issue11&argument109----1010G欢迎拍文作文修改小组6月25日作业

fchenyanUID: 2804020

issue207
----------------
"All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
----------------


argu
----------------------
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Maple City newspaper.
"Twenty years ago Pine City established strict laws designed to limit the number of new buildings that could be constructed in the city. Since that time the average housing prices in Pine City have increased considerably. Chestnut City, which is about the same size as Pine City, has over the past twenty years experienced an increase in average housing prices similar to Pine City, but Chestnut City never established any laws that limit new building construction. So it is clear that laws limiting new construction have no effect on average housing prices. So if Maple City were to establish strict laws that limit new building construction, these laws will have no effect on average housing prices."

fchenyanUID: 2804020

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 547          TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2010-06-25 10:28:43

I strongly disagree with the assertion that all nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.  The tempting recommendation shows the speaker's ignorance of the existing condition of modern university education and there are problems in the course of the implementation of the plan.

The universities all around the world are moving forward at the direction of internationalization. With the development of traffic and all nations' effort in opening to the outside world in the dimensions of culture and scientific research, tens of friends of mine crossed a vast ocean to study in universities like Yale, UBC, Cambridge and so on, they tell odds and ends of their new friends from almost every corner of the earth. Besides, few people will exert expression of astonished to encounter a foreigner in the campus. That is to say our modern universities is not the ones belong to single a country or culture, there are students and faculty bring diverse cultural and educational perspectives into existing universities and a global university supported by all nations is not necessary at all.

Moreover, the solving of the world's most persistent social problems is already a important objective of students in universities and students from all nations have done a lot and obtained abundant accomplishment through cooperation. There are all kinds of student organizations carrying out their own plans to be acquainted with the world's social problems and students from all nations never stop on the way of searching for solutions. This summer I and my partners will go to Canada and Europe to investigate the negative population growth problem as a part of a program of a international students’ organization-AIESEC. A group of students in Harvard who come from seven countries learned about the economic trend of what has come to be called "social entrepreneurship" and its impact on global economics through two years survey and research. So a global university is not necessary since we students from all nations already have various many ways to participate in to the solving the world’s most persistent social problems.

Furthermore, there are several problems in establishing a global university. Firstly, the establishment of such a university force participant nations to overcome a myriad of administrative and political impediments and all nations need to agree on the problems that the university should pay attention and allocate resources to. That is more difficult for all nations to reach an agreement than several students sharing the same interest to concentrate their energy to solve problems. Secondly, there are risks inherent in establishing a global university that certain intellectual and research avenues would become officially sanctioned and some value would be discouraged. Thirdly, the nature of academic research and the governments’ intervention may cause conflict, and that will hurt academic masters in the university. A final problem with a global university is that most students with preeminent talent may be distributes to problems the university is charged while other problems left aside, and that will course an unbalanced development.

To sum up, the establishing of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems supported by all nations is dispensable and problematic.

短发mmUID: 2840480

2# fchenyan

I strongly disagree with the assertion that all nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.(直截了当阐述自己的立场很好,一点小建议楼主应该将题目小做变化而不是完全照抄这样会给人偷懒的感觉,纯属个人意见见谅) The tempting(有点小怪) recommendation shows the speaker's ignorance of the existing condition of modern university education and there are problems in the course of the implementation of the plan.

（建议添加逻辑词first of all/ firstly/to begin with等等）The universities all around the world are moving forward at the direction of internationalization. With the development of traffic and all nations' effort in opening to the outside world in the dimensions of culture and scientific research(对外交流啊,感觉这样修饰有点小累赘), tens of friends of mine crossed a vast ocean(with telling odds and ends of their new friends from almost every corner of the world) to study in universities like Yale, UBC, Cambridge and so on, they tell odds and ends(我喜欢这个词) of their new friends from almost every corner of the earth.(删) Besides, few people will exert (是否用reveal) expression of astonished to encounter a foreigner in the campus. That is to say our modern universities is not the ones belong to single a country(a single country) or culture, there are students and faculty bring diverse cultural and educational perspectives into existing universities (这句话可以提到that is to say 前面，感觉更有理说that is to say 后面的东西)and （If so，）a global university supported by all nations is not necessary at all.(同样为加强语气个人比较喜欢用whatsoever)

Moreover, the solving of the world's most persistent social problems is already a important objective of students in universities and students from all nations have done a lot and obtained abundant accomplishment through cooperation. There are all kinds of student organizations carrying out their own plans to be acquainted with the world's social problems and students from all nations never stop on the way of searching for solutions. This summer I and my partners（怎么感觉应该是my partners and I啊） will go to Canada and Europe to investigate the negative population growth problem as a part of a program of a international students’ organization-AIESEC. A group of students in Harvard who come from seven countries learned about the economic trend of what has come to be called "social entrepreneurship" and its impact on global economics through two years survey and research. So a global university is not necessary since we students from all nations already have various many ways to participate in to the solving the world’s most persistent social problems.（点明立场不错）

