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标题: 舜的独立作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-2-26 23:56:55 标题: 舜的独立作文贴

本帖最后由 john_332 于 2010-4-5 21:13 编辑

Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country.

No wonder newspaper and magazines are the window for the aliens to know a country,by broswing today's newspaper
we can easily get an idea about the latest acchievements and current status in main aspect of this nation, like
economy,politics,science...etc. Due to the swift transaction in information through mass media like newspaper which
updated everyday. it definitely is a shortcut for a foreign people to get to know a country,what's more,the magazines
which commonly regarded as a dynamic source to access the newest critics and fresh fashion infromation in every field,
also serves as a major approach to keep up with the present trend. Just like the fast food, we can feed our "thrist" quickly
by reading a number of pages of newspaper or magazine and feel content with the brief views in most area in the new
country.

However, is it the best way of learning about a foreign country ? it varies depend on individuals because it is a complicated
and varity country,which section we need to know about decides what material and information we should source to help us
understand it. So my point is that in order to get a better prespective of a country, reading newspapers and magazines isn't
enough. Take the election of the presidency last year for example, we may got informed that Obama wins the campagin by
reading newspaper,but why could he beat the opponents and gain support from the majority is a simple question,and it
cannot be easily answered by just serval articles inside the newspapers, we may need consult the polical analyer, hit the
books in the library, watch the TV debate,or even listen to the candidacy speech on the spot. To summerize, there are a lot
of ways to learn about a foreign country and its culture, beside the indirect messages convered by newspaper and personal
expression on the magazines,I choose to get a practical experience in real life with certain knowledge about the history.
On the other hand, despite the fact the advanced technology offer us a powerful tool to access any information we need,one
can not exhust all the knowledge in every aspect about a country, thus the best way of learning about a foreign country is a method that not only study the micro situation in public society especially the human beings but also understand the marco conditions in main aspects as a whole. In addition, knowing the process of the development and evolution history is far more important than results and latest acchievements.

作者: duck2010 时间: 2010-2-27 13:15:32

楼主的文章写得很不错，语言功夫很好。
如果楼主是初来乍到，能写出这种水平，已经相当让人佩服了。
稍加时日，28+的托福作文十拿九稳。

给楼主的建议：先把你的文章复制到word里，把语法、拼写以及格式错误改正，亦即，去掉word编辑器检测出来的红线绿线。

加油！

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-2-27 17:32:19

谢谢确实很多拼写这种低级的错误，主要是以往背单词时不太去记拼写的关系。

我会继续努力的，大家一起加油！

作者: rjyuu 时间: 2010-2-27 21:36:20

Newspapers and magazines are the best wayof learning about a foreign country.+

Nowonder newspaper and magazines are the window for the aliens to know a country,（. By） by broswing today's newspaper # J7 i1 k+ l3 m, Qwe can easily get anidea about the latest acchievements and current status in main aspect of thisnation, like economy,politics,science...etc. Due to the swift transaction ininformation through mass media like newspaper which is. S  [9 O" k7 W0 _9 |0]) uupdated everyday. it definitely is a shortcutfor a foreign people to get to know a country,（.） what's more, themagazines 8 w) c* u4 K5 ]! |/ z$ v, nwhich(are) commonly regarded as a dynamic source toaccess the newest critics and fresh fashion infromation in every field, 0 X. m5 I( r  t' g3 g* A* V; |alsoserves as a major approach to （help us）keep up with the present trend. Just like the fast food, we can feed our"thrist" quickly/ w7 K# ]  ^' {9 q6S  [2 U0 S1 ^0 Kby reading a number of pagesof newspaper or magazine and feel content with the brief views in most area inthe new *country.5P' l1 z9 T9 A+ s0 x!u* Z) R# E% M$ `

However,is it the best way of learning about a foreign country ? it varies depend(The answer varies depending)on individuals because it is a complicated #and varity(diverse) country,which section we need to know aboutdecides what material and information we should source to help us 8 R, N  n1 Z' g5 e) A$b0 U5 [understand it. So my point is that in order toget a better prespective of a country, readingnewspapers and magazines isn't & b' B$ fenough. Take the election of thepresidency last year for example, we may got informed that Obama wins thecampagin by % G  c) m; |- u;@) Sreading newspaper,but why could he beat the opponents and gainsupport from the majority is( not ) a simplequestion,and it ! w/ F5 @  p*Z) \7 vcannot be easily answered by just serval articles inside thenewspapers, we may need consult the polical analyer,hit the   ](E# x$books in the library, watch the TV debate,or evenlisten to the candidacy speech on the spot. To summerize, there are a lot% Xofways to learn about a foreign country and its culture, beside the indirectmessages convered by newspaper and personal: Q9 X# [  m& Fexpression on the magazines,Ichoose to get a practical experience in real life with certain knowledge aboutthe history.$ I8 R'G2 }9 T" On the other hand, despite the fact theadvanced technology offer us a powerful tool to access(这是个名词
要用词组的) any information we need,one Z" w/ r"cannot exhust all the knowledge in every aspectabout a country, thus the best way of learning about a foreign country is amethod that not only study the micro situation in public society especially thehuman beings but also understand the marco conditions in main aspects as awhole. In addition, knowing the process of the development and evolutionhistory  is far more important than results and latest acchievements.

哇。。。例子很赞。。。当时想破脑袋也没想出来

我的Word不能自动纠错。。。不过想必GG要注意下拼写

结构上开头+承让+主题三段没结尾！！再就是那一大段拆成两小段就更标致了

主体段的主题句请提到段首
太养在深闺无人知啦

文字很不错^-^

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-2-27 23:21:31

谢谢UU，以后注意把主题句提到段首，比较符合英语文章的写作习惯。

access应该可以做动词用，表示“接入，达到，进入...”，的确拼写问题很严重，惭愧，我会用个本子专门把拼错的抄下来以改正这个毛病。

作者: eejchen 时间: 2010-2-28 23:40:56

Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country.

