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标题: 小伙子作文 [打印本页]

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-9 21:45:05 标题: 小伙子作文

作文没怎么练过，有点悲剧，努力不断进步

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-9 21:56:07

处女作，字数不多，包容下，多谢指点
2.8私人收藏化石的优缺新托福橘宝书P.483~

   Nowadays human occupy our planet ,while ancient animals disappeared .  Although many people claim that along with the vehemently  economic development,the numbers of people who cares history are decreasing ,the information i have collected over recent years  leads me to hold that more people pay their attention on collecting fossils .How come?
   It is always top of the list of my arguments that  fossils give us ways to live better .For example ,analysis of the fossils has spawned great advances in history and anthropology ,helping us dissecting our body ,and prolong our life ,and enhancing our understanding of history.Similarly ,a better understanding of fossils could emancipate  people,especially older,who enthralled by superstition ,boosting our society development by elevating our thinking and by congregating our energy.Perhaps most important ,however,functions of the organs of ancient animals brought about the advances which attracts scientists ' attention  ,thereby applying to us and heightening us.
      On the other hand,some people who want to adopt a meaningful life tend to exchange money for certain fossils ,collecting personally and rejecting to be analyzed by scientists .Anyone would agree that we could improve our standard of living by bringing us pleasure and by beautifying our environment ,but what if scientists have no sample to develop technology? And what if fossils excavated begin to disappear and devastate ?Indisputably ,boost our society development  requires us to confront our selfishness and jealousness,which we decided individually based on ethics .
   From what have been discussed above ,we may safely draw the conclusion that we could to some degree collect fossils  to appreciate or protect .Which contributes our society and ourselves,therefore putting us in a favorable position in becoming a eligible citizen

作者: arimidy 时间: 2010-2-10 00:33:43

字数太少会是硬伤，独立作文要字数越多越好，不变的真理
Nowadays human occupy our planet（我的理解你好像不是human，把“our”改成“this”） ,while（as） ancient animals disappeared .  Although many people claim that along with the vehemently  economic development,the numbers of people who cares history are decreasing ,the information i have collected over recent years  leads me to hold that more people pay their attention(前后矛盾。一般如果对历史没兴趣有怎么会去收藏) on collecting fossils .How come?

It is always top of the list of my arguments that  fossils give us ways to live better .For example ,analysis of the fossils has spawned great advances in history and anthropology ,helping us dissecting our body ,and prolong our life ,and enhancing our understanding of history.Similarly ,a better understanding of fossils could emancipate  people,especially older,who enthralled by superstition（词汇新颖但是用得不是地方，句子整体感觉怪异） ,boosting our society development by elevating our thinking and by congregating our energy.Perhaps most important ,however,functions of the organs of ancient animals brought about the advances which attracts scientists ' attention（缺少支持的内容，观点过于单薄，这些都是可以展开以增加字数的点啊）  ,thereby applying to us and heightening us.

On the other hand,some people who want to adopt a meaningful life tend to exchange money for（from） certain fossils ,collecting personally and rejecting to be analyzed by scientists .Anyone would agree that we could improve our standard of living by bringing us pleasure and by beautifying our environment ,but what if scientists have no sample to develop technology（要展开要说明，fossil 和develop 究竟啥关系）? And what if fossils excavated begin to disappear and devastate ?Indisputably ,boost our society development  requires us to confront our selfishness and jealousness,which we decided individually based on ethics .+ I5 R7 i: k& e* P7 x

From what have been discussed above ,we may safely draw the conclusion that we could to some degree collect fossils  to appreciate or protect .Which contributes our society and ourselves,therefore putting us in a favorable position in becoming a eligible citizen

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-10 20:28:37

:loveliness:恩，谢谢花花的指点，努力改正

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-11 22:07:04

2.11 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In 20 years from now on, students will not use printed books anymore.
Though someone ,holding that printed book always playing a important part in our life,i am concerned that the situation of that books will have a favorable attitude toward decline in 20 years when considering the development of technology,the requirement of daily life ,and the convenience .
It is always top of the list of my point that advanced technology put our life forward ,more available things are applied to our entertainment and job by improving the performance and practicability of facility and by elevating our economic level.for example, the advent of computer has spawned many advances in education , helping us reading book more efficient and free and increaseing our interest in studying . similarly , advanced technology has emancipated printers by receiving time to expand creative possibilities and by doing relegating repetitive talks to computers .perhaps most important ,however , science brought about more and more impetus to education,therefore enhancing the development of society and technology in return .
It constitute another reason for my point of view that the increasing development of our society parallels more demands.consider,for example ,we have to reading more books in unit to come up with . Anyone would agree that i only desire to have my own life ,comfort ,easy,and no pressure . But what if you are washed out ?or what if you have no capital to sustain your life? Indisputably ,realizing our dream requires us to study efficient ,do things to elevate our capacity ,thereby giving us a favorable position toward our dream.
To further clarify this ,we would add that we could occupy many advantages if read e-book. Students who often read e-book could remove any good sentences he like to certain place easily and read them next time and more times ,then your capacity boosts. On the contrary,although students who only read printed book can also do that , you actually would find they do it less efficient and more complicate . A survey shows that efficiency can put us forward directly. So that it is .
Judging from all the evidences offered above .we could arrive at this conclusion technology direct printed book to disappear .moreover ,it is partly beneficial for us ,especially students,to catch up with the rapidly development of society.

作者: 刀小镜 时间: 2010-2-12 13:27:01

本帖最后由刀小镜于 2010-2-12 13:31 编辑

Though someone ,holding that printed book always playing a(an) important part in our life,
i(I) am concerned that the situation of that books will have a favorable attitude toward decline (这种表达方式的情况下主语应该是人)in 20 years when considering the development of technology,
the requirement of daily life ,and the convenience . / T4 p. I f! }/ X. `" n

It is always top of the list of my point that advanced technology put our life forward ,more available things are applied to our entertainment and job by improving the performance and practicability of facility and by elevating our economic level.
for(For) example, the advent of computer has spawned many advances in education , helping us reading book more efficient and free（换成方便更好一些吧） and increaseing（increasing） our interest in studying . similarly (Similarly),the advanced （最好换一个词 modern or development避免重复）technology has emancipated printers by receiving （不应该用节约或者减少一类的词吗）time to expand creative possibilities and by doing relegating（？） repetitive talks to computers . perhaps （Perhaps） the most important( is) ,however (连词用的不对吧?), science brought about more and more impetus to education,therefore enhancing the development of society and technology in return .(最重要的是科学技术推进了教育发展，反过来增进了社会和教育的进步？读的不是很明白)

It constitute another reason for my point of view that the increasing development of our society parallels more demands.consider(Considering),for example ,we have to reading (read)more books in unit to come up with（with 啥？） . Anyone would agree that i (I)only desire to have my own life ,comfort ,easy（ease）,and no pressure . But what if you are washed out ?or （Or）what if you have no capital to sustain your life? Indisputably ,realizing our dream requires us to study efficient(efficiently) ,do things to elevate our capacity ,thereby giving us a favorable position toward our dream.

To further clarify this ,we would add that we could occupy many advantages if read e-book. Students who often read e-book could remove any good sentences he like(likes) to certain place easily and read them next time and more times ,then your capacity boosts. On the contrary,
although students who only read printed book can also do that , you actually would find they do it less efficient(efficiently) and more complicate(complex) . A survey shows that efficiency can put us forward directly. So that it is .

Judging from all the evidences offered above .we could arrive at this conclusion technology direct (directs)printed book to disappear .moreover ,it is partly beneficial for us ,especially students, (who should) catch up with the rapidly development of society.

有很多地方没有注意大小写有的句子不知道是我能力问题没读懂（《===这个是我最担心出错的><）还是写的真的是不太通顺文章结构不错但是说理比较多例子相对少一些

学会用what if 句子了谢谢LZ^^

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-20 01:24:08

2.19
While some ,holding this idea that seriously focus on something is significant claim that people should do one certain work during his or her career , i am convinced that practice more kinds of works before we decide which job to do contributes directly to our career when considering the nature of the work you like,the context of each vocation,and the foreground of the job you choice.
   The main reason lies in the fact that interest is the focus of our life and the source of impetus ,which efficiently make our job accomplished and occupy a meaningful feeling through the process .Anyone would agree that even though certain vocation which beyond my interest ,i can finish it nicely ,efficiently .But what if it is a huge,complicate and sterile project ?or what if the project need uncanny impetus to be analyzed and involve some mental factors ?  Indisputably ,only when one has come though a event do we can really realize the nature of that . Then we can  know which fit us and we can complete efficiently,there by putting us in a favorable position in our career .
   An additional factor involves this recognition that there is no denying the fact that the past of things have a close affinity with its future . That is to say,
If we want to have a better outcome ,first we should do is to realize,analyse ,and even dissect its history. Things like we students study our national and world history in the school ,absorbing its element ,experience,methods,skills--the list goes on .Then we can give deeply insight to it and utilize,complete nicely.In a word ,advances in control of its history greatly enhance our job opportunities and promotion opportunities.
   Leading further credence  to my point is that a good environment is better for us to do anything. Consider ,for example ,you are doing your work ,while the number of people who ever do the same work is undergoing a decline , what would you do?Or What 's in your mind?  It is really hard, not impossible ,for us to fulfill your work  well-off.Which is widely accepted .On the contrary ,the people who is doing that is  soaring , then a dramatic impetus occurs . Namely , whether one vocation have a good foreground  plays extremely important role in our job markets .
   Well , what i  has been discussed above essentially leads me to safely hold the conclusion that various kinds of job experience put us in a favorable position in our enterprises ,that is general accepted by people in growing numbers