Furthermore, there are several problems in establishing a global university. Firstly, the establishment of such a university force（有点不明白用意）
participant nations to overcome a myriad of administrative and political impediments and all nations need to agree on the problems that the university should pay attention and allocate resources to. That（是否改用It） is more difficult for all nations to reach an agreement than several students sharing the same interest to concentrate their energy to solve problems. Secondly, there are risks inherent in establishing a global university that certain intellectual and research avenues would become officially sanctioned and some value would be discouraged. Thirdly, the nature of academic research and the governments’ intervention may cause conflict, and that will hurt academic masters in the university. A final problem with a global university is that most students with preeminent talent may be distributes to problems the university is charged while other problems left aside, and that will course an unbalanced development.

To sum up, the establishing of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems supported by all nations is dispensable and problematic.（结尾很简单啊，不过也算是简洁明了比较清楚。）

总结：
语言文字上，我不需要多说，感觉很流畅，结构上也很清晰。首段开宗明义给出自己的立场及指出为何否定的原因，后文论证结构严密，而且有始有终我比较欣赏。文章总体很顺。
但是个人感觉，虽然文章定位为否定观点的立场，但是通篇均为攻击性如果再出现Argument会让人感觉不像读ISSUE。当时看北美范文里面关于否定观点的建议提到，通篇否定会有Argument 之嫌ETS很忌讳，解决方法便是花大篇幅去肯定对的地方，大方向是否定，但是也要有点攻击自己的观点的小肯定方面，这些方面不会影响你的大方向。
其实我第一次改别人的文章就碰到全盘否定的观点，因为自己不写否定观点所以对这种写法比较生疏，纯属个人意见，也不一定完全正确。希望对你有用。


还有个意见,你这个贴到底是谁的楼?我有点晕,你的Argument没找到在那里,主贴2楼你没有贴出来.

短发mmUID: 2840480

建议搂主与我交流,有去无回的活感觉做得很无趣阿

fchenyanUID: 2804020

最近很忙，所以argument一直在放过
我的issue一直很像是argument只要是我持反对意见，求大牛指点

fchenyanUID: 2804020

细节部分哈
1: 这个题目考虑了一段时间觉得不好入手，看了北美范文之后决定用反对立场，开头有点没动脑，我指的是展现我对题目理解那部分。
2： tempting我想用的是修饰recommendation很吸引人这个意思
3：我用了太多first/firstly……想刻意回避，而且那一段是我观点的一部分，不是第一点，to begin with可以考虑
4：所谓对外交流，我指的是各国采取了在对待外国文化和科研的开放的接纳的态度，这也是internationalization的很重要的条件哈
5：你的删改意见我很不同意，虽然我这个句子有点过于长，但是意思还是很清楚的，而且也顺应时间先后顺序，你的该法我不能接受，但是你可以建议我改成两个或者三个句子。
6：reveal在我看来有揭露的意思，exert这个词的确是不太合适哈，我承认
7：我喜欢not at all
8:I的问题，我想起来初中老师讲过的，你说得对
9：force呀，就是说参与的国家不得不达成某种一致
10： that和it 呀，我用that 的理由是他指代前面那句话，ms it也可

yogurt4UID: 198389

我的issue一直很像是argument只要是我持反对意见，求大牛指点
fchenyan 发表于 2010-6-27 00:39

不是大牛，非常同意你对自己的评价。
比如这篇开头吧，改换一下可以变成这样
A global university should not be established because...后面接具体原因。
但是题目也说global university建立有好处ABC,  你可以先分析一下这个好处
Although setting up a global university may bring about worldwide collaboration to combat the most persistent social problems, a global university should not be established because XXX.

结合一下你的习作， XXX就变成了，全球性大学没必要，因为我们现在的大学已经在处理国际性问题上面有针对了。


首先呢，能完全只反驳不赞成的题目不多。
第二，对于完全反驳题目的issue，只要论点充足，避开argu惯用语，落实到具体文字上，你还是在写赞成。只是你赞成的观点跟题目的观点是对立的。

yogurt4UID: 198389

另外小组所有队员发帖子都要注意了，一个帖子只发一个issue或者一个argu，不要一个帖子塞两篇作文，thank you thank you.

fchenyanUID: 2804020

7# yogurt4
多谢多谢