No wonder newspapers and magazines are the windows for the aliens to know a country,by broswing today's newspaper/ Z& _2 N1 r6 |4 E
we can easily get an idea about the latest acchievements and current status in main aspects of this nation, like : W4 {9 _# n0 B& Q
economy,politics,science...etc. Due to the swift transaction in information through mass medias like newspaper which
updated everyday.这个地方要用逗号，我还在纳闷怎么句子都没完就结束了呢，一看后面是接上的才明白过来 it definitely is a shortcut好词 for a foreign people to get to know a country,句号what's more,the magazines which commonly are regarded as a dynamic sources to access the newest critics and fresh fashion infromation information in every field, also serves as a major approach to keep up with the present trend好词. Just like the fast food, we can feed our "thrist"thirst quickly1 K7by reading a number of pages of newspaper or magazine and feel content with the brief views in most areas in the about a new country.. s! z' c2 k( G# C  i* {. K5 @
8 k5 Q  I) d# d! s% P5 ?
However, is it the best way of learning about a foreign country ? it varies depend on individuals because it is a complicated   `4 X6 I% k: @& A. ]
and varity country,(which section这里用aspect是不是更好？ we need to know about decides what material and information we should source to help us understand it)这句话有点别扭. So my point is that in order to get a better prespective of a country, reading newspapers and magazines isn't enough. Take the election of the presidency last year for example, we may got informed that Obama wins the campagin campaign by reading newspaper,but why could he beat the opponents and gain support from the majority is not a simple question,and it
cannot be easily answered by just serval articles inside in? the newspapers, we may need consult the polical analyer political analyst, hit the
books in the library, watch the TV debates,or even listen to the candidacy speeches on the spot. To summerize, there are a lot" ^6 ^. g- V' i1 J
of ways to learn about a foreign country and its culture, beside the indirect messages convered by newspapers and personal0 d2 m: P1 V) e$ k+ }# t( f
expression on the magazines,(I choose to get a practical experience in real life with certain knowledge about the history)这句话似乎与主题关系不大哈.
On the other hand, despite the fact the advanced technology offers us a powerful tool to access any information we need,one
can not exhust exhaust不知道这个词用在这里合适否  all the knowledge in every aspect about a country,句号 thus the best way of learning about a foreign country is a method that not only study the micro situation in public society especially the human beings but also understand the marco conditions in main aspects as a whole. In addition, knowing the process of the development and evolution history  is far more important than results and latest acchievements achievements.

总结：由于个人经验有限，很多地方也不知道是不是正确表达，不过舜童鞋在语言表达上有很多精彩之处，这也是值得我学习的地方。but ，个人感觉有点偏题，题目说同意报纸和杂志是了解外国最好的方式否？如果不同意，应该举出还有什么更好的方式，而不是说知道历史更重要，仅仅知道历史就能更好地了解这个国家了？显然不是。还是03说的对，写好一篇文章，结构和立意最重要，这方面我也很欠缺，一起努力加油把！
ps：强烈建议先去word查拼写错误。

by 米

作者: mpromanus 时间: 2010-3-5 18:15:50

No wonder newspapers and magazines are the windows for the aliens? (If you're trying to use 'alien' to mean a 'foreigner', then know that this use is mostly only used by immigration authorities to mean a 'foreign-born citizen'. The word itself comes with a sense of being strange, unfamiliar, and incompatible, and probably isn't the best word you'd want to describe a 'foreigner' who's potentially interested to know another country.) to know a country. By browsing today's newspapers we can easily get an idea about the latest acchievements and current status in the main aspect of this nation, like in economy, politics, science...etc. Due to the swift transaction in information through mass media like newspapers, which are updated everyday (Not all mass media, and certainly not all newspapers are updated everyday, or only everyday.).(And, this is not a complete sentence.) it (This makes me suspect that you meant to use a comma after that '...everyday'. But still, even with that comma, this whole mess doesn't have a proper subject - WHAT is this 'it', anyway? There are four nouns in the 'due to' part, and which one is your 'it'? Don't assume that your readers will know where all your pronouns are pointing at just because you know where all your pronouns are pointing at.) definitely is a shortcut for a foreign people (I trust you to discover the error here yourself.) to get to know a country. What's more, the magazines, which are commonly regarded as a dynamic source to access the newest critics and fresh fashion infromation in every field, also serves as a major approach to keep up with the present trends. Just like the eating fast food, we can feed our "thrist" (For what?) quickly by reading a number of pages of a newspaper or a magazine, and feel content with the brief views in most areas in the new country. (This introduction is a tad long, if it's meant to be an introduction at all. It reads more like a developed argument for the topic, in TOEFL's terms of course. This opening is nice for a general-purpose essay or a newspaper column, but that's because the question is just a statement without any specific requirement on what you're expected to discuss. If the question is something like 'Do you agree with the following statement? xxx...' - which is very often what TOEFL essay questions are like in reality, btw - you then can't afford to spend this amount of energy on showing off your language without clearly stating your stand. It seems like you come from writing GRE essays so here's just a reminder to keep in mind: read your essay question carefully, follow its instructions and discuss what it wants you to discuss. TOEFL essay questions are generally more specific, and expected essays are more fixed in structure than GRE essays.)

However, is it the best way of learning about a foreign country ? it varies depending on individuals because it is a complicated and varity? country (Do the two 'it's here refer to the same thing? If not, you're in big trouble of getting your ideas across.). Which section we need to know about decides what material and information we should source to help us understand it. So my point is that in order to get a better prespective of a country, reading newspapers and magazines isn't enough (The question is NOT about whether newspapers and magazines are ENOUGH. It's about whether they are the BEST way. Of course, you can infer that since they are not enough, they are not the best, but you can't leave the argument at being 'enough'.). Take the election of the presidency (Of the United States, I assume?) last year (President Obama assumed office in 2009, but the election was in 2008, which would be the year before the last now.) for example. we may get informed that Obama wins the campaign by reading newspapers (FYI: at the first glance, there's an interesting ambiguity here: do we get informed by reading newspapers, or did Obama win the campaign by reading newspapers? Of course, clever readers will use their common sense to eliminate the latter, but the thought of Obama winning by reading newspapers did make me chuckle.),but why could he could beat the opponents and gain support from the majority is a simple question (Personal comment: if this is a simple question to you, then what might be a hard question by your standards?), and it cannot be easily answered by just several articles inside the newspapers, we may need consult the a political analyzer (The spelling isn't the problem here. The problem is that this person should be called a 'political analyst'.), hit the books in the a library, watch the TV debates, or even listen to the candidacy speech on the spot. To summerize, there are a lot of ways to learn about a foreign country and its culture, besides the indirect messages convered by newspapers and personal expressions on the magazines. (Again, you're still at the 'enough' point. Yes, there are various other ways to learn about a country, and the question itself never restricts you on talking about that. But whether a particular way is the best has little to do with the fact that there are various other ways. It's more about how this particular way COMPARES against others. You had a glimpse of this comparison when you said that newspaper articles can't cover certain questions that other mediums can cover, but by the time you start to summerize, you're back to the point about 'enough' - which is the right thing to do, though, just that you did it on a point that's off the question..) I choose to get a practical experience in real life with certain knowledge about the history (Of what? And where did you elaborate about 'history' in the paragraph, anyway?).

On the other hand, despite the fact the advanced technologies offer us a powerful tool to access any information we need, one cannot exhaust all the knowledge in every aspect about a country, thus the best way of learning about a foreign country is a method that not only studies the micro situations in the country's? public society, especially the human beings, but also understands the marco conditions in main aspects as a whole (Yeah, very big, but empty. What kind of situations and conditions are considered 'micro' or 'macro', anyway? Your readers are likely not experts in sociology. Without solid explanations, such general jargons do not add much meaning to your discussion.). In addition, knowing the process of the development and evolution history is far more important than results and latest acchievements (Are you assuming that 'newspapers and magazines' contain nothing about 'process of development and evolution history', and are all about 'results and latest achievements'? That's such a degrading stereotype. Do you ever read magazines like TIME? XD).