作者: showgood07 时间: 2010-2-20 16:08:33

While some ,holding this idea that seriously focus on something is significant claim that people should do one certain work during his or her career , i am convinced that practice more kinds of works before we decide which job to do contributes directly to our career when considering the nature of the work you like,the context of each vocation,and the foreground of the job you choice.
   The main reason lies in the fact[感觉有些别扭] that interest is the focus of[on] our life and the source of impetus ,which efficiently make our job accomplished and occupy a meaningful feeling through the process .Anyone would agree that even though certain vocation which beyond my interest[这个地方为什么要用一个which？看了好久没看明白，如果是从句的话，那么后面的结构就不完整，如果只是指代的话，那逻辑又不对] ,i can finish it nicely ,efficiently .But what if it is a huge,complicate and sterile project ?or what if the project need uncanny impetus to be analyzed and involve some mental factors ?  Indisputably ,only when one has come though a event do we can really realize the nature of that . Then we can  know which[这里也用了一个which，但是用法不对。童鞋想表达的是“我们可以知道哪一个是适合我们的”] fit us and we can complete efficiently,there by putting us in a favorable position in our career .
[这一段论述有点乱，之前提到一个even though，按理来说，后面应该接的是一个与事实不同的结果，因为提到了“即使”，但是后来没有提到，变成了两个反问句，然后得到了结论，这样看起来不是很明白，另外，这一段跑题了，和主体没有多大的关系，如果说题目是提出一个现象，那么第一段就只是在解释这个现象的后果，有举例是说，即使某个稳定的工作超越了我们的兴趣，可当一个更艰难的工作，之类的。]

   An additional factor involves this recognition that there is no denying the fact that the past of things have a close affinity with its future . That is to say, .If we want to have a better outcome ,first we should do is to realize,analyse ,and even dissect its history.[这句话里面有几个谓语？] Things like we students study our national and world history in the school ,absorbing its element , experience, methods, skills--the list goes on . Then we can give deeply insight to it and utilize, complete nicely.In a word ,advances in control of its history greatly enhance our job opportunities and promotion opportunities.[跑得更远了]
   Leading further credence  to my point is that a good environment is better for us to do anything. Consider ,for example ,you are doing your work ,while the number of people who ever do the same work is undergoing a decline , what would you do?Or What 's in your mind?  It is really hard, not impossible ,for us to fulfill your work  well-off.Which is widely accepted .On the contrary ,the people who is doing that is  soaring , then a dramatic impetus occurs . Namely , whether one vocation have a good foreground  plays extremely important role in our job markets .
   Well , what i  has been discussed above essentially leads me to safely hold the conclusion that various kinds of job experience put us in a favorable position in our enterprises ,that is general accepted by people in growing numbers

1、论述得很好，句式挺多的，词汇也不少，但有种感觉在刻意求新，这不是不好，但是要在能够驾驭的前提下，要能保证正确为第一。
2、细节要注意，这个和我一样的毛病，单词拼写错误，搭配不对，这样虽然算不上什么大问题，但是在考试中，还是非常头疼的。
3、不得不说，这篇文章最大的问题：跑题了。不知所云。尽管尽管有很多优点，但是跑题了，就像中国的作文一样，即便文字再漂亮，逻辑再完美，但是文不对题，都是空谈。

希望多多讨论，多多交流

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-23 23:02:59

2.23 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who do not work because they get enough money are rarely happy.

Although someone ,holding that happiness involved means, claims that happiness is defined chiefly by the fortune you possess, i am convinced that a person 's happiness place a higher value on people who live with prolific experience ,especially  your work  when considering  the nature of happiness,the practicality of happiness, and the define of happiness
The main reason lies in the fact that  when it comes to one problem ,first thing we should do is recognize the nature of it . Then we can transact or think profoundly. Things like this , people who possess large sums of money ,,but no vocation, usually are tedious and live under the illusion that they are enjoying their lives .but it is really the case ? You are wealthy,leisurely ,and comfortable ,but how your time should be properly arranged ? It is general accepted that people of that status can not do something ,comprises traveling and playing games , constantly for a longtime . After that , tedious feelings occurs,which put people in an unfavorable position in their later lives .
It constitutes another reason for my point of view that people in growing numbers are beginning to believe that there is something between practicality and theory ---shade. There is a growing tendency that people tend to take extra work or spend more time on their job to make more money to support their family ,but happiness  can not be equalled with the fortune we possess. Actually , there is few affinity between happiness and asset , the number of people who used to think money signifys a person 's happiness is undergoing a decline .which contributes greatly to the advancement of people 's thinking . That is to say , that  large sums of money  means kind of happy life is just a theory ,not practical
To further clarify this .,we could add that along with the progress of our society, an increasing number of people seem to fail to see the basic fact that a person 's happiness judged mainly by,not the asset we own,but the feeling s of life , meaningful , colorful ,free---the list goes on . So all leads to my point ---people ,who are rich and do-nothing , can not parallel the happiness.
Judging from what i have discussed above, i can safely hold this conclusion that people who are doing meaningful things ,striving dreams ,even though they are undergoing affliction ,are happy --the owner of happiness

作者: speedzshaw 时间: 2010-2-24 23:57:06

2.23 修改 by speedzshaw

作者: speedzshaw 时间: 2010-2-25 10:04:01

本帖最后由 speedzshaw 于 2010-2-25 10:07 编辑

the nature of happiness,the practicality of happiness, and the define of happiness
我的意思是你可以直接表示成the nature,the practicality, and the definition of happiness 这样明快些
也谢谢你的建议大家互相学习~
其实你的很多词如果剥离来看确实很不错就是不要太过于追求“在一篇文章我非要用多少多少词才达到效果”这种心态就更好了
再一个平时准备时候我的建议是尽量模考掐时间其实也是别人跟我建议过的所以我一直是规定自己在25分钟内写完的

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-25 11:24:56

呵呵，那3个是并列的，所以都是一种结构比较好啊我觉得，就像,,,,of,,,,,, . ,,,,,of ,,,,, . and ,,,,,of ,,,,
你觉得呢
我也觉得我那些的有些牵强，主要是想不出来，还是得努力
掐时间25分钟，好建议
呵呵，多多交流

作者: tqidtest 时间: 2010-2-25 14:07:27

2.23

作者: mpromanus 时间: 2010-2-25 20:13:18

额。。这位童鞋我需要题目。。没有题目我没有办法评论你的文章是否符合题目的要求。。=.=

While some ,holding this idea that seriously focus on something is significant, claim that people should do one certain work ('Work' as in 'activity for earning money' is generally not countable. I think you mean 'job'.) during his or her career , I am convinced that to practice with more kinds of works before we decide which job to do contributes directly to our career, when considering the nature of the work you (Who? I thought you were talking about 'we'.) like, the context of each vocation, and the foreground? (What is the 'foreground' of a job? Do you mean 'propect of a job'?) of the job of you choice.

The main reason lies in the fact that interest is the focus of our life and the source of impetus ,which efficiently makes our job accomplished (A person 'accomplish' things. Seldom you'll say a job is 'accomplished'.) and occupies a meaningful feeling? through the process .Anyone would agree that even though a certain vocation, which are beyond my interest ,i can finish it nicely ,efficiently (This is very vague. Also, I don't see the relationship between 'beyond my interest' and 'finish it nicely, efficiently'.).But what if it is a huge,complicate and sterile?? project ?or what if the project needs uncanny impetus? (1. What are you trying to express by 'impetus'? This is not a word to describe jobs. 2. 'Uncanny' is not a word that describes 'impetus' either.) to be analyzed and involves some mental factors (What factors are 'mental factors' anyway? Don't all jobs involve 'mental factors', so to speak?)?  Indisputably ,only when one has come though a event (What event?), do we can really realize the nature of that (What??) . Then we can  know which fits us and what we can complete efficiently,thereby putting us in a favorable position in our career.

An additional factor involves this recognition that there is no denying the fact (This whole entangled part is just saying 'a fact'. It's too much effort for too little return.) that the past of things has a close affinity with its future . That is to say, If we want to have a better outcome , the first we should do is to realize,analyse ,and even dissect its (What's??) history. Things like how we students study our national and world history in the school ,absorbing its elements ,experiences,methods,skills--the list goes on .Then we can give deeply insights to it (Again, what??) and utilize, complete ('complete' what?) nicely.In a word ,advances in control of its history greatly enhance our job opportunities and promotion opportunities. (What does this have to do with 'practice with more kinds of works before we decide which job to do'?)

