更好的展示我们的有条理的思路
不是为了用平衡观念而刻意去毫无逻辑地罗列正反方的观念 以为是挖坟帖，原来是新作
还有个问题感觉国人喜欢先下，再找证据，主观推客观，这点看很多提纲列得很好，但都找不出能说明问题的例子就知道了，这应该是小q指出的问题的一个原因，先把立场明确了，却不知道为什么~
大概都怕站错队吧;d: ;d: ;d: ;d: 建议新筒子们看到题目先联系一下存在的现象，然后再考虑该现象说明什么，然后再得出结论，培养下ets期望的思维还是不错的 先顶下再细看~~~起的真早~~ thanks 正苦于打不开思路，受益匪浅，谢楼主 受益匪浅, 谢谢LZ:) ``````
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