(The essay seems to trail off unfinished. There's no concrete and overall resolution. Plus, the question is not really asking you WHAT the best way is.)

总结：

这位童鞋你是考了G再来考T的吧。。=.=

语言很好很强大，但是还是会犯很基础的语法错误，比如动词的第三人称单数。拼字什么的就不说了。。

最主要的是逻辑方面，题目没什么具体要求，文章就自然开始发散，这没问题，问题是一发散就不回来了。这个题目是一个比较性质的题目，但在你的文章中几乎看不到比较，顺着‘这个不是最好的那么最好的应该是什么’这个方向一路高歌猛进，可是问题没问你最好的是什么啊。。=.= 如果问题没有要求，发散也可以，但必须先说明你为什么需要发散再来发散，但是托福的作文题一般都对内容格式限制得很多，所以，还是拿真题练习比较好。。

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-3-7 21:33:30

非常感谢Romanus的修改，终于第一次体会到那种恍然大悟的感觉。

我会再次认真的反思这篇文章所反映出来的问题，并在后面的写作中加以
改正，特别是注意以下几个方面，1  逻辑思路上紧扣中心主题 2  减少
  句中语法错误 3  To be more specific.

  之前没有考过G，独立作文也是刚开始写，后来我研究了论坛中的一些帖子，
  并看了很多大牛改的作文，渐渐对“什么样的文章才是合格的T作文”有了
  清晰的认识，保证下次交给你改的作文能有一个大的飞跃。

  再次感谢Romanus的批改！！

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-3-12 22:28:04

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A teacher who is a serious and strict person is more effective in teaching than a teacher who is a tumor and easygoing person.

What makes a effective class ? a well-equipped classroom,the diligent students,or a wisdom teacher ? The way I see it, a serious and strict teacher is the key to an efficient class.This belief based on the fact that as a leader in the whole class,teacher should steer the class to follow the course schedule closely and achieve the goal in one class.Prior to a course, a plan will always be deliberately written down and carried out accordingly during the class.So the efficiency lies on whether the majority of the class has followed up and to what extent did a class achieved its final purpose.Without doubt, a strict way has outweigh a easygoing style to become a prime approaches to make a class more effective.
I've always remembered my first English teacher--Miss Li, who is an experienced English teacher,her class is very strict and goes in a fast-paced style with personal way,there are a lot of disciplines and rules to ,besides,her occasional questions was a special feature annoyed by some students. The pressure probably make the whole class feel uncomfortable, but it do improving the efficiency of teaching,because the students are concentrate and focused.

Needless to say, an humour and easygoing person will be more welcome by the public in entertainment circle,workplace,or a family. But when it comes to the academic teaching and learning,a strict person is needed to keep the class on the right track,especially on those science subjects like maths,physicals,biology...etc.Someone argues that a lively class is more effective because it will attract the students' attention and inspire the creative ideas.No one likes anxiety and nervous caused by seriousness in class,however, I have to say if the funny elements or humors teaching styles introduced for the purpose of fun,it would obviously results in distraction or off topic discussions thus ruined the outcome of a class.In addition,the time in class is limit and precious,the teacher should take the responsibility to make it in better use rather than waste it. So if a teacher want his or her class to be effective, a serious attitude and strict principles must be a wise choice.

Teaching is not entertaining, and the classroom is not a playground,I agree that a serious and strict person could generate pressure that make students nervous, but just like success need hard work and investiments,in the long run, we will grateful for the things we learned about and benifit a lot from it in the future.

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-3-17 22:20:47

3-17

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should live one city or in one country all their life instead of moving to live in different places.

Thanks to the invention of fast vehicles and advanced development in transportation, people who live in nowadays has enjoyed the most convenient of travelling than ever before. It was so easy for people to moving from one place to another that more and more people tend to moving if they start to feel bored about their routine life and want to get rid of the meaningless work. Just like the old saying goes a roller stone gathers no muss,doubtlessly, a large number of people still hold the opinion that people should live in one city or in one country all their life, not just because a stable life will benefit the whole family to work,play and study, the advantages from familiarity that will help us greatly in solving problems. Yet, my point of view is that people should moving to live in different places.

One of the best thing about moving to different places is the brand new life ahead waiting for you.Everyone has the right to choose how to live and enjoy his or her life in a way they wanted. By moving to a new place we'll have the opportunity to learn a completely different culture and open one's horizon in the process. It may spend some time to get used to the food,weather or language where we live, but it is worthy for us because the experiences enriched our life with more knowledges,more beautiful things which we can not obtain from only one place. In most cases, the moving involved with a purpose of improvement in living standards, just like most people moving from under-developed place to a developed place looking for a better living conditions, they will have better opportunity in career, their children will receive higher education,their parents will enjoy advanced medical care system as well. So the moving always create a new and better living condition for the entire family.

In spite of the drawbacks caused by moving, like instability and inconvenience can be overcome by an energetic and enthusiastic heart, we should be confident in ourselves in conquering difficulties and also ready for next challenge so that
we will have an in-depth understanding in both life itself and ourselves.Thus further made our life more wonderful and meaningful, not one can gain a such a complex prospective on life by live in one country all his or her life.

The variety of culture and social pattern provide us numerous life style for living,since we have much options available and ability to travel, I definitely agree that people,especially the youngsters, to be brave enough to take action,take responsibility for the future and pursuit dreams,it will be the valuable experience for one to cherish in his or her entire life.

作者: mpromanus 时间: 2010-3-17 23:50:25

本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2010-3-17 23:52 编辑

9# john_332

What makes a effective class? a well-equipped classroom, the diligent students, or a wise teacher ? The way I see it, a serious and strict teacher is the key to an efficient class.This belief is based on the fact that as a leader in the whole class, the teacher should steer the class to follow the course schedule closely, and achieve the goal (What 'goal'? Remember, if you use 'the', your noun to be specific, such as 'this goal', or 'the goal to transfer knowledge', something like that, but you can't stop at 'the goal'.) in one class. Prior to a course, a plan will always be deliberately written down and carried out accordingly during the class. So the efficiency lies on whether the majority of the class has followed up and to what extent did a class achieved its final purpose. Without doubt, the strict way has outweighed the easygoing style to become a prime approaches to make a class more effective.

I've always remembered my first English teacher--Miss Li, who is an experienced English teacher. Her class is very strict and goes in a fast-paced style with personal way?; there are a lot of disciplines and rules to ('to' what?); besides, her occasional questions were a special feature that annoyed by some students (A word on sentence construction: you can't simply pile sentences together using commas and hope they'll make a good long sentence. The English language has much stricter rules about sentence formation than the Chinese language does, so please be cautious about writing long sentences.). The pressure probably make the whole class feel uncomfortable, but it does improve the efficiency of teaching, because the students are concentrating and focused.