Lending further credence  to my point is that a good environment is better for us to do anything. Consider ,for example ,you are doing your work ,while the number of people who ever do the same work is undergoing a decline , what would you do?Or What 's in your mind?  It is really hard, not impossible ,for us to fulfill your work (...) well-off.Which is widely accepted (This is a fragment.) .On the contrary ,the people who is doing that what is  soaring , then a dramatic impetus occurs (This is also a fragment.) . Namely , whether one vocation has a good foreground  plays an extremely important role in our job markets . (Again, what does this have to do with 'practice with more kinds of works before we decide which job to do'?)

Well (This kind of interjection is too casual for a formal essay.), what i  has been discussing above essentially leads me to safely hold the conclusion that various kinds of job experience put us in a favorable position in our enterprises ,that is general accepted by people in growing numbers (The last clause is better off as a separate sentence.).

总结：

额。语法和词汇方面基本上可以说没有看出你有足以和你用的模板相配的程度，然后说理方面是架子和用词都摆得很大很空，但是没有具体的例子和坚实有力的论述。。说白了就是你填模板的东西和模板本身一样空泛，那你整篇文章写了等于白写，到最后什么道道也没说出来。至于跑题什么的就更加明显了，基本上看不出你心里有想着你第一段的总论点到底是什么的感觉，就是顺着自己看到工作这个关键字之后能想到的一二三往下写。。

总体来说你需要去重新做点功课，看看托福作文应该怎么写，而不是一直用一个模板填来填去，你不知道自己为什么在填模板和在填什么的话，填再多也不会有明显提高的。。

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-25 22:17:49

不好意思啊，我的失误，每个题目Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

谢谢高人的指点，我就是觉得这个好空，也有点偏题，才选择这篇的，我会好好研究的，
thankyou

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-2-28 13:14:26

2.28It better to use own knowledge and experience to solve question, or ask other people for advice.
            Well, you know , there is discussion over the method of transacting problems , by ourselves or others ?  Though some hold the idea that the combine of others ideas is playing an extremely important role in the disposal of problems ..in my opinion,it is vital to solve problems we met by ourselves when considering the elevation ,dependence and confidence .
The main reason lies in the fact that dispose problem by our ourselves is a process of elevating ourselves . Our knowledge ,experience ,capacity ----the list goes on . anyone would agree that it is painful to solve it by oneself and should do it with others, but think about what could you obtain from that process ? Or what if certain problem comes to you when you are alone ? Indisputably , that deal with problems depend on ourselves signifys that sustain loneliness and affliction , then we can really enhance our ability through that process ,which is the purpose we tend to achieve
An additional factor involves the recognition is that it can decrease our dependence on others,which put us in a favorable position in our lives .for instance ,you encounter certain imperative problem and your friends are busy or tired ,then what would you do ?live under the illusion that they will come and help you ? Or be strong and transact it by yourself ? Similarly , if you are a boy and usually  tend to deal with question with others , what you can do to attract your favorite girl . Girls generally do like man who are capable and strong . Think about this :you are going after a girl ,but you dispose it by her when you meet a problem .. Then what will happen is inevitable a tragedy
   To further clarify this ,we could add that we do resolve problems in person greatly strength our confidence which give us impetus to more forward . We all want to realize our dream ,but we also fail to take into account the basic fact that we have to overcome the pain ,loneliness and frustration during the process . Those resistance derives from our confidence we have  and from our elevation we need
Judging what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that transact the problem by ourselves contributes greatly to our lives . Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price we can not afford

作者: amanda_qinyy 时间: 2010-3-1 13:24:36

嗯，有什么问题的话和我讨论哈！

[attach]140116[/attach]

作者: nathanyc 时间: 2010-3-2 23:09:56

额，不好意思现在才改，提个小建议哈，以后最后能发word附件在帖子里，复制都是乱码，格式也不对，逗号后要空格的。。。
贴上批改，不当之处多包涵啊哈

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-3 23:40:12

It better to use own knowledge and experience to solve question, or ask other people for advice.
   Nowadays,there is discussion over the method of transacting problems , by ourselves or others ?  Though some hold the idea that the combine of other ideas is playing an extremely important role in the disposal of problems ..in my opinion,it is vital to solve problems we meet by ourselves when considering the elevation ,dependence and confidence .
The main reason lies in the fact that disposing a problem by our ourselves is a process of elevating ourselves . Our knowledge ,experience ,capacity ----the list goes on . anyone would agree that it is painful to solve it by oneself and should do it with others, but think about what could you obtain from that process ? Or what if certain problem comes to us when we are alone and not capable to deal with? Indisputably,that dealing with problems depend on ourselves signifys that we inevitably have to sustain loneliness and affliction , but it can dramatically enhance our abilities through that process ,which is the purpose we tend to achieve
An additional factor involves the recognition is that it can decrease our dependence on others,which put us in a favorable position in our lives . For instance ,we encounter certain imperative problem and our friends are busy or tired ,then what would you do ? Living under the illusion that they will come and help us ? Or be strong and transact it by yourself ? No one can deny the fact that people in growing numbers tend to choose the latter .Similarly , if  i am a boy and usually  tend to deal with question with others , what i can do to attract your favorite girl . Girls generally do like man who are capable and strong . Think about this situation:i am going after a girl ,but she transacts it instead of me when we meet a problem . Then what will happen is inevitable a tragedy
To further clarify my point of view ,we could add that we do resolve problems in person greatly strength our confidence which give us impetus to move forward . We all want to realize our dreams ,but we also seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that we have to overcome the pain ,loneliness and frustration during the process . Power that used to conquer those resistances derives from our confidence we have  and from our elevation we need
Judging what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that transacting the problem by ourselves contributes greatly to enhancing our promotion opportunities , improving our standard of life ,and constituting our families . Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price we can not afford

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-3 23:41:02

It better to use own knowledge and experience to solve question, or ask other people for advice.
   Nowadays,there is discussion over the method of transacting problems , by ourselves or others ?  Though some hold the idea that the combine of other ideas is playing an extremely important role in the disposal of problems ..in my opinion,it is vital to solve problems we meet by ourselves when considering the elevation ,dependence and confidence .
The main reason lies in the fact that disposing a problem by our ourselves is a process of elevating ourselves . Our knowledge ,experience ,capacity ----the list goes on . anyone would agree that it is painful to solve it by oneself and should do it with others, but think about what could you obtain from that process ? Or what if certain problem comes to us when we are alone and not capable to deal with? Indisputably,that dealing with problems depend on ourselves signifys that we inevitably have to sustain loneliness and affliction , but it can dramatically enhance our abilities through that process ,which is the purpose we tend to achieve
An additional factor involves the recognition is that it can decrease our dependence on others,which put us in a favorable position in our lives . For instance ,we encounter certain imperative problem and our friends are busy or tired ,then what would you do ? Living under the illusion that they will come and help us ? Or be strong and transact it by yourself ? No one can deny the fact that people in growing numbers tend to choose the latter .Similarly , if  i am a boy and usually  tend to deal with question with others , what i can do to attract your favorite girl . Girls generally do like man who are capable and strong . Think about this situation:i am going after a girl ,but she transacts it instead of me when we meet a problem . Then what will happen is inevitable a tragedy
To further clarify my point of view ,we could add that we do resolve problems in person greatly strength our confidence which give us impetus to move forward . We all want to realize our dreams ,but we also seem to fail to take into account the basic fact that we have to overcome the pain ,loneliness and frustration during the process . Power that used to conquer those resistances derives from our confidence we have  and from our elevation we need
Judging what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that transacting the problem by ourselves contributes greatly to enhancing our promotion opportunities , improving our standard of life ,and constituting our families . Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price we can not afford

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-4 23:24:53

3.4：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.

Along with the rapidly development of modern science and technology .People 's life is becoming better than any time before.Unfortunately ,people in growing numbers are beginning to live under the illusion that our capacities of writing and reading are undergoing a decline .I am convinced that it is playing an increasing role in  our lives when considering 3.4：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.# N9The main reason lies in the fact that that could put us in a favorable position in our society.for example  people who has a good competence of reading or writing can readily master more technology and knowledge ,helping him enrich his thinking ,enhance his life level ,and improve his understanding of world . Similarly ,it could dramatically elevate our efficiency when doing work or studying by coming into condition quickly and by tackling informa3.4：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.# N9ion exactly . Perhaps most importantly ,however ,the progress brought about by highly education make huge access to our personal benefits ,thereby giving us a meaningful and happy life
Anther factor involves the recognition is that people can look lots of book we like .People who likes reading book such as students or teachers usually go into rapture at the mere mention of having a chance to read book ,but they do not have enough time to read ,then the competence of reading contributes forthright to  reading the book fully.Especially for the exam , better reading ability means a path toward a higher score
To further clarify that ,we can add that good writing skills give a way to express us accurately .For example ,writing skills has spawned many advances in linguistics and philosophy ,leading us to render our emotions ,provoke our interest and incisive the growth of our society . Moreover , good writing skills could make maximal contribution to our resume ,which plays a extremely important role in job markets ,thereby enhancing our competitive force and orienting toward a better life
Judging from what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that good reading or  writing skills is an inevitable part of our lives . No one could afford to ignore it
# N9

