issue45 不忍心烦劳斑竹啊

feier521UID: 109747

一直没有胆量上贴文章，因为水平太差，今天鼓起勇气贴了一篇“trash”，好让自己知道自己的缺点，希望斑竹严厉批评指责， 劳驾了。（知道你们很不容易，还浪费你们的时间，唉！....
总之，支持你们的工作）

45 "Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carrying out the will of the people whom they serve."

I concede that the quick descion or judgement without thinking over the public will is necessary in certain times, under certain condtions, on certain places. However, the will of people will always take precedence over officials' own interests, and thus it should be tabled carefully when making judgement.

Some people may claim that government officials or some other celebrities play an important role in the development of their society. As a nation's elites, they make judagement and decision, institute regulations and laws, deal with international affairs and national issues, solve internal conflicts, prejudices among people and pressing social problems. By doing these they make the society a stable and prosperous atmosphere for people to live better. However, the power of the mass is as important as, or even more important than public officials in the societal development and evolvement. In the long historical "river", there are no important historical events such as revolutions or reforms can proceed without people's participation and support. Nor do officials' judgement, regulations or laws make sense nowadays.

So if officials want to gain the public's support, they must meet their needs, satisfy their request, and service their wills when making judgements. Only doing these things will their judgement directly lead to effective and efficacious policies which in turn benefit their citizenry and society, meantime, people will feel satisfied and thus give fully support to government both in materially and in spiritually. It will form a benign circle to creat an upwardly active environment. Admittedly, as rational and emotional animals, government officials are susceptible to outside surroundings or complex interpersonal relationships which will affect their judgements and policies, and those contraventing with people's will and interests will definitely destroy the current order of the nation, provoke a sense of unsatisfied feeling which will otherwise lead to a nation-wide coup or revolution if controlled improperly and ultimatedly their authority will be thrown over. As we can see, people's will and interests should be firstly taken into account if officials want to make correct and effective judgements.

Admittedly, sometimes, officials have to make quick decision and judgement when confronting some emergencies such as abrupt pandemic diseases or war threaten while briefly leave some people's will behind and sometimes sacrifice their interests. For example, when an abrupt epidemic ,SARS, has plagued our whole country for these days, and as a fast response, government takes rigid actions or regulations to prevent people in dangerous regions from travelling outer places which will sacrifice their freedom. But consider the importance and the entire national security, governors' judgements will be justified.

Just as a saying goes "people's eyes are always bright." Officials' judgement should endure the test of their people. Those fulfilling their purposes will be welcomed, or else they will be abandoned. And sometimes it is necessary for government officials to make a quick judgement and have to sacrifice some people's interests for a whole nation's interests.

paisleyUID: 64183

哇，蛮长哎。feier是热心网友，我会帮你改。不过今天已经改了一篇了，有点累，你明天发个悄悄话给我，我看到就来改。免得忘记掉。呵呵。

feier521UID: 109747

我花了很久很久的时间..............不知道怎么提高水平？
BTW, paisley 保重身体啊。
一帮人无怨无悔，无所求地为GTERS服务，touching and moving !!
and what I can do is only  to surport your unselfish work!!!!

gteryyUID: 114434

I concede that the quick descion（decision） or judgement without thinking over the public will is necessary in certain times, under certain condtions（condition）, on certain places. However, the will of people will always take precedence over officials' own interests, and thus it should be tabled（considered） carefully when making judgement.
开门见山提出观点，虽然简单，但是很明了。

Some people may claim that government officials or some other celebrities play an（前面是复数，这个短语可不可以用单数，我不太确定啊。。。） important role in the development of their society. As a nation's elites, they make judagement（词拼错） and decision（这个词做决心讲不可数，做决定讲好象是可数的）, institute regulations and laws, deal with international affairs and national issues, solve internal conflicts, prejudices among people and pressing social problems（这几个短语有点乱，“内部矛盾，民间偏见，紧迫的社会问题”这不是已经属于national issues了吗？你想用个排比句很好，但是注意一下之间的关系，避免重复、凌乱，要有个顺序，比如从小到大，从内到外等等）. By doing these they make the society a stable and prosperous atmosphere（这个词前面怎么还可以加A呢？） for people to live better. However, the power of the mass is as important as, or even more important than public officials in the societal（有这个词吗？） development and evolvement. In the long historical "river"（这句可改成in the long river of history）, there are no important historical events（前面有no修饰，这里不改加S） such as revolutions or reforms can proceed without people's participation and support. Nor do officials' judgement, regulations or laws make sense nowadays.
这段一开头就做了让步，可是后面大部分还是在说让步的内容——官员的重要性，仅到最后转折了一小下，难免有些单薄。

