All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems。
Our plant is an ever unsafe place to live on with terrorism, climate change, economic crisis that compel us to find out a way out and a global university appears to be an appealing solution, but I suspect that it is only an illusion; a beautiful flower bears no fruits.
The statement assumes firstly that we can identify the most persistent social problems, secondly such a global university can be established and should receive support from all nations, thirdly that a global university can help in addressing those problems; but as far as I am concerned, the three assumptions are all open to doubt.
Firstly, how to definite the most persistent social problems and who should be authority in defining them. As to the first question, the answer can be totally different when different nations are concerned. I guess to people of Afghan or Iraq would consider American draw its armies back the most persistent problem while American would take the surrender of those nations a problem but not the most important one; it is now trying its best to come out of economic crisis; and when the second one is considered, it is very possible that the most powerful country would in place; for example, when American decided that RMB appreciation a big issue, china was in huge pressure rising the exchange rate and was switching from a rather firm stiff exchange rate policy to a more flexible one. it is the strong who makes the rules and weak who follows; so I am convinced that the identification of the most persistent social problem would be in question.
Secondly, even we can identify the most persistent problem troubling us, the feasibility of establishing such a university is a question; who should be the management, the faculty and who should the university enrolled? Unless all these questions are answered with great prudence, the realization of the global university would be of question. Considering the huge impact of the global university, the management in charge of the university should be decent, impartial, wise, profound and with faith. And we should not take for granted that there are a lot of qualified person. We are born to be with affection to our motherland which would lead to partial decisions; we would be driven by personal interests to possess wrong judgments; and it is even more difficult as to who should be enrolled. Ostensibly, the university should give permission to the most intelligent students with excellent leadership skills form all around world; but an in-depth review would bring the flaws of such assumption in sight for it is never easy to define intelligent in different culture and leadership. So I am confident that I am just practical but not pessimistic about the establishment of the global university.
Thirdly, suppose we have overcome all difficulties; we build a global university and we agree on what are persistent problems, such as economic crisis, climate change, terrorism, we need to prove that the global university does help in solving these problems. Take terrorism for example. We examined how a global university can help in defeating terrorism; terrorism exits because of culture difference, because of the gap between rich and poor, and maybe because of religious mania; so what the global university would do in solving these problems?
Supporters might believe that misunderstanding caused these problems, we should strive to achieve mutual understanding and the global university enable people to put feet in others’ shoes; but my point is that nowadays with easy access to various information, we still don't
tolerant different view of an issue,
but it is not that we are in short of communication, in lack of information, it is that are we willing to accept？Are we tolerance enough to accept different religious, politics and ideologies？ The global university, if stopped at the level of gathering people together, so they can understand each other, it could not achieve much.
In sum, the global university could do little in delivering “persistent global problems” because it was not feasible in preforming作者: zhangjunzj 时间: 2010-7-22 22:10:13
第一段，是planet,不是植物。‘but I suspect that it is only an illusion; a beautiful flower bears no fruits. ’很美，但我觉得和题目没多大关系。
第二段写的不错，有自己的特色，最好能表明立场说不同意。第一段干脆不要了。
第三段：when American decided that RMB appreciation a big issue。老外不知道RMB。
第四段论证还行。
第五段的论证也不错。
最后一段太仓促了，无论如何要多些点。
Our plant(planet) is an ever unsafe place to live on with terrorism, climate change, economic crisis that compel us to find out a way out（find out a way to 为了什么？） and a global university appears to be an appealing solution, but I suspect that it is only an illusion; a beautiful flower bears no fruits. (这一段背景开头写的不错，有新意)
The statement assumes firstly that we can identify the most persistent social problems, secondly such a global university can be established and should receive support from all nations, thirdly that a global university can help in addressing those problems; but as far as I am concerned, the three assumptions are all open to doubt.（你的观点只是质疑作者的观点，最好能加入自己的观点，毕竟是Issue，不是argument）
Firstly, how to definite the most persistent social problems and who should be authority in defining them. As to the first question, the answer can be totally different when different nations are concerned. I guess to people of Afghan or Iraq would consider American draw its armies back the most persistent problem while American would take the surrender of those nations a problem but not the most important one; it is now trying its best to come out of economic crisis; and when the second one is considered, it is very possible that the most powerful country would in place; for example, when American decided that RMB(RMB老外应该看不懂) appreciation a big issue, china was in huge pressure rising the exchange rate and was switching from a rather firm stiff exchange rate policy to a more flexible one. it is the strong who makes the rules and weak who follows; so I am convinced that the identification of the most persistent social problem would be in question.(这段论证感觉意思有点模糊，阅读者不一定能完全明白你的意思）
Secondly, even we can identify the most persistent problem troubling us, the feasibility of establishing such a university is a question; who should be the management, the faculty and who should the university enrolled? Unless all these questions are answered with great prudence, the realization of the global university would be of question. Considering the huge impact of the global university, the management in charge of the university should be decent, impartial, wise, profound and with faith. And we should not take for granted that there are a lot of qualified person. We are born to be with affection to our motherland which would lead to partial decisions; we would be driven by personal interests to possess wrong judgments; and it is even more difficult as to who should be enrolled. Ostensibly, the university should give permission to the most intelligent students with excellent leadership skills form all around world; but an in-depth review would bring the flaws of such assumption in sight for it is never easy to define intelligent in different culture and leadership. So I am confident that I am just practical but not pessimistic about the establishment of the global university.（这段论证不错，有说服力，语句流畅）
Thirdly, suppose we have overcome all difficulties; we build a global university and we agree on what are persistent problems, such as economic crisis, climate change, terrorism, we need to prove that the global university does help in solving these problems. Take terrorism for example. We examined how a global university can help in defeating terrorism; terrorism exits because of culture difference, because of the gap between rich and poor, and maybe because of religious mania; so what the global university would do in solving these problems?
