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标题: ＋＋＋新手作文容易犯的几个问题＋＋＋ 14楼补充对短发mm关于argu开头疑问的解答 [打印本页]

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 04:49:45 标题: ＋＋＋新手作文容易犯的几个问题＋＋＋ 14楼补充对短发mm关于argu开头疑问的解答

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-27 00:34 编辑

世界杯如火如荼进行当中，可敬（可怜）是准备考试的同志还在坚持写作文。现在是考试淡季，组长辛苦，队员辛苦，大家还都在写第二次作业第三次作业。我就勤劳的来写一写新手入门容易范的几个错误吧。看一下节约新手的时间。本篇绝对不适用于一篇作文都没写过的伪新手，尤其适合issue写了不到五篇的入门级。因为我看的issue比较多，所以主要问题集中在issue。另外，被我当作反面教材的同志千万不要追杀我！！例子全部来自这几天版面上的作文，我就不提供原始link了。

问题一：没有任何内容的假大空语句泛滥。

题目：issue17 - "There are two types of laws: justand unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey justlaws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

例子：The speaker asserts that laws can be categorizedinto two types: just ones that everyone should obey and unjust ones everyindividual should disobey and resist. This claim seems appealing at the firstglance. However, with further consideration, especially into the part ofdisobeying and resisting unjust laws, I think it is inappropriate and tooextreme.

点评：重复了一下题目的内容。无功无过。我的个人观点是改作文的人是看得见题目的，没有必要重复题目的内容。但是issue题目重复一下问题不大。剩下的内容，从Thisclaim开始就是假大空范畴了，只在结尾点出了作者反对的立场。作者反对的理由是什么？没有写。如果实在时间紧迫不能提出支撑自己立场的主要（注意是主要，不是罗列所有）论点，那么就请开门见山直接说同意不同意。言之有物是一种美德，简洁更是。

还有一种隐蔽型的假大空开头，就是写社会发展，科技进步。大部分题目开头都可以写工业革命发展啦，技术进步啦，人类生活变好啦。但是可以写不等于写了就合适。如果说写一句是帮助你扯到题目的关键词好接着往下摆观点，写两句除了浪费你的时间我就没看出来第二个好处。这种假大空很难被发现，更好使，所以写的人更多。用用没问题，别过头。

题目：ARGUMENT161 - In a study of reading habits ofLeeville citizens conducted by the University of Leeville, most respondentssaid they preferred literary classics as reading material. However, a follow-upstudy conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book mostfrequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Leeville was themystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the firststudy had misrepresented their reading habits.

习作： In this argument, the arguer draws the conclusion that the first studyconcerning the reading habits of Leeville citizens fails to be representativeand the result is inaccurate and untrustworthy .This assumption is based on anapparent discrepancy between the favourite reading material as literal classicsclaimed y most respondents in the first study and the type of book mostfrequently checked out in public libraries in Leeville as mystery novels . Atfirst glance it may reasonable. But after a careful examination of thisargument ,however, reveals how groundless the conclusion is .

点评：更崩溃的是写argument的时候把题目的内容总结一遍放在开头的，真是有时间。然后后面正文写着写着时间不够了，草草收场。这种“虎”头蛇尾的argument,看得我暴躁暴躁暴躁！Argument开头贴出来超过三行的同志请小心。

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 04:49:54

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-20 04:53 编辑

问题二：I think,I must confess,…从头I到尾。

点评：issue写作看重的是逻辑，不要一味强调个人主观性。开头写一两次I think或者 Iconcede足够，正文不要反复出现I, I, I. 不写I人家也知道你的文字都是你的看法。要突出的是你的论证如何圆满的支持了你的观点，I来I去只能表明你的不专业。

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 04:49:59

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-20 09:30 编辑

问题三：写了关键词，但是不切题目。

题目： issue180-"Many problems of modern society can not be solved by laws and the legal system because moral behavior cannot belegislated."

习作：
There exist millions of issues in theworld. They can be divided as long-term issues like racial discrimination,environmental pollution, and nuclear weapons, and immediate problems such asdiseases, wars, and education. Millions of people are dedicated to work all thethings out yet some of them are still up in the air. For the long term issues,laws and legal systems may work at some point, but it can not cover all theproblems. After all, they are legislated based on the previous experiences andcriminals, which aptly expresses the omissions that new problems come outwithout appropriate solutions for them. Let’s take the gun policy as anexample. At some places, firearms bargains are prohibited by law while in otherplaces are not, this is where the controversy exists. The comment of both thepros and cons seem reasonable. Nevertheless unfortunately the correct decisionis hardly to be made as there are no lessons drawn from the precedents. For theshort-term issues like diseases, laws always play an important role. We cannotimagine that without the laws and orders, what the society would be like. Problemscontinue emerging, revealing to be complex and intricate. Laws and legalsystems are not consummate enough to make everything perfect and satisfying,omissions are always exist, especially when some problems related morality andethics.