作者: zhangwen08 时间: 2010-3-5 19:08:18

你好！我已经把你的作文改完了
可是我怎么上传附件啊？

作者: zhangwen08 时间: 2010-3-5 22:03:11

K
Along with the rapidly development of modern science and technology .People 's life is becoming better than any time before.Unfortunately ,people in growing numbers are beginning to live under the illusion that our capacities of writing and reading are undergoing a decline .I am convinced that it is playing an increasing role in  our lives when considering 3.4：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.# N9（这里没必要把题目给列出来吧？可以换个说法）The main reason lies in the fact that that could put us in a favorable position in our society.（这句我么有看懂~~）for example  people who has a good competence of reading and writing can readily master more technology and knowledge ,help him enrich his thinking ,enhance his life level ,and improve his understanding of the world . Similarly ,it could dramatically elevate our efficiency when doing work or studying by coming into condition quickly and by tackling information exactly . Perhaps most importantly ,however ,the progress brought by highly education makes a huge access to our personal benefits ,thereby giving us a meaningful and happy life : N+ i5 w0 d# j1 O# x' U

Anther factor involves the recognition is that people can look lots of books they like .People who like reading books such as students or teachers usually go into rapture at the mere mention of having a chance to read book ,but they do not have enough time to read ,then the competence of reading contributes forthright to  reading the book fully.Especially for the exam , better reading ability means a path toward a higher score

To further clarify that ,we can add that good writing skills give a way to express us accurately .For example ,writing skills has spawned many advances in linguistics and philosophy ,leading us to render our emotions ,provoke our interest and incisive（这里应该用动词）the growth of our society . Moreover , good writing skills could make maximal contributions to our resume ,which plays an extremely important role in job markets ,thereby enhancing our competitive force and orienting toward a better life

Judging from what I has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that good reading and writing skills is an inevitable part of our lives . No one could afford to ignore it

您好！我是第一次参加作文互改小组，改的不合适的地方请告诉我。我不知道怎么上传附件~ 现在的格式貌似有点变~

整体感觉有以下几个问题：
1、  1 。逗号前面不用加空格，后面要加空格。（这个问题我看以前的同学给你提过）
2、2.
冠词的用法 a/an/the 或者直接用复数形式
3、 3. 用的套话很多，toefl作文要多举例子，只理论上证明是不行的，举具体的例子!
4、  4.长句子太多了~~~
5、 5. 不知道是不是你贴的时候有问题，第一段也太长了~，相比而言最后一段太短了
6、  6.句式变化很多，这很好，这点我要向你学习。不过一篇文章用的太多了，反而让人觉得没有自己的东西，看起来也比较累

作者: zhangwen08 时间: 2010-3-5 22:04:01

不好意思啊这样不知道你能不能看明白不行的话我给你发邮件~

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-5 22:41:32

24# zhangwen08
呵呵，谢谢你的建议啊，我会加以改正的，今天刚回来，才上网，我会尽快吧你的改了发过去的，还请见谅
如果可以的话，你吧文档传上来吧，蛮方便的

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-5 22:55:30

不好意思啊大家，刚回来，昨天传上去的作文怎么成那样了，文档里面是好的，不也不知道是什么情况，对不起大家了，我重传下

3.4：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.

Along with the rapidly development of modern science and technology .People 's life is becoming better than any time before.Unfortunately ,people in growing numbers are beginning to live under the illusion that our capacities of writing and reading are undergoing a decline .I am convinced that it is playing an increasing role in  our lives when considering its function, manners,and effects
N9The main reason lies in the fact that that could put us in a favorable position in our society.for example  people who has a good competence of reading or writing can readily master more technology and knowledge ,helping him enrich his thinking ,enhance his life level ,and improve his understanding of world. Similarly ,it could dramatically elevate our efficiency when doing work or studying by coming into condition quickly and by tackling information exactly . Perhaps most importantly ,however ,the progress brought about by highly education make huge access to our personal benefits ,thereby giving us a meaningful and happy life
Anther factor involves the recognition is that people can look lots of book we like .People who likes reading book such as students or teachers usually go into rapture at the mere mention of having a chance to read book ,but they do not have enough time to read ,then the competence of reading contributes forthright to  reading the book fully.Especially for the exam, better reading ability means a path toward a higher score
To further clarify that ,we can add that good writing skills give a way to express us accurately .For example ,writing skills has spawned many advances in linguistics and philosophy .Moreover , good writing skills could make maximal contribution to our resume ,which plays a extremely important role in job markets ,thereby enhancing our competitive force and orienting toward a better life
Judging from what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that good reading or  writing skills is an inevitable part of our lives . No one could afford to ignore it
# N9

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-6 02:38:36

本帖最后由 glly7 于 2010-3-6 02:40 编辑

3月5号3 S8 z+ Z% p9 m5 Z- V1 U x! X
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves

Along with the rapidly economic growth , people 's life dramatically changed by modern science and technology. However , people 's independence is undergoing a decline , especially the means of tackling questions we meet . According a recent survey, people in growing numbers are beginning to make decisions depend on others . In my opinion , it is important to decide by ourselves when considering experience,convenience,and family
The main reason lies in the fact that make decisions by ourselves could enhance our experience,which put us in a favorable position in future questions . For example, we make a decision by ourselves to solve certain thing , if it is not a good one , we also can gain much experience ,which we will never be able to get from our textbooks . And when it comes to us again ,we could readily tackle it very well and afflict us greatly.On the contrary , if our choosing is gorgeous ,then think about what would we get? Experience , confidence , victory ---the list goes on . All comes to the point that by ourselves is worthy on both accounts
Another factor involves the recognition is that it is convenient to decide by ourselves . Especially when we are alone or in trouble ,it bring us the efficiency. For instance , we encounter a calamity when wandering outside at night , there are few people around. Would you find some people and ask him or her for helping make a decision ? Or will you wait there until anyone appears and decide what should do together ? Of course not, indisputably , we should send victims to hospital or phone without hesitate .
To further clarify that ,we could add that it contributes to our family. Actually ,it is very usual for us . Take me for example, i am a boy , if i always need friends to help me make decisions, what would i do in such a situation. I am going after a girl i love ,we are shopping and a particular problem comes to us , no friends there , if she helps me solve the problem , then what 's on her mind ? Undoubtedly ,it will be a tragedy ,which has no association with a family .
Judging what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that make a choosing by ourselves produce an essential impact on our lives in modern society . Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price we can not afford

作者: zhangwen08 时间: 2010-3-6 08:35:35

我还没学会怎么传附件能教我一下吗

作者: zhangwen08 时间: 2010-3-6 08:38:57

[attach]140272[/attach]
会了 O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

作者: howard_hhq 时间: 2010-3-7 00:47:11

3月5号
, B# W6 P$ @+ Z2 sDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves8"

Along with the rapidly economic growth , people 's life dramatically changed by modern science and technology. However, people’s independence is undergoing a decline, especially the means of tackling questions we meet(和上面衔接有问题). According a recent survey, people in growing numbers are beginning to make decisions depend on others. In my opinion, it is important to decide by ourselves when considering experience, convenience, and family

The main reason lies in the fact that [url=]make [/url][*1] decisions by ourselves could enhance our experience,which put us in a favorable position in future questions . For example, we make a decision by ourselves to solve certain [url=]thing [/url][*2] , if it is not a good one , we also can gain much experience ,which we will never be able to get from our textbooks . And when it comes to us again ,we could readily tackle it very well and afflict us greatly. On the contrary , if our choosing is gorgeous ,then think about what would we get? Experience , confidence , victory ---the list goes on . All comes to the point that by ourselves is worthy on both accounts
感觉论证不够充分去支持“experience”
Another factor involves the recognition is that it is convenient to decide by ourselves . Especially when we are alone or in trouble ,it bring us the efficiency. For instance , we encounter a calamity when wandering outside at night , there are few people around. Would you find some people and ask him or her for helping make a decision ? Or will you wait there until anyone appears and decide what should do together ? Of course not, indisputably , we should send victims to hospital or phone without hesitate .
问句使用的好,
To further clarify that ,we could add that it contributes to our family. Actually ,it is very usual for us . Take me for example, i am a boy , if i always need friends to help me make decisions, what would i do in such a situation. I am going after a girl[url=] i love[/url][*3] ,we are shopping and a particular problem comes to us , no friends there , if she helps me solve the problem , then what 's on her mind ? Undoubtedly ,it will be a tragedy ,which has no association with a family .
这个好像和family有用比较勉强，不如说对自己成长或者独立由于，句子很“中式”
Judging what has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that make a choosing by ourselves produce an essential impact on our lives in modern society . Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price we can not afford