Needless to say, an humourous and easygoing person will be more welcome by the public in the entertainment circle (That's a direct translation of 娱乐圈, isn't it? =.=), workplace, or a family. But when it comes to the academic teaching and learning, a strict person is needed to keep the class on the right track, especially on those science subjects like maths, physicals, biology...etc. Someone argues that a lively class is more effective because it will attract the students' attention and inspire the creative ideas. No one likes anxiety and nervousness caused by seriousness in class, however, I have to say if the funny ('funny' is not the same as 'humorous', but I'll believe that you're using the word 'funny' with a purpose here.) elements or humorous teaching styles are introduced for the purpose of fun, it (What?) would obviously results in distraction or off-topic discussions, thus ruining the outcome of a class. In addition, the time in class is limited and precious. The teacher should take the responsibility to make it in better use of it rather than to waste it. So if a teacher wants his or her class to be effective, a serious attitude and strict principles must be a wise choice.

Teaching is not entertaining, and the classroom is not a playground. I agree that a serious and strict person could generate pressure that makes students nervous, but just like success needs hard work and investiments, in the long run, we will be grateful for the things we learned about and benifit a lot from it in the future. (This conclusion doesn't seem to be directly related to the question about teaching effectiveness. Of course, one can try to infer that by 'the things we learned about', you're alluding to a teacher's teaching, but a conclusion paragraph needs to be clearer and more specific, and should not introduce this kind of guessing. This is to avoid confusing readers with apparently different points from your primary arguments.)

总结：

总体来说语言的使用不错，需要注意一下拼字和句读，还有长句的句法。另外就是标点符号后面要加空格，这跟内容无关，标点符号本身很小，所以如果不用空格来帮助标记它们的位置，读起来眼睛会很吃力。

主要的问题我觉得是你的论点不很明显。通篇内容的确是很扣题地在讲严格的老师的好处，但是你的分段并没有看出每段内容上有什么明显的区别，分段的语句中也没有很明显的表示说我这一段要讲什么点。这不是说作文一定要鞍前马后地列明论点，托福作文对格式并没有特别严格的要求，但这种流水写法的主要问题是会让你全篇感觉就说了一个主要点，就是严格的老师能让学生更有注意力，所以教学效果好。其余的点不是位置上不明显，就是说起来意思也相差不远。所以在论述的格式清晰上还是最好注意一下。

作者: cp19880313 时间: 2010-3-18 22:51:50

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should live one city or in one country all their life instead of moving to live in different places.
Thanks to the invention of fast vehicles and advanced development in transportation, people who live in nowadays has enjoyed the most convenient of travelling than ever before. It was so easy for people to moving from one place to another that more and more people tend to moving if they start to feel bored about their routine life and want to get rid of the meaningless work. Just like the old saying goes a roller stone gathers no muss,doubtlessly, a large number of people still hold the opinion that people should live in one city or in one country all their life, not just because a stable life will benefit the whole family to work,play and study, the advantages from familiarity that will help us greatly in solving problems. Yet, my point of view is that people should moving to live in different places.感觉这句话的转折有点突然。

One of the best thing about moving to different places is the brand new life ahead waiting for you.Everyone has the right to choose how to live and enjoy his or her life in a way they wanted. By moving to a new place we'll have the opportunity to learn a completely different culture and open one's horizon in the process. It may spend some time to get used to the food,weather or language where we live, but it is worthy for us because the experiences enriched our life with more knowledges,more beautiful things which we can not obtain from only one place. In most cases, the moving involved with a purpose of improvement in living standards, just like most people moving from under-developed place to a developed place looking for a better living conditions, they will have a better opportunity in career, their children will receive higher education,their parents will enjoy advanced medical care system as well. So the moving always create a new and better living condition for the entire family.

In spite of the drawbacks caused by moving, like instability and inconvenience can be overcome by an energetic and enthusiastic heart, we should be confident in ourselves in conquering difficulties and also ready for next challenge so that
we will have an in-depth understanding in both life itself and ourselves.Thus further made our life more wonderful and meaningful, not one can gain a such a complex prospective on life by live in one country all his or her life.

The variety of culture and social pattern provide us numerous life style for living,since we have much options available and ability to travel, I definitely agree that people,especially the youngsters, to be brave enough to take action,take responsibility for the future and pursuit dreams,it will be the valuable experience for one to cherish in his or her entire life.最后一段写得真好，有总结有延伸。

感觉这篇文章写得不错，但是内容我认为不够丰富，你中间的两段论述仿佛都只是在论证一个观点，我认为你可以从不同方面来支持你的论点，如经济，健康，生活，分开来说的话可能会更好一些，当然，这些只是我的个人意见了。

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-3-20 16:12:26

University students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of the field of the study。

Along with the rapidly development in our modern society, requirements for a competent employee in workplace are also changing and getting higher. University, that served for the function to provide qualified graduates for society, should establish or adjust its classes to meet the needs from current society. So I fully convinced that basic science classes should be required in the university.

It is indisputable that basic science is related with our daily life closely. In order to live a healthy and quality life, not to mention people have to follow some general knowledge in science to take control of their daily life easily, certain complicated techniques must be learned for a long time to apply high technology facilities for particular purpose. For example, we have to obey some physical rules to use the electricity in our apartment in a proper way, moreover, when we try to use computer or operate an advanced machine for certain purpose, more knowledge would involved and sometimes combined with specific operating skills. What's more, even though the university students should focus on their major courses, they should never confine themselves on it, learning several basic science in other fields can not only enrich students' campus life and enlarge their horizon,but also benefit the students' career or later life in the long run.

Some basic science classes may seems irrelevant to the field of the study, yet ignore them completely would cause a limit in further study, just like biology, when a research or study goes deeper in this area, it would involves knowledge from other science,like chemistry,mathematics,psychology...etc. And of course those who has comprehensive knowledege would stand more change to surpass others. So for the college students, the basic knowledge is necessary and beneficial even though it is not part of the field of the study.

Last but not least, it's such a complicated world, to some extend, every subject has connect with each other, either directly or indirectly. If the students have an opportunity to get to know more about the science, it may subconsciously form a intelligent mind thus helps them to understand the extensive links inside. I think a successful person in a particular field should always be absorb other informations related and visionary in predicting the future growth in that field. I am now working as an international salesperon, I chose economics as my major , but mastering the economics only is far from enough, I have to learn a new language to communicate with my cilents, study the industry knowledge to get familiar with the products I'm about to sell, and maybe take psychology courses to know how to quote a price and negotiate with customers. The relationship between individual class may not seems so obvious in studying, but it does somehow has profound meaning in a student's future career when knowledge comes into pratical use.

To summarize, I hold the opinion that the basic science classes are indispensable in university,because it has far-reaching influence in the students and benefit them on both further study and later career.