点评：
看题目，现代社会的很多问题不能通过法律手段来解决，因为moralbehavior不能够通过法律来定义。
作者写的环境污染，核武器,野生动物保护，AIDS之类的，根本就不是moral
behavior! 这种写关键词但是跑题的毛病也很常见。题目说法律，我就写法律，题目说儿童教育，我就写儿童教育，没有注意到题目的内在联系。正如我们给出立场的时候要写清楚支撑立场的理由，出题目的人在下一个结论的时候也给出了他自己的理由，我们写的时候不要借着关键词随意发挥。

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 04:50:05

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-20 04:55 编辑

问题四：对于关键词的种种忽略。

题目： issue17 - "There are two types of laws: just andunjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just lawsand, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."

习作： We can take the marriage law for example. In manycountries all around the world, including China, polygamy is illegal. If onehas more than one spouse, he or she will be punished and attached with labelsof disobeying moral. However in several other countries, polygamy, which oftenrefers to cases that one man has two or more wives, is allowed by law and maybea man with more wives is considered stronger or richer. Assuming that thespeaker's assertion is absolutely right, then if I come to a country allowingpolygamy what is the correct behavior for me, a person from a country totallyagainst polygamy.

点评：这个题目的关键词也是法律。法律存在它的时间性跟地域性。作者前文提出很难定义法律条文是合理还是不合理，用了重婚做例子。题目点名了every individualin a society, 后面obey不obey的问题讨论的其实是一个人对于当下所处社会法律制度的反应。在现代的（注意这里又出现了关键词的时效性，古代中国过三妻四妾很正常）中国，重婚违法。在有些地区，重婚OK。假想一个社会／地区的人对另外一个社会／地区的人做出反应，不在题目讨论的范围内。

忽略关键词的地域性，时效性，是新手另外一个常犯的毛病。
再看一个题目。

题目：issue64 "Many people know how to attain success,but few know how to make the best use of it."

点评：这个题目里面的it，到底是it=success，还是it=how toattain success? 成功or获取成功的方式，取其一来写。有同学上来就自认为it=success,不给人一个痛快。对it的不同理解，论点会有比较大的差异。对于类似有模糊关键词的题目，开头要做的工作就是定义关键词！

顺带的毛病就是把定义关键词做为正文的内容。还是拿写法律来举例，正文可以写法律的作用，这个作用是如何跟题目的另外一个重点扯上关系。但是不适用于单纯的定义法律。定义自己要说明的问题,摆立场，讲理由一二三，才符合逻辑。

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 04:50:10

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-20 04:56 编辑

问题五：想说就说，想写就写。
题目：
例子：暂时没找到，留空位。

点评：开头要统领文章正文，结尾回顾总结。大部分同志都能很好的把一篇issue的开头，结尾，跟issue的正文分割开来。悲剧的是同样的道理放到issue的正文段落上来，很多人就昏了头了。一个段落叙述一个论点，你的段落开头，点明了这段话的重心或者是主题吗？很多人的正文段落，第一句话连个象样的主题句都不算，完全就是在考验读者的耐心，要我们帮它总结段落大意来了。想写就写，无视文章结构。

对应的毛病就是
问题六：该说的不说，该写的不写。
点评：这也是写正文的时候容易犯的毛病。论点写完了马上就丢例子，语法正确，论点到位，但是看下来没觉得是篇好作文？不对论点进行阐述，没有从论点到例子的过渡，别人怎么看得见分析题目的过程！

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 04:50:15

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-20 05:01 编辑

暂时就这些。我想到什么就继续更新。都是这几天看到版上习作里有的毛病。

个人看法，欢迎讨论。
光写作文不交流，写起来很痛苦啊

我觉得现在大家写作文还行，交流实在太少太少，我真是皇帝不急太监急！

作者: Rittub 时间: 2010-6-20 06:08:17

3乃复活了？

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-20 07:08:26

3乃复活了？
Rittub 发表于 2010-6-20 06:08

不仅复活了还不熬夜了。。年纪大了扭转不良作息习惯中［已经坚持了三天］
我的口号是积！极！向！上！

作者: 江雪 时间: 2010-6-20 12:04:33

赞酸奶～

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-25 00:26:31

up up up

作者: Napery 时间: 2010-6-25 08:09:00

酸奶mm！！！

大赞！

作者: gtjohn 时间: 2010-6-25 09:20:57

刚开始写都脑子不太清爽，不知道写什么，句型啥的也弄不明白，只能慢慢改进了

4，5两条看看精华区，句子再烂也是可以尽量避免的

作者: 短发mm 时间: 2010-6-26 23:09:17

关于Argument的开头在北美范文里面就没有看过少于3句话的.斑竹这么一说我有点晕.能否举个好点的例子来看看啊?那些错误就像做工作一样永远都数不完,一个纠正了会有另一个站起来,我感觉能否弄一篇短小精炼的文来详细分析下好有个楷模什么的.