总体情况还好，但是句子上面稍欠缺，还有逻辑上面要加强

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-7 13:45:45

3.6

作者: 半夏之北 时间: 2010-3-7 22:12:06

Along with the rapidly economic growth , people 's life dramatically changed by modern science and technology. However , people 's independence is undergoing a decline , especially the means of tackling questions we meet . According a recent survey, people in growing numbers are beginning to make decisions depend（depending） on others . In my opinion , it is important to decide by ourselves when considering experience,convenience,and （the)family
The main reason lies in the fact that make(making) decisions by ourselves could enhance our experience,which put us in a favorable position in future questions (in solving future questions?). For example, we make a decision by ourselves to solve certain thing , if it is not a good one , we also can gain much experience ,which we will never be able to get from our textbooks . And when it comes to us again ,we could readily tackle it very well and afflict us greatly.On the contrary , if our choosing is gorgeous ,then think about what would we get? Experience , confidence , victory ---the list goes on . All comes to the point that by ourselves is worthy on both accounts
Another factor involves the recognition is that it is convenient to decide by ourselves . Especially when we are alone or in trouble ,it bring us the efficiency. For instance , we encounter a calamity when wandering outside at night , there are few people around. Would you find some people and ask him or her for helping make a decision ? Or will you wait there until anyone appears and decide what should do together ? Of course not, indisputably , we should send victims to hospital or phone without hesitate(hesitation) .
To further clarify that ,we could add that it contributes to our family. Actually ,it is very usual for us . Take me for example, i am a boy , if i always need friends to help me make decisions, what would i do in such a situation. I am going after a girl i love ,we are shopping and a particular problem comes to us , no friends there , if she helps me solve the problem , then what 's on her mind ? Undoubtedly ,it will be a tragedy ,which has no association with a family . 这一段和上面的重复了，意思基本上是一样的
Judging what （we）has been discussed above ,we can safely draw the conclusion that make a choosing(choice) by ourselves produce(exerts) an essential impact on our lives in modern society . Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price we can not afford
题目中是prefer to do something，这个你没有提到，感觉应该先提一下再说自己做决定好，然后说人们更原因自己做决定。有的句子太长了，可以用一些连接词。后两个论点基本上是一样的，有点重复了。一家之言，仅供参考~~

作者: happyfaith2008 时间: 2010-3-8 18:49:33

好好看看吧，我看得比较认真，但是还是只是挑出来了主要毛病。很多东西我也没办法更正过来。只能说给你找找毛病。
老同学我就直接带刀子去了。呵呵~~美女加油！

作者: mpromanus 时间: 2010-3-9 00:23:55

26# glly7

Along with the rapidly development of modern science and technology, people's life is becoming better than any time before. Unfortunately, people in growing numbers are beginning to live under the illusion that our capacities of writing and reading are undergoing a decline. I am convinced that it (What?) is playing an increasingly important? role in our lives when considering its function, manners?, and effects.

The main reason lies in the fact that that (What??) could put us in a favorable position in our society. For example, people who have a good competence of in reading or writing can readily master more technology and knowledge, helping him them enrich his their thinking, enhance his life level (1. 'his' should be a plural because you started the sentence with 'people'. 2. you can't really 'enhance' a 'life level'. 3. there's no such thing as a 'life level' anyway. What you're trying to express here might just be 'enhance their lives'.), and improve his their understanding of world. Similarly, it (Again, what?) could dramatically elevate our efficiency when doing in work or studying by coming into condition? (Do you mean 'get into the mood'?) quickly and by tackling information exactly? (Now I can't even guess this one..). Perhaps most importantly, however, the progress brought about by highlyer education makes huge access? (Shouldn't this be something like 'impact'?) to our personal benefits, thereby giving us a meaningful and happy life. (You should remember to come up with some examples for the 'progress' part. What you have here is pretty vague.)

Another factor involves the recognition is that people can look at lots of books (And, you don't just 'look at' books. You 'read' books.) we like. People who likes reading books such as students or teachers (Do all 'students or teachers' always like reading books?) usually go into rapture at the mere mention of having a chance to read books, but they do not have enough time to read, then the competence of reading contributes forthright to reading the books fully.Especially for the exams, better reading ability means a path towards a higher score. (Reading for exames and reading for joy sound like they're likely two different kinds of 'reading'.)

To further clarify that (What?), we can add that good writing skills give a way to express us ourselves accurately. For example, writing skills has spawned many advances in linguistics and philosophy. Moreover, good writing skills could make maximal contributions to our resumes, which plays a extremely important role in job markets, thereby enhancing our competitive force edge and orienting toward a better life.

Judging from what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that good reading or writing skills is an inevitable part of our lives. No one could afford to ignore it.

总结：

为什么这篇文章的空格都是在逗号前面，而且每段的结尾都没有句号的咧？请注意一下标点的使用。。

基本上来说行文的流畅程度方面有提高，但是语法方面单复数的问题还是很明显，语汇和表达式的使用也经常出现奇怪的用法，最重要的是代词指代极其不清楚 - 说了很多it, that，都不知道是在说什么。你自己心里清楚你的it是什么，你的读者不一定知道啊~总之就是还要继续培养语感，对于基础的语法和表达请一定要多加留意，很多问题像express us, look book这种都应该完全避免。

论述方面依旧完全跑题，你的结尾句和问题放在一起一看就知道了 - 问题是the ability..is less important than before，你的结论是...skills is an inevitable part of our lives. 首先，题目是比较，你的作文是描述好处；第二，题目是和过去比较，你全篇没有提到过去一个字。还是那句话，你要把题目看完整，明白题目到底想让你说什么。不能看到一两个自己懂的关键字，就连题目到底是什么要求都还没搞清楚便蒙着头很happy地往下写了。。

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-9 22:41:40

恩，辛苦婷了，我会改进的 33# happyfaith2008

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-10 23:50:13

原版
3.9
Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Nowadays,schooling has become a matter of concern for more and more people ,especially about homework,many teachers design much homework everyday to elevate students ' study,while others think it is gratuitous.in my opinion,homework is inevitably an important part of students' lives.
The main reason lies in the fact that homework could bring about a responsibility of students to study well. People all like to play or do anything pleasure,so are students. Normally,students would play with their peers after school,they have no concern about their studies,because they are too young to control themselves,do not know what it is and the importance of study. In other words,they need a guide to instruct them to go toward a right way,which will produce a far-reaching impact on their later lives. On the other hand,if students go home with homework assigned by teachers,their unconsciousness would make access to form a responsibility to finish their homework,their study. Usually, it can bring really active effects on doing their homework.
To further clarify my opinion,we can add that homework can greatly intensify students ' knowledge. Anyone would agree that it is equally important to take activities after students have spend the whole day on the boring classroom. Of course,no one can deny this essential fact. But what if students are addicted to playing because of ever spend much time on it? Or what if students lose the impetus to study? Indisputably, we all know that the major function of the assignment is review and fortify the knowledge learned in that day rather than torment students.that is to say it is just a small amount. Students can accomplish it within a short time.they can play outside for a while and finish it later, they also can finish it first and play with their peers to enjoy their time leisurely. All sounds good,on both accounts,students,laden with a assignment,could study and intensify useful knowledge that day and enjoy their time freely.
Judging from what have discussed above, we can firmly convinced that homework is requisite and meaningful. Anyone who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-12 14:49:38

3.11
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A teacher who is a serious and strict person is more effective in teaching than a teacher who is a humor and easygoing person.

With the exponents of the idea that teacher should be rigorous and severe believe it would be more efficient than the humorous ones. In my opinion, the latter would make welcome effect on our studies and development when considering driving force and good characteristics
The main reason lies in the fact that teachers who is benign could give us confidence,and impetus to study actively. Children are all in rapidly physical growth. Anything can make a profound influence on them. If students get a bad score in a text,they would be pensive and lose its confidence.this time is pivotal. If teachers are serious and have a high target,it will give students more stress,which they can not afford. It will produce serious impacts on them and will become more self-contemptuous.then they would tend to have no association with studies and develop adversely. If teachers ,however,are humorous and easygoing, from teachers ' aspect, they will help and adjust students spontaneously, especially its psychological aspect,which is really essential for the development. Students are also likely to communicate with those teachers and get for help,then go along the right way until success. On both aspects, teachers,who are benign and facetious,are more efficient in the education.
To further clarify my point, we can add that those teachers can conduct students to form such good characteristics as affable and facile,which make them in a favorable position in their later education. We all know that we should study how to become a man before we learn the studies. Nowadays,children are all send to schools to study but forget learning a most important aspect---how to do as a man. Actually,this knowledge is more important than our studies and teachers are playing increasing essential role in instructing students. Teacher who are benign and affable could instruct them invisibly,and students can from good habitats invisibly. It is very important and useful. On the contrary, if teachers are serious and ferocious, we would students can get from? I think it would be than students become less confidence and tend to do some bad things block the development of our society. Such as crime, steal---the list goes on.
From what have been discussed above, all comes to my point that teachers who are gracious and humorous are more useful in teaching than serious ones