作者: 馋ME 时间: 2010-3-20 22:29:08

14# john_332
写的挺好的，也很长，整体感觉很好
Along with the rapidly development in our modern society, requirements for a competent employee in workplace are also changing and getting higher. University, that（要用which吧） served for the function to provide qualified graduates for society, should establish or adjust its classes to meet the needs from current society.（借鉴一下） So I fully convinced that basic science classes should be required in the university.: X8 C3 l5 F6 R& i

5 a' H& _2 ^: s5 ^It is indisputable that basic science is related with（to吧） our daily life closely. In order to live a healthy and quality life, not to mention people have to follow some general knowledge in science to take control of their daily life easily, certain complicated techniques must be learned for a long time to apply high technology facilities for particular purpose. （这个句子很好）For example, we have to obey some physical rules to use the electricity in our apartment in a proper way, moreover, when we try to use computer or operate an advanced machine for certain purpose, more knowledge would involved and sometimes combined with specific operating skills. What's more, even though the university students should focus on their major courses, they should never confine themselves on it, learning several basic science in other fields can not only enrich students' campus life and enlarge their horizon,but also benefit the students' career or later life in the long run.' G ym4 E+ Q
第一段的举例挺好的
( s) P+ t; q2 l+ h7 {- v: O( SSome basic science classes may seems irrelevant to the field of the study, yet ignore them completely would cause a limit in further study, just like biology, when a research or study goes deeper in this area, it would involves knowledge from other science,like chemistry,mathematics,psychology...etc. And of course those who has comprehensive knowledege would stand more change to surpass others. So for the college students, the basic knowledge is necessary and beneficial even though it is not part of the field of the study.（个人之见，第二段的中心不是很明确，是说ignore them 不好还是说他们在job market上less competitive啊）
( p1 i1 m6 C! J
& y2 W) ?9 V- QLast but not least, it's such a complicated world, to some extend, every subject has connect with each other, either directly or indirectly. If the students have an opportunity to get to know more about the science, it may subconsciously form a intelligent mind thus helps them to understand the extensive links inside. I think a successful person in a particular field should always be absorb （有点奇怪啊，要不改成be able to?）other informations related and visionary in predicting the future growth in that field. I am now working as an international salesperon, I chose economics as my major , but mastering the economics only is far from enough, I have to learn a new language to communicate with my cilents, study the industry knowledge to get familiar with the products I'm about to sell, and maybe take psychology courses to know how to quote a price and negotiate with customers. The relationship between individual class may not seems so obvious in studying, but it does somehow has profound meaning in a student's future career when knowledge comes into pratical use. （我觉得你自己工作的这个例子跟大学生要学science的关系不大啊，不过看得出你语言功底不错，借鉴）
0 u+ W$ e% n3 P2 U- Y4 v9 {3 `
3 C% |" E4 u1 e, S8 ?To summarize, I hold the opinion that the basic science classes are indispensable in university,because it has far-reaching influence in the students and benefit them on both further study and later career.

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-3-22 00:12:24

To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.

  No matter how advanced our society is, I think we shall never underestimate the importance of past. As remarkable progress have been made by human nowadays, the problems we encountered everyday are also more complicated and tough than ever before, thus people tend to believe that there is no need to understand the past when solving present or future problems. However, the history has taught us that people who didn't understand the past has paid heavy price.

First of all, the past has internally related with present or future. The present problem will somehow has certain relation with the past,  that's why we always have to look back in past for the reason and find the correct solution to solve present problem. A living example of this is global warming, which is the most concerned environment problem confronting the entire human being. The ever-worsening situation caused by the mass destruction in forest and reckless carbon releasing over the last decades. To understand what the cause of problem would lead us to the coordinate solution, although it is impossible for us to change the past to avoid the existing problem, we will be warned and learned and start to take action and make change right away. Moreover, we'll gain the past experience and prevent the future problems which would likely happen again.

Some one would argue that the problems we encountered at present are completely different and innovated. Yet, in the process of solving present problems, the experience and knowledge from past practice would be our priority concern to  form a feasible and constructive plan. Just like in the field of education and medical development, the most likely solution for a new problem would always comes from an expert who has a lot of experience, and the suggestions from person who understands the past better would be more constructive and effective, why ? Because after years of accumulation and study of the achievements, the comprehensive knowledge embedded could inspire us to create a new solution to a new problem. If there is absolutely no past experience or information we can base on, we'll hardly find a proper solution, or even, make it worse.

From what has been discussed above, it is necessary to understand the past in solving either present or future problems, not just because we can grab the clue inside and follow the basic rules accordingly, but also because the understanding of past will lead us to a more cost-effective solution to the present and prepare in advance for the future problems.

作者: yuyan890619 时间: 2010-3-22 09:43:02

To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.# z- C; l* n' L5 T8 N4 z. g

No matter how advanced our society is, I think we shall never underestimate the importance of past. As remarkable progress have been made by human nowadays, the problems we encountered everyday are also more complicated and tough than ever before, thus people tend to believe that there is no need to understand the past when solving present or future problems. However, the history has taught us that people who didn't understand the past has paid heavy price.(开头很赞，偷走）

First of all, the past has internally related with（to) (the) present or future. The present problem will somehow has certain relation with the past,  that's why we always have to look back in past for the reason and find the correct solution to solve present problem. A living example of this is global warming, which is the most concerned environment problem confronting the entire human being. The ever-worsening situation caused by the mass destruction in forest and reckless carbon releasing over the last decades. To understand what the cause of problem would lead us to the coordinate solution, although it is impossible for us to change the past to avoid the existing problem, we will be warned and learned and start to take action（actions） and make change （changes）right away. Moreover, we'll gain the past experience and prevent the future problems which would likely happen again(个人全球变暖觉得这个例子虽好，但是有点奇怪，不太搭这一段，不过继续偷例子）.7 B, ]/ X7 U# M1 g3 `
' P8 [( d$ R, u) }  q, w
Some one would argue that the problems we encountered at present are completely different and innovated. Yet, in the process of solving present problems, the experience and knowledge from past practice would be our priority concern to  form a feasible and constructive plan. Just like in the field of education and medical development, the most likely solution for a new problem would always comes from an expert who has a lot of experience, and the suggestions from person who understands the past better would be more constructive and effective, why（中间的例子太长了，注意一下尾重原则，改一改吧） ? Because after years of accumulation and study of the achievements, the comprehensive knowledge embedded could inspire us to create a new solution to a new problem. If there is absolutely no past experience or information we can base on, we'll hardly find a proper solution, or even, make it worse.
From what has been discussed above, it is necessary to understand the past in solving either present or future problems, not just because we can grab the clue inside and follow the basic rules accordingly, but also because the understanding of past will lead us to a more cost-effective solution to the present and prepare in advance for the future problems.
其实我是来偷东西的....
老乡写的真是好啊赞一个例子都描述的很好，用词也蛮恰当的，也没什么语病，至少我的水平是看不出来了...o(╯□╰)o
感觉鸡蛋里挑骨头半蛮搞了一点小差错出来。

作者: howard_hhq 时间: 2010-3-22 10:32:46

No matter how advanced our society is, I think we shall never underestimate the importance of past. As remarkable progress have been made by human nowadays, the problems we encountered everyday are also more complicated and tough than ever before, thus people tend to believe that there is no need to understand the past when solving present or future problems. However, the history has taught us that people who didn't understand the past has paid heavy price.