（怎么感觉应该是和前面连在一起的一段被你分开了？呵呵）So if officials want to gain the public's support, they must meet their needs, satisfy their request, and service their wills when making judgements.（你前面说因为重要的改革和革命都是需要大众参与的，所以公务员要满足他们。。。但是，这个论述也不够有力。首先革命和改革不一定都是推动进步的，比如“文化大革命”，要表达这个概念，你可以说明一下有进步意义的革命怎么怎么，最好再举历史上的例子；第二满足要求就能得到support了吗？即使得到又怎么样？公务员的任务不主要是改革和革命呀，他们其实主要是维护社会稳定运转。一个是你论据不充分且片面，另一个是有思维跳跃的现象，可以详细再多论述一点） Only（by） doing these things will their judgement directly lead to effective and efficacious policies which in turn benefit their citizenry and society, meantime, people will feel satisfied and thus give fully support to government both in materially and in（这个和前面的in都不要的） spiritually. It will form a benign circle to creat（create） an upwardly active environment. Admittedly, as rational and emotional animals（这句实在有点别扭，要不改成as being normal human beings）, government officials are susceptible to outside surroundings or complex interpersonal relationships which will affect their judgements and policies, and those contraventing with people's will and interests will definitely destroy the current order of the nation, provoke（这个小句子是做状语吗？是的话，provok要加ing） a sense of unsatisfied feeling which will otherwise lead to a nation-wide coup or revolution if controlled improperly and ultimatedly their authority will be thrown over. （你这句话实在很长很乱，建议重读一遍，理个头绪。围绕主谓宾再加上修饰语。）As we can see, people's will and interests should be firstly taken into account if officials want to make correct and effective judgements.
这段和上一段的划分不清。另外，内容也比较空洞，重复。说来说去就是一个良性循环，没有突出你的重点——人民的意愿是最重要的。

Admittedly, sometimes, officials have to make quick decision and judgement when confronting some emergencies such as abrupt pandemic diseases or war threaten while briefly leave some people's will behind and sometimes sacrifice their interests. For example, when an abrupt epidemic ,SARS, has plagued our whole country for these days, and as a fast response, government takes rigid actions or regulations to prevent people in dangerous regions from travelling outer places which will sacrifice their freedom. But consider the importance and the entire national security, governors' judgements will be justified.
这段是让步。你中间也有过，所以也有重复的嫌疑。

Just as a saying goes "people's eyes are always bright." （这句话不知道老外有没有。如果没有的话，我估计他是不明白是啥意思的）Officials' judgement should endure the test of their people. Those fulfilling their purposes will be welcomed, or else they will be abandoned. And sometimes it is necessary for government officials to make a quick judgement and have to sacrifice some people's interests for a whole nation's interests.
总结了前面的内容，平淡。

感觉这篇文章不是太好。但有的词你用的还是很好的。现在不要卡时间，先慢慢练。练出一个框架以后再开始卡时间做。否则急于求成不会有好的效果。
错词相当多，估计有的是手误。请下次自己用WORD查一遍，我没有一一指出了。还有的词是记忆错误，比如字母E和A等等，一定要改。我原来把video拼成vedio，老外看了觉得很可笑，不可理解。
还有你要加强对句子结构的把握，不要想到哪里就写到哪里，也不管前面是什么主语，有几个谓语了。好吗？
最后最重要的就是，多多积累，多多思考，丰富论述内容和观点。
你是个很努力的好同学，继续加油，一定会有进步！

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

只要每个人都不那么计较得多还是失少，那么这个世界会很美很美。谢谢两位的热忱，还有feier的体谅。正打算改的。刚刚改完一篇。请等等吧。记住参与讨论哦。

paisleyUID: 64183

呵呵，看到gteryy已经帮我了，西西，那就偷懒咯。谢谢yy啊。

我觉得总提还好哦！句子结构和语法正确性比以前改的同学都要好。总的感觉是比较正的，只要努力可以达到比较高的水平了。不像有些同学可能会比较吃力。

恩，对了，Just as a saying goes "people's eyes are always bright." Officials' judgement should endure the test of their people. 我觉得这些词汇中文的色彩太浓，而且是跟特定的中国政治环境结合的，估计老外难以理解其中内涵，还会很莫名其妙。所以不如换个说法。