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-27 00:31:34

本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2010-6-27 00:32 编辑

关于Argument的开头在北美范文里面就没有看过少于3句话的.斑竹这么一说我有点晕.能否举个好点的例子来看看啊?那些错误就像做工作一样永远都数不完,一个纠正了会有另一个站起来,我感觉能否弄一篇短小精炼的文来详细分 ...
短发mm 发表于 2010-6-26 23:09

我是觉得把argu题目完全复述一遍没有必要。北美范文不是ETS范文，就权威性来说绝对及不上ETS范文。北美范文还存在文章质量鱼龙混杂的问题，拿北美范文做参考，请带挑剔的眼光。

好了，我们现在来看ETS的官方范文，先提供一下官方范文的下载地址：
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-708966-1-1.html

来看第一篇argu范文：
题目：Six months ago the region of Forestville increased the speed limit for vehicles traveling on the region's highways by ten miles per hour.  Since that change took effect, the number of automobile accidents in that region has increased by 15 percent.  But the speed limit in Elmsford, a region neighboring Forestville, remained unchanged, and automobile accidents declined slightly during the same six-month period.  Therefore, if the citizens of Forestville want to reduce the number of automobile accidents on the region's highways, they should campaign to reduce Forestville's speed limit to what it was before the increase.

6分范文的开头：The agrument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned.  By making a comparison of the region of Forestville, the town with the higher speed limit and therefore automobile accidents, with the region of Elmsford, an area of a lower speed limit and subsequently fewer accidents, the argument for reducing Forestville's speed limits in order to decrease accidents seems logical.

ETS对6分范文开头的点评：This outstanding essay begins by noting that the argument "seems logical."

我对点评的理解：这篇对开头没有什么特别明显的褒贬评价，对比习作来看，正文辩驳错误的段落展开的很充分，显然这样的开头没有影响到作者写主体正文的时间。

再看第二篇argu范文，同样来自6分作文：
题目：The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a local newspaper.

"Five years ago, we residents of Morganton voted to keep the publicly owned piece of land known as Scott Woods in a natural, undeveloped state.  Our thinking was that, if no shopping centers or houses were built there, Scott Woods would continue to benefit our community as a natural parkland.  But now that our town planning committee wants to purchase the land and build a school there, we should reconsider this issue.  If the land becomes a school site, no shopping centers or houses can be built there, and substantial acreage would probably be devoted to athletic fields.  There would be no better use of land in our community than this, since a large majority of our children participate in sports, and Scott Woods would continue to benefit our community as natural parkland."

6分范文的开头：This letter to the editor begins by stating the reasons the residents of Morganton voted to keep Scott Woods in an undeveloped state.  The letter states that the entire community could benefit from an undeveloped parkland.  The residents of the town wanted to ensure that no shopping centers or houses would be built there.  This, in turn, would provide everyone in the community with a valuable resource, a natural park.

ETS对6分范文开头的点评：This outstanding response begins somewhat hesitantly; the opening paragraphs summarize but do not immediately engage the argument.  However, the subsequent paragraphs target the central flaws in the argument and analyze them in almost microscopic detail.

我对点评的理解：这篇ETS对开头的喜好就表达的非常明显。somewhat hesitantly, do not immediately engage the argument, however,这三点足以说明即使是ETS都不赞成那种重复题目内容的开头。AW考试是应试作文，对于应试作文，从哪里考察考生的能力？当然是新的内容。新的内容，那肯定就不是重复题目了。

作者: yogurt4 时间: 2010-6-27 00:35:27

好的习作我要找找先。

作者: Napery 时间: 2010-6-27 15:35:05

那些错误就像做工作一样永远都数不完,一个纠正了会有另一个站起来,我感觉能否弄一篇短小精炼的文来详细分析下好有个楷模什么的.

一般argue题目里都会有不少错误但不代表说呢全都要写出来吧
找到主要的错误争对这些错误详细的说清楚就好
没必要列举所有的错误当然如果能力够的而且打字速度跟得上的话这样当然是很牛的

我记得上面的argue专版里有很多好文介绍吧
我当时看了好多呢
可以借鉴学习之啊

作者: 短发mm 时间: 2010-6-27 15:56:06

恩,有道理的,谢谢谢谢大家的建议

作者: xingfuhbj 时间: 2010-7-14 23:03:30

顶一个~
感觉最近AW版习作发的太多~好贴很容易沉啊！

作者: wdx19861106 时间: 2010-7-20 11:51:20

学习中~~~

作者: LRXSS 时间: 2010-8-2 11:12:44

顶一下~~

作者: guo0693 时间: 2010-8-2 11:19:11

J! J! 向！上！。。。 8# yogurt4

作者: yeyuje 时间: 2010-8-8 00:19:36

真的很有帮助呀！！！大赞酸奶~~么么

作者: 眼精灵77 时间: 2011-8-23 15:42:42

为什么有些帖子，我想收藏却收藏不了呢？比如说这一篇：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-235421-1-1.html 谢谢好心人。

作者: Nagarjuna 时间: 2011-8-23 16:17:32

up

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