7 ^9 i v* s J2 A5 [2 LFirst of all, the past has internally related with present or future. The present problem will somehow has certain relation with the past, that’s why we always have to look back in past for the reason and find the correct solution to solve present problem. A living example of this is global warming, which is the most concerned environment problem confronting(confronted) the entire human being. The ever-worsening situation is caused by the mass(massive) destruction in forest and reckless carbon releasing over the last decades. To understand what the cause of problem would lead us to the coordinate(relevant) solution, although it is impossible for us to change the past to avoid the existing problem, we will be warned and learned(learn) and start to take action and make change right away. Moreover, we'll gain the past experience and prevent the future problems which would likely happen again.
(感觉你这个说理不是很充分，但是用词都很好)

# M' @' t* V2 G% ?' J$ C2 }6 ?; H1 qSomeone would argue that the problems we encountered at present are completely different and innovated(new). Yet, in the process of solving present problems, the experience and knowledge from past practice would be our priority concern to form a feasible and constructive plan. Just like in the field of education and medical development, the most likely solution for a new problem would always comes from an expert who has a lot of experience(experiences), and the suggestions from person who understands the past better would be more constructive and effective, why ? Because after years of accumulation and study of the achievements, the comprehensive knowledge embedded could inspire us to create a new solution to a new problem. If there is absolutely no past experience or information we can base on, we'll hardly find a proper solution, or even, make it worse.

2 f: |7 Y1 J) ]From what has been discussed above, it is necessary to understand the past in solving either present or future problems, not just because we can grab the clue inside and follow the basic rules accordingly, but also because the understanding of past will lead us to a more cost-effective solution to the present and prepare in advance for the future problems.

思路清晰，逻辑性好，感觉你论证的比较“朦胧”，其他都还好，感觉用词很好

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-3-25 20:52:44

3-24

Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.

There are many factors contribute to a successful development of a country, for example, progress in technology, economy, education, and military force. I hold the opinion that education is the most essential
factor to a successful development, therefore, I agree with that improving school should be the priority in
the process of development.

As we all known, how strong a nation is largely depends on the quality of its citizens. So, I firmly convinced that measures should be taken to improving our schools so that more opportunity will be offered for the nationalists. The history has taught us that no matter what stage in a development a country is in, talented and intelligent people is always the most valuable asset to a nations, especially the scientists and political leaders, their achievements and contribution sometimes greatly change the the situation of the whole society. Schools functioned as an institution that educate the citizens of a country, should be paid more attention of its improvement.

The schools is the fundamental facility that education occurs has significant and profound meaning to the future of a country, the students today are the country leader tomorrow. The students are the hope for the country's future. A well educated nation would results in a strong country.That's why improving schools become more important than any other factors, an advance and well-developed school will take the responsibility to cultivate the children in a right way and realize their full potential to create more for their country. What's more, the knowledgeable experts from every field will in return generate strong impetus to the development in economy, art, science...etc. It is definitely unwise to ignore improving schools at present since we will pay heavy cost in the future.

The way I see it, improving schools played the most important role in successful development of country, especially in a age that technology equals the advanced productivity. So we should not only reinforce the infrastructure of schools but also introduce the advanced education system in it. And to ensure the best education can be shared and broadly distributed by the whole nation.

作者: mpromanus 时间: 2010-3-25 23:40:44

14# john_332

Along with the rapidly development in our modern society, requirements for a competent employee in workplace are also changing and getting higher. Universities, that served for the function to provide qualified graduates for the society, should establish or adjust its classes to meet the needs from the current society. So I am fully convinced that basic science classes should be required in the university.

It is indisputable that basic science is closely related with our daily life closely. In order to live a healthy and quality life, not to mention? people have to follow some general knowledge in science to take control of their daily life easily (I don't really get what kind of actions classify as 'follow some general knowledge in science to take control of their daily life'. In other words, your whole expression doesn't ring any bell.), certain complicated techniques must be learned for a long time to apply high technology facilities for particular purpose??.(This sentence is not proper, is too long, and is just too vague for an average reader. One of the purposes of essay writing is to help readers establish a better idea about the topic in discussion, but your essay doesn't quite serve this purpose.) For example, we have to obey some physics rules to use the electricity in our apartments in a proper way, moreover, when we try to use computers or operate an advanced machine for certain purposes (Again, this is too vague. What kind of machine is 'an advanced machine'? What purpose is a 'certain purpose'?) , more knowledge would be involved and sometimes combined with specific operating skills. What's more, even though the university students should focus on their major courses, they should never confine themselves on it them, learning several basic science in other fields (Is there different kinds of 'science' in 'other fields'? Isn't 'science' a field all by itself?) can not only enrich students' campus life and enlarge their horizons,but also benefit the students' careers (I don't see how you can make any conclusion about their 'careers' given that this whole paragraph said nothing about working life.) or later life in the long run.

Some basic science classes may seems irrelevant to the field of the study (Of what or who?), yet ignoring them completely would cause a limit in further studies, just like biology: when a research or study goes deeper in this area, it would involves knowledge from other sciences, like chemistry, mathematics, psychology...etc. (This is not a good example because biology is part of SCIENCE studies itself, so anyone who studies it would be already studying science. The question, however, needs you to discuss the necessity of basic science classes to ALL students, regardless of what they were already studying.) And of course those who have comprehensive knowledege would stand more chance to surpass others. So for the college students, the basic knowledge (What 'basic knowledge'? Or 'basic knowledge' of what? REMEMBER that if you use 'the', your noun needs to be SPECIFIC.) is necessary and beneficial even though it is not part of the field of the study.

Last but not least, it's such a complicated world. to some extent, every subject has connection with each other, either directly or indirectly. If the students have an opportunity to get to know more about the sciences, it may subconsciously form an intelligent mind thus helps them to understand the extensive links inside. (So you're implying that studying the humanities will not form any 'intelligent mind' and will not help students to understand the 'extensive links'. Interesting stereotype.) I think a successful person in a particular field should always be absorb other informations related and be visionary in predicting the future growth in that field. I am now working as an international salesperson (Out of pure curiosity: what kind of salesperson is considered an 'international salesperson'? Do you mean you travel different countries to do sales? That's kind of cool.), and I chose economics as my major, but mastering the economics only is far from enough. I have to learn a new language to communicate with my cilents, study the industry knowledge to get familiar with the products I'm about to sell, and maybe take psychology courses to know how to quote a price and negotiate with customers. The relationship between individual classes may not seems so obvious in studying, but it does somehow has profound meanings in a student's future career when knowledge comes into pratical use. (I don't see how this example illustrates your point about 'science ..form an intelligent mind..helps them to understand the extensive links inside.' What you said was that you were studying a lot of things other than economics, but none in 'a new language', 'industry knowledge' or 'psychology' can be exactly counted as 'science'. Plus, you're already away from the question because you didn't address the 'basic' part in the question at all.)