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-25 14:57:27

3.24 （09.01.10）Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.
While someone, holding that developing schools play an extremely important role in our society claims that it is the most factor along with the progress of our nation. As far as i am concerned, improving schools make great contributions,not most,during the successful growth of our country.
Granted that the base used to move forward our society derives from schools to students studying in school to scientists with knowledge educated in the schools, all of us would go to school for study at first as a path toward making contributions to our society. No one can deny the essential fact that our society has dramatically changed by modern science and technology,which created and advanced by intellect educated by schools, rapid growth of society make possible intellect in growing numbers presented,then they contributes greatly to our society and give rise to higher vehement growth in return, thus constantly enhancing our society. Back to the point, improving schools should be placed much emphasis when it comes to the growth of society.
Admittedly, the successful growth of country can not just depend on the improving schools, other factors like stability also plays a eminent role in the development of country. For example, a country can not have a serene environment to develop without a firm military to protect from disturbance outside. No environment, no chance to develop, then how can our society more forward? And based on what? Obviously nothing. Similarly, from the internal aspect, we are having a long-term,effective,and significant plan, someone who are turbulent and try to disarrange the society, if we can not castigate them by law,how it goes? Partially speaking,we can go on with our step, but we do not know when block presents and degree it goes, is what we want? Of course not. Indisputably, the stability of a country is also a n extremely important factor during the progress.
Judging from what have discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that improving school is not the most factor during the progress of our country,improving school and stability are equallyessential. Both of those can not be overlooked
好长时间时间没写了，感觉写的好离谱啊（还未修改），各位辛苦了

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-26 13:42:31

3.25 （09.03.27）
Teachers should not show their political or social views known in the classroom.
A Along with the highly rapid development of our society, instructors are playing extremely important roles in the education of students. There are much discussion over the education in recent years, on of the questions under debate is that whether the political or social opinions of instructors should be presented to students. As far as i am concerned, the answer of which view is better depends on the nature of the views.
Children are undergoing rapidly physical growth and could be influenced by disturbance easily. That is to say ,teachers ' view would occupy a big proportion within students ' consciousness. Undeniable views like principle of being a man, standpoint of our country toward Taiwan should be rooted in students ' subconsciousness which contributes greatly to dignity, development of our country,even the subsistence as a whole country. Furthermore,teachers instruct those active ideas to students can not only instigate their development invisibly and actively but also inspire them study hard and efficiently.
Instructors carry a important responsibility for students,parents,and the country, but no one can deny the fact that not all the views of instructors are identical. The phenomenon of teachers ' view is unfully active may can not be eliminated,at least for now. While the serene environment without war in the world, political points among countries are soaring by day.,which mainly derives from the political views.So the instruction of those teachers to students may produce passive effects on students and the country, that negative instruction is invisibly, easy to be overlooked,and probably foment the damage of our peaceful environment. Moreover, Students are the future of a country,their thinking,political views, knowledge and the like would represent the pathway of the country, back to say, the partially active point should not be imparted in the classroom, or negative effects may come to present.
In sum,the attribute of political or social points set a judgement that give way to the presentation of those in the classroom. Active or not,even though it may be slight to some extent, could produce bad effects on the country and teacher who is blind to this point will pay a heavy price.（未修改版本）

作者: stefanie299 时间: 2010-3-26 18:57:25

11

作者: crazylu 时间: 2010-3-28 13:28:08

额，3。26的作业呢

作者: summeralways 时间: 2010-3-29 17:44:53

Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.
0 l8 \1 ]& Q" Y; G* \  M2 Q% y! I, M       While someone,（这里没必要加逗号） holding that developing schools play an extremely important role in our society claims that it is the most factor along with the progress of our nation. 一句话里出现了两个动词。。可以把这地方分开。。they claim..As far as i am concerned, improving schools make great contributions,not most,什么意思？during the successful growth of our country.# O3 ^1 L) s8 u" p
   Granted that the base used to move forward our society derives from schools to students studying in school to scientists with knowledge educated in the schools, all of us would go to school for study at first as a path toward making contributions to our society. 太复杂了，没怎么懂。。，可以写的简洁一点哦No one can deny the essential fact that our society has dramatically changed by modern science and technology,which created and advanced by intellect educated （education）by schools,这里可以用句号了，结束一句话。 rapid growth of society make possible intellect in growing numbers presented,then they contributes greatly to our society and give rise to higher vehement growth in return, thus constantly enhancing our society. Back to the point, improving schools should be placed much emphasis when it comes to the growth of society.这里建议写主动态，现在的这句看起来不是很舒服。

* N& M# j) s6 j8 a, u3 [9 s6 U& P, m Admittedly, the successful growth of country can not just depend on the improving schools, other factors like stability also plays a (an)eminent role in the development of country. For example, a country can not have a serene environment to develop without a firm military to protect (it )from disturbance outside. No without会好点environment, no chance to develop, then how can our society more forward？ And based on what?什么意思？ Obviously nothing. Similarly, from the internal aspect, we are having a long-term,effective,and significant plan, someone who are turbulent and try to disarrange the society, if we can not castigate them by law,how it goes? Partially speaking,we can go on with our step, but we do not know when block presents and degree it goes, is what we want? 没懂？Of course not. Indisputably, the stability of a country is also a n extremely important factor during the progress.. q. ~% b$ k6 f8 D% [8 _7 y
      Judging from what have discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that improving school is not the most factor during the progress of our country,improving school and stability are equallyessential. Both 这是用在两者之中的，用ALL。。of those can not be overlooked
说实话，我很多地方都没有读懂，感觉整个文章的论点不清晰，也没有突出要说什么。。sorry，还有句子的写法上建议可以写的简洁些，语法也要多加强。加油哦。。不好意思，因为27号考试没有及时批改作业，对不起。。

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-3-31 20:41:06

3.31 （07.11.11）8 n9 K4 }* ^. |$ s% j# Y+ O
Advertisements make products seem better than they are.
Throughout the world, advertisement exert increasing effects on our society and give strong incentive to rapid economic growth. Everything can get established in the society has its specialty in someway or others, a classic example of this truth is advertisement,since it give produce a good presentation and appeal to consumers intensively when considering the satisfaction,the audience,and the development of our society.
The main reason lies in the fact that good presentation could cater on consumers' satisfaction imperceptibly. No one can deny the fact that everyone has a strong desire to meet his/her own needs, and this is the prevailing method used by dealers,advertising merchants in particular,to make huge money. They create excellent ads to present products more better and thus attracts costumers forthright. Either adults with their salary or children with their pocket money usually can not resist those strong temptations. In this case, the presentation of ads constantly attract consumers ' attention and its progressive change take place along with time goes on.
Admittedly, good ads with better expressions could cause great pleasure to citizens. Advertisements in the TV pose a major portion overall.we can appreciate lots of ads during the interludes When people are watching television. While some hold the opinion that there is no subtleties of those episodes, they could relieve viewers' fatigue and sometimes bring to inexpressible pleasure and fun and contributes to later relax atmosphere. Moreover better ads could enrich children 's life experience as well as creative objectives. If this is the case, certain active thinking and particular things invisible would be gradually transplanted into children 's mind.thus widening children 's view of the world.
Finally, with the advent of better and better ads are created by designers,creative thinking would be penetrated into daily life and produce far-reaching imparts on the development of our society,therefore prolonging,enriching,and elevating the standard of our life. More and more achievements produce more strong impulse to instigate us to move forward constantly and efficiently in return, such circle greatly benefits us and our society.
In summary, judging from what have been discussed above,we can safely draw the conclusion that the advertisements usually present the produce better than what they really are. There is no denying this fact.

作者: 馋ME 时间: 2010-4-1 17:35:03

43# glly7

修改

作者: zhisnoopy 时间: 2010-4-1 17:36:03

Throughout the world, advertisement exert increasing effects on our society and give strong incentive to rapid economic growth. Everything can get established in the society has its specialty in someway or others(可能我能力有限，这句话真的没看懂……), a classic example of this truth is advertisement,since it gives produce（product 笔误？） a good presentation and appeals to consumers intensively when considering the satisfaction,the audience,and the development of our society.(这句我也没能理解，为什么考虑到观众和社会发展，广告就对消费者有吸引力？还是我看错主谓了？)

The main reason lies in the fact that good presentation could cater on consumers' satisfaction imperceptibly. No one can deny the fact that everyone has a strong desire to meet his/her own needs, and this is the prevailing method used by dealers,advertising merchants in particular,to make huge money. They create excellent ads to present products more better and thus attracts costumers forthright（点题，赞一个～～）. Either adults with their salary or children with their pocket money usually can not resist those strong temptations. In this case, the presentation of ads constantly attract consumers ' attention and its progressive changes take place along with time goes on.

Admittedly, good ads with better expressions could cause great pleasure to citizens. Advertisements in the TV pose a major portion overall.we can appreciate lots of ads during the interludes When people are watching television. While some hold the opinion that there is no subtleties of those episodes, they could relieve viewers' fatigue and sometimes bring to inexpressible pleasure and fun and contributes to later relax atmosphere. Moreover better ads could enrich children 's life experience as well as creative objectives. If this is the case, certain active thinking and particular things invisible would be gradually transplanted into children 's mind.thus widening children 's view of the world.
这段我没明白跟题目的关系……

Finally, with the advent of better and better ads are created by designers,creative thinking would be penetrated into daily life and produce far-reaching imparts on the development of our society,therefore prolonging,enriching,and elevating the standard of our life. More and more achievements produce more strong impulse to instigate us to move forward constantly and efficiently in return, such circle greatly benefits us and our society.- h+ I: T% ]7 a) e8 R& _

In summary, judging from what have been discussed above,we can safely draw the conclusion that the advertisements usually present the produce better than what they really are. There is no denying this fact.