另外呢，我觉得还可以写的再深入一点。比如，好政府应该是小政府，所做的是不外乎这几件事情：保卫国家安全、保证法律法令的实施、保护公民人身的财产安全，为市场的有效运行创造条件。（我忘记是哪本政治类的书讲的了）而不是把自己的意志强加于人民，告诉他们“这是为了你们好”。

太多重大的灾难都是出于这种“这是为了你们好”，以爱和服务的名义毁灭一切。哈耶克的《致命的自负》里，可能有不少东西可以引用的。

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

45 "Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carrying out the will of the people whom they serve."

I concede that the quick decision or judgment without thinking over the public will is necessary in certain times, under certain conditions, on certain places. However, the will of people will always take precedence over officials' own interests, and thus it should be tabled carefully when making judgement.
你用了过多的judgment, 而且是judgment 不是judgement.

Some people may claim that government officials or some other celebrities play an important role in the development of their society. As a nation's elites, they make judagement and decision, institute regulations and laws, deal with international affairs and national issues, solve internal conflicts, prejudices among people and pressing social problems. By doing these they make the society a stable and prosperous atmosphere for people to live better. However, the power of the mass is as important as, or even more important than public officials in the societal development and evolvement. In the long historical "river", there are no important historical events such as revolutions or reforms can proceed without people's participation and support. Nor do officials' judgement, regulations or laws make sense nowadays.

So if officials want to gain the public's support, they must meet their needs, satisfy their request, and service their wills when making judgements. Only doing these things will their judgement directly lead to effective and efficacious policies which in turn benefit their citizenry and society, ( in the )meantime, people will feel satisfied and thus give fully support to government both in materially and in spiritually(去掉两个in). It will form a benign circle to creat an upwardly active environment. Admittedly, as rational and emotional animals, government officials are susceptible to outside surroundings or complex interpersonal relationships which will affect their judgements and policies, and those contraventing with people's will and interests will definitely destroy the current order of the nation, provoke a sense of unsatisfied feeling which will otherwise lead to a nation-wide coup or revolution if controlled improperly and ultimatedly their authority will be thrown over. As we can see, people's will and interests should be firstly taken into account if officials want to make correct and effective judgements.

Admittedly, （最好不要用admittedly, 用however 会更好。）sometimes, officials have to make quick decision and judgement when confronting some emergencies such as abrupt pandemic diseases or war threaten while briefly leave some people's will behind and sometimes sacrifice their interests. For example, when an abrupt epidemic ,SARS, has plagued our whole country for these days, and as a fast response, government takes rigid actions or regulations to prevent people in dangerous regions from travelling outer places which will sacrifice their freedom. But consider the importance and the entire national security, governors' judgements will be justified.

Just as a saying goes "people's eyes are always bright." Officials' judgement should endure the test of their people. Those fulfilling their purposes will be welcomed, or else they will be abandoned. And sometimes it is necessary for government officials to make a quick judgement and have to sacrifice some people's interests for a whole nation's interests.

总得来说，写的不错呀！但是就是有些词语重复率太高。各段之间加上一句承上启下句会更好。加油，多多参与讨论会使你的观点更新颖。其他那些你都看到了，gteryy 和paisley 这两个高手提了那么多，我就不费口舌啦。因为有关政府方面的冬冬我不太在行。

feier521UID: 109747

谢谢斑竹们的批改和鼓励！
我的问题 1 论点和内容空洞（致命要害），有时思维混乱（写作时常忘了自己每段的topic）；2 句子结构差，句子间，段落间衔接不好，用词重复。
好像angeikim 斑竹提出的两个关键点：critical thinking , effective writting 我都是大大缺乏啊？
不知道怎么才能在一两个月有质的提高？

感慨以下：D
“只要每个人都不那么计较得多还是失少，那么这个世界会很美很美。”是啊，一直以为世间充满了尔虞我诈，勾心斗角，人们丧失了理想，追求，和奉献，只有索取！于是自己变得孤僻，自闭，不自信...直到有一天，我发现了一个地方GTER，热血沸腾的gter们为自己的理想努力拼搏，任劳任怨的斑竹们大公无私的奉献，我发现找到了家园，我找到了依靠，我找到了寄托.....

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

尽量去想，好像gteryy， angei, paisley 她们那样。练多了自然就熟啦。