To summarize, I hold the opinion that the basic science classes are indispensable in universities, because it they have far-reaching influence in on the students and benefit them on both further studies and later careers.

总结：

额。你的语法，尤其是动词的词法，需要认真注意一下。。

论述方面基本上是比较混乱，貌似你对这个题目没什么感觉。。你有分论点的概念，但既没有很实在的论点阐述，也没有能非常有力地把例子和论点和题目联系起来，这样。建议重新审视一下自己的提纲，认真想想要怎么写这样的文章。

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-4-1 01:03:41

3-31

Advertisements make products seem better than they are.

Along with the rapid development in both technology and media, advertisements nowadays are becoming more and more aesthetically pleasing to the consumers. Doubtlessly, advertisements is
not only an efficient approach to introduce a new products to the market, but also a strategy to to deliver a excellent image of the products to the target consumers.

The most advantage of advertisements is that it can well present the products' futures so that the public can understand the products better. Thanks to the advance computer technology and creative artists, numerous advertisements have been exquisitely made to advertise products and become successful examples. An advertisement could be either a footage of video or just a few beautiful words or sentences, but it must subtly convey the messages like the wonderful experience of using, high quality with competitive price, innovative functions as well as fashionable appearance. Only when the consumers understand the products' competitive edge could they commit the purchasing.

Additionally, advertisements sometimes use celebrities to represent a product, it is a efficient way to establish a trustworthy image on the products, because the famous person has been acknowledged as reliable, smart or stylish. People who like the person are more likely to purchase the products he or she represented, they tend to believe the product process the same good quality from the person they love. In conclusion, the positive image from celebrities will help the products look good thus promote the goods to the public.

In a diversity world fulfilled with thousands of products, advertisements indeed served as an important role to make the products themselves seems better than they are, and we should never ignore their power on advertising.

作者: ly8768 时间: 2010-4-1 21:48:36

21# john_332

作者: 水谣碧玺 时间: 2010-4-1 22:53:58

Along with the rapid development in both technology and media, advertisements nowadays are becoming more and more aesthetically pleasing to the consumers. Doubtlessly, advertisements is not only an efficient approach to introduce a new products to the market, but also a strategy to to deliver a excellent image of the products to the target consumers. 额，这个题目是广告是不是要比他们本身好，楼主写的这个好像广告的优点or好处?....

The most advantage of advertisements is that it can well present the products' futures so that the public can understand the products better. Thanks to the advance computer technology and creative artists, numerous advertisements have been exquisitely学习 made to advertise products and become successful examples. An advertisement could be either a footage of video or just a few beautiful words or sentences, but it must subtly convey the messages like the wonderful experience of using, high quality with competitive price, innovative functions as well as fashionable appearance. Only when the consumers understand the products' competitive edge could they commit the purchasing.

s6 O# f
Additionally, advertisements sometimes use celebrities to represent a product, it is a efficient way to establish a trustworthy image on the products, because the famous person has been acknowledged as reliable, smart or stylish. People who like the person are more likely to purchase the products he or she represented, they tend to believe the product process the same good quality from the person they love. In conclusion, the positive image from celebrities will help the products look good thus promote the goods to the public.

两段主体段也没有论述出来题目，楼主从一开始就跑题了啊。

In a diversity world fulfilled with thousands of products, advertisements indeed served as an important role to make the products themselves seems better than they are, and we should never ignore their power on advertising.

从文章看出来，楼主的语言功底很好的，只是题目审错了思路写错了。下次看好题目列好提纲再写吧。楼主的词汇很丰富啊，让我中途查了几次词典...囧！

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-4-5 22:11:29

4-5

Students at university or in college should choose the most difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades (marks) in them.

Since college education become more and more important to society, there is a heated debate about whether students at university should choose the most difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades in them. Despite of the fact that marks mean a great deal to college students, I still hold the opinion that students should choose most difficult classes in order to obtain more knowledge and deeper their researches.

No doubt that difficult classes will cause much effort in studying and make students feel anxiety, yet, as a college student, one should take up the challenge and being aggressive. Because the pursuit of advanced and in-depth knowledge is the mission for higher education, hence, it is his/her responsibility to study further no matter how difficult the class is. It doesn't make sense if a college student always stay in the easy level and feel content about what he/she has learn already. Additionally, choose the most difficult classes equals higher ability required which could largely train one's mind and become stronger, for example, micro-economics is more difficult class which requires deliberate thought in complicated situations or formulations, thus form a considerable mind in approaching the solutions, plus, it definitely helpful for me to understand the internal relation and reasons in general economical phenomenons.

On the other hand, student must hold a positive attitude about the meaning of marks or grades. It illustrate to what extent does one understand the subject, and showing the incorrect place one must pay more attention on. It would be meaningless if we achieve top marks in easy class, likewise, one would become useless to the society if he/she hardly learned any thing in college. So, once a student hold a positive attitude about the marks, he/she must choose classes even though they are the most difficult ones.

From what has been discussed about, I hold the opinion that college students must choose difficult classes, not only because they need to improve to a higher level and think wisely, but also because what they have learned has nothing to do with marks or grades but their future career.

作者: wyac 时间: 2010-4-6 11:26:04

[attach]141878[/attach]

作者: speedzshaw 时间: 2010-4-7 08:55:06

本帖最后由 speedzshaw 于 2010-4-7 09:01 编辑

4.5 修改 by speedzshaw

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-4-11 23:38:12

4-11

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

With the increasing emphasis on quality education , there is a heated debate about whether daily homework is necessary for students, a large amount of people argue that daily homework is a heavy burden to most students and affect
extracurricular activities, yet, I still hold the opinion that daily homework is necessary for students, especially for young students.

No doubt that the most significant aspect of learning is practice, without prompt practice after classes, students will be likely to forget what they have learned or became unfamiliar with the approaches for certain issues. For example, when I was a primary school student, I remember my Chinese teacher assigned homework everyday with some new words, it really caused a lot of time and effort to check every word in dictionary, although I and other students thought it is unnecessary and troublesome, it finally turns out that the constant practice subtly trained our other abilities in other ways and become useful in later study. So I think no matter whether students like it or not, daily homework is necessary, not only because practising is essential in study, but also because regular exercise is the best way to testify the results of study.

Another point that makes daily homework necessary is its efficiency, as for most students the process of learning is steered by teachers and has been guided step by step, so daily homework played a very important part in executing the teaching plan, alternatively we can say, it is an efficient and productive way keep students up with the learning schedule, nothing is better than a well-organized studying plan which can help students master what they've learned in classes.