语言很强大，可我感觉是不是写的跟题目关系不大？？题目是说广告是将产品描述的更好了，然后，我记得原题前面有个do you agree or disagree？感觉LZ写的有点偏了，虽然写的很强大～～～～

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-4-1 18:22:28

谢谢outsider 和zhisnoopy的点评啊，我会好好看的
加油

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-4-4 13:49:05

4.3 （08.5.17）: \/ p b$ s9 M v C) t
It's better to watch serious movies to get deeper think or watch movies that amuse or entertain you.

Along with the rapid development of our society, movies have penetrated every corner of our lives. Naturally, there is discussion over the the movies in recent years, one of questions under debate is movie is more serious or entertaining. As far as i am concerned, the seriousness of movies far outweigh the entertainment.
The main reason lies in the fact that watching movies could give more sights into the culture of the country it belongs to. No one can deny the basic fact that movies are usually attractive and entertaining,but is the only advantage ? Or is the biggest merit? Of course not. Within our dramatically growing country,we have to keep track of the culture of a country, and movies offer us this opportunity--a efficient one. Across the world,only when we have a better understanding of each country can we contribute greatly to individuals or our country,on the other hand,people who watch movies just for fun partially would be considered selfish,they could obtain nothing or the country except entertainment for himself or herself. On both account, we should lay more emphasis on the seriousness of movies than entertainment.
Another equally factor is watching movies could make us keep track of various landscape,whether scenery in the other regions of our country or the imposing ancient architectural complex all over the world ,which could greatly widen our scope of knowledge. From individual aspect, one can enjoy the unique visual enjoyment and unique national identity through appreciating the beautiful scenery in the movies.From the national aspect,however,constant rapid growth assure the later proper circumstance to watch movies, a country carry its influence forward by movies and thus intentionally further its economic development, audience have a deeper thinking based on the output of the movie and thus elevate his\her thinking,experience ,and the scope of knowledge. That is to say, having a deeper thinking is more meaningful than entertainment.
Another factor involved this recognition is that watch movies with a deeper thinking could give us various aspiration. Far example,when students majoring in arts are creating some works and in difficulties, they often can obtain certain aspiration from a variety of movies ,therefore gradually having a rapid progress and making great achievement. Moreover, they could become more confident and acquire more incentive to move forward. However, people who watch movies for fun can really have a good time,but what else they could obtain maybe nothing,furthermore, watching movies for fun would produce imperceptibly harmful influence on them,lavishing time and money on the movies,intellectually detrimental impacts--the list goes on.
Keeping track of cultural relics ,appreciating picturesque scenery and rich historical and cultural heritage,and having access to creative aspiration. All are suited to the present needs and good access to understand the cram of national culture. The icing on the cake is that we watch movies to have a deeper thinking,then all of those would be penerated into our mind gradually and invisibly.which watching movies for fun can not do it.
Judging from what have discussed above,we can safely draw the conclusion that watch movies for is less useful than have a deeper thinking. Anybody who is blind to this point would pay a heavy price.

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-4-5 10:10:41

4.4Do you agree or disagree that scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries?) Y

Composition

Along with the rapid growth of our world,more and more demands are penestrated into every corner of human ' s life,especially the elite force of the development of society--scientists. While much discussion over the role of scientists exist in daily life, one of the questions under debate is that whether scientists have right to bear the responsibility of opposed influence of their own discoveries. In my opinion, scientists should lay more emphasis on the negative impacts brought about by their discoveries when considering the benign reputation and prolific experience.
The main reason lies in the fact that no one could resist the temptation of reputation,and no one deny this basic fact. There goes in "scientists lives". Scientists would do vast quantities of researches and test the production comprehensively before carry it into execution. Do you know what such process aims to? Generally,making great contributions to society,fulfilling their dreams and so forth. The icing on the cake is that all of those give rise to their reputation invisibly. Speaking of benign reputation,scientists would impereptibly work on in their fields ,bearing the responsibility and researching in general. Not owning benign reputation give scientists strong incentives and desires to more forward persistently though in difficult times while having owned reputation give more confidence and encourage to have a better grasp of his\her field. In this case, negative effects of their discoveries would be kept in their mind and thus would be faded step by step through incentives,encourage,and confidence obtain from the desire of reputation while positive effects would greatly further the later and useful researches of scientists. In a word, the desire of reputation would efficiently prevent and decrease the incidence of negative impacts of scientists ' discoveries.
Another equally important aspect is that scientists,having get the habit of high responsibility,would amass much experience in special field and thus have access to success. Suppose that a scientist contrive a high-technology product but the test demonstrate its demerits. Common people maybe bring it into effect without a grumble while certain scientists would analyze its functioning again and make efforts to improve on. Through it is in fact a laborious process, scientists can gain wider experience and solid a firm foundation. Therefore working toward a common goal and years of concentrated efforts would abruptly be converted to admiring accomplishment.
Good reputation and wider experience drive scientists more forward, expand their horizons, and gain more experience. All are visible alternatives for scientists to resolve straits in appropriate ways and form strong sense of responsibility.
All above comes to my point that negative impacts of discoveries should be placed much emphasis by scientists. Anyone who is blind to this point would pay a heavy price.

作者: 轴轴 时间: 2010-4-5 11:04:09 标题: RE: 小伙子作文

It's better to watch serious movies to get deeper think or watch movies that amuse or entertain you.
Along with the rapid development of our society, movies have penetrated every corner of our lives. Naturally, there is a discussion over the(去掉) movies in recent years, one of questions under debate is movie is more serious or entertaining.（would be better serious or entertaining） As far as i am concerned, the seriousness of movies far outweigh the entertainment.

The main reason lies in the fact that watching movies could give more sights into the culture of the country it belongs to. No one can deny the basic fact that movies are usually attractive and entertaining,but is（is it） the only advantage ? Or is(去掉) the biggest merit? Of course not. Within our dramatically growing country,we have to keep track of the culture of a（in our） country, and movies offer us this opportunity--a efficient one. Across the world,only when we have a better understanding of each country can we contribute greatly to individuals or our country,on the other hand,people who watch movies just for fun partially would be considered selfish,they could obtain nothing or the country(they could contribute nothing to both their country and themself) except entertainments for himself or herself(去掉). On both account, we should lay more emphasis on the seriousness of movies than entertainment.

Another equally factor is watching movies could make us keep track（同一个短语最好避免重复） of various landscape,whether（no matter） scenery in the other regions of our country or the imposing ancient architectural complex all over the world ,which could greatly widen our scope of knowledge.（我明白你的意思但是读起来不叫困难） From individual aspect, one can enjoy the unique visual enjoyment and unique national identity through appreciating the beautiful scenery in the movies.(我认为这句应该在第一句因为你强调的事serious movies 的优点你的观点就是电影很好然后在是解释为什么）From the national aspect,however,constant rapid growth assure the later proper circumstance to watch movies, a country carry its influence forward by movies and thus intentionally further its economic development, audience have a deeper thinking based on the output of the movie and thus elevate his\her thinking,experience ,and the scope of knowledge.（我个人认为这段逻辑很混乱） That is to say, having a deeper thinking is more meaningful than entertainment.(这段的句子都普遍太长我觉得长短句搭配更好 )

Another factor involved this recognition is that watch movies with a deeper thinking could give us various aspiration. Far example,when students majoring in arts are creating some works and in difficulties, they often can obtain certain aspiration from a variety of （serious 这样更好）movies ,therefore gradually having a rapid progress and making great achievement. Moreover, they could become more confident and acquire more incentive to move forward. However, people who watch movies for fun can really have a good time,but what else they could obtain maybe nothing,furthermore, watching movies for fun would produce imperceptibly harmful influence on them,lavishing time and money on the movies,intellectually detrimental impacts--the list goes on.（和上段问题一样）

Keeping track （第三次出现）of cultural relics ,appreciating picturesque scenery and rich historical and cultural heritage,and having access to creative aspiration. All are suited to the present needs and good access to understand the cram of national culture. The icing on the cake is that we watch movies to have a deeper thinking,then all of those would be penerated into our mind gradually and invisibly.which watching movies for fun can not do it.

Judging from what have discussed above,we can safely draw the conclusion that watch movies for is less useful than have a deeper thinking. Anybody who is blind to this point would pay a heavy price.