Supporters might believe that misunderstanding caused these problems, we should strive to achieve mutual understanding and the global university enable people to put feet in others’ shoes; but my point is that nowadays with easy access to various information, we still don't
tolerant different view of an issue,
but it is not that we are in short of communication, in lack of information, it is that are we willing to accept？Are we tolerance enough to accept different religious, politics and ideologies？ The global university, if stopped at the level of gathering people together, so they can understand each other, it could not achieve much.(例子恰当，很好的支持了论证，作者英语底子不错，词语的运用灵活多变)
In sum, the global university could do little in delivering “persistent global problems” because it was not feasible in preforming（结尾观点最好再说地详细一点）作者: 费话先生 时间: 2010-7-29 20:41:28
本帖最后由 费话先生 于 2010-7-30 14:13 编辑
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems。
Our plant is an ever unsafe place to live on with terrorism, climate change, economic crisis that compel us to find out a way out and a global university appears to be an appealing solution, but I suspect that it is only an illusion; a beautiful flower bears no fruits. （可以和第二段合并起来，第二段看上去很像阿狗，但是issue就是有破有立嘛，在说完三个讨论点后，要加一句一锤定音的话，譬如，所以说，我认为不可能有这样的大学能够解决痼疾。）
The statement assumes firstly that we can identify the most persistent social problems, secondly such a global university can be established and should receive support from all nations, thirdly that a global university can help in addressing those problems; but as far as I am concerned, the three assumptions are all open to doubt.
Firstly, how to definite the most persistent social problems and who should be authority in defining them. As to the first question, the answer can be totally different when different nations are concerned. I guess to people of Afghan or Iraq would consider American draw its armies back the most persistent problem while American would take the surrender of those nations a problem but not the most important one; it is now trying its best to come out of economic crisis; and when the second one is considered, it is very possible that the most powerful country would in place; for example, when American decided that RMB appreciation a big issue, china was in huge pressure rising the exchange rate and was switching from a rather firm stiff exchange rate policy to a more flexible one. it is the strong who makes the rules and weak who follows; so I am convinced that the identification of the most persistent social problem would be in question.（这个我可不可以说，阿狗的痕迹太重了，第一句和第二句可以合并，可以直接说，the definition of the most persisten social problems can be different even conflicting as to different nations）
Secondly, even we can identify the most persistent problem troubling us, the feasibility of establishing such a university is a question; who should be the management, the faculty and who should the university enrolled? Unless all these questions are answered with great prudence, the realization of the global university would be of question. Considering the huge impact of the global university, the management in charge of the university should be decent, impartial, wise, profound and with faith. And we should not take for granted that there are a lot of qualified person. We are born to be with affection to our motherland which would lead to partial decisions; we would be driven by personal interests to possess wrong judgments; and it is even more difficult as to who should be enrolled. Ostensibly, the university should give permission to the most intelligent students with excellent leadership skills form all around world; but an in-depth review would bring the flaws of such assumption in sight for it is never easy to define intelligent in different culture and leadership. So I am confident that I am just practical but not pessimistic about the establishment of the global university.（这个。。。真的太阿狗了。。TS或者可以说it is infeasible to build such a university considering various difficulties. The management, the faculty.....）
Thirdly, suppose we have overcome all difficulties; we build a global university and we agree on what are persistent problems, such as economic crisis, climate change, terrorism, we need to prove that the global university does help in solving these problems. Take terrorism for example. We examined how a global university can help in defeating terrorism; terrorism exits because of culture difference, because of the gap between rich and poor, and maybe because of religious mania; so what the global university would do in solving these problems?
Supporters might believe that misunderstanding caused these problems, we should strive to achieve mutual understanding and the global university enable people to put feet in others’ shoes; but my point is that nowadays with easy access to various information, we still don't
tolerant different view of an issue,
but it is not that we are in short of communication, in lack of information, it is that are we willing to accept？Are we tolerance enough to accept different religious, politics and ideologies？ The global university, if stopped at the level of gathering people together, so they can understand each other, it could not achieve much.
In sum, the global university could do little in delivering “persistent global problems” because it was not feasible in preforming
结尾确实太短了些。总的来说，这篇文章比较像阿狗，好处是在逻辑上很清晰，但是立足点好像不太对，给我感觉是，在切断作者推论之间的逻辑链，甚至有些句子让我看上去，完全符合阿狗的写作要求，例如： we need to prove that...。伊苏的话，我觉得还是多说自己的观点，当然质疑别人的观点本身就是自己的观点。但，有破必有立。其实这篇文章只需要把主题句改掉，论证都不用大改。就蛮好的了。主题句太拖拉了，往往第二三句才入重点。