12.17 同不同意：过去比现在更容易成功？
A heated debate that whether it is easier for a person to be successful in the past than in the recent years is under way. Considering the merits brought by rapidly developing technology and a large numbers of changes in our society, I agree with the statement that we’re inclined to be successful in recent years than in the past.
To begin with, it is undeniable that more and more individuals have had opportunities to accept advance education nowadays than ever before. Indeed, it is the education level, a essential factors, that decides whether a person can achieve success in his career. From a recent survey date in hand, not only children in metropolis can go to school, but also the children in mountain area can also accept compulsory education in our country. Meanwhile, more and more charitable organizations are built up to help needy but outstanding student continue their further study in university. In contrast, it is unimaginable that poor students can go to university to learn more professional knowledge, thus losing chances to win success in their career.
Furthermore, it is disputable that more and more international conglomerates, such as some Fortune 500 companies in the world, extend their business in China, thus providing countless potential change for us. We can contact more diverse and international management skill from those companies. Hence, our local fledgling companies can be more successful when they assimilate those fresh and useful management theories.
Finally, it is undoubted to find that the discrimination among women is gradually eliminated in most area in our country. For this reason, more and more women can have changes to go to school, and get the equal opportunities when they search for jobs. in other words, the sex will not be the crucial ingredient when we chase success in our career, especially for women. Take my sister for example. She was born in the 1970's, the period that a few women could have advanced education. Due to a poor education , she could not be able to compete for the manager level, but only entitled other low position, such as secretary in the society, thus restricting her career development.
Judging from the evidences I offered above, it is obvious that the superior effects brought by the fast developing industry can lead to more probabilities for individuals to be reach their career goal and be successful businessmen. Therefore, I will appreciate that I am born in the new century, and can get more opportunities to be successful than last generation.
请大家多给我指点指点吧.作者: shiwei83 时间: 2009-12-19 19:02:32
A heated debate that whether it is easier for a person to be successful in the past than in the recent years is under way. Considering the merits brought by rapidly developing technology and a large numbers of changes in our society, I agree with the statement that we’re inclined to be successful in recent years than in the past.
To begin with, it is undeniable that more and more individuals have had opportunities to accept（receive） advance education nowadays than ever before. Indeed, it is the education level, a essential factors, that decides whether a person can achieve success in his career. From a recent survey date in hand, not only children in metropolis can go to school, but also the children in mountain area can also accept compulsory education in our country. Meanwhile, more and more charitable organizations are built up to help needy but outstanding student continue their further study in university. In contrast, it is unimaginable that poor students can go to university to learn more professional knowledge, thus losing chances to win success in their career. (最后一句最好能强调一下这种情况发生在过去，以便与前面的论述相对比)
Furthermore, it is disputable that more and more international conglomerates, such as some Fortune 500 companies in the world, extend their business in China, thus providing countless potential change（chance） for us. We can contact more diverse and international management skill from those companies. Hence, our local fledgling companies can be more successful when they assimilate those fresh and useful management theories.
Finally, it is undoubted to find that the discrimination among women is gradually eliminated in most area in our country. For this reason, more and more women can have changes to go to school, and get the equal opportunities when they search for jobs. in other words, the sex will not be the crucial ingredient when we chase success in our career, especially for women. Take my sister for example. She was born in the 1970's, the period that a few women could have advanced education. Due to a poor education , she could not be able to compete for the manager level, but only entitled other low position, such as secretary in the society, thus restricting her career development.
Judging from the evidences I offered above, it is obvious that the superior effects brought by the fast developing industry can lead to more probabilities for individuals to be reach their career goal and be successful businessmen. Therefore, I will appreciate that I am born in the new century, and can get more opportunities to be successful than last generation.
你的文章总体结构很清楚，语言上也没有太大的问题，主要是要注意论述的深度