我之前看过几个人的作文我觉得虽然他们的句式没有你复杂词汇也不高级但是读起来更清晰所以我建议你可以先不急着用模板高级词汇先尝试表达清楚加油！

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-4-5 11:34:45

本帖最后由 glly7 于 2010-4-5 14:59 编辑

我没有用模板啊，你说的读起来困难的几个短语是惯用的短语，可能比较本土化吧，所以不习惯，那个长的是一个排比，童鞋可以交流下 49# 轴轴

作者: cyscyscys1 时间: 2010-4-5 12:16:09

47# glly7

作者: chailybai 时间: 2010-4-5 21:29:49

4.4 修改

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-4-6 13:39:18

4.6 (08.2.2)  }0 @4 C8 }4 a6 c8 O& ^& Y
Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves。3 K( i& [9
Throughout the world, feise competition has penetrated every corner of our lives. Many individuals are faced with such a dilemma, whether they should make a decision by others or by themselves. With every aspect taken into consideration, I strongly agree that people make a determination by themselves is much better when considering the accumulation of experience, the building up of character,and the convenience.
   The main reason lies in the fact that making a choosing depend on oneself could greatly expand one ' s life experience, which puts him or her in a favorable position in future job markets. People,whether youngster in the school or adults in the company, can make a progress through tackling and absorb encountered problems personally. Dealing with those successfully, benign experience would haunt around their minds as well as confidence. Furthermore, Failing to transact gracefully also would present much essential and prudent experience,which would find a deep way into their consciousness. On both accounts, success or fail, all come to my point that making a choosing by ourselves really contributes directly to one ' s experience.
   Anther equally important aspect is that determining personally conductive to the building up of one ' s character. No one can deny the basic fact that people ' s personality could largely be influenced in their lives, especially youngster, who are in formative years. For instance, when children is in difficult times, if teachers or students around induct them to depend on others, maybe it would bring to benefit, but therefore they would get into the habit of depending on others several times later, which greatly prevent their character from building up and places harmful effects on their later lives. On the other hand, if those teachers or students induct them to do be strong and determine by themselves with partial help of seniors, whatever the result is, through such a learning process, they could gain a lot and form a strong sense of endurance imperceptibly.7

In addition to mentioned above, there are many occasions that making decisions personally is really convenient. Suppose that one boy is walking through a city at tranquil and peaceful night and a accidental traffic accident, he freezes and finds nobody there, then what should he do ? Trying to find someone to converse with each other and make a decision? Just think about what would be like if this is the case, patients involved maybe go to die. Is what we want ? Of course not,  Indisputably, he should call 120 without a grumble,which benefits the patients, himself, or even society as a whole.
   In sum, the amassment of experience, the formation of personality, and the expediency. All are suited to the present needs in order to catch up with rapid development of our society. Basis to above easily leads to the point that people should make decisions by themselves.

作者: ningzhithm 时间: 2010-4-7 16:47:19

en

作者: glly7 时间: 2010-4-15 21:19:38

4.15 09.12.11北美

Parents do not understand their children so well as parents did 50 years ago. Agree or disagree.-
With the advent of significant changes in the society, the problem of whether parents' understanding toward their children has declined or not in the past 50 years has been thrown into sharp relief. With every aspect take into consideration. socially, this phenomenon is an normal consequence because of the constantly progressed awareness,economic and expertise--the list goes on.
The main reason lies in the fact that variant circumstance and situation, personally or generally, breeds different thought in mind, which plays a significant role in determining parents' attitude toward later generation. Before 50years, what people are mindful of might be how to find enough food and live along. To survive, people in growing numbers were becoming selfish since they have no choice, especially in china. Let alone one was concern about others. Worse yet, this grave situation has reached such proportions that the parents--children relationships was also involved, which is rare for general people to believe. In sharp contrast, through the overall rapid development in the past 50years, most aspects such as awareness, expectation, the way of thinking and living has dramatically changed. Parents dedicate more and more time and money to the physical and mental growth of their children. Trying to equip them with the ability to do things they like or want to, expanding their outlook, fulfilling their potential, thus affording a excellent vehicle for their success.
However, there are also some situations that children are treated by their parents equally throughout the past 50years. Some classical examples of this are minorities or Indian. As chinese people, we all know our country has vast territory and 56 minorities included. Likewise, no one can deny the fact that many minorities in china keep many elements of them intact, the way of thinking and living, awareness and so forth. Certainly, There is no exception for the understanding of parents toward their children. To some degree, they were almost insulated from outside world on a more day-to-day level. In their view of the world, they have found their niche, that is their nation. Taking pleasure in their own customs and tradition.
On balance all the arguments above, although several exceptions exist in this world, it is no exaggeration to say that the understanding of parents toward their children has generally changed during the past 50years.

作者: 琳宝贝 时间: 2010-4-16 16:14:08

4月15日作文修改[attach]142588[/attach]

作者: caoxuemei 时间: 2010-4-16 22:48:38

by caoxuemei

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-2 21:43:01

12.2日独立写作

作者: bwb2014 时间: 2014-12-3 12:59:55

作文修改意见改好啦！～

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-3 15:19:47

bwb2014 发表于 2014-12-3 12:59
作文修改意见改好啦！～

你好！你的那句话引起我的思考。记得以前都是agree or disagree 类型的，现在变的这种本质上和那种有什么不同，请问你怎么看？

作者: bwb2014 时间: 2014-12-3 18:11:39

glly7 发表于 2014-12-3 15:19
你好！你的那句话引起我的思考。记得以前都是agree or disagree 类型的，现在变的这种本质上和那种有什么 ...

仅个人观点以供参考：Do you like to ... 与Do you agree or disagree...的主要区别在于前者是问偏好，后者是问观点。写前者的时候主要侧重的应该是用个人的亲身体验去说明自己的偏好，写后者的时候侧重的应该是写自己支持该观点的具体理由。

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-4 09:19:52

12.3独立写作

作者: sokiller 时间: 2014-12-4 12:38:05

[attach]365878[/attach]

医改了。。。

作者: sayings 时间: 2014-12-5 13:01:32

不好意思~昨天后来木有网了。。。
现在才给你改好。。

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-6 11:12:33

sayings 发表于 2014-12-5 13:01
不好意思~昨天后来木有网了。。。
现在才给你改好。。

很感谢，你的我可能要晚上给你改啦发过去。这两天工作太忙，下午又要参加一场职业考试，所以很抱歉

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-6 11:29:25

sayings 发表于 2014-12-5 13:01
不好意思~昨天后来木有网了。。。
现在才给你改好。。

你好！请教下你把crisis 改成crises是出于什么考虑？
另，我觉得你说的那种对比，蛮好！谢谢！

作者: sayings 时间: 2014-12-6 15:04:30

glly7 发表于 2014-12-6 11:29
你好！请教下你把crisis 改成crises是出于什么考虑？
另，我觉得你说的那种对比，蛮好！谢谢！

复数呀。。。

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-7 16:23:59

本帖最后由 glly7 于 2014-12-8 14:17 编辑

12.07独立写作

Some students prefer to have their final grades determined by numerous small assignments, whereas others prefer to have their final grades determined by only a few large assignments. Which do you prefer and why?

When it comes to whether the final grade is determined by numerous small assignments or only a few large assignments, we have different views of that problem. In my opinion, clearly, having their final grades determined by a few large assignments is a better way in point.
First, we all know that the final grade aims to reflect our capacity, which emerged by virtue of the difficulty of assignments. That is to say, a few of large assignments, which is more difficult, can examine the students in a deeper degree than lots of small assignments. Then, we could realized the nuance among students, which is the main aim of the final grade.
Furthermore, every single assignment could create an environment for students to build their tenacity, which is the basic requirement for everyone to success. For example, students, who finish a small assignment, would take a litter time, and even far behind the crucial point, which contributes to the real assistance for their growing. In the contrast, students would take a long time to do a big assignment, and during the long time, they have to experience a lot of different problems, which could easily get us involved in a bad status. So by resolving those problems, they can build their strong tenacity as well as the large assignment. Thus making students to better access the success.
The chief reason is the large-assignment-determined final grade is benefit for students to have a comprehensive development. That is no deny that a single small assignments cost a little time, but we have to waste out time, before and after the assignment, to be ready. So the number of assignments make students have little time to grow comprehensively, do exercises, holiday with family or friends and so on. On contrast, the large assignment could satisfy the studying requirement more intensely, which the first way cannot create, then students would have more time to do exercise, or enjoy time with family, to have a better growing.
Based on the capacity, tenacity, and comprehensive development of students, I prefer to choose a large-assignment-determined final grade pattern.

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-12-8 03:18:03

glly7 发表于 2014-12-7 16:23
12.07独立写作

hey，我的电脑打不开docx。。so，你能复制粘贴在这里吗，麻烦啦！

作者: glly7 时间: 2014-12-8 23:15:57

Minnieee 发表于 2014-12-8 03:18
hey，我的电脑打不开docx。。so，你能复制粘贴在这里吗，麻烦啦！

你好，我已经黏贴在上面啦

作者: Minnieee 时间: 2014-12-9 00:22:44

我好改作文改错人了。。。我好像没和你分在一组。。但是我已经改完了就给你贴上了。。

作者: sokiller 时间: 2014-12-9 12:24:55

[attach]366570[/attach]

医改了。。。

作者: 日落之后 时间: 2014-12-10 22:05:02

童鞋。。12.8的在哪里啊？

作者: glly7 时间: 2015-1-7 16:28:19

1.7独立写作

作者: 一夕vv 时间: 2015-1-9 01:06:30

本帖最后由一夕vv 于 2015-1-9 01:08 编辑

1.7已改

额。。我不太懂会不会像之前那样有些字看不清，如果有看不清的楼楼告诉我，我直接贴在你楼里。。。

你批改我作文中问的问题我都回答在批改你的文稿中咯～

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