From the above reasons, I fully convinced that homework from each day is equally important to the whole learning process, Rome wasn't built in a day, the only shortcut in acquire knowledge is diligent and persistence in practise, that's why daily homework is necessary for students.

作者: john_332 时间: 2010-4-13 23:25:06

4-13

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to be more successful than students who do not.

There is no doubt that a lot of factors contribute to a successful person, persistence, diligent, and good habits. Since childhood plays a very significant role in a person's life, and his or her personalities and characters has profound impact on later life, I agree with the point that students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to be more successful than students who do not.

Just like good habits will lead to good results, and good results in turn will produce a successful outcome.
I hold the opinion that a students who has good habits will become more successful than the those who hasn't. When a young student formed a good habit in his or her life, he or she will keep it all the time, this kind of self-discipline will create positive effects every time in his or her future career and life. There is no
shortage of examples that numerous big mistakes were causes by careless faults, in most cases, those faults came from the negligence of good habit cultivation in early ages. So the way I see it, students who keep their rooms neat and organized are more likely to become a success.

Another reason to support the argument is that, a student who keep their rooms neat and organized will deliver a trustworthy and reliable image to others. It is a very essential for a person to built a reputation of being responsible by getting those little things around himself or herself in order, for example, we may tend to trust a doctor who with a well-organized of the medicines and a sanitary clothes. There is a voice in our mind, how can we put some work to a person who can barely even take care of his or her own business ?
When a person has been labeled with being irresponsible since his or her early schooling , I don't think he or she can make smashing success in later life. The little habit, just like keep room neat and organized, may seems irrelevant with future career but it does have profound impacts in another way. It not only undermining the quality of a person but also cause potential problem for oneself.

For what has been discussed above, I fully convinced that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will enjoy more opportunities because of their good qualities and good habits, and gain more credibility and respect from others, so they tend to be more successful than others who do not.

作者: zhaoliyao 时间: 2010-4-14 11:36:55

本帖最后由 zhaoliyao 于 2010-4-14 11:49 编辑

4-13

6 tDo youagree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep theirrooms neat and organized tend to be more successful than students whodo not.: F0 N% n9 A5 T# e) u

There is no doubt that a lot of factors contribute to a successfulperson, persistence, diligent, and good habits. Since childhood plays avery significant role in a person's life, and his or her personalitiesand characters has profound impact on later life, I agree with thepoint that students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to bemore successful than students who do not.7 N1 }/ s1 W- i l5 [7 F( E
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Just like good habits will lead to good results, and good results in turn will produce a successful outcome.% t. B* z5 I7 G+ Q- [
I hold the opinion that a(去掉) students who has（have） good habits will become moresuccessful than the those (感觉上段末尾和这段开头两次说明观点，是不是有点儿显得重复，后面的一次是不是其实也可以去掉呢？个人意见呵呵)When a young student formed agood habit in his or her life, he or she will keep it all the time,this kind of self-discipline will create positive effects every time inhis or her future career and life. There is no(此处感觉没有衔接上吧）& I2 Y% B0 o- V. X$ o" V
shortage of examples that numerous big mistakes were causes by carelessfaults, in most cases, those faults came from the negligence of goodhabit cultivation in early ages. So the way I see it, students who keeptheir rooms neat and organized are more likely to become a success.! ?- M# j3 w2 ~! Y# g1 A
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Another reason to support the argument is that, a(去掉） student（s) who keeptheir rooms neat and organized will deliver a trustworthy and reliableimage to others. It is a very essential (element)for a person to built a reputation of being responsible by getting those little things aroundhimself or herself in order,
for example, we may tend to trust a doctorwho(删去） with a （删去）well-organized of the medicines and a sanitary clothes.There is a voice in our mind, how can we put some work to a person whocan barely even take care of his or her own business ?
When a person hasbeen labeled with being irresponsible since his or her early schooling, I don't think he or she can make smashing success in later life. Thelittle habit, just like keep room neat and organized, may seemsirrelevant with future career but it does have profound impacts inanother way. It not only undermining （determines)the quality of a person but also cause(s) potential problem for oneself.( g; Q8 ^8 d3 b: v

For whathas been discussed above, I fully convinced(动词原形即可） that students who keeptheir rooms neat and organized will enjoy more opportunities because oftheir good qualities and good habits, and gain more credibility andrespect from others, so they tend to be more successful than others whodo not.
感觉楼主的句式词汇都很厉害，原来是高手！我要向你学习。就是小的细节比如单复数问题和时态问题需要注意一下了。一起加油！！

作者: yan121 时间: 2010-4-14 22:22:00

There is no doubt that a lot of factors contribute to a successful person, persistence, diligent（是不是应该全用名词呢？）, and good habits. Since childhood plays a very（可去掉，significant就已经有强调的作用了吧？？） significant role in a person's life, and his or her personalities and characters has profound impact on later life, I agree with the point that students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to be more successful than students who do not.

Just like good habits will lead to good results, and good results in turn will produce a successful outcome. I hold the opinion that a student who has good habits will become more successful than the those who hasn't（doesn’t）. When a young student formed a good habit in his or her life（maybe ‘earlier life’ here would be better??）, he or she will（个人觉得改成and比较顺呢..） keep it all the time, this kind of self-discipline will create positive effects every time（用在这里的意义是？觉得有点累赘了额..） in his or her future career and life. There is no shortage of examples that numerous big mistakes were causes（caused） by careless faults,（句号，另起一句） in most cases, those faults came from the negligence of good habit（s） cultivation in early ages. So the way I see it, students who keep their rooms neat and organized are more likely to become a success （person）.（最后这句连得有点生硬哦最好跟good habits能联系一下）

Another reason to support the argument is that, a student who keep their rooms neat and organized will deliver a trustworthy and reliable image to others. （good point!）It is a(去掉) very essential for a person to built a reputation of being responsible by getting those little things around himself or herself in order,（可句号） for example, we may tend to trust a doctor who with a well-organized of the medicines（这个..有点怪不要of the会不会好些？） and a sanitary clothes. There is a voice in our mind, how can we put some work to a person who can barely even take care of his or her own business ? When a person has been labeled with being irresponsible since his or her early schooling , I don't think he or she can make smashing success in later life. The little habit, just like keep（keeping，like后面宾语应该要是动名词或者不定式吧？？）room neat and organized, may seems irrelevant with future career but it does have profound impacts in another（如果不是特指某种方式，是不是应该用other ways?） way. It not only undermining(undermine) the quality of a person but also cause potential problem for oneself.

For what has been discussed above, I am fully convinced that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will enjoy more opportunities because of their good qualities and good habits, and gain more credibility and respect from others, so they tend to be more successful than others who do not.

结构挺好的，开头结尾，每段的主题句都很清晰。就是有些语法问题需要稍微注意一下。加油哈～

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